Authors: Lucinda Riley
William shivered. He had always felt so proud of what they had achieved here; but the house felt desolate today.
He went to the fridge – its door covered in magnets holding Immy’s and Fred’s paintings – and pulled out the milk he’d bought from the petrol station on his way
home. He supposed that, just as when his first marriage had collapsed, he would lose the house in the divorce – either to Helena, or by selling it to another, happier family. The thought made
another fissure in his already battered heart.
‘Tea, Alex!’ he shouted up the stairs.
‘Coming, Dad,’ Alex shouted back.
William walked across the kitchen, opened the French doors, and made his way onto the sun-dappled terrace. He sat down on the wrought-iron bench, which nestled within a hundred-year-old wisteria
and was flanked by a bed of sweet-smelling roses. Whilst their mistress was away, they had gorged on light and sun. Now they were fat, bloated and in urgent need of pruning.
‘Thanks, Dad.’ Alex brought his tea out and sat down next to him.
‘Feels weird to be home, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Alex agreed. ‘It’s because of the quiet. I didn’t realise until today how noisy we all are.’
‘You must be tired after your epic journey.’
‘Not really. It was sort of . . . exciting.’
‘Well, please don’t repeat it. I’ve never driven so fast in my life. I only arrived here ten minutes before you did.’
‘You were at your London place when the police arrived?’ Alex asked.
‘Yes. When they turned up on my doorstep, I must admit, I imagined the worst. They told me you were on the evening flight to Gatwick last night, and the plane had landed just before
midnight. But they didn’t know where you’d gone since.’
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s okay. I thought you’d probably head for here.’
‘Well, if I’d known you were in London, I’d have come straight there. I had to spend the night at Waterloo station, because I missed the last train to Beaulieu by hours. It was
quite scary, actually,’ Alex commented. ‘Lots of drunken hobos and me.’
‘I’m sure.’
They sipped their tea companionably.
‘How’s Mum?’ Alex asked.
‘Better now she knows you’re safe, but she was obviously beside herself.’
‘Yeah . . . it was a pretty rotten thing to do, but I had my reasons,’ Alex said.
‘How was she when
I
left?’ William asked carefully.
‘Awful. She came to my bedroom to explain. Told me all about what happened when I was born. You know she nearly died after she had me?’
‘No, I didn’t, but there’s obviously a lot of stuff I didn’t hang about to hear.’
‘Do you think Mum’s a bad person?’
‘No, not really.’
‘A “liar and a cheat”?’
William looked at Alex. ‘You were listening.’
‘Yes. Sorry.’
‘Of course I don’t really think that. I was just . . . very angry, that’s all. I still am.’
‘I was angry, too. Like, mega. I’m calmer now though,’ Alex nodded.
‘How come?’
‘Because I think I understand.’
‘Understand that your mother has lied to you,
and
me, for years?’
‘Well, to be fair, she didn’t exactly lie to me, she just . . . didn’t tell me.’
‘No, I suppose not.’
‘I was thinking on the plane over what I’d have done in her shoes,’ mused Alex.
‘And?’
‘I think I’d have lied, too. What would you have done?’
William shrugged. ‘I honestly don’t know.’
‘But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Like, no one knows what they’ll do in a situation until they’re . . .’ – he shrugged – ‘in it.’
‘I suppose so.’ William sighed. ‘It makes no odds anyway, I’m afraid. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Alex, but I’ve told your mother I’m starting
divorce proceedings.’
‘That’s okay. I understand.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yeah, seems a pity, though. You love Mum, and she loves you big time, especially now she doesn’t have to lie to you anymore. And as for Immy and Fred – well, it’s not
going to be great for them, either. But I can see that if I was you, I’d probably feel the same.’ Alex kicked at the moss peering out between the paving stones with his trainer.
‘I mean, it’s kind of a male-pride type thing, isn’t it?’
‘Well, a bit, I suppose,’ William admitted.
‘If you think about it, like, all this stuff happened before you two even met. Mum hasn’t gone off with anyone else or done anything really bad during your marriage, has
she?’
‘Not that I know of. She may well have seen . . .
him
since. And may still be in love with him, for all I know.’ William was astounded that he was having this kind of
conversation with a thirteen-year-old boy.
