The Navy's Ghost (Bad Boys of Beta Squad) (4 page)

In the last year or so she’d become hypersensitive to them, aware of moves Magic and Retro made. Their touches seemed more than just platonic. Something lurked in the back of their eyes. Magic appeared relaxed about it most of the time, but his passion burned hot when he let it. She’d seen it for the few weeks he went out with an America’s Best Model contestant two years earlier. The affair had burned hot and fast, then flamed out in a fiery crash. But it
had
burned.

“Whatever happened to that model you went out with, Magic? She was pretty hot.”

Todd raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, she was hot, but the thing about fire is it brings nothin’ but heat and pain. Didn’t need more of that. Why?”

Now was her chance to tell him what she’d been thinking about, the fantasies she’d entertained. But old habits died hard and the words died in her throat.
“Just wondered. I don’t remember you dating anyone since Ms. ABM.”

Todd raised an eyebrow
. “You been checkin’ up on me, Ghost?”

“Nah. You know, you’re not exactly a hound-dog, screwing anything with boobs, but I’ve seen the chicks who troll
for SEALs at the Surf and Turf.”
Maybe he’s met someone and hasn’t told me.

Her heart hitched
and she shivered, shaking the IV line until it pulled at her arm. She stopped immediately, detesting the sensation of the artificial attachment to her body. What if Magic had found the woman who set his world on fire and kept it steadily burning? “You haven’t found anyone, have you?”

Magic tipped his head and scanned her face for a long, agonizing moment.
Had he? Chris’s heart screamed in bitter agony, but her mind screamed in confusion. Why would it matter if Magic found a woman who claimed his soul?

Because that should be me.

“Well, now, that’s a complicated answer.” Todd dropped his gaze to their clasped hands.

Discomfort made her shift in the bed. “What do you mean?”

“You and I have been friends and swim buddies for four years now, and I count myself pretty lucky to work with you.” He met her gaze and his gray eyes filled with something unfamiliar. “But lately, things have changed and when you got hit, it all crystallized into stark relief. So yeah, I’ve found someone I’m interested in.”

“Who?” Why was she so breathless? Damn, it had to be the drugs.

“You, Chris.”

Emotions cascaded through her, alternately tightening her chest and making her body tingle. Half of her wanted to jump up and run around the room like a Derby winner, the other half stood spooked in the corner.
There’s no fraternization between officers and enlisted.

Except warrant o
fficers weren’t really officers or enlisted, but a gray area in between.
And I’m not really part of his squad anymore.
But did she love him? She respected, admired, and liked Hunter. When had she started seeing him more as a man and possible lover than as a friend?
When you thought you’d die on the dirty warehouse floor.

“Cat got your tongue, Ghost?”

Todd’s expression looked mildly curious, but tension tightened the muscles in his forearms and shoulders as he waited for her response. Chris tried to find her voice, buried beneath the surprise and unrelenting excitement of his confession.

“I don’t know what to say.” Chris squeezed his hand. “I suck at heart stuff. I was so much better at breaking down weaponry or
scaling brick walls.” She bit her lip and tried to find something to ease his discomfort. “I’ve been in the military so long it’s hard to break the habit of seeing my squadmates as nothing more than partners.” She screwed up her courage and took the plunge. “But I admit if you’d told me you found someone else, I’d have to find her, hogtie her, and toss her off a battleship into the middle of the Pacific.”

Magic threw back his head and laughed, the tension bleeding from his body with his humor.
Chris grinned with him, enjoying the sound and the look of him. She’d been so damn sensitive around him for the last year, always aware of everything Magic did. Including how his body looked when in repose. She’d shut the ideas down when in the squad, but now she let herself sift through them.

“It’s a good thing I picked you, then, huh?”

“Why?”

“Beg pardon?”

“Why did you ever think to pick me, Magic? We’re teammates and swim buddies, not lovers. Why now?”

He flashed a thoughtful half-smile. “When I saw you lyin’ there bleedin’ out, I got the feelin’ I was losin’ something really important, and I couldn’t let it go. I did my damn
edest to save you, Ghost, and I ended up killin’ your career in the Teams.” Sorrow killed his smile. “I’m real sorry about that. I know how important the SEALs are to you.”

His chagrin made her throat close and tears threaten. She swallowed hard and shifted her body again to diffuse the emotions.

“You saved my life and that’s good enough.” She tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “Besides, the only easy day was yesterday, and I wouldn’t have had a today without your help.”

