The One That Got Away (11 page)

There is another very long pause indeed.

‘Ah, so that’s why you really came here tonight?’ I try to sound light, not give away my shock, and force myself to look straight
at him.

‘Maybe,’ he says quietly. ‘When I got your message … I – I wish it had never finished like that you know.’

‘Me too,’ I say. ‘It was – not nice.’

‘I should never have done it.’ He looks ashamed. ‘You were very special to me.’ Bizarrely, that makes me want to laugh. I
sound like a favourite pet he had to have put down.

‘Don’t, Leo,’ I say kindly. ‘It doesn’t need to be said. It doesn’t matter any more.’ Maybe
that
was why I messaged him, because it had still somehow been unfinished for me too. Well, not any more. I offer him my hand
to shake. ‘We’re OK, you and I.’

He reaches out and takes it. His hand is warm as he grips mine and the temperature contrast makes me shiver. ‘Cold hands,
warm heart,’ he muses and then gives it a gentle squeeze before letting it go.

‘We should go back in,’ I break the moment.

‘You feel all right again?’

I nod. ‘Yeah – I feel much better now. Thanks.’

We walk back into the foyer, him carrying my bag for me until we reach the stairs.

‘I can’t tempt you to join me while I have just one more for the road?’ he offers.

I grimace as I slow to a stop. ‘Kind offer – but I’d actually puke.’ I reach out for my bag. ‘Thanks, and thank you for coming
to see me too. I really mean that.’

‘You’re welcome,’ he says. ‘I’ll look you up in another few years, shall I? See how you’re getting on.’

‘Well maybe,’ I say, ‘but I think we’ve put the world to rights tonight haven’t we?’

He looks a bit surprised. ‘Fair enough,’ he says eventually. ‘Well, in the next lifetime then.’

‘Why not?’ I say. ‘Oh – your jacket!’

And I slip it off and hand it over to him. He takes it and as our fingers touch, he reaches out further, takes my arm gently
and leans towards me. My eyes close automatically for a moment. The smell and familiar feel of him that close to me is well,
not pleasant exactly, but somehow an oddly compelling sensation. It reminds me, just for a moment, of other things we’ve done.
Things he was pretty good at. I wait to feel his kiss on my cheek but he places it very lightly
on my lips
. It lasts no more than a flicker of a second, but I almost gasp out loud before I pull back. Who does that? Who kisses people
on the mouth like it is a normal and acceptable thing to do? Who? WHO? I only EVER kiss Dan like that – brief kiss or not
brief kiss.

‘Be good, Moll,’ he says softly, and then winks at me before turning and sauntering out of the hotel, hands in his pockets.

That
did
just happen, didn’t it? On the
lips
? The cheeky …

Swaying slightly, and clutching my belongings I turn to begin to walk up the stairs to my room before stopping and looking
back over my shoulder, but he’s vanished. In trying to right myself, I manage to trip slightly. I glance around hoping no
one has noticed, but a woman in her sixties sitting in the lobby leans forward disapprovingly and whispers something to her
husband, who turns stiffly in his chair to look. I decide it might be best to just remove myself to bed as quickly as possible.
I am clearly still a little tipsy. Everything is starting to feel a bit lopsided …

So I begin my renewed attempt to get to my room. Walking up the stairs, my legs are starting to feel like lead. Oh why did
I drink so much?

Back in dark, unfamiliar surroundings, I stagger over to the bed and collapse on to it as I try to take my shoes off. My limbs
are suddenly incredibly heavy, it is an effort to lift them, and yet my stomach is churning ominously, aching to be rid of
its contents. I’ve hit the tipping point and begin to wish I could go back in time and
not
have so much to drink. I roll my body sideways as my eyes close heavily, until I am in danger of being practically face down
on the bed. Stupid, stupid cow. I’m going to feel like shit in the morning.

At first I think I’ve imagined the soft knock on the door, but through my haze, I hear it again and realise someone is on
the other side, saying my name quietly.

With a superhuman effort I push myself up, force myself to my feet and stagger to the door, peering through the peephole.

It’s Leo.

‘I’m so sorry, I think you’ve still got my wallet,’ he explains, as I wrench the door open, ‘it’s not in my pocket, did you
put it in your bag by mistake?’

‘Er … I don’t …’ I turn and look around wildly for my bag. It’s next to the chair. I cross the room. Sure enough, there his
wallet is, sitting on top of all the other stuff in there.

I pull it out, confused, and turn back. He is suddenly somehow right next to me.

