The One Worth Finding (19 page)

“
That’s bullshit, you hypocrite,
and you know it!” Jack shouted. “You’re scared! Scared to join the
land of the living again after eight years of entombment! Scared to
have a normal relationship in the real world! Scared to laugh, cry,
buy a dog or a new car, have babies! But you know what, woman, it’s
not your choice anymore! You made this man your sub, and you’ll
pack your stuff now and get him. It’s your freaking duty as his
Domme! When your sub is hurting, you go and take care of
it.”

“He’s not my sub!” she
cried.

“He is!!!” Jack yelled back “And he’s
so much MORE than that, too!!!”

Silence settled over the cold, void
room.

Tara’s temples throbbed. His scent still
clung to the sheets, to the shirt he had forgotten when he’d left.
She couldn’t remember the past days, just being caught in a pain so
bad it had driven her insane. She’d even thrown up a few times,
unable to keep anything down, until her whole world had consisted
of this bed, where she could still feel close to him.

Was Jack right? Was she just scared? A
coward?

Suddenly, the need to see Aaron was so
strong that her whole body twitched with longing.

“Jeff’s grave is here,” Tara
breathed.

“
Yes,” Jack said
softly
, “and
twenty years from now it will still be there. The memories are with
you wherever you go, Tara. Let him go. Release him from the duty to
be the center of your life. He’s dead. He can’t do that anymore.
Let go of him, Tara, for your own sake, and for the sake of your
sub. He’s an innocent, Tara. Let go, baby. Let go,
dammit.”

Tara sat on the mattress and simply burst
into tears. Her defenses were gone, shattered after all those years
of stony resistance. She’d met more suffering than she could bear,
now everything was so over she felt like a mere shadow.

Jack sat down on the bed and
held her, held her for a long time unt
il all her tears had been cried, until she
felt like an empty shell ready to be filled with life
again.

Then
, he gathered every suitcase he could
find.

“Car or plane?” he said
firmly.

It was silent for a long
time.

“Car.” Tara said at last.

“
What do I do
with the rest of my stuff?”
she’d asked.

“
What do you want to
keep?
“ Jack
had snarled. “The crumpled sheets? Let me give you a tip: inhale
his scent directly in the crook of his neck in the future. I’ll
burn those sheets.”

She had kissed his cheek and taken her
suitcases down to her car.

That had been five hours ago. Now it
was dark and she would soon be searching for a motel where she
could stay the night. She would be on her way for the bigger part
of tomorrow.

“I heard it’s warm in L.A.” Jack had
said.

She didn’t care about the
weather
. She
just wanted Aaron Harte.

She hadn’t wanted to go by plane because
she couldn’t tolerate the buzzing life at the airport right now.
She felt raw and exhausted.

W
hen she finally settled for the night in a
small motel in the big wide nowhere, she realized that her ghosts
were silent.

She felt at peace for the first time in
what seemed like eons.

Chapter 15

Sam groaned in frustration. What was
he supposed to do with his friend?

Aaron had finally returned to the club.
But he was so utterly, infinitely sad it oozed out of his pores.
They’d all tried. Nobody was able to help him. Grace didn’t stray
from his side once, and even Sid, her still-a-little-bit-insecure
Dom, didn’t protest when he saw how depressed Aaron truly
was.

He looked like a fallen angel.
Fuck,
Sam was
turning into a poet over this whole affair, watching opera and
thinking flowery metaphors. He groaned again.

James, Aaron’s nurse, didn’t know what to
do either. He and his enormous, woolly Dom Harrison sat next to the
blond sub, pretty much at a loss for words.

Sam was just about to say something
hopefully, something funny to lighten the mood, when his beeper
sounded. He cursed heartily. The front gate , great.

“
Listen, guys,” he said,
“business at the gate, I’ll be back in a minute.”

He walked to the entrance, but his
mind stayed at the bar.

What was he supposed to do with Aaron? He
was his friend, for god’s sake, one of the best he had. He was
pretty much the lifeline of his club. Now his buddy was fading
away, and he could hardly watch. He felt helpless and useless,
which was a new feeling for Sam Barclay, who considered himself a
super-strong super-hero. He simply didn’t know what to do this
time. He couldn’t go to Seattle and drag the unwilling Domme from
her club. He groaned in frustration.

Next to Jerry, tonight’s bouncer, stood a
small woman. As in very, very, very small. Pretty scrawny for his
liking, but nice breasts; they looked even natural. She wore a male
Dom’s “uniform”: black leather pants and vest, the last one
buttoned, straining over her chest in a very sexy way. That wasn’t
what Dommes usually wore, but the dominants in his club could wear
whatever they wanted, so no problem there.

He nodded in greeting and addressed
his doorman.

“Jerry, what’s up?” he
snapped.

“
Hey boss,” Jerry drawled in his
broad Southern accent, “the lady here wants to join the club; told
her ya’d take her through the paperwork.”

Paper
work. Damn, he so didn’t need this
tonight.

“
Sure, I’m Sam Barclay, ma’am,
the club’s owner,” he said politely, already turning to lead the
way. “Welcome to the Dragon’s Lair. Where are you from?”

“Seattle.”

He stopped dead in his tracks and
turned to stare at her.

“Don’t tell me you’re THAT
Domme?”

She smiled sheepishly at
him.

“I am.”

“
It’s about time, woman!” Sam
bellowed. “Come on in, for god’s sake! We’ll do the stupid
paperwork another time!!!”

And since he’d been Master of this club,
solemn giant Sam Barclay had hardly ever moved that
fast.

He sat at the bar, his hair shining in the
dim red lights. Her heart clenched with love, pure, unadulterated
love.

