Authors: Van Moody
Tags: #ebook
• An unwavering commitment to truth
• An absolute refusal to compromise on core values
• A complete dedication to pure motives
• A passionate, consistent pursuit of excellence
An Unwavering Commitment to Truth
Truth must be part of the foundation of any relationship. This applies in every setting, from the bedroom to the boardroom. If you have ever been in a relationship with a person who is not dedicated to truth, you have learned the hard way why agreeing to commit to truth is so vital in relationships.
I enjoy some individuals just as people. I may admire their abilities, respect their experiences, and like their personalities, but I cannot be in relationship with them because they disregard truth. These people do not add value to my life; they add stress
and confusion! No one enjoys, values, or feels secure in a relationship filled with lies. But when both parties are committed to being completely truthful with each other, they move beyond the mundane, shallow quality so many people endure in relationships and pave the way for a strong relationship. Jesus says in John 8:32, “The truth will set you free.” When people embrace truth, they can expect at least three beneficial results from the freedom it brings.
• They can look forward to a relationship of trust because truth is what builds trust. Truth enables people in a relationship to express who they really are, without hiding secrets or adjusting aspects of their personalities. When people live and relate to others in this way, trust can thrive.
• People who are committed to truth will enjoy true intimacy because trust based on truth makes intimacy possible. The level of commitment to truth in a relationship actually determines the level of intimacy two people can share.
• They can count on being able to fulfill their destinies because trust and intimacy in a relationship set both people free to confidently pursue everything God has created them to do and be.
A successful relationship requires agreement upon standards of truth that surpass individual thoughts and opinions. When challenges, disagreements, or questions arise, both parties must agree to subject themselves to truth, not to good ideas or personal opinions. But in an age where information is everywhere, advice abounds, and lots of theories claim to be true, where does a person go to find the real truth? The same place truth-seekers have always gone: the Word of God.
When Jesus stood before Pilate just before His crucifixion, Pilate asked a question people are still asking today: “What is truth?” (John 18:38). Jesus had already answered that question, though Pilate did not know it. While praying to God in John 17:17, Jesus said, “Your word is truth.” God’s Word offers divine wisdom and perfect advice for any issue or challenge life presents. Its insights are time-tested and have proven true for generations. We can look for truth in books and magazines, on the Internet, or on afternoon talk shows, but most of the time those sources only offer ideas and opinions. More than we need to know what other people—even so-called experts—say about the situations that affect us, we need to know what God says because He is our only real source of truth.
One of Scripture’s clearest pictures of courageous truth telling takes place between Jesus and His impulsive disciple and friend, Peter. Let me give you the background. There came a point in Jesus’ earthly life when He knew He had to begin preparing His disciples for His death. He did so in detail, telling them that He would have to go to Jerusalem and suffer greatly under the treatment of the religious authorities there. He made clear to them that He would be killed but raised from the dead three days later.
Peter, with his fiery temperament probably mixed with horror and devastation at the thought of losing his Lord, reacted immediately. He called Jesus aside and began to rebuke Him, contradicting what Jesus had said by declaring, “Never, Lord! . . . This shall never happen to you!” (Matt. 16:22).
In response, Jesus spoke strong and shocking words to Peter, saying, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men” (v. 23).
How would you like to be addressed the way Jesus spoke to Peter? And would you ever be so bold with a close friend? Jesus was!
Even though His relationship with Peter was valuable and important to Him, He prized truth even more than friendship.
A strange dynamic sometimes takes place in relationships: people sometimes fail to tell the truth because they think it will hurt or anger the person with whom they share it. For example, a wife who spent grocery money on a new pair of shoes tells her husband a friend gave them to her. An unfaithful boyfriend makes up stories to hide the truth about his other lovers from a girl who has given him her heart. Children blame their siblings for the magic marker scribbles on freshly painted walls or their pets for eating their homework. A retail employee tells her boss she doesn’t know why her drawer won’t balance, when she knows she has taken a few dollars from the register to pay for her lunch. In all these situations and countless others, people know the truth; they just do not want to tell it because they know they will get in trouble. They subject themselves to the miserable feeling of knowing they have lied instead of enduring an hour of being yelled at or a few nights of sleeping alone.
Only small, self-serving, petty people allow themselves to deceive or lie to others. Strong, healthy, mature people are not willing to compromise the truth to avoid being on the receiving end of tears, raised voices, slammed doors, or the silent treatment. People who are unwavering in their commitments to truth have the courage to bear the consequences when they have to tell a truth that hurts. They know that trust can be rebuilt when truth is present.
When people value truth over everything else, good relationships grow stronger. Bad ones may come to an end; and while that is painful, it can also be crucial to a person’s destiny. People of integrity are people who love, seek, and cling to truth. They also require truth from others. If you want relationships you can trust, coming to an agreement about integrity and truth is not only wise, it is necessary.
An Absolute Refusal to Compromise on Core Values
One sure sign that an individual is a person of integrity is his or her refusal to compromise on the core values and priorities of life. This is true in the little things, such as not keeping extra change that may be received from a cashier; and in the big things, such as saying, “No. I will not under any circumstances alter that expense report or alter those records!” and meaning it.
As I have read or heard about people who are willing to compromise on important issues, I have made an interesting observation: whatever people compromise their integrity to keep, they ultimately lose. They may get the short-term gratification they desire, but they lose the treasure they already have.
To prove the point that people lose what they compromise to keep, think about some of the major corporate scandals that have plagued American businesses since the beginning of the twenty-first century. For example, a chief executive officer at a large energy company called Enron wanted to keep his job and make his company look good, so he devised a plan to inflate the stock price to keep people from knowing that the company was in financial trouble. Because the reports were not accurate, that man, Jeffrey Skilling, ended up not only losing his job but also going to prison. Many, many former employees were hurt in the scheme, especially elderly people who depended on Enron to provide what had been promised to them during their retirement years.
