The One That Got Away (2 page)

Joss looked a bit taken aback at that and I grinned.

‘What I mean is,’ Bec said hastily, smoothing out her dress, which had rucked up slightly, ‘you’ve got more leeway than a
shortarse like me. If you and I ate the same amount of cake for a week, I’d look fatter sooner, because I’ve got less height
to spread it over.’

‘But wouldn’t Joss also burn off more cake than you anyway
because
she’s taller?’ I looked at her doubtfully. ‘Like men need more calories a day than women … not that I’m saying you’re mannishly
tall, Joss. Certainly not Brigitte Nielsen freaky big—’

‘Thanks.’ Joss wrinkled her nose. ‘I think.’

‘If you were a model, five foot seven would actually be quite short,’ I pointed out, reaching for one of the biscuits that
had come with our coffees. ‘And you’re not a Weeble either,’ I turned to Bec reassuringly. ‘You’re both lovely just the way
you are.’

Bec wasn’t listening, she was still looking at Joss. ‘I’ve got a question. Suppose you met a man who was wonderful in every
way, and I mean
perfect
; funny, kind, optimistic, great with children, great in bed, bought you treats without being asked … BUT he was considerably
shorter than you; would you still go out with him?’

‘Well he wouldn’t be perfect then, would he?’ Joss said bluntly. ‘If he only came up to my armpits. Who wants that?’

‘Really?’ Bec was fascinated. ‘You wouldn’t date him?’

‘No,’ Joss insisted. ‘I wouldn’t. Why is that a surprising thing? You want to be able to look up – or at least across – into
your bloke’s eyes. Not down. Never down. Urgh.’
She shuddered and her long corkscrew curls shook with disgust.

Bec turned to me. ‘Would you have gone out with Dan if he’d been shorter than you?’

‘But I’m only five foot five, Bec,’ I smiled. ‘You’re talking seriously short for a bloke.’

‘Like Danny DeVito,’ Joss said, reaching out and snaffling the last biscuit before Bec could get there. ‘Tasty,’ she smirked
through a mouthful of crumbs.

‘Would you?’ Bec persisted.

I thought about it for a moment. ‘Probably not,’ I conceded.

‘NO!’ Bec was amazed. ‘You wouldn’t have gone out with Dan? I don’t believe it!’

‘Well I wouldn’t have known what I was missing out on, would I?’ I explained. ‘I just wouldn’t have found him as attractive,
we probably would have only chatted for a bit and then I’d have gone on my way none the wiser.’

‘Yeah right!’ Joss scoffed. ‘You two were a done deal from the word go.’

But Bec’s eyes had widened. ‘Seriously? All that happiness, all that love, you’d never have taken the chance of discovering
it? You would have not married the love of your life, THE ONE, if he’d been three inches shorter than he is? I’m shocked at
you Molly Greene. Shocked and disappointed.’

I deliberately paused for a moment. ‘Bec,’ I leant forward in my seat and lowered my voice to a secretive whisper. ‘There’s
no such thing as THE one.’

Bec yelped in horror and Joss nudged me. ‘Stop it,’ she grinned. ‘Don’t wind her up.’

‘I mean it!’ I said quickly. ‘What Dan and I have is unique to us, there’s one
him
, but if he died—’

Bec looked like she was going to faint with horror and slip under the table.

‘—I would be devastated, of course I would, but I know Dan wouldn’t want me to live the rest of my life alone if he couldn’t
be with me any more.’

I watched Bec hesitate. ‘It’s like friendship,’ I continued. ‘You don’t have one shot at that for the whole of your life do
you? Lots of people can bring you happiness. I think there are probably lots of “ones”.’

‘All right – I get it,’ Bec said ruefully. ‘I should keep an open mind to all opportunities life throws at me. You’re right.’

‘That’s all I’m saying,’ I smiled at her.

‘Would you want Dan to meet someone else if you popped it then?’ Joss asked slyly.

‘Of course I would,’ I said quickly. Then I thought about it a bit more. ‘But not for at least a year and I’d want her to
be fatter than me.’

‘Oooh. Talking of people
departing –
Joss,’ Bec cut in, ‘I did a visit to one of my mums the other day – she’s just had twins and they’re
so
sweet – and I was walking past that salon you used to have that Saturday job at.’

‘Judy’s Garland?’ Joss muttered darkly, narrowing her eyes. ‘I hated the bloke that owned that place … sausage
fingers and all those gold rings,
and
his vile long man nails. Two pounds fifty an hour he paid me to wash those skanky old women’s hair. I wonder what happened
to him?’

