Authors: Joya Victoria
Derek cut him short with an embarrassed laugh. But one thing Miranda realized with a start was that the only person who truly knew Derek, whatever was to be known, was this unassuming, innocent-looking old man sitting at the back of the jeep who simply worshipped Derek, who would guard his secrets with his life if necessary.
He was the one who had seen and saved Derek many times from all sorts of calamities, including clinging women, angry husbands, and boyfriends. He had seen it all. He knew absolutely everything about his Chotasahib. It seemed, and Mira felt it very strongly, that there existed an unspoken bond between them, a bond of absolute devotion on both sides.
Suddenly she felt very cold and wanted desperately to go home. What secrets did Derek have? Was he hiding something? She loved him so much. She had known him for quite sometime now, but she was nowhere nearer to finding the real Derek than when she had first met him. He was a closed book. She had seen him in London, Paris,
and then India. He was a very rich man, extremely influential, but he had a very closed interior. His mind had a lot of nooks and crannies, which would indeed be very difficult to excavate. He never let his guard down, even when he was making love or drunk! He never committed himself. He was extremely affectionate and loving whenever they were together, but that little “something” was missing. They were still not an item. Was he still in love with Hannah? Why all this cloak-and-dagger stuff? It was turning out to be rather a clandestine affair. She became very upset thinking about it, and the more she thought the more upset she became. Miranda felt that she was really a fool to wallow in this misery and to desire and expect love from someone who obviously was not very forthcoming and did not love her.
It was best to call it a day and fly back to London as soon as she was able. It had been a wonderful experience, a wonderful visit, and she would not have missed it for the world, but enough was enough. She missed her mother now.
Derek suddenly broke into he reverie. “Penny for your thoughts. What were you thinking, Mira?” he inquired very gently.
“Oh, nothing of importance,” she answered too quickly, too abrupt?
He did not know that he was the one that she found so very intriguing, interesting, that he was the one that she wanted to literally dig the secrets out of, despite the fact that he was so maddeningly obtuse, in his own way, and extremely intense. Especially whenever the name “Hannah” was mentioned! He was egotistical and haughty, and yet in spite of everything, she loved him. Strange, but she had fallen in love with him. It was a two-edged sword. She loved him, and at the same time she was very frightened of getting hurt. Who was Hannah, really? Did Derek still have a soft spot for her? Did he love her?
Miranda was becoming very unhappy sitting beside Derek as he drove. She could not take part in the conversation that the other two were having in that strange tongue, and she was left with plenty of time to think. She was sitting beside the man she was in love with, but
she was not part of him! He was not being straightforward with her. She felt the tears pricking her eyes, and she lifted her hand to wipe her eyes, pretending to wipe a speck of dirt from her eye. Miranda was angry with herself for being powerless in his presence. She had to be strong and try and stand her ground.
Derek noticed her pensive mood and saw her lifting her hand. He knew instinctively that she was unhappy about something.
“Mira,” he said, slowing the jeep down, “anything the matter?”
She shook her head vigorously. “No, nothing,” she said almost too quickly in a small whisper.
“Then why are you crying? Have I upset you in any way?”
“I am not crying.” She looked at him directly. “Do you see any tears?” She managed a very weak smile. “See, I am smiling.”
They had reached the bottom of the road by then and were nearing the tea plantation. The very tall gold mohur trees with their red and golden flowers were visible from a distance. They were now driving along the shady road, lined on both sides by these tall trees laden with flowers that offered some very welcoming shade in the heat of the summer. They looked so beautiful and tranquil. But now in the rainy season, they were frighteningly and bewitchingly wild. In the monsoon these trees sometimes caused havoc as there was always a danger that they could get uprooted. The sky was overcast with dark clouds; who could get away from the monsoon? It would soon start to rain and the torrential downpour would resume. It felt awfully close.