‘Thanks,’ he takes it from my hand. ‘Jesus – Molly! Are you OK?’ He sounds very far away. ‘Molly?’

‘I need to sit, I need to—’ I’ve stood up too quickly. Everything begins to slip sideways.

‘It’s OK,’ I hear him say, ‘I’ve got you; this way Molly.’

I take a step towards his voice. And then I simply feel myself falling.

When I open my eyes again I am lying on a bed, in a dark room, next to Dan. I instinctively move closer to him, reaching out
with relief, but as I draw myself to his body sleepily, I suddenly freeze and pull back sharply. It doesn’t feel like Dan
at all. I try to sit up and realise I am still dressed in my work clothes, they are all twisted and clammy, clinging to me.
I stare at the body next to me. It moves, turns over, and in the dim light coming
in under the door from the corridor, I realise it’s Leo. ‘Molly?’ he jolts awake, peering up at me. ‘Thank fuck – are you
OK?’

Completely disorientated and scared, I look around the dark room. Where am I? I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve
been there.

‘I can’t …’ I try to make sense of it all but am having huge problems getting my words out. ‘What did I … ?’ I put my hand
to my head in confusion as I look around and then for the second time in twenty-four hours I burst into sudden, confused tears.

Leo sits up quickly, pulling me into his arms. ‘Shhh!’ he says and begins to rock me. ‘Shhhh. Don’t cry! You’re OK.’

It is such a relief to have someone there, I cling to him and just sob.

He continues to hug me, his body warm from having just woken up. ‘It’s all right,’ he says letting me cry, kissing the top
of my head briefly and rocking me gently again. ‘You’re going to be all right … There … that’s better,’ he says. ‘See? It’s
all going to be fine. I promise.’ He tips my head up, gives me a reassuring smile and then he slowly leans forward and kisses
me very lightly on the mouth.

Instantly, I have the strongest feeling of having done it before … but of course I have. Lots of times. He pulls back and
looks at me again, searchingly. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’ he says in disbelief. I stare back at him, bewildered.
He quickly bends and kisses me again, properly.

My brain isn’t working fast enough and at first I simply respond to the familiarity. But after what is probably only a few
seconds, some dulled reactions somewhere finally kick in and I pull my head back away from him. I try to say ‘Don’t,’ but
before I can, he kisses me for a second time. I attempt to speak again, but my mouth won’t work, like trying to run in a dream.
I simply can’t get the words out. It is the weirdest sensation.

He does pull back, but so he can start to kiss my neck, and then slowly, he pushes me back on to the bed …

I wake up to the relentless ring of the hotel phone. Dull daylight is feeding in around the edges of the cheap hotel curtains
and as I move my head on the pillow to work out where the noise is coming from, it feels like it is going to split in two.

‘Molly?’ The sound of Pearce’s voice carrying down the line makes me wince. ‘Are you coming down to breakfast? I wasn’t sure
…’

‘Um,’ I try to think straight. ‘Are you already down there then?’

‘Already? We’re done pal! It’s a quarter to nine.’

What? I blink heavily. How …

‘Are you OK?’ Pearce says, and hesitates, lowering his voice. ‘I saw you going upstairs to bed. You looked – pretty wrecked.’

I have no memory of seeing him at all.

‘Oh dear,’ I say, trying to sound like it’s no big deal. ‘That’s embarrassing.’

‘I was going to come and help you, but … Anyway,’ he says quickly, trying to lighten the tone, ‘do I need to order you some
strong coffee?’

‘Please,’ I reply gratefully. ‘I’ll be right down.’

As I put the phone down a rhythmic whirring begins somewhere on the other side of the room. It sounds as if it’s coming from
my handbag. My mobile. I sit up a bit too quickly, get out of bed and wobble over to find it. It’s Dan.

‘Hello?’ I practically whisper, holding my splitting head with my free hand as I sit down heavily on the chair – which is
when I notice an empty condom wrapper on the carpet, poking out from under the bed.

My first reaction is one of disgust. Time they got a new cleaner …

‘Morning!’ Dan’s obviously walking to work. ‘Sorry, it’s loud here. I’ve just got off the train. I tried to call you before
I went to bed last night. Where were you?’

‘I – nowhere – I was here,’ I say, still staring at the wrapper.

‘Oh dear,’ he says sympathetically. ‘You sound a bit rough. Did you overdo it?’

I swallow. ‘A bit.’ And then I jolt, my eyes widen. Oh my God! Leo! Leo was here last night.

