The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (24 page)

A woman can stimulate a man’s testicles by running her fingernails over them.

On many men there is a very sensitive spot between the testicles on the underside of the penis.

For women, receiving oral sex, what the Taoists called Tongue Kung Fu, is the quickest way to have their desire brought to a boil and to become fully lubricated. While
fi
ngers can work wonders when sensitive and knowledgeable, they are too hard to really romance a woman
’
s clitoris.

Tongue Kung Fu: Oral Sex on Women

A recent survey concluded that most couples’ relationships are happier when they’re having oral sex.
5
A taboo for many modern couples until the 1960s, oral sex is now a regular part of many people’s sexual repertoire, but most people do not rely on its harmonizing power enough.

For women, receiving oral sex, what the Taoists called Tongue Kung Fu, is the quickest way to have their desire brought to a boil and to become fully lubricated. While fingers can work wonders when sensitive and knowledgeable, they are too hard to really romance a woman’s clitoris. A man’s tongue and lips are more versatile and much better suited to pleasure her supremely sensitive clitoris and her vaginal lips.

It is worth mentioning that the porn industry has invented its own version of oral sex for the camera (in which a man rolls his head back and forth) that has little relationship to actual oral sex off camera. If you have ever watched oral sex in an adult movie, you will know how comical this depiction of the delicate and subtle art of cunnilingus is.

Mouth Kung Fu: Oral Sex on Men

For a man, receiving oral sex is so pleasurable that some men prefer it to intercourse. A woman’s mouth and tongue allow her to pleasure her partner with pressure and precision that is rare during intercourse. (The
PC
exercises that we present in the woman’s chapter and discuss again below will allow a woman to achieve similar skill and similar results with her vagina.) As with a woman, oral sex remains the quickest way to excite or resuscitate a man’s desire when his heart is willing but his body is not quite ready.

Perhaps the best way to think of oral sex is as a hand job with the addition of the mouth’s licking and sucking. In other words, while a woman’s mouth is ideal for stimulating the head of a man’s penis, her hands are often best suited for stimulating his shaft and his testicles. The combination of sucking and licking with stroking and fondling can certainly be exquisitely pleasurable.

THE ART OF CUNNILINGUS

• STRENGTHEN YOUR TONGUE: Much of the success of “eating” a woman depends on the strength of a man’s tongue. The Taoists realized this and developed practices to strengthen the muscles of the tongue so that this important muscle would be up to the task of pleasing a woman at length. The Taoist exercises are elaborate, but to begin with, a man can simply stick out and retract his tongue (like a snake) for a minute or two to strengthen it. (See
  Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy,
  in the Resources section, for more advanced practices.)
  

• ONLY SKIN DEEP: Even a strong tongue cannot penetrate a woman as effectively as a finger or penis, so a man should focus his attention on her lips and clitoris.
  

• LICKING: A man can start at the bottom of the vagina and work his way up his partner’s vaginal lips to her clitoris. At the clitoris, he can try rolling his tongue back and forth across her hood, spiraling in circles on her hood, and flicking up as he teases the clitoris itself.
  

• SUCKING: In addition to licking, the mouth is extremely good for sucking gently on a woman’s lips and/or clitoris.
  

• FINGER LICKING: By eating his partner while inserting a finger into her vagina, a man can stimulate both her clitoris and her G spot or other spots inside her vagina. This very intense stimulation can send women into moans and multiple orgasms.
  

• THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE: There is a powerful triangle of arousal between most women’s breasts and their vagina. By stimulating a woman’s breasts while stimulating her clitoris, a man can intensify her pleasure greatly.
  

• DRINKING: The Taoists viewed a woman’s vaginal waters as one of the great elixirs and encouraged men to drink in their partner’s chi from her vagina, or what they called the Jade Chamber. Still, don’t forget to leave enough lubricant (either her juices or your saliva) if planning coital locomotion.
  

• EAT, EAT, EAT: The Taoists were adamant about the value of oral sex for bringing a woman’s waters to a rapid boil and strongly encouraged men to eat their partners until they begged for intercourse.
  

  

  THE ART OF FELLATIO
  

• START SMALL: A woman can certainly take her partner in her mouth when he is small and not yet hard. This is an excellent way to raise his sexual energy if he is slow to get aroused or in later stages of lovemaking. It is perhaps the quickest way to help a man become erect (also see the Soft Entry technique, which the Taoists swore by, in chapter 8). For women who are hesitant to give their partners blow jobs or are intimidated by a hard penis, this is also a good place to start, since the flaccid penis is quite friendly and unintimidating.
  

• NO BLOWING IN THE WIND: Most women know, of course, that there is no blowing in a blow job. The job to be done almost exclusively involves licking and sucking. In fact, alternating between licking and sucking is generally a good idea.
  

• LICKING: For licking, the underside of the head of the penis, or frenulum, is generally the most sensitive, although a man’s partner should explore his genitals from stem to stern. Don’t forget to lick and flick his testicles. You can also stimulate his “male G spot” (see above) by pressing and massaging your tongue between his testicles at the base of his penis.
  

