Authors: Joya Victoria
Derek could never give himself entirely to anyone. Something always held him back. Even in their relationship she had felt as if she was always treading on eggshells. She was the one who had broken off their liaison; nobody knew that. People still felt that she still held a torch for him. Their affair had been a dead-end road. And any woman would face that with Derek. When it came to the crunch, he clammed up. Why was he so closed? There was an unseen barrier that was unpenetratable. Why? That was a mystery.
Part of the mystery she was privy to, however. Derek himself had blurted it out in a drunken state. And that had been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her. That was when she’d decided to call it a day.
She had loved him, but she knew that they were going nowhere. She knew very little about him except what he had decided to tell her…Derek was very upset, but that was that. The past…
She took another sip of her beer, deep in thought. Should she or shouldn’t she? Should Mira know what Hannah knew? But what did Hannah know? Nothing very much…It was like going over again the ground that she had trod many a time. It had become an old film that was being played over and over again in her mind.
Derek was supposed to pick her up that morning, that unforgettable morning. He turned up late and quite tipsy and looked rather upset. It was late in the evening, it was in London.
“It is a very important day for me,” he had said on that day that was etched in her memory forever. He was sprawled on her carpet.
“How’s that?” she asked.
“I was involved with someone…once.”
“Oh!” she said, surprised and taken aback. A woman, so what? She had seen other men; it was no big deal. “So?” she replied, egging him on, intrigued. “What happened next?”
Derek slowly turned on his back and crossed his legs. His eyes were focused on the wall in front of him. He was very intent and completely oblivious to his surroundings.
“I am driving to Essex to see my son today,” he said matter-of-fact.
“Your son?” Hannah exclaimed. She could hardly believe her ears. “What do you mean, your son? You have a son?”
“It is a long story,” Derek answered. He sat up, crossed his legs, and proceeded to tell her his life story.
“Come on,” he said, slowly getting onto his feet. “Let’s go and get something to eat. I am famished.” And that was end of the conversation. He would say no more. And he never referred to it again. She had tried a few times to broach the subject but without any success. She had cajoled him, pressed him, gotten him drunk, but to no avail. She had been allowed a tiny glimpse of his life, his past, but that was it. No more. The curtain had come down abruptly. The players were not yet dressed for the part. Another time.
The memory was so vivid for her and so sad. She could not stay with Derek. After that she decided to break off their so-called engagement. Yes, they had been engaged to be married. As reaching the altar was never to be, they had still gone out together for a long time, but even then there was always a barrier, something that always came between them. He was upset, and his final words on that fateful day were, “You are also leaving me, Hannah. Like she did.” That was his parting shot. But what had intrigued Hannah was who was this
she
who had left him. Was she his son’s mother? So many questions remained unanswered, shrouded in mystery.
The party at Derek’s went off very well. He had spared no expense. The band from Calcutta kept the place swinging, and the food was
out of this world. The evening was an unforgettable one, and a postmortem of the entire evening was conducted at breakfast, a very late breakfast at Dolly and Tom’s dining table.
“Derek looked very handsome,” Dolly piped up. “He is a handsome man. Don’t you think so, dear?” She looked inquiringly at Mira.
“Yes, Aunty, he is.”
Dolly wanted more of a response, more enthusiasm. She was not happy with this short answer. She wanted to gossip, wanted to discuss, and above everything she wanted to know if anything had passed between Mira and Derek. Something important, something to celebrate. But the girl was so tight-lipped. Here was this handsome young man, and this silly girl was letting him pass through her fingers. Really, these youngsters nowadays! What did they want? She was getting a bit fed up with all of it. They should have announced something by now, really!
The phone rang and broke her train of thought.
“I’ll get it,” said Mira, who was nearest to the phone. It was Hannah, asking if she would be going to the club that evening. Maybe they could get together and have a natter?
Mira was slightly taken aback by the call. Mumbling that she would definitely try to be there, she replaced the receiver.
“What’s happened, dear? You look so pale.”
“No, nothing. That was Hannah asking me to meet her at the club this evening.”