Everywhere it was damp, except the shady road they were driving along. It was so quiet. Even the birds had gone to sleep. It was getting to be dark, and the jeep left the winding tree-lined road and was now roaring its way across the narrow roads among the tea bushes followed by a trail of dust. Derek was driving in a frenzy, as if he was in a desperate hurry to reach home. His face had taken on a different look, a very determined look. He was absolutely silent. Miranda had never seen him like this before, and it unnerved her a little. All three passengers were silent in the jeep.
The jeep screeched to a halt in front of the massive bungalow. They all got out. The ever-faithful servant wanted to know if he
should ask the cook to get lunch ready, and if he should serve the food. Derek nodded, then transferred his gaze toward Miranda.
Looking at her directly, he asked in a very small voice edged with emotion, “What have I done to upset you, Mira?” He started to pace up and down the veranda, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his well-tailored khaki trousers. “Please tell me the truth and don’t try and hedge.”
She sat down in the nearest chair and clasped her hands very tightly together in her lap. Looking down and examining the mosaic floor very carefully, as if the floor really held her interest, she answered him with a few very carefully chosen words.
“Take me home, Derek,” she said, still looking down. “I want to go home.”
“You mean England?” He tried to make a half-hearted joke of it, trying to be facetious.
“Surely you don’t want to fly this afternoon!” He laughed a very dry laugh, then continued to pace up and down, up and down. “Why this sudden change? Surely you can tell me. Believe me, I am completely at a loss at your sudden change of mood.”
He did look quite concerned. He stopped pacing for a moment or two and came and stood in front of her.
Miranda did not look up. She clasped and unclasped her hands.
“Well?” he said. “You haven’t answered my question.” His voice was becoming a trifle impatient.
“Who is Hannah?”
There. She had done it. The cat was out of the bag. The cat that had made her so unhappy, the cat that would not leave her in peace. It was out. And she deserved an answer.
Derek was thunderstruck. He moved away from her. He stood facing the garden, deep in thought, hands in his pockets. The atmosphere on the veranda at that moment was very taut, thunderous in fact, laden with emotion.
“Why do you mention her?” he asked in a very deep and guarded voice. His eyes were blazing with suppressed anger. He was still facing the garden. With these words he suddenly turned and faced Miranda.
“Well?” he asked her again. “Why do you mention her?” Derek perched himself on the corner of the heavy mahogany table on one side of the veranda. It had a beautifully carved Chinese flower vase in the middle, and someone had taken the trouble to arrange some very colorful flowers in the vase. The vase looked expensive, which Miranda was sure it was, and the flower arrangement had been done with the precision of a person who took tremendous pride in his or her work.
“Well?” he asked her again, looking at her directly with that piercing look that Miranda had found to be so disconcerting. Once before she had had to encounter this look, that fateful evening at the club when Hannah was there. And he had looked at Hannah with that look.
But now Miranda was feeling very uncomfortable.
“You haven’t answered my question.”
Miranda could not say anything. She felt so stupid, bringing up Hannah’s name like that. She did not want to disturb a hornet’s nest. But then she was determined to know. She decided that she wanted an honest answer. Then again, what right did she have to pry into his private affairs? They were not even an item, which, according to the local gossip, Hannah and Derek were. He could as easily tell her to mind her own business, and if he did that he would be perfectly within his rights. What had she done? Anyway, now it was too late and there was no way of getting out of it.
“No, what I meant was, who is she?” She could not say anything else. She was terrified of losing him, but of course she could not let that on.
“I was involved with her for quite some time,” Derek answered in a very level voice, looking at her bent head very intently. “Does that answer your question?” He did not elaborate, did not explain anything. His simple reply was to the point.
He did not feel and did not think it necessary that Miranda should be told anything about his past. His answer was sufficient.
Miranda felt that she was none the wiser. After all, Derek had never showed any curiosity regarding her past. Of course her past was not at all colorful compared to his. She’d had a few boyfriends, gone out with a few of them to cinemas and discos, with occasional
snogging. That was about it, very boring and nothing exciting. Of course meeting Derek had completely and utterly changed her life, and in a way she felt he had spoiled her. She would find it very difficult to settle down with the so-called boy next door now!
