2009
TROY
threw the keys to his old Holden on the kitchen table, along with his uni books. He was a few weeks away from finishing his Bachelor of Agribusiness. After high school, wanting to be with Peta had kept him from heading back to the farm, so he’d decided to go to uni. His parents had been proud he’d decided to follow on with agriculture and it was what Troy wanted. He loved being in the country, and if studying meant he got to stay near Peta, even better.
He’d moved in with Peta at her cousin’s house, and for the most part the house felt like theirs except for the odd occasion when Dean came home.
Life was wonderful. Troy was down to yearly check ups and, besides the drugs he had to take morning and night, the same as Peta, his life was as close to normal as it was going to get. If it wasn’t for his scar or the fact he couldn’t play football, he almost forgot he had a different heart. Occasionally he had weird cravings for food he’d never had before and he wondered if that was from his new heart. He often wondered whose heart he had received – he would love to know and meet the family but as yet he hadn’t heard from them. But his mum had a pretty good idea of the donor. The day he’d been called in to the hospital there had been an accident north of the city. They later heard that a young man had died. Troy’s mum was convinced that’s whose heart he’d been given. Troy had searched for more information about the man and his family. He knew what day George Miles Gilbert’s funeral had been and where he was buried. He often wished he could see the guy’s family, to thank them for his heart, for his life. They had lost their son, but through donating his heart Troy had been able to live. He’d been able to see his sister grow up and he’d been able to spend his life with Peta. He owed George so much.
‘Hey, you’re home early,’ said Peta as she walked into the dining room. Her dark hair was out and shining as if she’d spent the last half hour brushing it.
‘Hi, beautiful. Miss me?’ Troy reached for her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her like he hadn’t seen her for weeks.
‘Hmm, I like it when you get home.’ She looked up to him now. He’d shot up over the last few years, and she fit so snugly into his bigger frame.
‘I’m going to miss you,’ he said, resting his head on top of hers.
‘It’ll only be for a few days. I’ll be back from Margaret River before you know it. You could still come with us,’ she said, digging her hands into his shorts pockets.
He breathed in her perfume. ‘I wish I could. Soon I’ll be free of uni. I’ll have my degree and then you and I can go back to take over the farm from Dad. Right?’
‘Right.’ She sighed contentedly.
Peta had already agreed to follow him back to Geraldton. She’d said she would follow him to the moon. Troy was determined that he was going to propose to Peta. Next year, when they were back on the farm. He’d take her up to his special tree that overlooked the property, and he’d ask her to marry him with the sun setting behind them. It would be perfect. He’d certainly found his soulmate. Peta was forever. He knew without a doubt that she’d say yes.
‘So when is Lila picking you up?’
Peta put her cheek against his chest. He knew she loved listening to his heartbeat.
‘In half an hour.’ Her voice was sad. She was excited about the girls’ trip down south, tasting wine, surfing – well, trying to surf in Peta’s case. He’d tried to teach her on a few occasions. She loved learning new things – exciting, fun things. He would take her surfing every week when they got back to Geraldton.
‘Hmm, half an hour, you say,’ he said with a growl.
Peta laughed. Reaching up, she hooked her arms around his neck and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. ‘I’m all yours,’ she said, nuzzling his neck.
Lucky for them Lila was ten minutes late. ‘Hey, Troy, give me your woman. She’s mine now,’ she said, laughing. Lila had been Peta’s friend since primary school. Lila had uncontrollable frizzy hair and was another strong, independent woman. He could see why Peta was best friends with her.
‘Bye, honey. I love you. Study hard,’ said Peta, giving Troy another hug and a kiss.
‘Bye. Love you, too. Don’t let Lila lead you astray.’ He knew damn well it would be the other way around. Peta wanted to experience life, to see and taste everything.
After they left, Troy wandered the house. It was too quiet. He rang Freddie and asked him over for a pizza and a few beers.
‘Sure. Can’t be a big one, though. Training tomorrow,’ said Freddie.
‘That’s cool. See ya soon.’
Last year with the Eagles had been Freddie’s best yet and he’d taken Troy to the Brownlow Medal night. Out of all his family and friends, he’d chosen to take Troy. Troy had been chuffed. Freddie had come second in the vote count, but to Troy he was already a winner. Some days he’d wondered if he’d ever have been as good as Freddie. But Freddie said he was only this good because he’d taken Troy’s spirit for the game with him. He was like two players in one. Troy knew he only said that to make him feel better, but it worked.
