The Neighbor [The Complete Collection] (6 page)

—You’ll be fine. You’ll figure out a way to entertain yourself. Watch a movie or something.

—A movie? Will you be that late.

—I’m afraid so. You shouldn’t wait up.

—Ok, she said quietly.

—Don’t sound so upset. This is how we’re paying for that house you wanted.

—I know, Ben. Don’t be mad at me. I’m just disappointed is all.

—Well there’s nothing I can do about it.

He was mad at her. She knew it was because he was being defensive.

—Ok, she said. Bye.

She hung up and began to cry again. She’d been such an idiot. For months before the move he’d been calling her and making excuses like that. That’s how the affair with Suzy had gotten off the ground. If she’d been firmer with him and forced him to come home to her right after work, her marriage wouldn’t be in jeopardy now. It was her own fault for being so weak. And she’d just gone and done it again. She’d let him off the hook so that he could stay out late with Suzy. She knew he’d be spending the night with her. He might even take her to
Terroni’s
for all she knew.

She picked up the kettle and placed her left arm flat on the counter. Then, without even flinching, she poured a good measure of the boiling water onto her arm. As the pain of the burn flowed through her she imagined that this was somehow getting back at Ben. She imagined that he would somehow suffer from this pain, that it would make him feel bad for cheating on her and putting her through such emotional agony. The truth was that the only person it hurt was herself.

She ran the burn under the cold tap and then iced it. It had left a red scar about three inches wide on the inside of her arm.

She went and lay on the couch and flipped through daytime television shows. It was a warm, sunny day outside and she knew she should be outside making the most of it but she just felt too depressed. She watched the mindless television and tried not to think of Ben and his slutty secretary. She didn’t understand why it affected her so deeply. After all, she’d already known about the affair. But it did affect her deeply. It cut like a knife.

She fell asleep on the sofa in front of the television. When she woke she looked at her watch and saw that it was four PM. She’d wasted most of the afternoon. The burn on her arm ached and she regretted doing that to herself. She got more ice from the freezer and soothed it as much as she could. Then she went upstairs for another shower. She ended up lying in the bath for another half hour with her arm out of the water. She knew she had to find a way to pull herself out of this malaise but she didn’t know how to do it. She was afraid of what would happen when Ben realized how depressed she was. Things would come to a head and she wasn’t ready for that.

After the bath she got dressed in some sweats and tied her hair back. She ordinarily wouldn’t go out in public dressed like that but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She got in her car and drove to the local grocery store. Inside the store, she wandered aimlessly down the aisles, throwing mostly snack food into her cart. They did need groceries but she wasn’t in the mood for buying real food, especially if Ben wasn’t even joining her for dinner. She bought Oreo flavored ice cream, microwave popcorn, chips and salsa, all things she usually wouldn’t allow herself. There was also a machine that rented movies and she put her credit card in the slot and choose a couple of romances at random. She threw them in the cart on top of the snack food and made her way to the checkout.

Just as she got there she saw someone familiar. It was
him,
the neighbor! He was all the way down one of the aisles but he was unmistakable. He was wearing slacks and a golf shirt and Janey knew she would recognize that perfect posture anywhere. He was tall and straight and had a way of walking that made him look confident and in control.

In a rash decision she turned her cart down the aisle he was in and walked straight toward him. If she’d been thinking straight she would have realized this was not the right time at all to let him see her close up for the first time. She’d been crying most of the day and her eyes were red and puffy. She hadn’t done her hair or applied her makeup very well and she looked a complete mess. She was dressed in flip-flops and sweats like some trailer park wife. She really shouldn’t have been approaching him but she couldn’t help it.

She needed him.

III

T
HE NEIGHBOR WAS HANDSOME.
She had to give him that much. He looked distinguished and intelligent and athletic. His hair was white but full and his skin was tanned to a light, golden brown. He looked like he’d just come off a boat. He was wearing the brown leather shoes she’d seen men on boats wear.