He left the corner of the table where he was perched and rang the bell for one of the servants. Immediately his old servant appeared, pushing a drink trolley. He disappeared as discreetly as he had appeared. Derek suddenly laughed. “The old goat,” he said to no one in particular. “He was just behind the door, eavesdropping!” His face was a picture of contentment and mischief.
“You know what?” he said, addressing Miranda as if nothing had happened. His anger had abated and somehow she felt that he had averted a situation that could have turned ugly.
“There are no secrets here. The servants know each and every thing that goes on.”
There was still no response from Miranda. By this time she was looking out into the garden with a faraway look in her eyes. She knew that Derek was trying desperately to draw her in and was trying to make her talk, but she was silent.
He poured the drinks, a gin and tonic for her and a small whisky for himself. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked, looking at her quizzically. “You don’t want me to beg on my knees, do you, Mira?” he asked, quite jovially, trying to lighten up the situation.
“The walls not only have ears here, they have x-ray eyes. And at this very moment we have a number of eyes watching us.” At this, Miranda looked up. Derek handed her the drink and rang the bell again for lunch to be served.
The journey back was quite pleasant. Miranda decided not to probe anymore, knowing full well that she would not get anywhere with him. She realized that he would tell her himself if and when the time came. They each tried to make small talk to pass the time, though Miranda wanted to spend more time with him and was quite sad at the thought of leaving him. She felt her hand being squeezed by Derek as he was driving with his other hand on the steering wheel.
Radhu chacha had decided to join them as chota would not be returning to that bungalow and hence would be staying at the other
one. So Radhu climbed into the back. Ever-watchful eyes on this chota sahib of his.
“What’s all this about Hannah?” Derek asked, deciding to broach the subject again. He looked away from the road for just a moment and then back at her. He continued, “Please don’t undo the beautiful relationship we have, Mira.” He immediately clamped his hand on her mouth, stopping her from saying anything, sensing that she was about to protest. He had sensed that Miranda was about to say something that would immediately put a damper on the whole situation.
She decided not to say anything, realizing that Derek was not going to make a commitment to a lasting relationship and their so-called relationship would carry on much the same way as it had all this while. It was not a relationship, it was more of a serious flirtation or a clandestine affair, to put it bluntly. He did have a serious relationship with Hannah that she knew. He was seriously committed to Hannah, but with her it was more of just play, momentary fun, good while it lasted. Why wouldn’t he commit? She had decided to leave for England and would inform her aunt the minute she got home.
Her next call would be Mary whom she would phone as soon as she got home. James was Derek’s very good friend, and he would never talk. He was like the old goat, Derek’s servant; he knew everything but would not divulge anything. Suddenly Miranda remembered her friend Charu happily married to her sweetheart. Where was she now? There was another of Derek’s friends, Charles, who simply ate out of Derek’s hands.
Derek at first thought of driving to his own bungalow and then dropping Miranda off maybe later on that evening. He wanted her desperately. He wanted to make love to her again. She looked so lovely at this moment. He was going to take the turn for his road when Miranda said, “Please take me home, Derek,” in a very matter-of-fact voice.
Without a word he turned the jeep around and drove her home.
The bungalow was extremely quiet when they drove in. Dolly came out smiling as usual.
“Uncle’s having a snooze,” she said apologetically before asking Derek to come in. He declined the offer, excusing himself by saying that he had to go and see that all was in order in his own bungalow. It
was an excuse, Miranda realized, because he was upset at her reluctance to go with him. With a wave of his hand he was gone. Dolly looked at her niece quizzically, eyes full of unasked questions. There were so many things she wanted to know but just at this very moment she dare not ask. Miranda looked very unhappy. A lovers’ quarrel that would pass, she thought to herself.
But then looking at Miranda’s sad and unhappy face she decided to ask her about it in her gentle and persuasive manner. Miranda burst into tears. She could not hold the tears back. They flowed down her cheeks.