Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
She
pressed on, continuing as if uninterrupted,
“
E. Do you even know how this look? Not
only for me but also for you?! I mean, clearly you don
’
t seem to care the woman is humiliating
your wife, but how about you? Your fucking career, E.? Surely you care enough
about it
…”
Our eyes crossed in the mirror, both sets ablaze.
I
stepped out of the bathroom where I had removed my tie and shirt and trying to
control my breathing, said as calmly as I could,
“
Vic, Stop it. Of course, I care! About you
and my career! Do you think I would even allow anyone to humiliate my wife?!
”
"E,
I'm not one those bloody idiots who believe anything that comes out of your
mouth! I know you. Remember? This is me
…
and you are lying to me! Please look at
me while I'm taking to you
…
"
she said her voice still trembling with anger, while grabbing my elbow to
force me to turn around.
All
I can say is: I didn't mean it.
I
saw myself shove her out, so she would let me go, but my hand somehow ended
back slapping her cheek with some force, causing her to lose balance and
stumble onto the corner of our bed, hitting her back on one of the
posters.
There
was a moment of sheer stupor between us; then, her eyes filled with tears.
The
look she gave me signalled the finality of our marriage.
I
knew right then and there, my wife would leave me. It was inevitable. Anna or
no Anna.
My
party won the election the next day.
((~~!~~))
I had apologized the following evening. I
hadn't seen Vic in the morning. She had slept in a guestroom and when I had
tried to enter it before leaving that morning, the door had
been locked, which, to be honest, didn't surprise me at all.
I
knew she had been shocked the previous night. She had immediately left our
bedroom before I could formulate a proper apology. In truth, I was a bit
shocked too. I mean, Vic and I have an intense relationship, always had and
probably always will, but physical violence had never been part of it.
Domination, control and surrender, yes; violence, never. It
’
s always been purely cerebral between us.
I had never stricken a woman before, but I had been so tired, I went to bed
straight away, and I'm ashamed to admit, I fell asleep within five minutes
of hitting the sheets without a thought for my wife's distress.
Now,
the election was won, I would be sworn in later in the month and our second
wedding anniversary would be in three days. I was pretty certain my wife would
present me with divorce papers as a gift if I didn't do something to convince
her to forgive me for last night's events.
I
begged.
I
had no choice. If the word got out that I was a wife beater, my career would be
all but over. No PR genius would be able to save me from not only public
embarrassment and humiliation, but peer condemnation would be the clincher.
Moreover,
I simply couldn
’
t
picture my life without her in it. I know, it sounds convoluted, considering
the year we had, but I truly loved my wife.
That
very night, at home, in our living room, on my knees, my arms encircling her
waist, my eyes boring straight into hers, I begged her not to leave me and
promised I would do whatever it took to make her happy again. I
reiterated my wedding vows as she looked at me intensely
,
trying to see the truth in my words.
I
told her, it was about the ring, and it was about the vows. The promises we
made to each other.
I
meant it.
That
very day, with the fear of her impending departure in mind, while receiving
countless congratulations, I had been crumbling internally. I had suddenly
realized that I had been neglecting her due to the campaign, and she had been
alone for most of the past year. It was actually nothing short of a miracle she
hadn
’
t
walked out on me yet.
I
told her so
,
and promised she
’
d never feel alone ever again. I added
,
I was not sleeping with Anna -
not at
that time anyway
-. I still loved her and believed, I could and would
be a better husband if she accepted to stay, and of course would never ever lay
a hand on her again.
She
was my everything, my better half, and I was an insensitive bastard to have
forgotten it.
We
had magic once, wasn't it worth fighting for?
I
guess she believed me. She stayed.
((~~!~~))
Vic was my wife.
She
knew where the bodies were buried.
That's
the problem you have when you marry someone smart with an extraordinary memory
for details.
I
mean, she may not have approved of my tactics -
ok, so, I know she didn't.
We had argued enough in the past year
–
and, may have had suspicions about my
affair with Anna, -
well, I did not lie when I said I wasn't sleeping with
Anna: I wasn't when I said it! Give me a break! -,
but in truth, the main
problem with Vic leaving me would be what she knew. Never mind that her leaving
would break my heart, and I wasn
’
t
sure I could or would ever be the same without her being in my life; her
leaving could affect my career, and not for the better.
I
had always been truthful to her in that regards, and told her exactly what I
had been doing to win that election, in spite of knowing, she disapproved; yet,
I figured she needed to know exactly who she was married to.
My mistake.
Not
only my honesty would cost me my wife, but also I would lose my self-respect
and become a real criminal in the process.
Vic
knew a lot of things and she remembered them all.
