The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (75 page)

So the people of Israel-every man and woman who was eager to help in the work the LORD had given them through Moses-brought their gifts and gave them freely to the LORD. EXODUS 35:29

MOST WEDDING CEREMONIES include the giving and receiving of rings. The pastor says, "These rings are outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual bond that unites your two hearts in love that has no end:" That is not mere rhetoric. It is verbalizing a significant truth-symbols have emotional value.

Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. That's why individuals have different attitudes toward wedding rings. Some never take the ring off. Others seldom wear their wedding band. This often correlates to love language. If receiving gifts is my primary love language, I will place great value on my wedding ring, and I may be hurt if my spouse doesn't seem to feel the same way. Also, I will be emotionally moved by the other gifts my spouse gives me through the years, because I will see them as expressions of love. Without gifts as visual symbols, I may come to question my spouse's love.

Throughout the centuries, people have shown their love for their Creator by giving him gifts. Exodus 35 talks about the Israelites freely giving gold, silver, bronze, linen, and other fine gifts that could be used in the Tabernacle. The Lord certainly didn't need their offerings, but the act of giving those things showed their love and sincerity. A similar dynamic occurs in many marriage relationships.

If you hear, "You didn't bring me anything?" when you come home from a trip, or if your loved one seems deeply hurt when you forget to give a birthday gift, then you can know that his or her love language is receiving gifts. Speak that language, and keep your spouse's love tank full.

Father, I know that when I give something to my spouse, it is a reassurance of my love. I want to show that our relationship is a priority tome. Help me to communicate well through the gifts that 1 give.

Since you excel in so many ways-in your faith, your gifted speakers, your knowledge, your enthusiasm, and your love from us-I want you to excel also in this gracious act of giving. 2 CORINTHIANS 8:7

A WIFE COMPLAINS, "My husband never gives me gifts."

His reply? "I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up, and I never learned how to select gifts. It just doesn't come naturally for me."

Congratulations! You have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover: You and your spouse speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language.

Where do you begin? Make a list of all the gifts your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving through the years. The list will give you an idea of the kind of gifts he or she likes. Also, listen to those casual comments, such as "I'd like to have one of those;' as the two of you are shopping, or as your loved one looks through a magazine. Write it down so you don't forget. Another approach is to recruit family members to help you. Your sister may be the perfect person to help you select a gift for your wife, or your brother-in-law may know exactly what to give your husband.

The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, encouraging them to contribute to a financial gift for the believers in Jerusalem, who were suffering. As the Corinthians grew in their faith, he wanted them to excel in the "gracious act of giving." Of course, he was referring to monetary gifts. But the inherent principles are similar. The believers expressed their love for Christ and for their fellow Christians through giving, and we can express our love for our spouse through the same selfless and thoughtful acts. As you do this, you're on the road to learning the art of gift giving.

Lord Jesus, l want to be a generous giver, because 1 know that gifts communicate my love to my spouse. Please show me how to be thoughtful and loving as 1 select gifts. May my loved one's pleasure be my motivation and my goal. Thank you for your example of giving so generously to us.

A person who promises a gift but doesn't give it is like clouds and wind that bring no rain. PROVERBS 25:14

I'VE HEARD IT, and you've heard it: "It's the thought that counts." But I remind you, it is not the thought left in your head that counts. Rather, what counts is the gift that came out of the thought in your head! Good intentions are not enough. The proverb above gives a somewhat humorous description of someone who promises a gift but doesn't deliver-he is like "clouds and wind that bring no rain." If gifts are important to your spouse, make sure you follow through.

Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. Some are expensive, and some are free. To the person whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little, unless it is greatly out of line with what you can afford.

Gifts may be purchased, found, or made. The husband who picks a wildflower has found himself an expression of love (unless his wife is allergic to flowers!). For three dollars you can buy a nice card, or you can make a simple one for free. Fold paper in the middle; take scissors and cut out a heart; write, "I love you" and sign your name. Gifts need not be expensive. Even a candy bar or a drugstore trinket can bring a smile to your spouse's face. It truly is the thought that counts.

Father, l don't want to disappoint my spouse with good intentions that don't lead anywhere. Please help me to follow through with giving gifts that will be meaningful. May my efforts reassure my husband or wife of my love.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants. PSALM 89:14

A HUSBAND SAID TO ME, "My wife is so fragile emotionally, and I don't want to hurt her, so I keep all my feelings inside. But sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode." Do you think this husband is doing his wife a favor? His intentions may be good, but I think he's destroying his marriage.

Psalm 89 mentions "unfailing love and truth" as two of God's most prominent characteristics. When truth is ignored, love is compromised. The Bible also says that we are to speak the truth in love-and that doing so helps us grow more and more like Christ (see Ephesians 4:15). Both of those points are important: (1) speak the truth and (2) do it in a loving way.

Remember, love edifies. Love builds up. Love seeks to do what is best for the other person. Holding your frustrations, hurts, and pain inside is not good for your mate or your marriage. In fact, it is extremely unfair because it shuts him or her out. Your spouse cannot respond to your pain if he or she is not aware of it.

If you're in this situation, you might say, "Honey, I love you very much, and I realize that I have wronged you by not sharing this with you sooner. I didn't want to hurt you, but that's no excuse. Please hear me. I'm not trying to put you down; I'm trying to let you know how I feel" Then tell the truth about your emotions. Now your spouse has a chance to help. You might be surprised at the response.

Father, thank you for showing us through your Word that truth and love are both inherent in your nature-and should be inherent in ours. When 1 hold back the truth because 1 don't want to hurt my spouse, I'm usually fooling myself about my motives. Please help me to speak honestly but kindly as 1 try to love my spouse enough to communicate clearly.