The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (64 page)

HOW ARE YOU DOING in meeting your spouse's sexual needs? In 1 Corinthians 7, husbands and wives are challenged to meet each other's sexual needs. "Do not deprive each other;" the Scriptures say. Our bodies are to be a gift to each other; we are to be available to give sexual pleasure to each other. This is God's design.

Why do we often struggle so much to experience this mutual pleasure? Perhaps we have forgotten the key ingredient of love. Love means looking out for the other person's interests. The question is, how may I bring you pleasure? Love doesn't demand its own way. Love is not pushy or irritable, but thinks first of how to please the other person.

It's sad that "Let's make love" has often been reduced to "Let's have sex." Sex without genuine loving care for each other will be empty indeed. God's idea is that sex will be an expression of our deep love and lifelong commitment to each other. Anything short of this misses God's intention.

Lord, it's true that selfishness can cause problems in our sexual relationship. When I only think of myself and my own pleasure, sex becomes empty-and I know that's not the way you want it. Please guide me as I seek to think first of my spouse. Renew our love as a couple, and help us to express that love through sex.

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. PSALM 63:1-2

HOW MUCH TIME do you spend with your spouse each day? Chances are, you are apart more than you are together, if you don't count the time you are asleep. That's pretty normal. One or both of you are likely working, and normally we don't work at the same place.

When you are together, how much time do you spend actually talking with each other? One hour a day? Probably not. Most couples spend less than thirty minutes each day in conversation. Much of this is spent on logistics, like, "What time am I supposed to pick up Jordan from soccer practice?" When do you have quality conversation, where you talk about issues, desires, frustrations, and joys?

Why not start with fifteen minutes a day? Call it couple time, talk time, or couch time. What you call it is not important. What is important is that the two of you spend quality time each day talking and listening to each other. Not only do you exchange information, but you communicate that you care about each other.

As believers, we may make time with God a priority but not time with our spouse. When King David wrote Psalm 63, he vividly expressed his longing for time and communication with the Lord, comparing it to water in a dry and weary place. Time with God refreshes us spiritually, and quality time with our spouse refreshes us emotionally and relationally. Quality time sends a strong emotional message: "I think you're important. I enjoy being with you. Let's do this again tomorrow"

Father, you know how much I need you-and how much 1 need my spouse. Time with him or her refreshes me, connects us, and shows thatI care. Please help us to make this a priority as a couple.

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ROMANS 12:10

QUALITY TIME is one of the five basic languages of love. It is some people's primary love language, and nothing else makes them feel more loved. What is quality time? It's giving your spouse your undivided attention. More than simply being in the same room, it's making eye contact, talking and listening sympathetically, or doing something together. What you do is not so important. Your focus is on being with each other, not on the activity.

How long has it been since you planned a weekend getaway? If that seems overwhelming, maybe you should start with a night out. Or how about just twenty minutes on the couch talking to each other? Better yet, ask your spouse what he or she would like to do.

If quality time is your spouse's primary love language and you haven't been speaking that language, chances are he or she has been complaining. You might hear, "We don't ever spend any time together. We used to take walks, but we haven't taken a walk together in two years." Some might even say, "I feel like you don't love me." Rather than getting defensive, why not recognize the problem and respond positively? Remember, the Bible tells us to love each other genuinely and to "take delight" in pleasing and honoring each other. Say, "You're right, honey. Why don't we take a walk tonight?"

Lord God, please help me to be aware of my spouse's love language. Show me how I can effectively communicate love to him or her. Help me to make quality time a priority for both of us.

Live happily with the woman you love through all the ... days of life that God has given you under the sun. ECCLESIASTES 9:9

A QUESTION I OFTEN HEAR from middle-aged couples is this: "The children are gone. Now what?" How do we relate to each other after the children leave the home? During the transition to the empty nest, the focus of the past twenty years becomes apparent. If you have focused solely on the children, you may have to start back at ground zero and rebuild your marriage. If you have focused on each other while raising the children, then you will climb to new heights of marital satisfaction with the extra time you now have together. In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon encourages couples to live contentedly with each other through all stages of life. Marriage is a gift in the early years before children, in the often hectic child-rearing years, and in the years after the children leave, which can be filled with newness and promise.

Whatever your situation, now is the time to assess the state of your marriage and take steps of growth. I suggest that you attend a weekend marriageenrichment event, which will expose you to ideas on how to stimulate growth in your marriage. Also, try sharing a book on marriage by reading a chapter each week and discussing the content. One recommendation is The Second Half of Marriage by David and Claudia Arp. Focus on your marriage. Don't just rock along; be intentional.

Father, help me to look at this new stage of marriage as an adventure rather than as a loss. Show us how best to focus on one another, and strengthen our relationship even more as we make this transition to being empty nesters.

Jesus replied, "The most important commandment is this: `Listen, 0 Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength: The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.