Troy went and got a beer out of the fridge and sat down on the couch. Yep, life was great.
Two days later he was woken up by the shrill ring of his telephone. He must have fallen asleep while studying. It took him a while to figure out who was calling. He’d just assumed it was Peta ringing to say they were on their way home.
‘Troy, Peta’s on her way to hospital.’
‘What? Who’s this?’ he asked, shaking himself awake.
‘It’s me, Lila. I’m on my way back, behind the ambulance. They’re taking Peta to Royal Perth now.’ Her voice was pure panic.
‘What happened?’ Troy was picturing her gashing her head after too many drinks or being attacked by a shark while surfing.
‘It’s her heart. They think her body might be rejecting it.’
Troy dropped his phone. He could hear Lila’s tiny voice murmuring from the phone but he was frozen with fear. How could this be happening? She was taking her meds and she’d been so healthy.
‘Troy!’ Lila screamed. Shaken, he picked up the phone. ‘Troy?’
‘I’ll be there,’ he replied. Then he hung up. What did he do now? Did he need to take anything? How long till she got to the hospital? Troy felt like his body was trying to tear off in a thousand different directions – one part to the car, one to pack stuff, one to throw up. He was falling apart.
He managed to grab his car keys and drive to the hospital. He couldn’t remember if he’d locked the house or even if he indicated at that last turn. He made it to the hospital without driving through a red light or sideswiping another car.
Troy looked up at the huge hospital, a place he never thought he’d return to, not like this. He knew his way, his feet guiding him to the waiting area. He searched the face of every nurse, looking for a familiar one. ‘Sharon,’ he called with relief when he finally recognised the clinical nurse. ‘They’re bringing Peta here. Have you heard anything?’ The mention of Peta’s name rang a bell and her eyes widened.
‘Troy? What’s going on?’
‘I was told Peta’s rejecting her heart, that they were bringing her here. Do you know anything?’
Sharon put the pen back in her shirt pocket and rested her hand on Troy’s arm. ‘I’ll go check. You sit.’
Troy stumbled back into a chair and waited. He remembered Peta telling him how waiting was worse than going through the surgery – now he finally understood.
He heard the clomping of rushed footsteps, and he turned to see Peta’s parents hurrying towards him.
‘Oh, Troy, is she here yet?’ Peta’s mum, Lauren, dashed to his side, her hands clamping onto his arms like a wheel lock. Her raven hair streaked with grey was up in a bun. She was still in her work uniform. Peta’s dad, Ross, looked equally shaken. He rubbed his eyes and ran through his hands through his hair. The couple was a picture of anguish. It seemed so wrong that Peta and her family were going through this again.
Ross sat down on the other side of Troy, his shoulders hunched, elbows on his knees. He could pass as one of the doctors in his work slacks and crisp shirt. That crisp shirt would be creased and stained with coffee by the end of the day.
‘Sharon is seeing what she can find out. Did Lila ring you?’
Lauren nodded.
‘What happened, did she say?’ Troy wanted – no, he needed – to know how his bright energetic girl had spiralled into heart failure so unexpectedly. It just didn’t seem possible. He was half expecting them to wheel in a girl who wasn’t Peta after all. It would all be a big mistake.
‘No. She was driving and couldn’t really talk. We just have to wait for her.’
And so they did. Sharon came back five minutes later to say Peta’s ambulance was almost at the hospital.
‘Her heart’s failing. She’s going to need a new heart,’ Sharon explained.
Troy heard the words but it was as if he wasn’t in the room. He didn’t even feel like he was in his own body. He felt like he was a wisp of smoke spiralling around the top of the room. Their life was perfect – why had this happened? Why Peta? Were they too happy?
Twenty painfully long minutes later, Peta was wheeled in, Lila tagging along beside her, white as a sheet.
Lauren’s chair squeaked as she rose. Automatically they all followed.
Peta gave them a smile. ‘I’m okay,’ she said, trying to ease their pain. She was always trying to put everyone else first. Troy wanted to barge his way through, to hold her hand in his, to kiss her lips and reassure her that everything would be okay. But would it?
Sharon held out her arms to stop the family as they took Peta away. ‘Let them get her settled in first, okay?’