Bec stared at her. ‘Well, he’s died. Surely you could see where I was going with that? The salon’s closing down.’

‘I can’t believe it was still going! He was old even back then!’ I exclaimed. ‘Do you even remember his hair?’

‘Canary yellow!’ Bec giggled. ‘That can’t have been his natural colour.’

‘It wasn’t.’ Joss gave a snort of amusement. ‘He used to whip the wig off in the back room and flap it around when all the
dryers and the overhead heaters were going because he’d get so sweaty and hot … although that was more down to his leather
trousers I think.’ She shuddered. ‘Every time he lifted his arm up to put a curler in, his belly would flop out over the top
of the waistband, all red and crisscrossed.’

‘Urgh!’ Bec and I exclaimed in unison.

‘He was like a walking rolled pork joint,’ Joss continued relentlessly. ‘The old birds loved him though,’ she reached for
her cup. ‘
C’est la vie
… or not as the case may be.’

‘Joss!’ I admonished as Bec gasped so loudly she made us jump. Joss even spilt some of her coffee. ‘Oh my God!
And talking of blasts from the past
… I can’t believe I forgot to tell you THIS! You’ll never GUESS who tried to add me as a friend on Facebook. Leo!’ she squeaked
excitedly, before we could offer any suggestions.

I paused. ‘Leo, as in my ex Leo?’

She nodded.

‘That turd basket!’ Joss exploded in outrage. ‘This is exactly why I refuse to go on Facebook or Twitter. You didn’t accept
him did you?’ she glared at Bec.

‘Of course not!’ she said, looking insulted. ‘What do you take me for? He’s got an open profile though Moll; I looked. He’s
married now!’

‘You are
joking
.’ Joss was appalled.

‘That’s nothing – I think he’s got kids too!’

And to my surprise, I felt something inside me pause, like the small hand of a clock losing time for just a second, before
resuming as normal.

‘Is he married to
her
?’ I heard myself ask calmly.

The girls shared a look and then Bec said uncomfortably, ‘Cara? I don’t think so, no. The woman I saw looks at least our age
and Cara was younger wasn’t she?’

‘She had peroxide blonde hair.’ I picked up my cup and casually took a sip of coffee, even though there was hardly any left,
and what was there had gone cold. ‘Like Marilyn Monroe – hard to mistake. You’d know if it was her.’

Bec shook her head firmly. ‘No then, it’s not. This woman was a bit mumsy if anything; normal looking.’

‘She can’t be normal,’ Joss said grimly. ‘Not if she’s married to him, poor cow.’

It was a slightly strange moment, realising that even though I no longer thought about Leo, he had of course been out there
living his life anyway, meeting people, getting married, having children. It had all happened ages ago by the sound of it;
I’d been none the wiser and
neither had it made the slightest of differences to my life. Yet it was odd somehow to realise that he’d said the words I
once thought we might say to each other, to someone else. I wondered if he’d felt the way I was feeling now, on hearing
I
had married.

Still, it was neither here nor there really. I pushed the thought firmly from my mind, smiled at the girls and said brightly,
‘So, what does he look like these days then? Fat and bald hopefully?’

Bec snuck a quick look at Joss who was still glaring at her crossly and said uneasily, ‘Pretty much the same as he used to.’

‘Well that’s annoying,’ I said, seeing his slow, troublesome smile in my mind, ice-blue eyes staring brazenly back at me,
intentions clear. ‘He could have at least had the decency to let himself go.’

‘So he hasn’t tried to “be-friend”
you
then?’ Joss said sharply.

I laughed. ‘God no.’

‘Well he wouldn’t know your married name would he?’ Bec said quickly. ‘You’re Molly Greene on Facebook. That’s why I didn’t
accept him, so he couldn’t see I was friends with you,’ she explained earnestly. ‘Or see any pictures of you.’

‘Hmm. That was good thinking,’ Joss said, thawing slightly.

‘Thanks, Batman.’ Bec looked relieved. ‘I’m glad you approve.’

It had never really occurred to me before how bizarre that was; that an ex out there might potentially look at
some of the most intimate snapshots of my life, occasions that were no longer anything to do with him: my wedding, birthdays,
nights out … ‘That feels a bit weird really.’

‘It’s just the surprise,’ Bec said reassuringly, misunderstanding me. ‘I’d feel exactly the same way if John suddenly popped
back up out of nowhere too.’

‘Which is exactly why I HATE Facebook,’ Joss repeated. ‘You’re not supposed to know what your knobhead exes are doing. They’re
supposed to just vanish out of your life and that be that. All this so-called social networking is really upsetting the natural
balance of things.’

