The One That Got Away (6 page)

‘Can I ask you a question?’ she said cosily. ‘I don’t mean to be nosy Moll, but—’

I braced myself, clearly she was about to be very nosy indeed.

‘—why’s Dan – taking matters into his own hands?’

I went quiet … but she was reaching to get a muslin and didn’t see the look on my face. ‘I just assumed you must be trying
like crazy, you being – what – thirty-three? To be honest, I thought there was some
medical
issue and that was why it was all taking such a long time, but I didn’t like to intrude. I thought you’d talk if you wanted
to – nothing’s worse than those insensitive types who say “So, when are we going to hear the patter of tiny feet?” every time
you see them!
I
thought you and Dan,’ she lifted her little boy up again and began to jiggle him about, trying to get him to use his legs,
‘were one of the most sorted, together couples I knew. I did, didn’t I? Yes I did!’ She beamed at her son who regarded her
thoughtfully and then poked her in the eye with the half-gummed breadstick. ‘Whenever you brought Dan along to work dos and
stuff, you both seemed so in sync … like …’ she blew a raspberry on his tummy, ‘I don’t know, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.’

‘Pre him dying I hope?’

‘Paul Newman
died
?’ Her jaw fell open. ‘
Nooo
! When was that?’

‘About a year ago.’

‘Oh how sad. I liked him. That’s the problem when
you have kids,’ she sighed heavily. ‘You just don’t have time to do stuff like sit around and read the papers any more.’

I bit my tongue. Thank God I’d scrambled like crazy all morning at home with unending emails and half a presentation just
to make dashing over to hers possible. It had absolutely been worth it …

‘So?’ she said and waited.

‘So what?’ I tried to play dumb so she’d have to spell it out, but she had the hide of a rhino and wasn’t the least bit embarrassed.

‘Are you having problems?’ She looked at me sympathetically. ‘Going through a rough patch?’

‘No. We’re very happy.’ ‘Well, IS everything all right medically then?’ she probed further.

‘Yes!’

‘But …’

‘But nothing, I do want them, but I really like just spending time with Dan, we’re in a rented place right now, work’s tough
and—’

‘Moll, I’m going to stop you right there,’ she interrupted with a deadpan look. ‘There is
never
a good time, believe me. Dan’s got the right idea,’ she said, performing an astounding U-turn. ‘Throw caution to the wind;
just do it.’

‘He wasn’t
doing
anything!’ I said, becoming exasperated. ‘We will have them, I just want to have a bit longer as we are at the moment, that’s
all. It’s probably a bit
selfish of me but …’ I shrugged and looked up at her. She had her eyebrow raised.

‘Well, not really, if that’s what you want,’ she said eventu ally, clearly thinking I was very selfish indeed. ‘Actually,
I’m not that surprised – I mean, you don’t exactly hide your light under a bushel, do you? Hmmmm,’ she continued disapprovingly,
lifting her son up and sniffing him. ‘Has someone just done something a bit stinky?’

Yes, frankly, they had. I resisted the temptation to lean over, grab the breadstick and beat her with it. What did she mean
by that? I was selfish
and
bolshy?

‘Come and talk to me while I hose this one down. I think it’s gone all up his back …’ She stood up and carried her little
boy out as I set my coffee cup down carefully on the table.

‘So tell me then,’ she mused loudly from the other room. ‘When
do
you think you’ll fancy getting all grown-up on us?’

My mouth fell open with astonishment and I mutinously booted a soft toy duck up the bum as I got to my feet. I didn’t want
to tell her
anything
. Except that I’d decided I didn’t like her any more. Luckily my phone rang and, gratefully, I answered it.

‘Sorry, Anita,’ I said, appearing in the bathroom moments later as she looked up from the changing mat, ‘but that was Pearce,
he needs some background info for a meeting. I better get going.’

‘Oh?’ her voice became flirty. ‘And how is the lovely Pearce?’

‘Same old. Busy having his pick of the women. As I’m sure you remember,’ I added tartly, before I could stop myself.

She wasn’t remotely abashed though. ‘Do I ever … if I wasn’t married and with this one …’ She raised an eyebrow and smirked.
‘Say hi to him from me, won’t you?’

I let myself back into the house an hour later, stomped upstairs and switched on my computer. Why didn’t I fill them with
water? – because I wasn’t a freak, that’s why. Stupid woman … She didn’t even
know
Dan – and what was so strange about my wanting to have a bit more fun, for crying out loud? Surely that was a normal thing?