Magic leaned forward, his grip tightening on her hand. “I’m glad you have a today, and I’m hopin’ it means we can have a lot more tomorrows.”

“Even if I’m not supposed to think of tomorrow?” She winked at him and he grinned.

“Yeah, well, that kind of tomorrow everyone should have. Even SEALs.” Todd’s gaze turned intense and scorched her until sweat broke out all over her body. “I really want more tomorrows with you, Chris.”

“Yeah, me too.” She wanted more tomorrows with Magic, but something didn’t feel right, as if she missed a large piece of the overall picture.
What am I missing?

Magic’s phone chirped, breaking the mood, and he turned to check it, giving Chris a moment to disguise her unease.
I want Todd, don’t I?
Or she wanted to give whatever this was with Todd a chance. But something felt off about it.
What the hell’s wrong?

“Damn. I gotta go. Whistler’s callin’.” Todd squeezed her hand again and stood,
giving her his back. “I’ll see you in a few, okay?”

As he paused at the door, it dawned on her what she missed. “Where’s Retro
again?”

“He’ll be at the meetin’, I expect. Why?”

“Why didn’t he come to visit with you?”

Something like chagrin crossed Magic’s face again, but it disappeared before she could get a good look. “I don’t really know, Ghost. But I’ll tell him you’re askin’ for him and see if I can drag his ass down here. You get some rest now, y’hear?”

Chris snorted. “Yes, sir.”

He nodded and ducked out her door into the hallway, leaving Chris alone with her thoughts.

Retro. That’s who had been missing. Spending time with Magic alone seemed strange. The three of them had always been together, ever since BUD/S training, and she couldn’t imagine being without either one of them.

Get used to it, Brickman. You’re out of the squad.

The knowledge lay like a lead weight on her chest and she swallowed against the creeping sorrow. No longer part of the squad. Damn, that hurt worse than her leg. She needed her team, her squadmates. Particularly Magic and Retro.

But s
he’d been twitchy around him too, especially with the women who sucked up to the bad boy SEAL image.
Only because they simper like teenagers.
When they threw themselves at Retro like pathetic damsels in distress, she’d entertained ideas of shoving them off a gangplank. It had nothing to do with her friendship with Jim. She liked him, respected him—got turned on by him.

N
o, no! We’re friends. Strong friends, but still only friends. And I’m interested in Magic. Right?

But uncertainty ate at her.
She’d noticed the brooding looks in his eyes every time another guy tried to pick her up or treated her like a SEAL groupie. He never defended her, he let her fight her own battles, but he’d watched her back and stood beside her when the men she’d corrected their errors. She’d assumed his actions brotherly, not from attraction. Or love.

Why th
e hell am I even thinking about love?

Because of Magic’s confession. He hadn’t used the word, but the implication sat there like a fat toad on a rock.
Such a simple word leading to complex consequences. Chris flattened the sheets on the bed in an effort to organize her thoughts. She wished she had her best friend Jaime to talk her through things. But Jaime lived in San Francisco and Chris didn’t have her phone on her.
You’re on your own here, Brickman.

Chris closed her eyes and took a deep breath, settling herself like she did before an op.
Think, dammit.
She filtered through what she knew, what she’d learned, and what she wanted.

Not a virgin by any stretch of the imagination,
Chris’s longest relationship before she joined the SEALs had topped out at six months. The men she’d dated called her too driven, too career-minded. Hell some had even gone so far as to say her chest wasn’t big enough to be considered female. Or worse, her pectorals were bigger and harder than theirs. She figured she had the SEALs, the one thing she’d wanted most in the world. She hadn’t needed love.

Lying there in the hospital
, irreparably broken, incapable of being what she’d been, Chris sank into despair. How could Magic or Retro want her this way? She didn’t want herself like this.
But Todd said he wanted more tomorrows.

And she did, too. But not with only Todd.

What?

Amazement chased excitement and illicit pleasure around her mind
.
Is it even possible to love two men at once?
Not an expert in matters of the heart, she didn’t have an answer. Chris hadn’t been sexually adventurous even when she had a lover, but the idea of loving Jim and Todd together tightened her pussy with excitement. She giggled nervously, grateful no one sat in the room with her.
Mom would be so proud. Maybe she’s rubbing off on me. Free love and all that.

Love
.