‘If she’d wanted to be with him, don’t you think she’d have left you a long time ago? No’ – Alex shook his head – ‘she doesn’t love him, she
loves
you
.’
‘The fact remains, she lied to me for the whole of our marriage, Alex.’
‘S’pose. But we both know why she did it. Dad?’ He looked at William. ‘Do you love her?’
‘You know I do.’
‘Then why are you divorcing her?’
‘Alex, I know you’re mature for your age, but there really are some things you just can’t understand.’
‘Well, I get that you have the option of divorcing my mother. I don’t. I’m stuck with her forever. So tell me how it’s worse for you than it is for me? I also have to
deal with the fact that Sacha is my genetic father.’
‘I know you do.’
‘
And
that he left Mum in the lurch when she was pregnant. Also, I was thinking earlier . . .’
‘Go on?’
‘Well, Mum said that he told her his name was Alexander Nicholls.’
‘Apparently, but to be fair, that is his real name in a way.’
‘But everyone knows him as Sacha Chandler. Like, forever. So why would he do that?’
‘I don’t know, Alex, really. Perhaps he was trying to create his artistic alter ego.’
‘Well, I reckon he was deliberately covering his tracks with Mum. After all, he was already married to Jules at the time. To be fair, how was Mum to know he was the same person as your
oldest friend? Until she, er,
did
?’
‘I hear what you’re saying, Alex, but once she knew, she should have told me. The point is, she didn’t trust me. And to be honest, she never has.’
‘Maybe not, but I dunno,’ Alex sighed. ‘Perhaps she just finds it hard to trust people in general. She seemed to have a pretty crap childhood. With a mum who didn’t
really want her, from the sounds of things. She had to fend for herself.’
‘Yes. From what little she’s said, it didn’t sound good.’
They both lapsed into silence.
‘You know the worst thing of all?’ Alex said eventually, looking up at William. ‘Rupes is my half-brother! Now, that really is a sticking point for me. I’m gutted that we
share the same bloodline. But we do.’
‘Genes are funny things, Alex.’
‘Yeah, but as I can’t divorce my mother and walk away, I have to accept it.
And
the fact that Sacha is my genetic dad. And for all that you’re mad that your best friend
had an affair with Mum, it
was
before you met her. The fact he is . . . or was, your best friend, must mean there’s
some
good in him. And just because you have the same taste in
women, it doesn’t suddenly morph Sacha into a different person, does it? He’s still exactly the same as he always was. And Mum, too. The only difference is, you – and I –
know the secret now.’
William slowly turned towards him and shook his head. ‘How did you get to be so wise?’
‘It’s in my genes. On the other hand, maybe it’s not.’ Alex shrugged and gave a short chuckle.
‘Will you want to see him now?’
‘You mean, as my “father”? Bond with him, and all that stuff?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who knows? I’ll have to think about it. Just now, I loathe him for what he did, but maybe when I get over that, I’ll feel differently. But,’ Alex sighed,
‘that’s irrelevant anyway. It always has been, but I’ve only just realised it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Like . . . do you remember when I fell off that climbing frame, literally head first, and you had to rush me to hospital?’ Alex pointed to the bottom of the garden.
‘Of course I do. Mum was pregnant with Immy. I thought she might go into labour at the sight of the blood pouring out of you.’
‘And when you taught me to ride a bike? You walked me down to the tennis courts along the road and took the stabilisers off. Then you ran round and round with me, holding me and puffing
and panting and then you let me go and I wobbled off by myself.’
‘I remember,’ replied William.
‘And that time when I didn’t get into the Colts A rugby team and I was so, like, upset. And you told me how you hadn’t been picked for your school cricket team and felt the
same, but the next year, you had got in?’
‘Yes,’ nodded William.
‘Dad?’
‘Yes?’
‘You see, the thing is this . . .’ Alex snaked a hand into William’s and squeezed it. ‘
You’re
my dad.’
λ
Jules left soon after she’d heard the news that Alex was okay, and Helena decided she would save the dissection of
that
conversation for another day. The fact that
her life was in shreds paled into insignificance compared with the news that her son was safe.
Having called everyone to tell them Alex was fine, Helena went upstairs to take a shower. She came out refreshed and went downstairs to telephone Angelina, to tell her she could bring Immy and
Fred back as soon as was convenient. She desperately needed to hear the sound of their voices. The relentless silence in the house kept reminding her of what she had lost, and of the dark future
she now had to face.
