The No-cry Sleep Solution (25 page)

72

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Good Advice, Briefly Modified

After I wrote the above section, I took a break to pick up my teenaged daughter from an early-release day at school. We spent the afternoon together—had manicures and then went out for lunch. As we sat and talked and giggled like girlfriends, I thought how terribly I would miss her when, in a few short years, she’ll leave the nest for college or wherever her nearly adult status takes her. When Angela and I returned home from our outing, the two of us sat with baby Coleton while he entertained us by making faces and noises. His new level of maturity has brought him to the point where he knows when he’s funny, and so he purposely exaggerates those things that make others laugh.

I am now thinking that every
moment
of our children’s lives is incredibly precious and irreplaceable. How fleeting each phase, and how I wish I could bottle and save each of them to view and treasure. So my advice to put your baby down to sleep is so easily passed out from where I sit. I’ll be totally honest with myself and with you, though. If I were to have a fifth child, I’m certain that the new baby would find him- or herself exactly where the others did—sleeping in my arms—with his or her little head bop-ping to the tune of my computer keys.

So, allow me to amend my advice just a bit, please. Understand that those beautiful, bonding, peaceful habits are very hard to
Mother-Speak

“You know, when Zach fell asleep nursing in my arms, I did just this. I traced the outline of his nose, I smelled his hair. I played with his fingers. I wanted to suck up every little thing I could about him when he was a baby, because he is my fourth child, and I’d learned how very quickly it all goes.”

Vanessa, mother of two-year-old Zachary

Review and Choose Sleep Solutions

73

break, so choose them carefully. If you can, and when you can, put your baby down so that she learns she is able to sleep alone, as well as in your arms. And when you don’t put her down, hold her with your heart, too, and relish every gurgle, flutter, and little sighing breath. Trust me when I say, “You will miss this.” You
will
. Even the dark, exhausted nights will take on a certain romance in your memories, and they’ll bubble to the surface when your “baby” drives off in his first car, graduates from school, gets married, has his
own
baby.

Falling Asleep at the Breast or Bottle

It is very natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking at the breast, on a bottle, or with a pacifier. As a matter of fact, some newborn babies do this so naturally, and so often, that mothers become concerned that they never eat enough.

When a baby
always
falls asleep this way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, he cannot fall asleep any other way. A large percentage of parents who are struggling with older babies who cannot fall or stay asleep are fighting this natural and powerful sucking-to-sleep association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleep without your help, it is essential that you sometimes let your newborn baby suck until she is sleepy, but not totally asleep. As often as you can, remove the breast, bottle, or pacifier and let her finish falling asleep without something in her mouth. When you do this, your baby may resist, root, and fuss to regain the nipple. It’s perfectly OK to give her back the breast, bottle, or pacifier and start over a few minutes later. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. If you do this often enough, she will eventually learn how to fall asleep without sucking.

Please go back and reread the previous paragraph. It contains possibly the most important idea I can share with you at this time

74

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Anjali, two months old, and Tina

to assure that you won’t be rereading this book eighteen months from now.

The next step in this plan is to try putting your baby in his bed when he is
sleepy
instead of
sleeping
. A tired newborn, too young yet to have ingrained habits, will often accept being put into his crib or cradle while still awake, where he will then fall asleep on his own. When you try implementing this idea, sometimes your baby will go to sleep, and sometimes he won’t. When your baby
doesn’t
settle and fusses instead, you can rock, pat, or even pick him up and give him back the breast, bottle, or pacifier and start over either in a few minutes or for his next nap.