• SUCKING: The most sensitive spot for sucking is also the head of a man’s penis, and sucking and licking this area can work wonders. Of course, sucking can also involve a deeper enveloping of a man’s penis with your mouth. This deeper method feels good along the shaft of the penis, and the pressure of the back of the mouth feels
  

  extremely good on the sensitive head. When combined with a sucking action, this is the closest, some men swear, that they come to experiencing heaven on earth. As women become more experienced, they can often take their partner deeper into their mouth and even into their throat. This requires quite a bit of practice, and it is generally best if the woman controls the rhythm and depth of penetration.
  

• BYPASSING THE GAG REFLEX: Many women worry that they will gag if they take their partner deep into their mouth or throat. The woman can generally control the depth by using her jaw muscle and clamping down on his penis (preferably using her lips rather than her teeth, although if he’s not listening teeth can get his attention). She can also use her hands to control the depth, and if her hands are on his penis, as we strongly recommend they should be (see below), she is certainly in the driver’s seat. When the man is lying on his back, the woman has the most control of the situation. Many men love to be on top or to thrust into their partner’s mouth, which often feels most like intercourse. This, however, takes good communication and coordination to make sure that he does not enter too deeply.
  

• LIPS AND TEETH: While an occasional nip or teasing bite on the head of the penis can be highly arousing, lips are generally more conducive to oral sex than teeth, especially for sucking and stroking his penis with your mouth.
  

  

  • TO SWALLOW OR NOT TO SWALLOW: That is the question. Most women have had to come to their own decision about whether they want to swallow their partner’s semen. For many women this concerns intimacy as well as taste and aesthetics. Some women will swallow one partner’s ejaculate and not another’s or at certain times and not others. With this said, it is worth mentioning that just as the taste and smell of a woman’s vaginal juices change with her cycle and her diet, so too do the taste and smell of a man’s semen. As a man learns to separate orgasm from ejaculation, this may no longer be the question.
    

  • SWALLOWING CHI: While the Taoists saw swallowing semen as a way for a woman to receive energy from her partner, they did not strongly recommend it, given their encouragement that men experience or-gasm without ejaculating. They also felt that most men lose more energy by ejaculating than their partner can possibly absorb. Just as a man can receive his partner’s energy from cunnilingus, a woman can receive her partner’s energy from fellatio without her partner ejaculating.
    

  • KEEPING COOL: As we discuss in the following chapters, the Taoists recommended placing similar body parts together (mouth to mouth, genitals to genitals) for harmonizing and relaxing and placing dissimilar body parts together (such as mouth to genitals) for stimulating and exciting. In addition, when a man makes love his yang energy is cooled by his partner’s yin, which can help him control his ejaculation.
    

    Because oral sex is highly arousing without the cooling yin influence of intercourse, most men have a difficult time not ejaculating. Assuming a man does not want to ejaculate, it may be best for a woman to get her partner hot with oral sex but not try to bring him to orgasm. Alternatively, as her partner becomes more experienced at separating orgasm from ejaculation, he can control the rhythm or even help stimulate himself as he is getting close to the point of no return. A man’s stroking himself while he receives oral sex can be extremely arousing to both partners but can also give the man better control of his arousal rate.
    

    Shallow and Deep
    

    When intercourse is shown in the media, it is almost always the mattress-spring-squeaking, in-and-out kind that leads to fast ejaculation and little satisfaction for either partner. The Taoists realized that proper thrusting is essential for pleasure during lovemaking, ejaculatory control, and overall sexual health. They strongly encouraged that couples wait until the woman is highly aroused before intercourse. In the parlance of the Taoists, a couple needs to wait until the woman’s pot is boiling before the man puts his carrot and peas in. Otherwise, they will have soggy sex and his carrot will quickly be limp.
    

    When most people think of intercourse, they think of being “in” or “out.” For the Taoists, who mapped the pleasure points and reflexology points of the penis and vagina, there were many different depths and directions for the man to thrust and pleasure himself and, even more important, his partner. As explained in the next chapter, these points correspond with the organs and glands of the body, which are energized and healed by rubbing.
    

    While you should experiment with various depths and directions, for the purposes of simplicity it is helpful to think of three basic thrusts: shallow thrusts, long deep thrusts, and short deep thrusts (
    see illus
    t
    ration on p. 122
    ).
    

    The most important thing is to find a regular rhythm that you enjoy and then innovate and experiment with depth, direction, and speed.
    

    Finding a Rhythm That Works for Both of You
    

    The Taoists strongly recommended that men (or women, if they are on top) vary the type of thrusts they use. When used together, the deep thrusts push the air out of the woman’s vagina and create a vacuum that can be intensified by using the shallow thrusts. As long as the penis does not come out completely, the vacuum effect is maintained.
    