I
had a first-hand experience when about a week after the election, as we were
talking about one of my cabinet member, she asked me innocently if the man
wasn't the same one whose son had been arrested in Byron Bay for drug
offences which I had made disappear by personally calling the Commissioner.
I
replied indeed he was, but was already thinking about the rest of the things
she knew.
Thank
God, I had convinced her to give me another chance at being a decent husband,
but from now on, I simply would keep talking about my political 'activities' to
a bare minimum. She would be happier, and I wouldn't have cold sweats thinking
about the damage that could be done if she ever decided to go public.
For
the first few months after becoming Premier, things had actually been
dramatically improving between us. I could tell she was regaining her
true self, her PhD was coming along extensively, and the time we
spent together was actually good, very good. We laughed more, talked more, and
started to enjoy each other company again. I took time away from my functions
just for us, and it was drastically improving our relationship and our life in
general. Real tenderness and banter was back in our household. I was slowly
back in sync with my wife, and felt free to ask her advice when something
bothered me or when I needed input in seeing the bigger picture. Vic is an
intelligent woman, and it is something that I have always admired. I knew she
still had some doubts about our marriage, and the incident that had happened on
the eve of the election was still fresh in her mind, but I was truly doing my
best to get my wife back. I missed her. I missed us. My focus was still
politics, but it started to dawn on me that my marriage necessitated as much commitment.
She was still sleeping in the guest room and I had yet to make love to her
ever since, but it was apparent she had decided to give her all to this
reconciliation, and I was trying my
damnest
not to
let her down.
I
know, it sound ridiculous now, considering where we are at, - with her upstairs
packing and trying to leave....
–
But
I sincerely loved Vic and I still do. She knows me, all of me. She had loved me
enough to marry me. I couldn
’
t
let that go and I still can
’
t.
It
is about the vows.
Things
started to unravel for me at about the 7 months mark, around august 2003 when
Anna whom I had kept on as chief of staff walked into my office and
announced we were through.
We
had resumed our affair from May, 4 months after I took office, on the premise
that she understood and accepted I would never leave my wife. I told her we
were trying to make our marriage work more than ever and I wouldn
’
t tolerate interference. I would only be
available to her for the purpose of sex and work. If she could be content
within these parameters and with no emotional strings, then things would be
splendid.
I
said it before, I am a man, and I have needs. My wife would not fulfil them, -I
admit
,
I was responsible for her pulling
away-, but nonetheless, I had needs. Anna was just ready and happy to spread
her legs for me when I went to her after 4 months of total abstinence. It wasn
’
t about intimacy
,
or getting her to know me or love me, it was just about
relieving stress. Crass, I know, but it
’
s true, and she was fine with it.
Well,
until august 2003 anyway, when she told me she had met someone and wanted to
give it a real shot, so there would be nothing but a work relationship between
us from then on.
I
accepted her decision fairly easily because things between Vic and I were good,
and I had high hopes to bed my wife within the next few weeks making any sexual
need for Anna completely redundant.
A
few weeks turned into, 1,2,3 months .We were in November and I was
still nowhere near my wife's bed.
She
had let me kiss her more deeply over the past few months, eliciting the same
fire she did since we first met, and even allowed me to touch her breasts, but
that was it. Oral sex and intercourse was still missing in our relationship. On
one occasion as we passionately kissed on the sofa, late in the
evening, she had actually granted me a few minutes of suckling and biting
her glorious breasts and I had almost begged her to let me make love to her as
I could feel she was getting flushed.
Oh
God, I loved sucking these nipples, they were my personal chocolate fetish. I
missed them so much! I'm actually getting hard just thinking about it now.
However,
when one of my hands had wandered gliding on her crotch and cupping her
womanhood, it had been as if a bucket of iced water was dropped on us. She
had gotten up abruptly, and said, "I'm sorry E., I can't, I'm not
ready..." I had replied, almost yelling in frustration, "Baby, you
were moaning! I want you, I need you, it's been too long, please let
me..."
She
had walked upstairs to her bedroom, and as I was left literally hanging in our
lounge, I had felt cold anger course through my entire body. I had almost gone
after her that night.
No
matter how angry or distant I got with her, she could make me beg. Still.
The
thing is, Vic and I had always had a very intense sexual life. From the first
night I touched her, she awakened needs in me I didn
’
t know I had before meeting her.
Touching
her, possessing her became ma
raison d
’
'
être
while I was in Europe. I was in London when she was in
Geneva, but I became a regular on Swiss Air and the Eurostar, seizing every
spare moment I had to meet her, to touch her. I always wanted more. She had no
boundaries, her sexuality totally unleashed, as if our first night had opened
unknown gates. She was carefree and liberated with me; always pushing me to new
heights I didn
’
t
even know existed.