The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (83 page)

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. PSALM 19:14

TALKING IS THE MOST fundamental art of marriage-and often the most ignored. How would you respond to this question: "Will you share with me one experience you had today and how it affected you?" How do you think your spouse would respond? Why not ask it and see! Sharing with each other is not that difficult, and it is encouraged by questions.

Questions need to be specific and open ended. "Did you have a good day?" is likely to elicit only a yes or a no. Instead, try, "What were the high and low points in your day and why?" It will take a little reflection, but you and your spouse can answer that question, and your answers may lead to more involved conversations. Questions should not be asked for the purpose of creating an argument, but so that you can understand what is going on in your spouse's life.

Silence leads to isolation and separation. Sharing your thoughts leads to understanding and closeness. Marriage should involve two people having fellowship with each other, not two people living in the same house alone. As we talk, we can pray that our words and conversations would be pleasing to the Lord. Ask a question today, and stimulate meaningful conversation.

Father, l want the communication in our relationship to honor you. Please help us to reach out to each other by asking questions. I want to be genuinely involved in what's going on in my spouse's life. Show me how to encourage honest, meaningful conversation by what) ask.

Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

EPHESIANS 4:29

LEARNING TO SHARE your thoughts is the most foundational element of communication. In marriages that fail, almost all couples say, "Our communication just broke down." How do we keep this from happening? We do what we did when we were courting: Listen when the other person talks. Listen without condemnation.

If your spouse comes up with a new idea that surprises you, resist the urge to respond with criticism. Instead, ask questions. You might say, "That's an interesting idea. If we tried to apply that to our marriage, what would it look like? What need would this meet for you? If we did it, what would be the downside?" Questions like these can lead to meaningful dialogue.

Statements such as "That won't work for us" or "I don't want to do that" stop conversation cold. Its okay to have those thoughts and even okay to express them-if you do it in a positive way, after you have listened carefully to your spouse. You might say, "I'm afraid that might not work for us. I'm not sure that I really want to do it. Can we spend a few days thinking about it and then discuss it again?" That's being respectful and helpful, following the advice Paul gives in Ephesians 4. Our words to each other should be encouraging, not abusive or discouraging.

When you're keeping communication open and respectful, you're moving toward a growing marriage.

Father, when my spouse shares an idea with me, please give me the presence of mind to listen before 1 react. Let my words and questions be helpful and insightful as we come to agreement as a couple.

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. PROVERBS 18:22

THE RESEARCH IS IN, and marriage is the winner. It's true. Married people are happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than are singles. (And the people who are happiest of all are those who have been married to the same person over the long haul.) It seems that contemporary people are discovering by means of sociological research what the Bible declared to be true thousands of years ago.

It was God who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). The first man, Adam, had a vocation. He had a place to live and plenty of animals to pet. He even had a relationship with God. But it was God's analysis that Adam needed a wife. God had created all the animals in pairsmale and female-but had initially created only one human. Eve's creation was not an afterthought. God didn't say, "Oh, I forgot to make a woman. I'd better take care of that." No! It was a matter of timing. God's intention all along was to create people both male and female, but he first wanted to give Adam time to survey the world and discover the need for companionshipa counterpart to himself. Then God created what he termed "a helper who is just right for him."

King Solomon tells us in Proverbs 18 that the man who finds a wife-or, we can extrapolate, the woman who finds a husband-finds a treasure. Marriage is a beautiful gift from the Lord.

Father, thank you for my spouse and for the gift of marriage. lam so grateful to have a mate who can be my companion through life. Let me never forget that my spouse is a treasure and a reward from you. Help me to treat him or her accordingly.

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. MATTHEW 19:6

AT THE VERY HEART of what marriage is all about is the concept of companionship. When God said of Adam, "It is not good for man to be alone;' he was identifying something about human nature. We were not created to live in isolation, cut off from others. After he created Eve, God said,"The two shall become one flesh." This is the opposite of being alone.

Marriage is male and female relating to each other as counterparts. It is not competition, but cooperation as teammates. We are joined together by God for life, to accomplish his purposes for our lives. Jesus said that once a man and woman are joined in marriage, no one should divide them. We are joined as one in a covenant relationship.

Now I am fully aware that some people are called of God to live a life of singleness. But I believe that is the exception, not the rule. I'm also aware that all of us live a portion of our lives as singles, both before and after marriage. Before marriage, singleness helps us discover our need for companionship. After the death of a spouse, we adjust to being alone and we bask in the memories of our intimacy through the years. Marriage is God's idea, and it is designed for humans' good and God's glory.

Lord Jesus, I'm grateful that you have joined us together as a couple. May nothing come between us or split us apart. Instead, may we be a strong team, working in cooperation rather than competition. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of marriage.