For the second time that night he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
When the beeper went off in the pants he'd tossed on the floor, Drake reluctantly eased from Tori's side. It was only when he reached into the pockets of his jeans to turn off the beeper did he remember what he'd forgotten. Condoms. He knew he should be worried about the possible consequences of his screwup, but his mind was still filled with thoughts of what they had shared. Still, he needed to let her know.
He went back over to the bed and gently pulled her into his arms. "The chopper is here," he said softly, regretfully, while raking his hands through the strands of her hair that had come undone during their lovemaking and now hung loosely around her shoulders. She looked even more beautiful than before because somehow he felt he had branded her as his over the course of the night.
"Yes, I know," she said, body still filled to overflowing with all the ways he had made her feel. Even now the way he was touching her was sending shivers through parts of her body.
He pulled her closer into his arms. His expression suddenly turned serious. "There's another thing you need to know; something I need to apologize for. I didn't use a condom."
A hint of surprise flashed in her dark eyes and he knew she hadn't thought of protection either, and for a moment she seemed at a loss for words. Then finally she said, "It isn't the right time of the month, so I should be okay."
He studied her features, intently. "You sure?"
Unfortunately, she wasn't sure, but she wouldn't tell him that. She took a deep breath and answered, "Yes, I'm positive."
He pulled her back into his arms. "If your calculations are wrong, I want you to let me know. Casey will know how to contact me. Okay?"
She nodded. "Okay."
He then kissed her again, long, hard and filled with all the desire she had come to expect from him. Moments later he eased her from his arms and stood up. Picking his clothes off the floor, he proceeded to redress, all the while watching her.
When he finished he reached out his hand to her and she; eased up off the bed and walked naked into his arms and he kissed her again. When he ended the kiss, for the longest time they stood staring at each other, then Drake lifted his hand and grazed her cheek with his finger before trailing a path down the side of her face.
A part of him was glad for what they had shared but then another part of him felt confused, disoriented. He needed to ask himself whether he'd been attracted to Tori for herself or if the attraction was because he'd found similarities between her and Sandy. The woman he had lost had forever forged a place in his heart that was hers and hers alone and as much as his lovemaking with Tori had touched him to the core, there was only one woman whom he would ever love in his lifetime and even in death, she still claimed his heart.
"It's time for me to go," he said quietly.
Tori nodded, as her gaze still held his. She fought back her tears and smiled weakly when she said, "Take care of yourself, Drake."
"And you do likewise. And you'll contact me if you're…?"
"Yes," she said softly, knowing it was a lie even when she said it. The thought of having Drake's baby, a part she could have and love forever, filled her with such profound joy. It would be a miracle if she were to get pregnant after what they'd shared tonight and it was too much to hope for. The baby would be hers and hers alone. He would never know. As much as she would want to tell him, she would never be able to. Their fate had been sealed five years ago and it was an act of kindness of the Almighty for them to have shared this time together now.
"Good-bye, Tori." He took a step back and turned to leave, and then he swung back around and pulled her to him and captured her mouth hungrily, almost violently, as if he intended for her taste to be his good-luck charm. The unexpectedness of his kiss sent every sense within her skyrocketing.
Tearing his mouth from hers, he whispered the words, "Until we meet again," in her ear before finally walking out of the cabin without looking back.
Knowing they would never meet again, Tori couldn't contain her tears. She made it to the bed and flung herself across it, crying in earnest. Even through the passing of time, their forced separation, the trauma that had ripped them apart, she still loved him with a love that she knew would last forever. She thanked God for this special time that she was able to spend with Drake and prayed that he be
kept safe.
By the time she was able to pull herself together, she glanced over at the clock near the bed. It was and the man she loved was lost to her forever once again.
CHAPTER 4
Two months later
"Welcome back," Lucille said with a smile as she rose from her chair.
Drake had just stepped off the elevator and took a deep, calming breath. He was glad to see a familiar face and the woman who was Hawk's assistant was just that. Unlike a lot of other people at the Agency, she had ignored his bark and over the years had gone above and beyond in tolerating his often-foul moods.
She rounded the desk and clasped her hand in his. Lucille was more than a mere assistant to the CIA director, she was often the lifeline to the agents as well. Short and buxom, in her early sixties with a head of gray hair and caring dark eyes, she easily reminded you of someone's grandmother. She had worked for the Agency well over forty years and was someone everyone depended on for everything from smoothing out ruffled feathers between agents and their bosses, to expertly editing the reports agents turned in at the end of an assignment, while threatening to give them a crash-course writing class.
"Before you go into Casey's office, Drake, I want to know how things went. I see the assignment was completed ahead of time. Are you okay?"
Another thing the agents liked about Lucille was that she genuinely cared about their well-being. "Yeah, we did what we were sent to do in less time than expected. We were able to drive Santiago and his rebels back into the hills at least for a while."
"And what about you personally? How are you?"
Drake couldn't stop the smile that stole into his roughened features. From the first time he had gotten off the elevator at Diamond Bay to take his first assignment, Lucille had gone out of her way to be more than kind to him, and for that he'd developed a soft spot for her. Like others, she had heard that he was the new agent, a former Marine Recon, who was suffering and grieving for the woman he'd loved and had lost on a mission. She had been able to read his wariness, his anger, and had known the times he had needed to lash out, be left alone and be handled carefully. And she had done all those things with loving-kindness.
But then on the flip side, Lucille expected respect and the one thing she would not put up with from any agent was a foul mouth and like some agents, he had a tendency to be rather colorful with his words at times, which Lucille would not tolerate. So everyone knew to be on your best behavior and to watch your mouth around her or run the risk of getting your ears boxed.