The excitement drained away and she rubbed her face with her hands, trying to ignore the tug of the IV.
Love sold songs or novels, but it didn’t solve her problems. She sat alone in a hospital room without a direction to go. At the moment, she had nothing but the promised job of training new men to take her spot on the squad. And only if she recovered from her injury.

Chris stared at her lumpy leg, wishing she’d been just a little faster, just a little smarter.
Just a little better for Retro and Magic.
Stop whimpering and man up, Brickman.

The pep
talk didn’t have the usual energy and Chris could barely keep her head above the morass of sorrow and despair. She needed her friends and comrades, someone to drag her sorry ass out of the pity party. Normally she didn’t need help, but her world had shifted beyond her considerable abilities to cope.

Tears
of frustration leaked out the sides of her eyes and slid down her cheeks to soak the pillowcase. “God, you’re so fucking pathetic. What is wrong with you?”

S
he’d set herself up for heartbreak.

So,
did she want more from Jim and Todd than just friendship?

Yes, with both of them. God help me.
I want them to share me.

She’d gone and fallen
for two of the strongest, burliest, alpha males on the planet and the idea scared the daylights out of her.

“I’m so stupid. How can I love both of them?”
Chris couldn’t choose between them. She needed each as much as she needed air to breathe and blood to move her body. She needed Retro’s macho brashness, the bad boy shell hiding the vulnerable, soft teddy bear. The fierce man compelled to protect those weaker than himself to make up for the losses of his mother and younger sister.

She needed Magic’s implacable, steady strength and rich deep humor.
The brutal warrior who softened with compassion and yet never lost the edge of capability in the face of tragedy. Chris suspected Magic’s loving was tender and passionate, while Retro’s was fast and fierce like the man himself.

Chris
hadn’t experienced it firsthand, but it didn’t matter. Both men had become the two halves of her heart.
When did I get so damn sappy?
She could lose them both by declaring her feelings for wanting both of them.

Fresh sorrow overwhelmed her pride and tears filled her eyes.
Dammit, this has to be the drugs.
She tightened her fists in the bedclothes and gritted her teeth against any external sound. Chris closed her eyes and tried to breathe easily while the sobs burned in her chest.

Chapter Three

Jim “Retro” Waters checked over the report and scanned the page for typos, but he didn’t really see the words. His mind kept drifting back to the medical center and woman who lay in one of the beds. He’d dropped by late one night when his desperation refused to remain dormant. He had to see Chris Brickman without witnesses. After Todd’s declaration, he couldn’t stand the idea of being in the same room when Todd told Chris how he felt.

Even
if Jim wanted Chris himself.

“Hey, Retro, I gotta talk to you. Got a minute?” Magic grabbed his keys and
ID badge from the desk.

“Yeah, what’s up, Magic?” Jim didn’t really want to talk to Todd, but avoiding the man would be impossible.

“I’m headed over to the medical center to see Ghost. Want to tag along?”

Jim’s gut contracted and he found himself wishing the report held more mistakes than a cheap dime store novel.
Unfortunately, it was clean. He opened his mouth the decline, but Magic grabbed his arm and squeezed just a little.

“She’s askin’ for you, Retro.”
Todd’s gray eyes held unusual seriousness. “She blames herself for letting the squad down and could use a head slap from you to show her she’s wrong.” He glanced around and lowered his voice. “She needs to see you, Jim.”

Aw
, fuck.
Retro couldn’t let Ghost blame herself for her wounds any more than he could let a comrade believe he didn’t care. The problem was he cared too much. Chris represented his dream-girl in every way he could want.
Well, not every way.
He shoved the thought away.

“Yeah, I can stop by. Let me finish up this report and we’ll head out.”
Retro scanned the paper again. “How’d she look?”

“Not bad all things considered.” Magic grimaced. “You can tell she hates bein’ immobile.”

“I bet.” Retro signed the report and shoved it in the lt. commander’s box. “At least she’s not talking about bananas or cucumbers. Is she?”

Todd laughed as he led them out to his truck. “No. I doubt she remembers it anyway.” He sobered as they climbed inside. “I told her how I feel, Retro.”

Jim’s gut curdled, but he nodded. “What did she say?”

“She seemed in favor of it. In fact, she said she’d like to hogtie any other woman interested in me and throw them over the bow of a battleship.”

Jim chuckled. “Damn. That’s a hell of a compliment, Magic.”

“Yeah.
It’s a pretty damn good feeling.”