While she was waiting, she walked to her hammock and lay in it, too tired to even think. She knew she needed rest to clear her addled mind. She closed her eyes and dozed, comforted by the gentle
rocking motion. Then she heard a car draw up and opened one eye, thinking it must be Angelina with the children. She was halfway up the steps to the terrace when Sacha appeared round the
corner.
‘Hello, Helena.’
‘What do you want?’ Helena walked past him and into the house.
‘Wine will do, or whisky if you have any,’ he quipped, as he followed her through to the kitchen. ‘’S’pose it’s been fun and frolics this end, since the shit
hit the proverbial? I went to the house just now to say goodbye to the kids, and Jules told me William knows.’
‘You could put it that way. Or you could say it’s been the worst twenty-four hours of my life. Alex ran away, and I only heard he was safe an hour ago.’
‘I hear he’s in England with William.’
‘Yes.’ Helena handed him a glass of wine.
‘Thanks.’ He drank it thirstily, then handed it back to her for an immediate refill.
‘So what are you doing here?’ she asked wearily.
‘Isn’t it obvious? I came to see you,’ Sacha replied. He walked towards her as she put the wine bottle back in the fridge, then wrapped his arms around her waist. ‘Where
are the little ones?’
‘Back any minute with Angelina.’ Helena tried to wriggle out of his grasp. ‘Sacha! Let me go.’
‘Helena, don’t fight me.’ His lips nuzzled her neck. ‘We’ve waited years for this moment, haven’t we, lovely?’
‘No! Stop it!’ She wrenched herself away. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘Helena, you must know how I’ve felt about you all these years. I’ve had to watch you with William, wishing every moment you were mine. Remember Vienna? It was the most
beautiful few weeks of my life. Now there’s nothing to stop us being together. We’re free, angel.’ He advanced towards her, but she edged away.
‘All I remember is a man who promised to return to me, and never did.’
‘Is that why you’re angry? Still, after all these years? Surely you understood why I couldn’t? Jules was pregnant. I could hardly leave her, could I? But I’ve never
stopped thinking about you; not for one moment.’
‘And I’ve never stopped thinking that you forgot to mention you were married.’
‘I’m sure I must have done. You just didn’t want to hear it.’
‘No! Don’t you
dare
give me that shit! You didn’t tell me. Nor did I hear a word from you after you’d left.’
‘Surely I wrote to you to explain?’
‘Oh for God’s sake, Sacha.’ Helena slammed the fridge door. ‘You’re pathetic, you really are.’
‘You don’t love William, do you, Helena? He just happened to be there to rescue you when you needed him.’
‘I’m not interested in your opinion.’
‘Is he divorcing you? I’d take a bet that he is. Good old Will, straight as a die. God knows why he ever had me as his best friend. We couldn’t be more different,’ he
slurred.
‘Shut up, Sacha! I will always love him, whether we’re together or not.’
‘And Alex? What of him? He’s my son, after all. I’ve stayed away until now, for obvious reasons, but I might want to get to know him a little better.’
‘I . . .’ Helena did her best to control her fury. ‘I would very much appreciate it if you would refrain from contacting Alex. If he wishes to get to know
you
, then
that’s his decision.’
‘He’s my son. I can do what I wish.’
Helena’s hand itched to punch his selfish, bloated face, but she realised antagonising him would get her nowhere.
‘Okay. Then I beg you to leave him alone until he’s at least had time to come to terms with all this. I beg you for our family’s sake too. If not for me, do it for your oldest
friend, who is feeling so betrayed.’
‘So you’re still protecting him.’ Sacha gave a slow handclap. ‘Well done, Helena. You always did like to be seen as perfect, didn’t you? I’ll have to tell
Jules the truth, of course.’
‘Go ahead. She already knows,’ Helena said lightly.
Sacha’s face registered shock. ‘How?’
‘She knew it immediately, at the wedding. She thinks Alex has your eyes.’
‘Shit! I had no idea.’ Sacha sat down abruptly. ‘She never said a word.’
‘No. Actually, your wife is pretty amazing. She loved you enough to turn a blind eye to our betrayal, and apparently, others besides. Astounding, really.’