Troy felt a magnetic pull towards Peta. His body vibrated, and it took all his effort not to go to her.
‘Tell us everything, Lila, please,’ Ross begged.
They all gathered around her, afraid to miss a word.
‘She seemed fine when she left,’ said Troy. He didn’t mean for it to come out accusingly.
Lila nodded. ‘And she was, Troy. When we got there she was a little tired but it was a big drive and that’s not unusual. The next day we headed off early – Peta was adamant she had to surf at Margaret River. I think she joked about ticking it off her bucket list. And we did that, but afterwards she came out saying that the waves were bigger than she was used to, that she was finding it too hard. We moved on to some wineries.’ Lila paused, straining to think. ‘We did some walking around the shops and she need to stop for a rest. I swear, I didn’t think anything of it and she wasn’t fazed. That night she went to bed early feeling a little unwell and said it must have been the wine. She was taking her medication,’ Lila said, as a tear slipped down her cheek.
‘It wasn’t until lunchtime the next day that I commented that she still seemed really tired. I asked if maybe she was pregnant.’ Everyone turned to Troy, but it was wishful thinking in their eyes, not shock. If only it were as simple as a baby.
Lila continued, ‘Peta laughed. I didn’t realise she couldn’t have kids. But then she said she hadn’t been feeling that great and maybe she should see a doctor. So we went later that afternoon. Peta was even finding it hard to walk then, and the next thing I know, the doctor’s telling me he’s got an ambulance coming for Peta.’ Lila’s face crumpled as more tears threatened to spill. ‘Maybe if I’d been able to get her to the doctor sooner . . .’
‘No, Lila. Don’t go there,’ said Ross. His voice was shaky; he was trying to keep it together. So was Troy. He didn’t want to go in looking all doom and gloom when he got to see Peta. She had never been like that for him – she’d always been so bright and made him smile. He wanted to be a pillar of strength for her.
‘You can come and visit her now, but not for too long, she’s very tired,’ Sharon said.
‘I’ll wait here,’ said Lila.
Lauren grabbed Ross with one hand, and reached out for Troy with her other. ‘Come on.’ He took it and together they hurried to her room.
She was sitting up in her bed, tubes and monitors all around her. Troy had never felt like breaking down and crying so badly before. To see his little angel strapped up in bed and looking so weak, it was sheer agony. But he smiled using every ounce of strength he had, he smiled just for her. ‘Hey, beautiful.’ It was all he could get out before his voice would give away just how close he was to the edge.
‘Darling, how are you feeing?’ said Lauren. Peta wiggled her fingers and they all reached for her hands. He pulled up a chair as close as he could and bent his head, holding her hand against his cheek, feeling the smoothness of her skin.
‘I’m okay, Mum. Don’t worry,’ said Peta.
‘Have the doctors said anything, sweetie?’ said Ross.
‘Just that it’s too late. My heart isn’t responding to any of the drugs. My only option is a new donor.’ Peta said it so bravely, as if she wasn’t aware that donor hearts were rare and that she might not live to see it arrive. But Peta knew all too well what it meant. He knew she was being brave so they could all stay strong. It was supposed to be the other way around.
‘It will be all right. They can come quickly. You’re meant to be with me,’ he said, leaning over to kiss her. It was the sweetest, softest kiss. ‘I love you,’ he whispered.
She grinned at him. ‘Love you, too.’
They stayed by her side until she tried to send them home. No one wanted to leave but Lauren and Ross went home to change and organise a few things while Troy waited until they got back. It continued like this for a few days, living in the hospital, surviving on coffee and vending machine snacks. Troy took time off uni, he tried to study by Peta’s bed but he couldn’t concentrate, and he didn’t care how he went. Nothing else seemed to matter. Each morning he became that person, the one who trawled through the papers and watched the morning news, checked updates on his phone, waiting for an accident, waiting for a heart.
Troy got no pleasure from the morning light that came through onto the back patio of Dean’s house where he used to drink his morning coffee with Peta. He hated going home to an empty house, and an empty bed. He hadn’t even called his parents to tell them – he didn’t know how or even if he could get the words out. Part of him still expected a heart to arrive any day and there’d be no reason to tell anyone. A part of him didn’t want his mum to rush down to be with him. One day it could be him. He didn’t want them to go through this twice. They’d been through enough.