Jim couldn’t argue with that and wished like hell he’d thought to tell Chris his own feelings. There hadn’t been time. No fraternization within the ranks and he’d been her superior. The ethics alone would have stopped him without the added problem of his needs.
But Chris would make those needs go away. I wouldn’t need anything like that with her.
Too bad Magic had made his move first.

They pulled into the medical center
lot and parked, silence reigning for a few heartbeats. Jim didn’t really want to see Ghost injured in the daylight. The first clandestine visit had been enough and he hated the image of her broken, but he couldn’t stay away if she asked. It would make him a bigger asshole than he already was.

Magic led the way into the medical center and Retro followed, swallowing against the repugnance rising from the scents of cleanser and antiseptic filling the hair. He cleared his throat
and scanned the nurse’s station for Chris’s information.

“Which room now?”

“Fifteen.”

They shifted direction
in concert, quick and coordinated without awkwardness. But when they reached the door, they both paused and Todd met Jim’s gaze. Todd opened his mouth to speak, but Jim cut him off.

“
Just don’t mention the bananas or cucumbers.”

Todd barked a laugh. “I really don’t think she remembers that.”

“Good.”

Retro t
ook a deep breath as he depressed the door handle and pushed the door open. He scanned the interior and shot a look at Magic when the chief warrant officer grimaced.

“I forgot flowers.”

“You think?”

Magic snorted. “I don’t see any in your hands, either, LT.”

“Yeah, well, this wasn’t a planned trip on my part.” But Jim kicked himself anyway. He should have thought of bringing something to cheer Chris up.

Chris
slept, her head turned toward the door, the light of the midday sun gilding the bed and her cheek. As his classmate and member of his squad, he hadn’t looked at her as a woman. But the last few months he’d started to notice little things setting her apart from the other men. Like her long lashes shadowing her cheeks or the way her hair shone in the sun. The worst moments occurred at the bar when men would hit on her. He’d struggled many times to sit still and not warn the drunk dumbasses off.

With the sun burnishing her hair, Chris looked like a fallen angel.
Yeah, the kind that’ll whip out a sword and take your head clean off if you’re not paying attention.
A damsel she was not.

The sun painted
golden stripes on the wall and the foot of the bed as Magic glanced at Chris’s chart. Jim snagged a chair and planted himself in it beside the bed, trying to see health in Chris’s still form. He grasped Ghost’s hand and held it, his shoulders slumping.

“What’s it say, Magic?” Retro
kept his gaze on Chris. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing good
. They’ve got her on ten cc’s of Dilaudid.”

Retro whistled softly. “
That should take the edge off.”

“Yeah.
Whistler said the wound was ugly, but the doc said it was healing pretty well.” Magic grimaced. “They stitched her up and the CT scans show the artery’s strong.”

“
That’s good for the leg, right? She’ll be able to walk?”

Magic sighed
. “Yeah, hopefully. It was a helluva wound.”

Retro snorted.
“I know, Magic. I saw it when it happened.” He traced the veins on the back of Chris’s hand. “Don’t bullshit me. She’s really not coming back to the squad, is she?”

Magic
shook his head, his expression solemn. “Perforated artery and fractured femur. It’s a done deal. She’s beached.”

“Fuck.”
The IV bag sagged almost empty and Retro’s heart mirrored the dreary appearance. The nurse would be in to change it soon, but nothing could change the loss of active duty. “Aw, hell. Looks like your prediction came true.”

“I know.”
Magic set the chart aside and sat down on the other side of the bed from Retro. “They’re awarding her the purple heart.”

“She deserves it. Saved us a world of hurt.”

“And they gave her a new position.”

“Yeah? Desk jockey?”

Magic snorted. “Nope. Better’n that. Instructor.”

Jim blinked. “Of what?”

“BUD/S training.”

Jim stared at Chris in wonder. “
She’ll make a helluva instructor. Wow, to be a fly on the wall when she makes those greenhorns cry.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Todd sobered and his jaw clenched. “The squad won’t be the same without her.”

“No, it won’t.” The only thing constant in a SEAL’s world was change, but Retro hated this one.

Dammit, Chris, why you?
And why did she have to choose Todd over him?
Because you didn’t ask, jackass.
No, he’d backed off the minute Magic confessed his love for their teammate.
He’s the better man.
But Jim had wanted to fight for her until he remembered what was wrong with him.
She could cure that, you know.