‘Bringing about climate change?’ Bec teased. ‘Disturbing the food chain? You really didn’t like Leo and John did you?’

‘I didn’t dislike or like them,’ Joss responded honestly, which surprised me. ‘Not at first anyway. John was just spineless
and a bit selfish. He didn’t bring out the best in you Bec. He made you very needy.’

Bec looked a bit like she wished she hadn’t asked.

‘What I mean is, he didn’t
add
anything to your life, he was always off doing his own thing, which made you very insecure. He was a bit nothing really.
Leo, on the other hand,’ she paused, ‘could be a lot of fun, when he wanted to be. The trouble with him,’ she began to get
into her stride, ‘was aside from turning out to be a cheating wanker, he was like that nursery rhyme; when he was good, he
was very, very good – when he was bad, he was horrid.’

‘—he wasn’t the messiah, he was a very naughty boy.’ Bec added and they both laughed.

‘You’re thinking about that poem, the little girl with a curl,’ I said to Joss. ‘Right in the middle of her forehead?’

She looked back at me blankly.

‘Never mind. When I was about five I drew on my bedroom walls with a felt tip.’ I reached out and dotted up a few leftover
crumbs from the plate with my finger and popped them in my mouth. ‘Mum caught me and I told her it wasn’t me, it was my naughty
hands, so she told me if my hands felt like being naughty again, I should sit on them. Leo should have spent some time sitting
on his hands.’ I smiled at them both. ‘In fact he probably shouldn’t have ever got off them.’

Joss grimaced. ‘Imagine if you’d married
him
…’

‘I wouldn’t have,’ I shook my head. ‘Not if it had come to the crunch.’

Neither of them said anything.

‘I wouldn’t!’ I insisted. ‘I know I got stuck there for a bit, but he was never The One. I just thought he was for a mad few
moments.’

‘I thought you said there was no such thing as The One?’ Bec said quickly.

‘You’re right,’ I pointed at her. ‘Well reminded. What I mean is he wasn’t someone who would ever have made a decent life
partner.’

‘Too right. He should have been a three-month fling at most,’ Joss said. ‘He just wore you down, that’s all. He only
ever put up a fight when he sensed you were going off him. That’s why blokes like him are such a headfuck. They’re clever
enough to sharpen up their game when they realise you might actually walk away … but then once they’ve hooked you back in
and you start having perfectly reasonable demands and needs of your own – see you later! But what I
hate
him for,’ she paused, ‘is that he screwed you over when your dad was so ill. I still maintain he was a special kind of weasel
to admit to shagging that bint when your dad had just had a heart attack.’

‘If he were here,’ I said casually, ‘he’d say he had no intention of it happening like that, that he didn’t know Cara was
going to ring me and tell me what was going on.’

‘If he
were
here,’ Joss said quickly, ‘I’d kick him in the nuts.’

‘You’re like an avenging elephant,’ I grinned. ‘Once wronged, never forgotten.’

‘Yes I am,’ she said loftily, not looking altogether displeased with that description. ‘I’d trample anyone for you two.’

‘It was a weird time,’ I said, staring into the middle distance. ‘I did everything backwards really, didn’t I? I should have
been out being unsuitable and living it up, not cleaning and cooking Sunday roasts aged twenty-five; trying to make it all
fit when it was never going to.’

‘It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do then,’ Joss said firmly. ‘You know where your head’s at now and that’s all that
matters. I can honestly say that by and large
my twenties were shit – I wouldn’t have them again for all the tea in China. New shoes, pots of money, loud clubs and overpriced
drinks; a bloke for that matter – all the things I was chasing; I just didn’t need them. It’s being able to do things like
this,’ she motioned between us, ‘that makes me happy. And that’s enough.’

‘Here, here,’ I said heartily. ‘Although can I keep my husband please? I know I don’t
need
Dan, but I sort of want him, if that’s OK?’

‘I’ll allow that,’ Joss said generously. ‘Seeing as it’s him. Are you still off to your mum and dad’s for some fireworks later?
Will Dan be allowed to light any of them this year or will Chris be in charge as usual?’ she grinned, referring to my older
brother who quite liked to take control of everything.

I laughed. ‘My dad’ll do it. Chris and Dan will be surveying carefully from the sidelines, while the girls will all be safely
indoors with the children watching Stu enthusiastically heap too much rubbish on the bonfire, thinking it’s a bit too near
the back fence. Once a pyromaniac always a pyromaniac.’