He looked so pretty and soft and innocent,
and he was so obviously sad she felt tears prick her eyes. What had
she done to him? She cringed in shame.

A collared, young, very pretty redhead sat
next to him, her arm around his shoulders. She looked at Tara with
interest, as did the young, inexperienced-looking Dom next to her
and a dark-haired man on Aaron’s other side, who was collared and
leashed by an enormous, hairy Dom who held him in his
lap.

Tara kept still until Aaron noticed that
everybody around him was staring and raised his head in her
direction.

The look in his eyes when his gaze met
hers was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life,
and he had given her some extremely beautiful things to see
already. She bet there were lots more to come.

He got up from his seat, staring at
her as if she were an apparition, the redhead releasing him with a
surprised flare of her eyes.

He stopped some feet away from Tara,
his lips parted. She saw that he wore the black bracelet of a
committed sub.

“
Hi,” she finally said after what
seemed like hours of silent staring. “Do you want to scene with
me?”

She couldn’t believe she managed to
muster her Domme-voice in this situation, but she did.

She saw the tears streaming down his
face.

“
Yes, Ma’am” he mouthed, his
voice hardly audible, and just like that a peace filled Tara that
almost brought her to her knees.

Shouldn’t she at least try to play the
Domme?

Not a chance tonight. As soon as he stood
in front of her in the quiet, red and gold oriental themed room,
her hands were at his waistband, wrestling with the single
button.

She went to her knees pushing his
pants to the floor, pressing a soft kiss on his cock on her way
down. His whole body jerked, a violent gasp torn from his throat.
She saw his hands, perfect, strong, delicate hands, clenching,
unclenching in naked desperation. She could feel the tension in his
body, matching her own. His body swayed softly under the force of
what she knew were sobs. For all she knew, he might be in
shock.

She straightened slowly, her hands gentle
on his body. His eyes were wide, pure light green in the
half-darkness, his face already wet with tears. He sniffled softly,
and she found the sound so cute she smiled. Her fingers slid
through the moisture on his cheeks.

“
I love you, little one,” she
said warmly, and he
closed his eyes on more sobs, pushing his face against her
caressing hand.

“
On your knees,” she ordered,
walking to the little cupboard where she’d put her
toy-bag, ”hands on
your thighs.”

She heard him sink down onto
the
wooden
floor and took a deep breath.

Her preparations were accompanied by the
rhythmic throbbing that pulsed through her whole body, making her
skin tremble as if it danced to the beat of soundless
music.

Undress, d
isinfectant, lube, the black
strap-on a stark contrast against her pale skin.

She turned and walked back to him, her
perfect submissive beauty, waiting for her on the floor. She stood
in front of him and lifted his chin with her fingers, forcing him
to look at her.

“Suck it.” She commanded firmly, and
he did, the black cock slipping between his rosy-pale lips, his
tongue sneaking out to trace the artificial veins on the shaft,
circle the glans, swirling moisture everywhere while her hands
fisted in his hair. His eyes closed on a groan. She felt his hot
breath on her abdomen.

Mine, everything inside her screamed.
Finally, no hiding, no bad conscience remained. She accepted the
faint pulse of guilt at the back of her mind, but fought it down
quickly. Jack had been right. Aaron was her sub, so he was her
responsibility. She had allowed him to love her, had dared to love
him back.

The point of no return had long been
passed.

She shoved the dildo deep into his
mouth, felt the tug of his sucking on the straps that held the tool
in place.

She pulled out completely, but allowed her
hand to tighten in his hair, pulling his head back. She bowed down
and kissed him, and the world seemed to evaporate into a low thrum
of pleasure. His taste, sinfully sweet and rich, woke memories that
made her knees tremble; how she could have walked away, she didn’t
know.

The first time had almost finished her
off, and she wouldn’t make the mistake again.

Aaron drank from her lips, his tongue
sliding against hers, his body struggling to maintain his
position.

When she broke the kiss, he swallowed
the whimper that fluttered inside his throat. She’d told him that
she loved him, and if there was one thing he hadn’t lost, it was
his trust in her. She’d never lied.

“
Lay down on the bed,” she said,
“on your back, little sub.”

He complied. The black silky sheets were
cool against his hot skin. Excitement like he’d never known filled
him, and the fact that he hadn’t truly processed what had just
happened in his life made him dizzy.

She was here. She would fuck
him.

Desire racked his body so hard his
teeth chattered.

“Spread your legs,” he heard her order
and moved before she finished the sentence.

He felt her slick fingers on his cock,
pulsating greedily against her touch. He gasped when her hand slid
back over his taught balls to his perineum, pressing down shortly
to make things even more interesting for him before she let her
fingers caress his opening, spreading lube around the soft,
puckered entrance.

She didn’t talk, but he wouldn’t
have been able to hear her anyway
. His arousal made a mess of sound in his
head, rushing blood, heartbeat thundering through his veins, breath
so harsh it chafed his insides raw.

She pushed two fingers inside him, and
the world went bright red.

He cried out, his body bending in a
perfect arch. Tara pushed her hand against his stomach to still
him, and he marveled at her strength. Who would have guessed, but
she certainly held her own in their encounters.

She thrust her fingers in and out of
him, not reaching deep enough to more than tickle his prostate, but
it was sheer agony, lashing his hunger until he couldn’t bear it
any longer. Low growls escaped his throat, his lower body was
aflame.

He hardly registered when she pushed his
legs over her shoulders, but felt himself tensing the muscles in
his thighs to spare her the brunt of his weight. She was strong, so
strong, her arms pushing down on the mattress next to his chest; he
felt the strap-on poised at his hole. He wailed with
longing.