Staring at Chris’s slee
ping face, he told himself she’d be better off with Todd.
Yeah, because he doesn’t have any fucked up kinks.
Despite the derisive thoughts, Jim loved Chris, and if he was truly honest with himself, he’d loved her since Survival Evasion Resistance and Escape training. She’d been the best damn Ensign he could ask for, steadfast, smart, and reliable, with a surprising singing voice. Even ragged and tired, when she’d started singing in SERE, his cock had hardened and he’d entertained a fantasy of making her his own when they retired from the SEALs.

He’d said nothing to
anyone. Fantasies were just that and not a luxury afforded to SEALs, but his grew like vines in the shade during the last four and a half years in Beta Squad. Now the vines tightened around his heart, showing him what he could have had, and what remained out of reach.

Retro studied Magic
’s face in an effort to shove the thoughts aside. The blond SEAL wore an unusual air of defeat. They knew Ghost best, her hopes and fears, her strengths and weaknesses. Hell, they’d learned she hated tequila and cilantro, loved Dutch chocolate wine and Indian food, and hoped to visit Machu Pichu whenever they got more than a few days leave at a time.

You’ll get to go now, Ghost.
He doubted she’d be very pleased with her opportunity.

“This is gonna kill her, Magic,” Retro
said, hoping he hid the despair in his voice.

“No, it’s not. She’s tougher than this. She’s tougher than any of us. Hasn’t she taught us enough times over the last four years?”

Retro laughed without humor. “Yeah, she has.” He kept rubbing the back of her hand in gentle circles with his thumb. “I hope she wakes up soon. I want her to know we’re here.”

“Yeah, me too.”

****

The men came
for Chris just as dusk deepened into true night. The stars burned down on her with their cold distant light and her solitude damn near strangled her. They’d kept her tied to a post like a friggin’ dragon sacrifice, her arms stretched above her head as she hung by manacles. As exhaustion set in, her wrists had taken more and more of her weight.

She
and Magic had managed to evade detection and capture during Survival Evasion Resistance and Escape training, but the rest of her squad hadn’t been so lucky. They’d devised a pretty good plan with smoke grenades as a diversion while she snuck in under the cover of darkness to release everyone. It would have worked great until she snagged at trip wire on the way out. The whole camp had lit up like the Fourth of July and she’d been taken down quick. Retro and the captured squad escaped, but Magic and three others had been caught right along with her.

Their capt
ors had promptly secured her to the post in full view of the men and left her to rot. She’d heard them take the men one at a time into the shack they used as their hideout and torture them for information on who was in charge and who sent them. A recruit nicknamed Lugnut for his mechanical mastery shrieked like a banshee when they wrenched his broken ankle around, but he never broke. Still, his screams had raised the hair in the back of her neck and made her bite her lips in sympathy.

The
men holding them dressed in ragged fatigues, torn bandanas, and dirt encrusted combat boots, illuminated only by a single kerosene lamp hissing on a rickety old table. They bound her hands behind her and threw her across the room until she crashed into the opposite wall. The relief on her wrists and shoulders was short-lived. She rolled as best she could, turning her shoulder into the impact to save her head. She pressed against the rough surface to keep from sliding down to the nasty floor, but a scruffy man snatched her off the wall and slammed her down into an uncomfortable wooden chair, her arms straining behind her.

Chris
took a deep breath and kept repeating her mantra:
Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the mind killer
.
She needed to keep her wits to survive and win this part of the game. They wouldn’t kill her, but they’d push it as far as they could, and they were skilled enough to get close.

“Welcome to our humble little abode, Ensign.” A thickset man about her height of 5’9” growled at her with a smirk on his scruffy face. “Are you comfortable?”

S
he said nothing, staring past him toward the open doorway and freedom.

“You know, we can make you more comfortable. Clean clothes, hot shower, soft
, dry bed. All you gotta do is tell us who sent you.”

Ghost said nothing, just kept repeating the mantra.

“Too hard?” The man cocked his head. “Okay. How about this? Where are you from? Pretty thing like you, surely you’re from one of the coasts, right? What’s your home town called?”

Chris kept her mouth shut,
just breathing and repeating.

“Come on, these aren’t sen
sitive questions…” A big black-skinned man snatched her dog tags. “Ensign.” He dropped them and sat with one butt cheek on the rickety table, the other leg planted firmly on the floor. The faded light glinted off a large bowie knife he slid through his hands like a favored pet. “It doesn’t hurt to answer. Where are you from?”

“Home
.” The word sounded crusty from lack of water.