The Merry Wives of Windsor (12 page)

Mistress Page at the door, sweating and
blowing
⁷⁴

and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you
presently
⁷⁵
.

FALSTAFF
    She shall not see me: I will
ensconce me
⁷⁶
behind the

arras
⁷⁷
.

MISTRESS FORD
    Pray you, do so: she’s a very tattling woman.

What’s the matter? How now?

MISTRESS PAGE
    O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re

shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re
undone
⁸¹
forever!

MISTRESS FORD
    What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE
    O,
well-a-day
⁸³
, Mistress Ford, having an honest

man
to
⁸⁴
your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

MISTRESS FORD
    What cause of suspicion?

MISTRESS PAGE
    What cause of suspicion?
Out upon you!
⁸⁶
How

am I mistook in you?

MISTRESS FORD
    Why, alas, what’s the matter?

MISTRESS PAGE
    Your husband’s coming hither, woman, with all

the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he

says is here now in the house by your consent, to take an ill

advantage of his absence. You are undone.

MISTRESS FORD
    ’Tis not so, I hope.

MISTRESS PAGE
    Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a

man here! But ’tis most certain your husband’s coming,

with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I

come before to tell you. If you know yourself
clear
⁹⁷
, why, I am

glad of it: but if you have a
friend
⁹⁸
here, convey, convey him

out. Be not
amazed
⁹⁹
, call all your senses to you, defend your

reputation, or bid farewell to your
good life
¹⁰⁰
forever.

MISTRESS FORD
    What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear

friend — and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril.

I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the

house.

MISTRESS PAGE
    For shame, never
stand
¹⁰⁵
‘you had rather’ and

‘you had rather’. Your husband’s here at hand! Bethink you

of some
conveyance
¹⁰⁷
— in the house you cannot hide him. O,

how have you deceived me? Look, here is a basket. If he be of

any reasonable stature, he may creep in here, and throw foul

linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking. Or — it is

whiting-time
¹¹¹
— send him by your two men to Datchet Mead.

MISTRESS FORD
    He’s too big to go in there. What shall I do?

FALSTAFF
    Let me see’t, let me see’t, O, let me see’t!

I’ll in, I’ll in. Follow your friend’s counsel. I’ll in.

MISTRESS PAGE
    What, Sir John Falstaff? Are these

your letters, knight?

FALSTAFF
    I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here. I’ll

never—

MISTRESS PAGE
    Help to cover your master, boy.—

Call your men, Mistress Ford.— You
dissembling
¹²⁰

knight!

MISTRESS FORD
    What, John! Robert! John!

Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where’s the
cowl
-
staff
¹²³
?

Look, how you
drumble
¹²⁴
! Carry them to the

laundress in Datchet Mead. Quickly, come.

FORD
    Pray you, come near. If I suspect without

cause, why then make sport at me, then let

me be your jest, I deserve it. How now? Whither bear you

this?

JOHN
    To the laundress, forsooth.

MISTRESS FORD
    Why,
what have you to do
¹³¹
whither they bear it?

You were best meddle with buck-washing
¹³²
.

FORD
    
Buck
¹³³
? I would I could wash myself of the buck!

Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck — and
of
¹³⁴

the season too, it shall appear.

Gentlemen, I have dreamed
tonight
¹³⁶
. I’ll tell you my dream.

Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
chambers
¹³⁷
, search,

seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel
¹³⁸
the fox. Let me stop

this way first. So, now
uncape
¹³⁹
.

PAGE
    Good Master Ford, be
contented
¹⁴⁰
. You wrong yourself

too much.

FORD
    True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen. You shall see

sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen.

EVANS
    This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

CAIUS
    By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France: it is not jealous

in France.

PAGE
    Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his

search.

MISTRESS PAGE
    Is there not a double excellency in this?

MISTRESS FORD
    I know not which pleases me better, that my

husband is deceived, or Sir John.

MISTRESS PAGE
    What a
taking
¹⁵²
was he in, when your husband

asked who was in the basket!

MISTRESS FORD
    I am half afraid he will have
need of washing
¹⁵⁴
, so

throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

MISTRESS PAGE
    Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the

same
strain
¹⁵⁷
were in the same distress.

MISTRESS FORD
    I think my husband hath some special suspicion

of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw him so gross in his

jealousy till now.

MISTRESS PAGE
    I will lay a plot to
try
¹⁶¹
that, and we will yet have

more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce

obey this medicine.

MISTRESS FORD
    Shall we send that foolish
carrion
¹⁶⁴
, Mistress

Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and

give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

MISTRESS PAGE
    We will do it: let him be sent for tomorrow eight

o’clock to have amends.

FORD
    I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of that

he could not
compass
¹⁷⁰
.

MISTRESS PAGE
    Heard you that?

MISTRESS FORD
    You
use
¹⁷²
me well, Master Ford, do you?

FORD
    Ay, I do so.

MISTRESS FORD
    Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

FORD
    Amen!

MISTRESS PAGE
    You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

FORD
    Ay, ay, I must bear it.

EVANS
    If there be any pody in the house, and in the

chambers, and in the coffers, and in the
presses
¹⁷⁹
, heaven

forgive my sins at the day of judgement.

CAIUS
    By gar, nor I too. There is no bodies.

PAGE
    Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed? What

spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha’

your
distemper in this kind
¹⁸⁴
for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

FORD
    ’Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.

EVANS
    You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as

honest a ’omans
as I will desires
¹⁸⁷
among five thousand, and

five hundred too.

CAIUS
    By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.

FORD
    Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in

the park, I pray you pardon me. I will hereafter make known

to you why I have done this. Come, wife, come, Mistress Page.

I pray you pardon me. Pray heartily pardon me.

PAGE
    Let’s go in, gentlemen, but trust me, we’ll

mock him.— I do invite you tomorrow morning

to my house to breakfast. After, we’ll
a-birding
¹⁹⁶

together, I have a fine
hawk
¹⁹⁷
for the bush.

Shall it be so?

FORD
    Anything.

EVANS
    If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

CAIUS
    If there be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

FORD
    Pray you, go, Master Page.

EVANS
    I pray you now
remembrance tomorrow on the
²⁰³

lousy knave, mine host.

CAIUS
    Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.

EVANS
    A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries.

FENTON
    I see I cannot get thy father’s love,

Therefore no more
turn
²
me to him, sweet Nan.

ANNE
    Alas, how then?

FENTON
    Why, thou must
be thyself
⁴
.

He doth object I am too great of birth,

And that, my
state being
galled
⁶
with my expense,

I seek to heal it only by his wealth.

Besides these, other
bars
⁸
he lays before me:

My
riots
past, my wild
societies
⁹
,

And tells me ’tis a thing impossible

I should love thee but as a property.

ANNE
    Maybe he tells you true.

FENTON
    No, heaven so
speed
¹³
me in my time to come!

Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth

Was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne,

Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value

Than
stamps
¹⁷
in gold or sums in sealèd bags.

And ’tis the very riches of thyself

That now I aim at.

ANNE
    Gentle Master Fenton,

Yet seek my father’s love, still seek it, sir.

If opportunity and humblest suit

Cannot attain it, why, then — hark you hither!

SHALLOW
    
Break
²⁴
their talk, Mistress Quickly. My kinsman shall

speak for himself.

SLENDER
    
I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t
.
’Slid
, ’tis
but venturing
²⁶
.

SHALLOW
    Be not
dismayed
²⁷
.

SLENDER
    No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but

that I am afeard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
    Hark ye, Master Slender would speak a word with you.

ANNE
    I come to him.— This is my father’s