She walked after him down the aisle. He was at the far end, picking up a few groceries. He rounded the corner to the next aisle and Janey ran down after him. She went around the corner and there he was, right in front of her, trying to decide which type of barbecue sauce he liked best.

It was only then that Janey realized how rash she’d been. She looked a complete mess and probably seemed crazy chasing some complete stranger around the store. She wished she hadn’t run after him. She didn’t have nice clothes on or any makeup. She’d become one of those women who wandered around the grocery store like a ghost while her husband cheated on her at the office.

Her cart was practically touching his. He was standing there with a surprised look on his face. He hadn’t expected to run into her like this. She was his kinky new neighbor and he’d masturbated watching her. He seemed a little embarrassed.

—Hello, he said uncertainly.

Janey gave him a weak smile. Why had she rushed into this? She must seem desperate. The man was probably saying hello out of sympathy. He must be disappointed at how she looked in real life. She didn’t look nearly as good as she had in the
torsolette
when he’d first seen her. He’d never look at her the same way again. She’d ruined it.

—Hello, Janey said.

—I believe I owe you an introduction, the man said.

Janey didn’t know what to say. This was so awkward. Why hadn’t she just left the store? It was too late now to go back.

—I’m Henry Walden, he said.

His voice was deep and gravelly. Just the kind of voice that Janey had imagined he would have. She could have closed her eyes and listened to it all night.

—I’m Janey, she said. Janey Carver.

This was a disaster. He’d never be interested in her now that he’d seen her up close. She should have contrived a meeting at a better time.

—My husband is Benjamin Carver. We’ve just moved in next to you.

—I noticed, Henry said and raised an eyebrow.

Janey smiled in embarrassment.

There followed an awkward silence. Henry was looking at her intently, taking her all in. He seemed to be drinking her up with his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t disgusted by her, after all. He seemed taken by her. She looked at his eyes, which were following the contours of her body from her feet up along her legs, over her bum and up to her breasts and face. She felt the thrill of being watched all over again. There was something about this man, about the way he made her feel when he looked at her, that she found intensely fulfilling and exhilarating. It was almost like he could do more with his eyes than Ben could do even with his hands. She began to feel a little better about herself, like his gaze was the sunlight bringing her back to life.

She felt that maybe she’d been a little hard on herself. She’d been depressed all day but that was only natural given what Ben was up to. She was still a beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her. She might not have any makeup on and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail but she had a beautiful figure, a pretty face, a nice complexion.

—I love your pool, Janey said, just to break the silence.

Henry came back to her as if she’d just woken him from a sleep.

—Yes, he said, distantly.

He’d been so intent on looking at her it seemed he could hardly concentrate. It was strange that he was so taken by her but it sure was doing her battered confidence some good.

—Well, you can use it anytime, Henry said. I live alone and hardly ever swim. It’s a shame because it’s a nice pool.

—Thank you, Janey said.

She imagined him watching her swimming in the pool. She imagined being naked in it.

—Really, he said. I mean it. You go ahead and swim any time. I’m not even home most of the time and I have a gardener that comes by a few times a week and he maintains it perfectly. I’d be delighted to see you make use of it.

Janey looked up at him. He was handsome and seemed confident and capable but there was an awkwardness about him too. She wasn’t surprised to hear he lived alone. He had the air of a loner. She also felt a rush of desire when he’d said he’d like to see her in the pool. Maybe he meant that he’d watch her. He was welcome to.

She honestly couldn’t understand her own emotions or feelings right now, but something about the thought of him looking at her, watching her swim made her feel more secure and safe than anything else she could call to mind. It was as if his gaze would be an embrace that would hold her and protect her.

—Well, Janey said. I’d better get going.

He’d been looking at her again and seemed to find it difficult to concentrate on anything while in her presence.

—Of course, Henry said. Of course.

He offered her his hand to shake and she shook it.