Several work emails appeared in my inbox. In amongst them was one that said

Leo Williams sent you a message on Facebook …

What? NO! I opened it quickly.

Wow indeed! Hello! Have taken the plunge, yes … Well – long time no speak! I looked for you on here but didn’t know your married
name! Life treating you well? Still in Brighton?

My mobile rang. Dan.

‘Hello!’ I said chirpily, closing my laptop screen quickly
with my free hand, as if he were somehow able to see all the way from London.

‘Hi.’ He sounded a bit tired.

‘You all right?’

‘Yeah, not bad.’ He sighed. ‘It’s been a mad day though. I dropped my roll on the floor by mistake at lunch so I just had
to have soup and nothing else. My tummy has been making the most horrendous noises all afternoon, it’s been really embarrassing.
Like an angry bear growling.’

‘Poor thing,’ I sympathised. ‘I’ll make you something nice when you get home.’

‘Thanks,’ he said, sounding cheered at the thought. ‘I’m so hungry I can’t even tell you. Has the food been delivered then?’

‘What food?’ I said instantly.

‘You did an online shop, didn’t you?’

‘No, what makes you think that?’

‘Well, because all we’ve got to eat is a packet of Krisprolls and some Oatibix.’

‘So
you
didn’t do one then?’ I asked, a bit confused.

‘Me?’ he said, surprised, like I’d asked if he’d done a lap of naked yodelling round the back garden. ‘Well, I
can
do it if you ask me to, but you need to give me some warning. I can’t just stop in the middle of a meeting and say to a client,
“Sorry, I’ve got to go and—”’

‘It’s not a problem,’ I interrupted, tentatively lifting the screen back up. ‘I’ll go to the supermarket in a bit.’ Dan had
a tendency to get slightly anxious when there wasn’t plenty to eat in the house, even though we were still
trying to lose the couple of comfortable pounds we’d put on during our summer holiday.

‘Get healthy stuff though, won’t you?’ he said, as if reading my mind. ‘No pies or biscuits. Or beer,’ he added gloomily.
‘Or those nice kettle chips … Oh God. I hate my life.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘I know,’ he sighed again. ‘I’m just feeling Monday-ish, that’s all. Anyway, what you up to?’

‘Finishing up some work,’ I fibbed.

‘Oh, sorry,’ he said instantly. ‘I’ll let you get back to it then. See you later. Love you.’ And then he was gone. I looked
at Leo’s message again, sitting there innocently.

Something told me to just delete it. But then wasn’t it a bit rude to ignore his question? We were both grownups with new
lives, we could be civil, couldn’t we?

Yes, still in Brighton. Good to see you looking so happy in your pictures. Take care

There, that would sort it. It had a clear air of finality about it. Hastily, I deleted the thread and logged out. It was while
I was getting rid of the email notification, just as I had done on Saturday, and from my BlackBerry too, that a telltale flickering
began in the middle of my vision, a smattering of prickly bright lights. I blinked but when I opened my eyes again a blurred
spot had appeared. I looked up and stared at the wall. Still there. My heart sank.

I got up and immediately took one of my tablets, then emailed my boss Antony to say I was sorry but I had a migraine coming
on and that was me over and out for the day. Then I switched off my phone, went into our bedroom and lay down on the bed,
closed my eyes and tried to stay calm … but as usual, the buzzing pain behind my eyes kicked in about half an hour later.
No wonder I’d been so irritable at Anita’s.

When I eventually woke up, it was dark outside and I was cold and ravenously hungry. I sat up stiffly and stared at the clock
–
seven!
I hadn’t had one this bad for a while. Dan arrived home ten minutes later to find me shuffling around our bedroom like Yoda,
eating a biscuit and trying to find some PJs.

‘You all right? Your phone’s off ?’

‘I’ve had a migraine.’

‘Oh, you poor thing,’ he said immediately. ‘I wonder what brought that on? Are you going to come downstairs? Do you want something
a bit more substantial than that to eat?’

‘No thanks.’

‘Have you been sick?’

‘No. I just feel a bit drained.’ I hesitated. ‘I might stay up here for a bit.’

‘I’ll leave you to it then,’ he said easily.

When I appeared downstairs later, he was eating beans on toast in front of the TV which made me feel a bit guilty, it wasn’t
much of a main meal given he’d been at work all day.

