The Only Shark In The Sea (The Date Shark Series Book 3) (24 page)

“But you still don’t let me touch you at any other time.” He glanced down at their hands. “Right now being the exception.”

Natalie couldn’t look away from their hands. “It’s different at other times. Even today. I panicked, and then I just couldn’t let go. In bed, though…it’s safe somehow.”

She looked up at Vance and found his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling faster than usual. “You don’t have to go home after dinner,” he said, eyes still closed, “or I can stay with you.”

“I can’t…anything more than…”

“I know,” he said quickly. “I’m not asking for more, but I don’t want to go to sleep tonight without you. You make me feel safe too.”

Something broke inside of Natalie. A barrier of some kind. Her hand was still linked with Vance’s, and she doubted it would be any easier to make it happen again than it had before, but she wanted to try rather than shy away from it. “Can I bring Gypsy to your apartment?” she asked timidly. “I promise I won’t let her lick you.”

“Absolutely,” Vance said a laugh.

He backed off then, and they walked toward Natalie’s car with their hands still linked. Letting go would be as difficult as taking his hand again, but she knew everything had changed between them in that moment. How exactly, she wasn’t sure, but she was eager and only slightly terrified to find out.

Chapter 26

The Empty Space

They had only been back at Vance’s apartment for ten minutes before the doorbell rang. Natalie’s body instantly went rigid, but Vance stepped up behind her, closer than he would have dared an hour earlier. “It’s all right,” he said softly next to her ear. “I’ll get it. You stay here and see if you can find anything edible.”

His invitation to have her over for dinner should have been preceded by actually planning something. He hadn’t gone out for groceries since Stephanie’s death, and he’d spent almost the entire day out on the balcony because being inside was too suffocating and oppressive.

Natalie’s nod was shallow, but it gave Vance enough confidence to leave her in the kitchen to go answer the door. He wasn’t sure who it might be, but he suspected Guy of dropping by to check on him. When he pulled the door open to find Leila standing in the hall with a takeout bag from
Dolcini
, his mouth split into a grin.

“You brought me food, but not little Amelie?” Mentioning the baby’s name sent a dagger through his gut that made his smile falter, but he covered it quickly.

“She was sleeping or I would have brought her for a visit. Conrad sends his best, though, both in good wishes and food.” Despite having the heavy bag in one hand, she threw her arms around him as tears welled in her eyes. “Not that you deserve it, you jerk. Shutting us all out like that.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “I promise to make it up to everyone.”

Sniffing, she pulled back and jabbed a finger against his chest. “You better. I’m keeping you to your promise of babysitting.”

A new kind of guilt swept over him. “How has she been? Is she sleeping enough for you to get some rest?” He’d had every intention of smothering little Amelie with attention after her birth so Eli and Leila could get the rest they needed, but had failed miserably.

“She sleeps about four hours at a time at night. It’s a little tiring, but we’re doing fine.” She looked up at him with real concern as she stepped into the apartment. “We’re actually more worried about you than anything else.”

She was familiar enough with his apartment that she took off for the kitchen as she asked half a dozen questions about how he was doing and whether or not he had been eating properly. She was so startled by Natalie’s presence when she walked into the kitchen that she nearly dropped the food. Vance quickly took it from her hand and set it on the counter while Leila shook off her surprise.

“You must be Natalie,” she said as she extended her hand. “Sorry, Guy mentioned you were keeping Vance from slipping back into radio silence, but I didn’t realize you were here. No wonder Conrad sent so much food.” Her laugh was genuine and warm, but Natalie froze and didn’t reach out to take her hand.

Vance reached forward and wrapped his hand around Leila’s. They had become very close since she and Eli had met, and the familiar gesture didn’t bother her at all, but she did look a little confused. “Natalie isn’t comfortable with very much contact,” Vance explained. “She’d shake your hand if she could.”

“Oh!” Leila said. “Of course. I’m sorry, I think Steph may have mentioned that at one point, but I must have forgotten. It’s really wonderful to meet you, Natalie, and I feel like we all owe you a big thanks.”