Dolly was most intrigued. Why did Hannah want to meet up with Mira? What was that girl up to? What did she want? All sorts of thoughts were passing through her mind.
“Didn’t she say anything else? I mean, did she say why she wanted to meet up? After all she has not been very forthcoming all this time, but she did help you when the accident happened. Mind you, it was her fault. And she is Derek’s ex-girlfriend after all.” She poured another cup of tea for herself without wanting another cup. The tea was tepid.
“Bearer,” she called out, “please make some fresh tea.”
Mira excused herself and went and sat on the veranda. The beautiful garden was so peaceful. Soon she would have to go and leave
all this. She could not possibly wait for him to make up his mind; after all, she had come out to India because of him, full of hope and anticipation. She would be going back empty-handed. Back to the grindstone, the monotonous life. Dreams, dreams…what was that song?
“Dreams Are Made of This” By whom? She could not remember. Anyway, she was meeting Hannah that evening. Why did Hannah want to meet her? Aunt Dolly was correct; Hannah had never tried to befriend her in anyway before, why now?
Her thoughts drifted back to the party. Derek had asked her to dance once. Being the host he was busy. He did look good, had on an open-neck brown shirt and cords. He looked so debonair. And Charu? She looked out of this world—no wonder Charles doted on her. Such a gentle person, so beautiful. Her pastel-colored sari and a small sleeveless blouse accentuated her slim figure. She had on very long silver dangling earrings, and her long black hair was flowing down her back. Mira noticed that Charles could hardly take his eyes off her, and for most of the evening they were together. Mira felt a stab of jealousy, a slight pain in her heart. Charu was lucky. Charles was a wonderful husband, and not only that his family, his parents, had accepted her.
Once or twice Miranda had felt Derek’s eyes on her, but that was it. Even when they danced it was without any enthusiasm, as if a duty had to be performed.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Dolly startled Mira from her thoughts.
“I wonder why Hannah wants to meet me.” She looked at her aunt inquiringly.
“That Hannah be careful, my dear. But go and meet her. Hear her out. You never know what she will come out with. She was not there last night was she?”
“No,” Mira answered in a small voice. “Her sister and her brother-in-law were there. Wonder why she missed such a fabulous do? I suppose she had her reasons.”
“She must have been invited,” Dolly answered very matter-of-fact. She sat herself down in one of the rattan chairs. Dolly could not stand for long as her legs became rather painful.
When Mira reached the Planters Club it was dark, and the club as usual was very well lit. Tom and Dolly had insisted on accompanying her though it was not a regular club night. Mira went in search of the other woman and made her way toward the bar. Hannah had mentioned previously that she would be there, waiting for her. They would not be disturbed, she had said. The bar had a number of small wooden tables with very comfortable brown leather chairs. Affluence was noticeable all around. The planters came in there to relax and unwind. They worked hard and woke up very early each morning. Mira knew that by the time her uncle joined them for breakfast half his day was over!
She found Hannah at the bar waiting for her.
“Hi!” she said when she saw Mira approaching. “What will you have?”
“White wine, please, medium.” She was on guard.
They settled down for a long evening.
“Hey,” Hannah said, “please ask Dolly and Tom not to wait for you. I can easily take you home.”
“I don’t think that they would want that. Don’t worry. They won’t mind waiting! I know my aunt and uncle,” she added. “They will not hear of you driving me home!”
She smiled.
So pretty she looked, Hannah thought to herself, that dimply smile of hers. What man could resist that smile? She looked so young and vulnerable. Derek was such a bastard! Anyway this was the evening that Hannah would tell what she knew and the rest was up to the poor girl to decide.
“How long have you known Derek, Mira?” She got straight to the point with no beating around the bush.
“Here it comes,” Mira thought to herself. She sat up and moved to the edge of her chair, making a move to get up and go.
“Don’t,” Hannah said with a restraining hand gently holding her down. “Hear me out, please,” she said. “I am not your enemy. Hear me out, please. Decide for yourself after I have finished.”
Mira sat back again and looked at Hannah directly. The waiter had brought their drinks by this time and placed them on the small table between them.
“Anything else?”