    The Taoists recommended using nine shallow thrusts and one long deep thrust as a basic rhythm or nine short deep thrusts and one long deep thrust. The long deep thrusts, although highly pleasurable, can make it hard for a man to control his ejaculation, while the short deep thrusts are deeply satisfying to the woman while not being overly stimulating to the man. As a man learns greater ejaculatory control and becomes multi-orgasmic, the thrusting ratio can be lessened to six or even three shallow or short deep and then one long deep. The most important thing is to find a regular rhythm that you enjoy and then innovate and experiment with depth, direction, and speed.
    

    Three Thrusts
    

    • SHALLOW THRUSTS: These stimulate the highly sensitive first two inches of a woman’s vagina and, depending on the position, her G spot.
      

    • LONG
      DEEP THRUSTS: These are deep thrusts in which the man draws back almost to the entrance of the woman’s vagina between thrusts. These are the thrusts that are depicted in the media and in pornography. They are highly stimulating for both partners, as the man pushes and pulls the head of his penis along the whole length of his partner’s vagina.
      

    • SHORT
      DEEP THRUSTS: These are deep thrusts in which the man stays deep in the woman and thrusts forward and back. This stimulates her clitoris (with the pressure from his pubic bone) and the back of her vagina while not stimulating the head of his penis nearly as much.
      

    

    Of course, if the man is having difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, the long deep thrusts are extremely good for resolving this problem. Taoists realize that at some time or another every man has difficulty having an erection when he wants one. This is what sex therapists call “situational impotence.” In these “situations,” Taoists feel it is essential for a man to know the Soft Entry technique (see chapter 8). In ordinary ejaculatory sex, men enter hard and exit soft. In the Tao way, a man can enter hard or soft and exit hard.
    

    The short deep thrust, which in
    The Multi-Orgasmic Man
    we called the “up down deep thrust,” is excellent for ejaculatory control and to use when the woman is reaching orgasm and wants her man’s penis deep inside her. With this thrust, the man can oblige her without risk of being pulled over the ejaculatory cliff.
    

    

    

    SHALLOW THRUSTS
    

    Shallow Thrusts— these stimulate the highly sensitive first two inches of a woman’s vagina.
    

    Deep Thrusts—these fill a woman fully. In
    long
    deep thrusts, the man draws back almost to the entrance and rubs the head of his penis against the whole length of the vagina. In
    short
    deep thrusts the man stays deep inside the woman and thrusts forward, drawing back only slightly.
    

    LONG DEEP THRUSTS
    

    SHORT DEEP THRUSTS
    

    Depth, Direction, and Speed
    

    The Taoists taught couples to vary the direction and speed of the thrust in addition to varying depth. The following descriptions are addressed to the man, but they also can be adapted fruitfully by the woman when she is on top. Remember, poetry and variety are wonderful, but the most important part of lovemaking is to be in your body, not your head. Be careful you don’t get overly concerned with the type of thrust and lose the pleasure of the thrust itself.
    

    Real Screwing
    

    While we describe intercourse in English as “screwing,” many couples don’t actually screw each other; that is, they don’t rotate their sacrum in circles. While the term itself has been seen as somewhat vulgar, the results when actually done are sublime. Instead of simply thrusting forward and pulling back, you can “screw” your hips or, ideally, your sacrum in half circles, first on one side and then on the other.
    

    More experienced lovers the world over have discovered the importance of using one’s pelvis (ideally sacrum) during lovemaking. The hips are good,
    

    Nine Taoist Thrusts
    

    The following description is from the seventh-century physician Li Tung-hsuan Tzu, who suggested thrusts of varying depths, directions, and speeds.
    

    1. Strike left and right as a brave general breaking through the enemy’s ranks. [The battle-of-the-sexes imagery was not completely absent from Taoist sexuality.]
       

    2. Rise and suddenly plunge like a wild horse bucking through a mountain stream.
       

    3. Push and pull out like a flock of seagulls playing on the waves.
       

    4. Use deep thrusts and shallow teasing strokes, like a sparrow plucking pieces of rice.
       

    5. Make shallow and then deeper thrusts in steady succession [to the left and right], like a large stone sinking into the sea.
       

    6. Push in slowly as a snake entering its hole.
       

    7. Charge quickly like a frightened mouse running into its hole.
       

    8. Hover and then strike like an eagle catching an elusive hare.
       

    9. Rise up and then plunge down low like a great sailboat in a wild wind.
       

    

    

    but, according to the Tao, it is the sacrum that really controls the penis for the man. To find your sacrum, place the palm of your hand at the base of your spine with the tip of your longest finger in the valley between your buttocks. Underneath your palm is your sacrum. This screwing can keep you connected in pleasure for a long time. In the language of the Tao, a nail (going in straight) comes out easily, but a screw (circling) stays in for a long time.
    

    Instead of simply thrusting forward and pulling back, you can
    “
    screw
    ”
    your hips or, ideally, your sacrum in half circles,
    fi
    rst on one side and then on the other.