A bit shell-shocked by Leila’s friendliness, Natalie’s voice was quiet when she said, “I was happy to be there when he needed me.” Despite her nerves, her features softened as her gaze slipped to Vance.

It was hard for Vance not to respond in kind, and Leila definitely noticed. Trying for distraction, he said, “So, I’m guessing Guy told Conrad I would be home tonight and in need of food? How did you get roped into playing delivery girl?”

“I’ve been too tired to cook lately, so I was planning to pick up dinner for Eli and me anyway. When I called in the order, Conrad called back a few minutes later and asked if I wanted a reason to pop by and see how you were doing, and I told him of course I did.” She was back to grinning, clearly thrilled to see him again, especially doing so well after scaring everyone.

“Considering that we just realized I have almost no food in my apartment, I really appreciate it,” Vance said. “I’ll have to call Guy and Conrad to thank them.”

Leila seemed reluctant to leave, but eventually she sighed and said, “I should be getting back, but I wanted to tell you we’re all getting together at our place on Thursday for dinner. I’m going stir crazy being at home and I thought we were well overdue for a poker night.” She turned to Natalie, all smiles and excitement. “Natalie, you have to come, too. Everyone’s dying to meet you and we really need another girl at the poker table. Charlotte doesn’t play and Sabine won’t be in town. What do you say?”

It was easy for Vance to recognize the deer-in-the-headlights look Natalie tried to conceal. He was about to step in and tell Leila that might be asking too much, but Natalie spoke first. “Okay.” She swallowed slowly. “I’ve only ever played online, but I think the rules are the same, right?”

“It depends on what type of poker you were playing online, but, oh we’ll figure it out on Thursday. We’ll have so much fun!” Leila was grinning from ear to ear now. “Will you come with Vance or should I get your number to text you directions?”

Now Vance did step in before Leila’s excitement to have friends over pushed Natalie’s limits. “I’ll bring her, and I know the way, so we’re good. Seven-ish?”

Leila nodded and seemed to realize he was trying to get her to go home. Not that he wasn’t glad to see her, but he feared Natalie could only take so much. She’d already had a rough day and he knew she still had to face group therapy later that night as well. After a quick goodbye to Natalie, she started for the front door, Vance following behind. The moment Vance opened the door to let her out, Leila grabbed his shirtfront and pulled him into the hall.

“Vance, are you really okay?” she demanded. “I’m glad you’ve been able to lean on Natalie the last few days, but…is something else going on?”

Instantly defensive, he bristled. “Even if there is, how is that your business?”

She was taken aback by his brusqueness. “I’m just worried about you, Vance. You’ve been through something incredibly traumatizing. I completely understand if you needed someone around not so related to Steph, someone who didn’t make you think about her all the time, but…Vance, I saw the way she looked at you.”

He started to say something not particularly cordial, but Leila held up a hand and powered on.

“I’m not judging you, Vance. I know you and Stephanie were having troubles, more than just whatever you two fought about right before she died. I saw how much you were hurting when Amelie was born and it tore me apart. If you want to pursue something with Natalie, I’ll back you one hundred percent,” she said, “so long as it’s for the right reasons.”

“The right reasons?” he demanded. All his own fears, self-doubt, and recriminations surfaced in the face of her accusation.

“If you just need a warm body to fill Steph’s place, I really do understand that.” Her expression morphed from concerned and a little bit angry to compassionate and sad. “If that’s what this is, though, you need to put an end to it, because you’re going to break Natalie’s heart.”

Vance shook his head. He had no intention of hurting Natalie, or using her to fill the empty space Stephanie left, but he didn’t immediately admit to understanding what she meant. “What are you talking about?”

Reaching up, Leila put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “That girl adores you, maybe even loves you. Whatever is going on between you two, it means everything to her. If it’s not the same for you, please don’t string her along no matter how much you’re hurting. I’m sure you know better than me what that will do to her.”