"So, Lucille, are you still sneaking off to the break room every day around lunchtime to watch your favorite soaps?" he asked, knowing she probably did.
"Don't try and dodge my question, Drake. How are you doing?"
As much as Drake wanted to say that all was fine with him, he couldn't. Lucille had the ability to tell when he was lying, so he decided to tell her the truth… as usual. "I'm tired and feel like hell. I think I may have overdone things after coming off medical leave by taking on those two assignments back-to-back. I'm going to ask Casey for some time off before my next assignment, possibly as long as a month."
Lucille nodded in understanding as concern clouded her eyes. "I was worried about you taking on so much and so soon. And I agree that you should ask Casey for time off. He didn't change Hawk's policy about agents needing time off after an assignment to relieve themselves of the stress that went along with it. You won't have a problem getting the time. There hasn't been a lot of activity around here other than the usual."
Drake nodded. Hawk had operated with the belief that a well-rested agent was more valuable to carry out whatever mission he was called upon to do. A burnt-out agent, tired and under tremendous stress, made mistakes that could end up costing him his life.
Knowing Lucille kept up with just about every agent in Casey's operation, he rubbed his jaw and decided to ask her about the one person who had been on his mind constantly over the past couple of months, Tori Green. Even now he could vividly remember the lovemaking they had shared. Just thinking about it stirred so many unwanted and unexpected emotions within. He still didn't understand how Tori had done it. How she had been able to pull such strong feelings out of him and send them escalating through every part of his body. He didn't understand, but was determined to find out what was there about her that still touched him so.
He wanted to take her out to dinner, take her to a movie, dancing. In other words, he wanted to get to know her better. It had been a long time since he'd gone out on a date an in a way he was looking forward to actually spending time with Tori and seeing where things went from there. While in South America, he'd had time to think about a lot of things and he knew he'd been given another chance at life for a reason. Maybe it was time to finally put the past to rest and move on.
His attention was drawn back to Lucille when she walked back around to her desk. He tipped his head to the side and in a deep, rumbling voice said, "Since we finished the mission early and while I have some free time I'd like to check on a fellow agent; the one who partnered with me on that Costa Rica assignment, Tori Green. Is she expected back out of the field any time soon?"
Lucille halted what she was doing and a slight frown touched her features as she met Drake's eyes. The look in her gaze saddened. "Since you were in South America, I guess you didn't get the word about Tori."
Dread suddenly flared through Drake. He wondered what had happened. Had Tori been injured while on an assignment? Or even worse, had she gotten…? He didn't want to think of that possibility.
He felt a deep tightening in his throat and forced himself to breathe deeply. He raised his chin and forced himself to meet Lucille's troubled eyes. "What about Tori?" he asked in a hoarse voice, one that sounded almost strangled.
"She left."
Drake stood there stunned but relieved that at least Tori was okay. But still, he needed more information. "What do you mean she left?"
Lucille studied Drake. She couldn't help but recall the first time she had seen him. He had stepped off the elevator guarded and uneasy and mad at the whole world. That first year had not been easy in dealing with him. He had wanted to present himself as being the meanest and orneriest agent she ever had the privilege of working with. And for a while she had begun to think he didn't have one gentle bone in his body.
But her old eyes had been able to see past his rough defenses and had seen the hurt and pain he carried around. She had seen fear, real fear, of getting too close to anyone for fear of losing them again. Other than those he always considered as friends, he hadn't intended to add any more to that number.
However, something just now had definitely caught her off-guard, had definitely thrown her off-balance. It was the look in his eyes when he'd asked about Tori. Maybe it was the look of male interest that had lighted his eyes or the softening of his lips when he had spoken her name. Then again, it could have been the deep look of anxiety when he'd thought something bad had happened to Tori.
Although she wouldn't give Drake any indication of what she was thinking, Lucille couldn't help but wonder if things had gotten pushed to another level between him and Tori during their three-day mission in the Costa Rica jungle.
"I mean she quit working here, Drake. She resigned right after you two completed your mission. She delivered her report and her resignation to Casey at the same time. Two weeks later she was out of here. She was one of the best female operatives we had and we hated losing her, but her mind was made up."
Drake suddenly felt shaky, unsettled. One of the things that had helped him get through his last assignment was the thought that at the end of it he would be returning to the States with definite plans to see Tori again.
"Any idea where she's gone?"
Lucille held his dark gaze. "Unfortunately no, but even if I did, Drake, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Company policy.
The only person able to make an exception to that rule is Casey."
Drake's jaw hardened in frustration. He understood Lucille's position, but he intended to find out Tori's whereabouts. He still didn't know if she was pregnant or not. He wasn't sure what was driving him to such determination, but it was there and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. There was something about her that had touched him in a way he hadn't been touched in a long time. Although he hadn't wanted to, he had enjoyed everything about her, even their sparring matches. He had discovered she was just as stubborn and strong-willed as he was and so many other things about her that intrigued him as well. The time they had spent together rescuing Robin Thomas would forever be branded in his memory. They had worked well together, like two halves that formed a whole. He had felt the same way when they had made love.
He gave Lucille a long look then said, "Then I guess I need to see Casey." Without waiting for her to announce him, he turned on his heel and marched into Casey's office.
Lucille sat there for a moment thinking how sad it was that now that Drake was finally interested in a woman, that woman was no longer available to him.
"Hi, beautiful."
Lucille's thoughts were interrupted and she glanced up into the smiling face of another agent whom she was fond of, Tom Crowley. "Oh, hi, Tom, glad you're back. How was your assignment?" she asked, accepting his report.