The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (26 page)

GET WET: Even more than fingering, genital massage requires lots of lubrication. A woman’s own natural lubricant is best, but it is better to err in the direction of too much rather than too little lubrication.

ENGORGED: The more engorged a woman is, the more sensitive her vagina will be. For this reason, her partner may wish to wait until later in lovemaking before giving her a genital rub.

LIPS: A woman’s partner can massage her lips and draw them away from her vagina (below, left). He can also try rubbing them together.

ENTERING THE JADE CHAMBER: By inserting a finger or two into her vagina, a woman’s partner can try stimulating different parts of her vaginal canal, which the Taoists affectionately called the Jade Chamber. Her partner should try circling a finger or two around her vagina, mak-ing sure to touch the top, bottom, and side walls (below, right). When he strikes a golden spot, obviously he can linger and explore. Remember, however, that the point of vaginal massage is not bringing your partner to orgasm. Keeping her aroused but not peaking is the goal.

HEALING:
The reflexology diagram on p. 131
shows the relationship the Taoists found between vaginal trigger points and the rest of a woman’s body. Massaging these different rings, the Taoists believed, can bring health and healing to the corresponding parts of the body.

TAOIST PENIS MASSAGE

As with vaginal massage, penis massage is more about health than heat, more like a massage than masturbation. Still the techniques, skills, and sensitivities that are learned during massage can be applied whenever a woman is sexually stimulating her man.

Until a man learns to become multi-orgasmic, it is essential that his partner not push him over the ejaculatory edge. On an arousal scale of 1 to 10, if ejaculation is a 10 and orgasm is a 9.8, then the goal of genital massage is generally to keep a man simmering between a 7.0 and a 9.0. Once a man becomes multi-orgasmic, and with good verbal or bodily communication, his partner can take him up to orgasm and back down many times. But again, the goal is a pleasurable and healing massage more than scoring orgasms.

During the massage, the man can circulate his sexual energy throughout his body, which will help control his arousal and bring pleasure and healing to the rest of his body. If a man gets too hot, it is difficult for him to circulate his sexual energy, which is another reason why it is best to keep him on a low simmer.

THE ART OF TAOIST PENIS MASSAGE

• LUBE HIM UP: As with traditional hand jobs, lubrication is essential.
  

• ERECTION ALERT: A man does not need to be fully erect to receive a genital massage, and in fact most men’s erections will wax and wane depending on the intensity of the stimulation. In addition, the fact that the man is lying on his back often means that gravity is working against his erection and will draw blood away from his penis. He may be experiencing intense pleasure whether or not he is erect.
  

• PRESSURE: The amount of pressure a woman uses is important. If the pressure of her hand on his penis is too much or too little it will decrease the sensation. As with any massage, experiment with the right amount of pressure.
  

• STROKES: There are many traditional genital massage strokes, and the number of strokes you use is limited only by your imagination. A marvelous video by Joe Kramer demonstrates several of them (see Resources). On the opposite page are some that you might not want to miss.
  

The underside of the

head of the penis (called the frenulum) is perhaps the most sensitive part of the man’s genitals. A man’s partner can rub her thumbs up along the underside of the head one thumb at a time.

The corkscrew is a spiraled stroke up and down the shaft of the penis.

By rubbing the penis up along the stomach, his partner can both massage the sensitive underside of the penis and help him to spread sexual energy through his body.

The Taoists believed that love expressed through sexuality is the most powerful medicine, and they called sex the
“
human herb.
”
A Taoist physician would frequently prescribe several weeks of lovemaking in a speci
fi
c position for a particular ailment.

Healing Positions

The Taoists believed that love expressed through sexuality is the most powerful medicine, and they called sex the “human herb.” A Taoist physician would frequently prescribe several weeks of lovemaking in a specific position for a particular ailment.

We will discuss a number of healing positions below, but first we would like to give you some general guidelines for making all lovemaking more healing and satisfying.

Finding the W ay

Harmonizing and Healing

• HARMONIZING: For harmonizing and relaxing with each other, place similar body parts together: lips to lips, hands to hands, and genitals to genitals.
  

• STIMULATING: For stimulating and exciting each other, place dissimilar body parts together: lips to ear, mouth to genitals, genitals to anus.
  

• SWITCHING: When a man feels the urge to ejaculate, the couple should switch positions, which will switch the stimulation on his penis and allow him to control his ejaculation more easily. By the man’s not ejaculating too soon, the couple will have time to generate more healing energy.
  

• HEALING: For healing each other, remember that the person who moves (generally the person on top) gives more energy to the other partner. In other words, if your partner is feeling tired, has little energy, or is not feeling well, you can give him or her energy by being on top and being more active during lovemaking. The person underneath can move as well to complement the movement of the person on top.
  

  

  In the West, we tend to think that the person on top is the more powerful or dominant one. How different is the Taoist understanding, where the per-son on top (who is generally more active) is able to heal and give to the one underneath (who is generally more receptive).
  

  The following are four basic positions from which all other positions are created. While the search for new positions is fun and can help stimulate various parts of our genitals, the most important factor in satisfying lovemaking is the quality of the connection, not the novelty of the position.
  

  MAN ON TOP
  

  In this position, which the missionaries made famous (and obligatory), the man lies on top of the woman, supporting himself on his hands or elbows.
  

  

  This position is extremely good for harmonizing, since similar body parts are touching. In this position you can look into each other’s eyes and kiss passionately. Both the eyes and the tongue are major conduits of healing energy.
  

  This position, which the missionaries made famous, is extremely good for harmonizing, since similar body parts are touching.
  

