Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
“
Whatever it takes?
”
repeats Dr Michaellson, eyebrows raised.
“
Absolutely.
”
Ethan replies convincingly, wondering who
he is trying to convince more, the doctor or himself.
‘”
Well, let
’
s start with what you just called
‘
a mistake
’
, shall we?
”
the doctor replies, deadpan.
((~~!~~))
Session 3.
“
Love is about possession and liberation,
protection and freedom, and so many other things. There has to be a balance in
everything and with you pulling strings the way you have, how can Vic truly
know if you love her or if you simply love "owning" her? There is a
difference.
“
says Dr Michaellson to his patient.
He
watches him as Ethan is massaging his temples while lying down on the sofa.
“
But Ethan, you don
’
t seem to know this yet,
”
the therapist adds.
“
I can be controlling and overbearing in
our private life and she loves me for it. She craved that I was the only man who
could cage her
…”
Ethan tries to explain, moving into a seating position.
“
Yes, but you raped her, she did not ask
for this.
”
the doctor counters, eyes and voice steady.
“
She did not. I did it.
”
Ethan cracks, his voice trembling.
“
So, you understand, the love and
protection you vowed, died in that instant? You need to acknowledge the rape
was not just a physical element of
…”
the doctor explains with a soothing voice, in light of the distress displayed
by his patient.
“
I know doctor!
”
Ethan interrupts vehemently. He sighs
heavily and declares,
“
Why
do you think I
’
m
here? I can barely look at her! Barely look at myself! I can barely sleep and I
’
m on the brink of collapsing! I am
perfectly aware this goes deeper for us both! Yes, for her it was devastating,
but for me too! I became a criminal! Moreover, I
’
m simply not the man I thought I was, the
man I want to be, the man she needs! If our marriage has any chance of
survival, I need to work on the issues that led me to do this to her, to us
… “
“
Ethan do you want to
retell the story?
”
asks the therapist
gently
,
to counteract the
agitated state his patient is currently in. He asked
,
not because he cares about the grisly details of the
event, but for the healing; the retelling is actually a safe place. Going over
it again helps his patient. Makes him see and feel things in a new light
and helps him progress towards acceptance and therefore forgiveness.
((~~!~~))
Session 4.
“
She sounds enchanting,
”
retorts the doctors after his patient
gave a long description as to why he is so attached to his wife.
“
She is the love of my life.
”
Ethan whispered feeling his throat
tighten.
“
Have you apologized to her?
”
the doctor asked gently.
“
No. She would not believe me, not after
the threats.
”
Ethan says, his eyes meeting those of the physician.
“
Well, how do you plan to make that work
then?
”
Dr. Michaellson insists.
‘
I don
’
t know, I don
’
t know. I keep praying for some sign.
”
His patient heavily sighs.
((~~!~~))
Session 5.
“
She pregnant,
”
Ethan declares with an anguished tone, as
he
’
s
plopping on the divan.
This
was not a scheduled session, but learning the news threw him for a loop and he
’
s been feeling increasingly anxious as hours
went by after he left his house the very same morning minutes after talking to
the unsuspecting medical secretary whom informed him he was soon to be a
father.
“
Should I congratulate you?
”
asks the doctor, concerned. After all,
this wasn
’
t
an ordinary conception.
Ethan
’
s eyes just look up to meet Dr.
Michaellson
’
s,
but he
’
s
unable to answer.
“
How is she?
”
asks the doctor, trying to deflect the
tension he feels emanating from his patient.
“
What do you plan to do?
”
he reiterates, after a few minutes of silence,
as Ethan
’
s
eyes are focused on something behind the doctor
’
s desk.
“
I don
’
t know. Try to be the best husband I can
be?
”
Ethan says, his eyes reverting to his doctor, hopeful he can give him the
answer.
He
needs reassurance. Desperately.
“
Ethan, have you spoken to her? How did she
tell you she was pregnant? How did she look at you when giving you the news?
”
the therapist asks trying to place the
situation in context.
“
She didn
’
t,
”
Ethan whispers, looking at the carpet.
“
I
’
m not understanding you
…
She didn
’
t tell you? But
…”
Dr Michaellson is confused.
“
Her doctor
’
s secretary told me by mistake! Vic doesn
’
t know I know,
”
Ethan spits in a shaky voice.
“
Would you like a glass of water? You look
…”
the doctor starts as he sees his patient
starting to tremble while his cheeks are getting increasingly pale.
“
I don
’
t want water! What I want is for none of
this to be real!
”
Ethan exclaims, despair lacing his voice, as he stands up from his seat and
starts to pace.
The
doctor remains silent until his patient sits back down and looks at him. But
when he finally does, and their eyes meet, and before he can utter a single
word, Ethan starts to silently cry.
It
lasts for a while.
“
I
’
m sorry,
”
he finally murmurs,
“
I
’
m usually more in control of my emotions
…”
he pursues, apologetic for his outburst,
using the handkerchief he pulled from his pocket to dry his face.
“
Ethan, do not apologize. This is why you
are here. It is a good thing you finally let the emotions eating at you come
out. I
’
d
say we had a breakthrough today. We can move forward,
”
the doctor says gently with a small
smile.
“
Now, can we really talk? Can you tell me
how you feel, truly feel? What did you mean when you said you wished none of
this was real? I want you to elaborate on this. Were you talking about the
pregnancy or were you referencing to the rape? Or both?
”
the therapist asks.
Ethan
is caught off guard by the question but decides to be honest and give a hard
thought to what he truly meant when he uttered the words.
“
I was talking about the rape, I think. I
’
m shocked she is pregnant
…
I am mad she didn
’
t tell me,
”
he holds his hand up when he sees the
doctor
’
s
mouth open, and adds,
”
Yes,
I am mad, but I get why she wouldn
’
t
tell me anything after what happened. Yet, I am strangely happy to know she is
carrying our child. I
’
m
going to be a father
…
Do
I make any sense?
”
“
It is how you feels that matters here,
Ethan, not what makes sense or doesn
’
t.
”
the doctor replies seriously.
“
So, you are happy about this baby in spite
of how it came to be?
”
he continues, seeking deeper.
“
Yes, I am. I
’
ve been
…
we
’
ve been wanting a child
…”
his voice trails softly, almost dreamily.
“
You both have?
”
the doctor asks, registering the piece of
information, surprised.
“
Yes, we both did. Having our own family
was important to us. We discussed it before getting married. In fact
,
it was one of the reason
…
but with the campaign, our plans were
derailed, and thereafter
,
with the
problems we had
…
I
tried to regain her trust, regain our magic
…”
his voice trails as he shuts his eyes
when he ends with a strangled voice,
“
but, then I
ra
-
…
raped her on the night of our anniversary
…”