So much had changed between him and Natalie in such a short time, but he hadn’t been willing to admit the depth of it until the words tumbled out of Leila’s mouth. He knew she was right, that he could cause irrevocable damage to Natalie if his emotions weren’t as deep as hers. Facing that for real felt like having ice water dumped on his head. He couldn’t respond at first. In the space of a few seconds he was forced to confront every fear and doubt, forced to define his feelings and intentions toward Natalie right then and there.

“She’s not just a warm body,” he finally said. As soon as the words left his mouth, a weight dropped from his shoulders and he was sure Leila recognized the truth of what he’d said.

Half frowning, half
almost
smiling, she wrapped her arms around him. “I won’t pretend that it’s not hard to think of you being with someone besides Steph, especially so soon, but if you’re happy with Natalie then I’m glad. All any of us want is for you to be happy.”

Leila was one of the most genuine people he knew, so he didn’t worry she was only saying that to make him feel better. “Thank you.”

She smiled and gave him one last hug before saying goodbye and heading back to Eli and Amelie. Even after she disappeared from view, it took him a few seconds to go back inside. Whatever Natalie thought about Leila’s visit, it hadn’t stopped her from keeping busy. The food was served and sitting on the table by the time he came back in.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted to drink,” she said timidly.

“Water is fine.” She turned back toward the kitchen, but stopped when she felt him come up behind her. He could see how her breathing picked up, but he didn’t back off. Gypsy, who’d scampered in after Vance returned, plopped himself down next to her feet. “Thank you for being here with me tonight.”

Natalie didn’t turn to face him, but she asked, “Did Leila disapprove? You were talking for a while and I thought…”

Vance reached forward, brushing his fingers lightly against hers. The slight touch made her gasp, but she didn’t pull away. “No,” he said, his mouth so close to her he knew she could feel his breath against her skin. “She just wanted to make sure I wasn’t misleading you.”

“Misleading me?” Natalie questioned. “How?”

“With my intentions.” When Natalie didn’t respond, suggesting she still didn’t understand, Vance asked a question rather than give a straight up answer. “This gala thing on Friday, and us going together, how do you define it? Or better yet, how do you
want
to define it? Are we going as friends, or is this more? A date or something similar?”

Natalie turned to face him, not scrambling back at their closeness for once. “I’m not sure I know how to answer that, Vance. There are so many factors…the timing…”

Shaking his head, Vance closed the small space between them. “None of that matters. Just answer the question honestly.”

Biting her lip and twisting her hands together, Natalie struggled to speak. “I want…I don’t want to go as just friends, but…”

Vance held up a hand to stop her. “Being with you isn’t just about surviving the grief and guilt. That won’t last forever,” he said. “Maybe at first I just needed a kindred spirit, someone who really understood what I was going through, but that’s not why we’re standing in my kitchen together now, and that’s not why I said I’d go with you to the gala. I know it’s too soon and my head isn’t completely back together, but I don’t want to lose you because I waited around for everything to make sense again.”

Natalie’s breathing spiked and she shook her head softly. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want, Vance.”

“Look at how far you’ve already come,” Vance said as he brushed the tips of his fingers along her cheeks. Desire spread through him as her cheeks flushed and her lips parted. Deep and hungry need burned in her eyes, but there was fear as well. He risked scaring her by sliding his fingers back into her hair and bringing his mouth close to her ear. “I promised you once that I wouldn’t push you further than you were willing to go, and even though I’ve pushed you the last few days, has it ever been more than you wanted?”

“No,” she whispered, her voice tremulous and faint, “but it may take me longer than you’re willing to wait.”

His head moved back and forth slowly, the stubble on his cheek lightly scraping against her sensitized skin. “I’m a patient man,” Vance whispered. There were many things about his relationship with Stephanie that he would treasure, and some he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to forgive, but she had taught him patience beyond what he would have thought himself capable. Some might see him using that skill to build something with Natalie as a betrayal, but he saw it as the final gift Steph had given him that might just allow him to heal.