Much like Jeffrey Skilling, Bernard (Bernie) Madoff was a husband, father, and business executive who traded his freedom and life of luxury for a 150-year prison sentence, all because he was willing to compromise his character. Madoff engineered an elaborate scheme that defrauded thousands of investors of billions of dollars. His deceptive promise of high-yield gains led countless individuals to trust him, but in the end led to the demise of his wealth and
theirs. At one point, Madoff and his wife had an estimated net worth of almost $823 million. They lived lavishly: multiple homes in various parts of the world, access to shares in two private jets, and a fifty-five-foot yacht on the French Riviera.
1
Madoff chose to compromise the truth, and the end result was the loss of material possessions; a full-scale investigation of several family members who worked for him; and the suicide of his oldest son, who worked alongside him.
2
All this tragedy and heartbreak happened because of his lack of integrity and his tolerance for dishonest compromise.
Many of us could never imagine compromising in the same manner as Skilling and Madoff. Fabricate records and defraud people out of millions of dollars? Never! But have you ever been in a situation where the right choice was apparent, but a slightly different choice, ultimately the wrong choice, seemed to promise personal gain with few negative consequences for others?
Genesis 3 tells a story much like those of modern-day financial disasters. Adam receives specific instructions from God. Eve, even in the face of temptation, understands those instructions but makes a conscious decision to compromise. Not knowing that their decision will affect their lives and ours, they eat from the tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden. Yes, they chose to be disobedient, but their actions reveal a willingness to compromise their integrity. Their seemingly small decision forever changed the course of history and the human race.
Adam and Eve are often referred to as “the first parents,” and in their case, they set a terrific example of what
not
to do. Eve allowed herself to be deceived, and Adam compromised his integrity to please his wife. He allowed his commitment to her to overshadow his commitment to doing what is right. In the end, this compromise destroyed the very thing they were both trying to preserve: true intimacy with God and with each other.
A similar story unfolds for a well-known biblical hero named David. He has a lot going for him, including a powerful position as king of Israel and, at one point in his life, the great honor of being called “a man after [God’s] own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14
NKJV
). He has killed a fierce Philistine giant with a mere slingshot and led armies to stunning victories on the battlefield. And yet, when he sees a beautiful woman—another man’s wife—bathing on her roof, a seed of compromise takes root in his mind. He gets her pregnant because compromise gets the best of him (2 Sam. 11). His life and leadership are never quite the same after that. Even though he pens a stirring song of repentance (Ps. 51), he suffers the consequences of his sin in certain ways for the rest of his life. For example, three of his children died (2 Sam. 12:19; 13:30–32; 18:9), he was never able to deal with the rape of his daughter (2 Sam.13:1–21), and the Lord would not allow him to build a temple because there was too much blood on his hands (1 Chron. 22:7–8).
Adam pleases Eve, but he loses the Garden of Eden. David compromises his integrity with a woman and pleases himself, but he loses his kingdom temporarily, and his family becomes filled with strife. We must understand this fact about integrity: compromise only seems like a good idea at first. Once a person acts on the willingness to compromise personal integrity, the results can be disastrous. This is true for people who compromise and for everyone around them.
A Complete Dedication to Pure Motives
Integrity is so much more than obeying a set of rules. It is not simply
doing
right in terms of behavior, it is
wanting
to do right. It comes from an internal motive, not from external actions. While integrity can be seen in people’s actions and heard in their words, it is also evident in people’s motives.
Simply put, a motive is a person’s reason for doing whatever he or she does. If a student cheats on a test, the motive is to get a good grade without having to do the work necessary to make the grade honestly. That person values good results but does not value integrity. He or she wants to
look
good, but does not want to
be
good.
In relationships, understanding motives is vital. You must know why certain people want to be in relationships with you. Are they in relationships with you because they want access to your connections or because they want to be able drop your name in conversations with others? Do they want to be around you because you make them feel smart, attractive, funny, or desirable? Do they want to use your skills to their advantage? Do they want something—tangible or intangible—that belongs to you and that you may not be willing to give?
If you can say yes to any of these questions, you are in a relationship with a taker. Takers, as opposed to givers, seek relationship for the purpose of getting for themselves, not benefiting you. Under these circumstances, the motivation is selfish, not loving. And that is a recipe for relational disaster. I would go so far as to say that the worst kind of people to be in relationships with are ones with impure motives, especially those who want to take from you without ever giving to you. They may ask you to be loyal and offer disloyalty in return, demand honesty from you while lying to your face, or insist that you love them while they treat you with apathy and indifference. Be very cautious of these people! They are users who will likely take advantage of your commitment to integrity, but they have no intention of making that commitment themselves.
If there has ever been a brazen example of a person with impure motives, it was a man named Judas. We first read about him in the ancient literature of the New Testament, but his spirit and his ways have pervaded every generation and are still at work today. Perhaps
even you have encountered one of his descendants. They are far too common, and being in relationship with them is, frankly, a living nightmare.
No one knows exactly why Judas connected with Jesus at first or what his motive was for becoming a disciple. But somewhere along the way, his motive went wrong. Given the opportunity to betray Jesus for a nice sum of money, he did so (Matt. 26:14–16). He wanted worldly gain more than he wanted to be loyal to a friend. His betrayal set in motion the events that led to Jesus’ crucifixion and to his own demise. His polluted motive would not allow him to rest until he delivered Jesus into the hands of killers. Once the deed was done, he was so miserable he could no longer live with himself and committed suicide (Matt. 27:3–5).