—It’s been an absolute delight to meet you in person, Janey.

—Likewise, she said and wheeled her cart off toward the checkout.

IV

W
HEN JANEY GOT HOME SHE
threw the groceries on the kitchen counter and left the movies on the coffee table by the TV. Then she went to the office and looked up Henry Walden. She was shocked at what she learned. She never would have guessed any of it from the unassuming man she’d met at the grocery store. His wiki page led her to his company website and there was a detailed bio there.

He was a doctor, a famous doctor. He’d been married in his thirties and when he and his wife had their first child they’d learned that his wife carried a rare genetic disorder. Henry then spent the next thirty years researching the disorder at Weill Cornell. He started a company and built a dedicated research institute at the Cornell campus in Ithaca. He’d been obsessed, his company filed a number of groundbreaking patents, and after decades of hard work he succeeded. His company finally developed an effective treatment for the disorder that was today saving lives all over the world. But unfortunately for Henry, his wife and daughter had long since succumbed to the disease. It was a tragic story but a quick look at his company’s stock price told her that it hadn’t been entirely futile, at least not financially. Henry had netted millions by the time he retired a few year ago. It seemed he’d since been involving himself in charitable work, serving on the board of some local hospitals, and establishing a foundation to provide research grants to medical start-ups. He was quite a man. There were photos of him on the internet shaking hands with the president. He’d also spent time with some pretty impressive celebrities who were personally touched by the disease he’d cured or who had taken on the cause as one of their charitable projects. One picture showed him at a ceremony, in a tuxedo, with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Janey printed it out and took it with her to the living room. She wanted to look at it while she ate her ice cream and watched her romances.

She fell asleep during the second of the two movies and when she woke up the DVD menu screen was repeating the same snippet of music over and over. She looked at the table, covered with containers of melted ice cream and a half-empty bowl of butter popcorn. She regretted being so glutinous. She’d have to find out about that gym soon before she put on weight. A few extra pounds was the last thing she needed while she was feeling so insecure in her marriage. She shut off the TV and gathered up the mess on the table and brought it into the kitchen. She saw the green digital display on her oven and was shocked that it was after three AM. Where the hell was Ben?

She rushed upstairs to see if for some reason he’d gone to bed without waking her but the bedroom was empty. She picked up the phone and dialed his office number. There was no answer. She waited and waited as it rang and she pictured the empty office with the lone phone ringing. No one was there. With a sick feeling in her stomach she wondered if she should call his cell. She knew he’d hate her for doing it. He’d say he’d been with clients and didn’t like interruptions, but she was his wife and it was three in the morning so she was within her rights to
interrupt
anything. What stopped her from dialing the number was the fear that she might catch him with Suzy. She knew about the affair but she didn’t want Ben to know she knew. Not that there could be much doubt, it was three in the morning and he still wasn’t home, but she wasn’t ready to face him on it. She wasn’t ready to have the fight that it would lead to. And she wasn’t ready to make the admissions to herself about her own life that the fight would force. She put down the phone.

She switched on the bedside lamp and sat on the side of the bed and thought. She thought that Ben was growing more careless of her, more reckless. She’d wanted to move to Sunny Oaks to breathe new life into the marriage but it was as if, with her being farther away from Troy, he felt he could think of her even less than before. He’d never stayed out this late before. She wondered briefly if maybe he’d been in an accident. He might have tried to drive home drunk and crashed. She put aside that thought. If there’d been an accident she’d be contacted. The more realistic option was that he was asleep with Suzy somewhere, too drunk to even realize that he wasn’t in his own bed at home.

She looked out the window across the way at the neighbor’s house. Henry Walden, she said to herself quietly. She walked up to the glass.
Look at me
, she thought.
Please, look at me
. She didn’t know what she was doing but she felt so alone and she just needed to know that someone in the world, even if it was just her eccentric neighbor next door, was thinking about her.