‘I don’t blame you,’ Dan says bluntly, ‘the way I behaved yesterday, you probably needed a drink or two. I was a
total twat; I’m sorry. I’m just – worried about money and work, and – well, you know … at least you weren’t hurt. I’m really
sorry about storming out too.’ He continues. ‘In the heat of the moment … I mean, OK, I know I get wound up sometimes, don’t
I?’

‘Uh huh,’ I try to keep my voice level, forcing myself to concentrate, to think back … Leo was in this room with me … we were
in the bed … I kissed him.

‘… but as a general rule,’ Dan considers, ‘I wouldn’t say I’m a stressy person. Would you?’

We were in the bed
.

‘Hello?’ Dan says. ‘Moll?’

I sway slightly and nearly drop the phone. ‘Yes?’

‘Oh you’re still there. I thought I’d lost you for a minute. Look, it doesn’t matter, we can chat about it properly tonight
when you get back. I just wanted to make sure you were OK. What time do you think you’ll be home?’

‘Er, about six-ish.’

‘Oh great! I’ve got a meeting at three so I’ll try and come straight home afterwards rather than go back into the office.
I’ve done an online food shop,’ he sounds pleased with himself, ‘and I’ll do tea when I get in. Have a good day won’t you?
And drink some water,’ he teases. ‘Love you.’

‘I love you too.’

I hang up. Still tightly gripping my phone I am unable to take my eyes off the wrapper, now lying there accusingly. Feeling
panic beginning to well up within me I
try to stay calm. It doesn’t mean anything, it probably
is
just bad housekeeping, that’s all. My mobile begins to buzz again in my hand. The vibration running through my body makes
me feel sick and I answer quickly to make it stop.

‘Molly? It’s me. Can you talk?’

Leo. My stomach lurches instantly. ‘Yes,’ I answer automatically.

‘Oh good,’ he sounds relieved. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Er,’ I struggle to find the right words. ‘I’ve been better.’

‘I know,’ he says instantly. ‘I’m sorry. In some ways not our finest hour eh? Listen, I can’t be too long now – it’ll be easier
to talk about it later. When’s good for you? About six-ish?’

What? No it isn’t! ‘What do we need to talk about?’ I say quickly.

There’s a surprised pause. ‘Well, us. Last night.’

I go cold. Now trying
not
to look at the condom wrapper, I attempt to keep my voice steady. ‘Us?’

‘Listen, how about this? I’m just thinking; if I could ditch my plans, are you still at the hotel tonight?’

Of course I’m not! I have to go home! ‘Leo – I don’t—’

‘I know, all this has caught me a little off-guard too,’ he confesses. ‘I wasn’t expecting this either, not after all this
time.’

That draws me up short. Expecting
what?
Oh my God – what have I done?

‘Leo,’ I swallow hard. ‘I was pretty drunk last night.
We obviously …’ I swallow. ‘Well, we were in bed together. I don’t know what we … what I said to you, that might have implied
we should, do it again, but …’ I trail off, because I actually
don’t
know what I said to him. We had sex? Oh my God … oh God …

There is an ominous silence. ‘Ah, I see,’ he says, his tone changing slightly. I cringe with embarrassment and there’s another
horribly long pause as he seems to realise whatever he thought was going to happen again, isn’t. ‘Right. Well, I’d still like
to speak to you later if that’s OK?’ he sounds more businesslike now. ‘Just to make sure you’re all right, once you’ve been
to the doctor’s? We don’t—’

Everything grinds down and judders to a heart-stopping halt.

‘The doctor’s? What do I need a doctor for?’ I interrupt. ‘We used a condom, didn’t we?’ I look at the wrapper.

He hesitates.

Then a horrible thought occurs to me. ‘Did it,’ I close my eyes, ‘come off ?’

‘You don’t remember? It broke.’

It
what
?

‘It broke?’ I repeat dully.

‘I know,’ he says instantly, ‘believe me, I know. You’re still angry with me for leaving too, aren’t you?’ he adds. ‘I can
tell. You’re right – I should have stayed; I just panicked, Moll. I’ve never cheated on Helen before. I thought if she woke
up and I wasn’t home … I’m sorry, you should have been my priority, especially after
what happened. Only us eh?’ he laughs awkwardly. ‘It will be OK though, I promise. Just do get it sorted won’t you? Neither
of us want
that
. Shit, I think she’s just got back from the school run.’ He lowers his voice furtively. ‘Look – I’ll text you later or something,
OK? Don’t panic. This is all going to be just fine, babe. I promise.’