Hannah ordered dinner for both of them without asking Mira.
“This may take a little while,” she said, “and by the time we finish our drinks, dinner will be very welcome. Cheers—to our friendship.” They both took a sip.
“Now,” Hannah said, “as I was asking you, how long have you known Derek?”
“More than a year now. As a matter of fact, it has been over two years.”
“Well, Derek, Charles, and I go back along way.” Hannah took a sip of her drink.
“Hey, what about some munchies?” She called the waiter and ordered some fish balls and proceeded with her story.
“I first met Derek in London when he had finished university and was toing and froing between India and the UK. We became good friends and eventually fell in love. Charles was a childhood friend of Derek’s with whom he used to go on holidays, and they spent a lot of time together. Charu had come into Charles’s life by then. Anyway, coming back to Derek…” She took another sip of her drink.
“How do you like it here?” she suddenly changed the subject. Mira was taken aback at this sudden switching of gears.
She turned around instinctively and saw Derek entering the bar with Charles and Charu in tow. Mira did not know what to do.
“Keep calm,” Hannah said under her breath.
Derek came and stood by their table.
“I telephoned the bungalow, and the servant said you had gone to the club. I wanted to pick you up on our way,” he said all in one breath.
Then he added a “Hi” to Hannah as if it were an afterthought.
Before Mira could answer, Derek was moving toward a table as far away from them as possible.
“He has the hump,” Hannah said with a smile, “which is usual! He didn’t expect to see both of us together!”
Mira was suddenly fed up with the whole thing. She suddenly felt very bold and liberated! It dawned on her, she realized at that moment, that she had the strength and was able to extricate herself from the clutches of that mad intoxication that she had been under
the spell of all this time. What a relief! It was an emotional freedom! Why should Derek get upset at seeing her with Hannah? He was not her keeper! She could have a drink, go out with whomever, and do whatever she wanted to. They were not even engaged! Not even an item. Let him go to hell! She had towed the line for too long.
He would have to dance to her tune now—that is, if he wanted to! She turned toward Hannah and said, “Hannah, it does not bother me. We are having a drink together. We can have a drink together! I don’t have to get his permission. I am free, a free woman, who happened to go out with Derek a few times. He did not commit, and we are not even an item. So there you are.” She felt awfully happy and unencumbered. “So, what were you saying?” she asked eagerly.
Hannah smiled to herself. What a change, she thought. Good for her. A sudden change—and for the better. A human being could take only so much and no more. Her aunt was not a great help; she was a fool. That uncle of hers was as henpecked as could be. She, the aunt, Hannah was sure, was pushing hard for Derek and Mira to tie the knot. She would not let Mira be herself. After all, Derek was a good catch! But now Hannah felt sure that Mira would speak her mind and be bold enough even to tell her aunt to mind her own business.
“Well?” Mira said.
“Wait, let’s ask for another drink each. Same for you?”
Mira nodded.
After the drinks had arrived they settled down for a long evening. Mira felt Charu’s eyes on her a few times, but she ignored it.
“You know that Derek and I were an item. Both our families were expecting us to marry. But I was the one who broke up with him. You of course want to know why, which is quite understandable. A desirable, handsome, and rich man, an extremely good catch.” She took a deep breath and continued.
“When I met Derek he used to drink a lot, and not only drink, he had a tendency to become quite aggressive when he had one too many. Occasionally he came out with a few phrases, words that made me wonder if he had something to hide. It was a day that I remember very vividly. Derek had come to my place one evening, which he often did and even stayed over. But on this particular evening he was very
pensive, very solemn. He looked almost glum and a trifle sad. ‘It is a very special day today,’ he said.
“I still remember that evening. It was cold, dark, and gloomy. A typical November evening in London. There was a slight drizzle, and Derek had no coat on! He had parked his car quite far away as there was a parking restriction near where I live in Notting Hill, in London. So he had to walk quite a bit. He seemed to be absolutely oblivious to the weather. He was quite wet when he came in.” Here Hannah paused and took a big gulp from her wine. Mira sat, transfixed, her eyes on Hannah. She rearranged herself and shifted her position.