‘Is that really all there is?’ I nodded gingerly as I sat down next to him and leant my head on his shoulder for a moment.
‘Sorry.’

He gave me a kiss. ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about me. Bad luck about your migraine. What’s the rest of your week like? Will
you be able to make up today?’

I yawned as I straightened up. ‘Not really. I’ve got that stupid sales conference in Windsor the day after tomorrow, haven’t
I?’

‘Windsor’s this week?’ He pulled a face. ‘I’d forgotten that. When are you back? Thursday?’

I reached for a cushion and lay my head down on the sofa arm. ‘Yeah.’

‘I hate to ask, but is there any chance you’ll be able do an online food shop before then? I could get a couple of bits tomorrow
to tide us over and you can get them to deliver it on Wednesday night? I’ll be in.’

‘I’ll do it in the morning,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to go on the computer again tonight.’

‘Sure, or I can do it?’ he offered. ‘I don’t mind?’

‘Thanks but it’s no problem, really.’ Much as I loved him, we’d wind up with nothing but a million cans of beans, Guinness
and some oven chips if he did it. I yawned again.

‘I think someone needs an early night … and maybe I’ll join you.’ He flickered his eyebrows suggestively. The expression on
my face must have given me away because he laughed. ‘Or not …’

‘Perhaps tomorrow,’ I said weakly. ‘When I’m feeling
a bit better.’ Then as we both fell into companionable silence, I found myself thinking back to what Anita had said earlier
and snuck a look at him.

No, she was wrong. Of course she was wrong.

He’d never do a thing like that.

Hang on! You didn’t say how you are? So, married but … Kids? Pets? House with roses round door? Living the suburban dream?
X

Leo’s new message arrived seconds before my mum rang. I was still scanning through it as I picked up the phone.

‘Hello, love!’ she said cheerfully. ‘Having a nice afternoon? What are you up to?’

‘Nothing …’ I said, a little too sharply. ‘Just working; the usual.’

‘Is everything all right? You sound a bit tetchy.’

I rubbed my face tiredly and sighed. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I’ve had a testing couple of days.’

‘Oh?’

I hesitated. ‘I had a migraine yesterday after coffee with
this girl Anita I used to work with … she just wound me up a bit.’

‘In what way?’ Mum sounded concerned.

‘She asked me if there was any biological reason why Dan and I haven’t had kids yet and when I said no, she pretty much told
me to grow up and get on with it.’

There was a long pause. ‘I’m not sure I know what to say to that,’ Mum said carefully.

‘I know,’ I said wearily. ‘I didn’t either, I just sort of insulted her back – which she’ll no doubt think proved her point
… I seem to be on a bit of a short fuse this week.’ I thought uncomfortably of Sunday lunch at Dan’s parents.

‘Why? Has something else has happened?’ Mum asked.

I told her what I’d said to Michael.

‘Oh Molly …’ Mum was appalled.

‘I know … I didn’t mean to – it just sort of happened.’ I stared absently at the computer screen in front of me, Leo’s message
beginning to swim in and out of focus. ‘Michael was being so cruel to Dan … and he
was
pretty rude to me too. Dan wasn’t happy with me afterwards though.’

Mum sighed. ‘Michael managed to push quite a lot of buttons by the sound of it. What you said was dreadful, but deep down,
I’m sure Dan knows you were only trying to defend your patch, little terrier that you are. Do remember though, darling, that
when you feel backed into a corner, you don’t
always
have to come out fighting. I love that you’re brave enough to stand up and be counted – but you have to bear in mind that
sometimes people
mistake that bark of yours for attack when it’s defence,’ she paused. ‘It’s all right to be frightened sometimes, you know.’

‘Michael doesn’t
scare
me,’

I corrected her. ‘I wasn’t necessarily talking about him. Just give it some thought,’ Mum urged gently. ‘Have you got time
to pop in tomorrow for a cup of tea?’

I shook my head regretfully. ‘No, I haven’t. I’ve got to go to Windsor for a sales conference in the morning – and stay up
there overnight,’ I added glumly.

‘Never mind,’ Mum said briskly. ‘It’ll be over before you know it. Come to lunch on Sunday instead then, I’ll do a roast.’

‘Thanks,’ I was cheered at the thought. ‘That’d be nice.’

In fact I felt much better for speaking to her and once I’d hung up quickly typed to Leo:

No pets, no kids. Renting since we sold our place but now can’t find anywhere we like – suburban nightmare more like! X