  One major disadvantage of this position is that the woman’s G spot is usually entirely bypassed as the man’s penis presses against the back wall of her vagina. The man can address this problem by tilting his sacrum and pointing his penis up, or the woman can place a pillow under her buttocks, which has the same effect of changing the angle to press against the front wall of her vagina. Instead of a pillow, the woman can also rest her legs on the man’s arms or shoulders.
  

  When a woman raises her legs, she deepens the penetration: the higher her legs, the deeper the penetration. This can increase pleasure for both partners and is especially helpful if the female partner has a relatively large vagina or if the male partner has a relatively small penis.
  

  

  Be aware that with deeper penetration the man is more likely to hit his partner’s cervix, which for some women can be painful. When initiating this position, have the man enter slowly until a comfortable thrusting angle is found.
  

  When the woman raises her legs, she deepens the penetration of her
  

  vagina—the higher the legs, the deeper the penetration
  

   
  

  According to the Tao, the man-on-top position is often a good position in which to begin lovemaking. Because women are like water and men are like fire, this position allows the man to be active and to share his energy and heat with his partner. He can stoke the embers of his partner’s desire. When the woman’s desire is boiling over and risks quenching the man’s fire (literally causing him to ejaculate), you may wish to switch positions and have the woman on top.
  

  WOMAN ON TOP
  

  In the woman-on-top positions, the man is lying on his back and the woman straddles him. Many men find that this is the easiest position in which to have multiple orgasms. In this position, the man can relax his pelvic muscles and pay close attention to his arousal rate. As he approaches the point of no return, he can squeeze his
  PC
  muscle. Gravity also helps draw energy away from the penis and allows the man to focus on channeling his energy up his spine.
  

  

  Many men find that this is the easiest position in which
  

  to have multiple orgasms. In this position, the man can relax his pelvic muscles and pay close attention to his arousal rate.
  

  In the woman-on-top position, she can direct the head of her partner
  ’
  s penis to the most sensitive parts of her vagina, including her G spot, which is one reason that for many women this
  

  is also the easiest position in which to have (multiple) orgasms.
  

  In this position, the man needs to be able to communicate when he is close to ejaculating and the woman needs to be willing to stop briefly before he reaches the point of no return. While this momentary interruption may seem irritating to the woman at first, it allows the man to control his ejaculation and to prolong lovemaking greatly, leading to far greater pleasure for her and for her partner. As the man becomes more skillful, these pauses will become fewer and will eventually become part of the natural ebb and flow of lovemaking. For the same reasons that this position makes it easier for a man to avoid ejaculating, it makes it more difficult for men with erection problems or less sexual energy to maintain an erection.
  

  In this position, the woman can direct the head of her partner’s penis to the most sensitive parts of her vagina, including her G spot, which is one rea-son that for many women this is also the easiest position in which to have (multiple) orgasms. In this position, the woman can also keep the head of her partner’s penis in the often very sensitive outer two inches of her vagina.
  

  This position also allows the man’s hands to be free to stimulate the woman’s clitoris, which can enhance her pleasure. The woman can also use her own hands to stimulate her clitoris, which together with the vaginal thrusting greatly increases the likelihood that she will experience multiple orgasms. Alternatively, the woman can press her clitoris against her partner’s pubic bone during deep penetration. While the woman controls the thrusting and clitoral stimulation, the man can use his free hands to caress his partner’s breasts and gently roll her nipples between his fingers.
  

  If the woman leans forward or the man props his back and head up on a pillow, he can also suck on her breasts while making love. As mentioned earlier, a man can drink in his partner’s yin energy from her lips and tongue, her breasts, and her vagina. The woman can also drink in her partner’s yang energy from his lips, nipples, and penis. This energy exchange is balancing and healing for both partners.
  

  In this position, a woman who has strengthened her
  PC
  muscle can stimulate the shaft of a man’s penis and stimulate the reflexology points of his penis. By not stimulating the head of the penis, the couple can have sex for a very long time and can have extended orgasms. In chapter 2, we describe a num-ber of exercises that a woman can use to stimulate herself and her partner with her
  PC
  muscle. A woman can squeeze and massage a man’s penis with her
  PC
  muscle in any position, even when the man is on top.
  

  

  Exer cise 18
  

  AROUND THE WORLD IN ONE NIGHT
  

  1. During lovemaking, the woman straddles the man, facing him. She then squeezes her
     PC
     muscle around the shaft of the man
     ’
     s penis, without stimulating the head.
     

  2. She moves up and down the shaft while he
     ’
     s inside her without pulling so far up that he comes out or that she squeezes around the head. She can move up and down on his penis for nine shallow thrusts and one deep thrust. This will be highly pleasurable for both.
     

  3. She then does steps 1 and 2 again, only now with her back to him while facing his feet.
     

  4. She then returns to facing him and squeezes up and down his penis. She can continue rotating as long as she likes.
     

   
  

  The woman can direct
  her partner’s penis to
  

  her most sensitive spots and can use her
  PC
  muscle to stimulate his shaft.
  

  MAN FROM BEHIND
  

  In the man-from-behind position a woman’s vagina is especially tight, and this position can be highly arousing both for men and for women. By squeezing her thighs together, the woman increases the tightness of her vagina and her ability to contract her
  PC
  muscle. In this position, and especially when the woman’s torso is angled down or she lies flat (see illustration
  on p. 53
  ), the woman’s G spot is often easiest to reach. As a result, this position is extremely valuable for helping women experience multiple orgasms. When kneeling,