Authors: J. Sterling
The building I worked in was thirty stories tall with rectangular windows spaced three feet apart in all directions. I opened the oversized gold door before shaking off the chill.
“Morning, Craig.” I squeezed the shoulder of our salt-and-pepper-haired security guard.
“Morning, Miss Andrews,” he said with a nod, before pressing the elevator button for me and holding the door open once it arrived.
“Thank you.” I smiled, repeating the same routine we acted out each morning.
I hopped in, pressing the button for the twenty-seventh floor before I heard, “Wait! Hold the doors!”
I threw my arm between the closing doors, forcing them to stop abruptly and stutter back apart. Joey, an adorable brown-haired, blue-eyed copy editor from
Boston
, hopped inside, his arms full of papers.
“Thanks! Oh…morning, Cassie.” He glanced over his shoulder at me, and I looked away, embarrassed. He’d asked me out a few times since I moved here, but the truth was, I wasn’t ready to date. After everything I’d been through with Jack, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready again.
“Morning, Joey. Can I help?” I asked, reaching for the papers that threatened to fall.
“Thank you.” Half his mouth twisted upward into a smirk. “So, what you’d do last night?” he asked with his cute
Boston
accent.
“Uh, I worked until a little after eight. Then I grabbed some amazing Italian food on the way home from this tiny café, and that’s about it.”
“Where do you live again?” He asks me this every time we talk. I haven’t figured out why, but he does.
“Lower
East Side
, not far from here.”
“What street?”
“
Clinton
,” I responded as the elevator announced our arrival.
The doors opened and the sounds of rushed voices filled the air. The floor was packed with wall-to-wall cubicles spilling over with the previous day’s work. Privacy was not something one could find in this office. I secretly loved the chaos and the constant rushing around.
“So, do you like it?” he asked, watching my eyes. “Living in the lower east?”
“Oh, I do. Most of my neighbors are young and super artsy so it’s kind of inspiring and annoying all at the same time.” I laughed as I followed him to his cubicle.
“We should grab dinner sometime.” I started to turn him down as he held up a hand in the air to stop me. “It doesn’t have to be a date. Just friends sharing a meal together. I don’t think you get out of your
Clinton Street
apartment enough.”
He smiled and I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Think it over. Just friends, no pressure.” He leaned in close and I could smell his cologne as he grabbed the papers from my arms. “Thanks.”
“I’ll see you later, Joey,” I answered, feeling a little flustered as I rushed across the hardwood floor.
“Think it over!” he shouted, although no one else seemed to notice in all the chaos.
I quickened my pace, my cheeks burning as I scurried past the wall-mounted antique mirror. I slid into my cubicle, pushing the button on my computer as the screen flickered to life. I scrolled past the spam that always seem to get through the e-mail filters and landed on Melissa’s name. She’d gotten into the habit of sending e-mails to my work address so that I would have something to read from her first thing in the morning. And in return, I had to write back,
no matter what
, so that she’d have something from me when she woke up.
Hooker,
Do you think yo
ur IT guy reads my e-mails
? Because if I was an IT guy, I would totally read
my
e
-
mails. Maybe he would if he knew how hot I was. I should probably attach a picture.
LOL
So, tell me more about this Joey kid. Is he hot? Where
’
s he from? What
’
s his deal? Are you gonna go out with him, or what? What is it with you and making guys beg?
You
’
re really sort of a bitch
,
Cassie
Andrews
.
JK, LOL, smiley face (say it super fa
st like this
.
)
J
KLOLSMILEYFACE
Ooooh, I think Dean has a crush on this really cute freshman, so make sure you give him shit the next time you talk to him,
K
?
K. I’m not going to ask about “him” this time, so don’t freak out. But hey, if he does call or text or anything, I’d better be the first person to hear about it! Just sayin’! :)
I
’
d better go. I know this was like the most boring e
-
mail ever, but what can I say? Life is sorta boring without you. I miss you.
Melis
<3
I hit the Reply button and watched as her message scrolled to the bottom half of the page.
Dork,
I
’
m pretty sure our IT guy (Hi Shawn!!!!!) is far too busy to sift through my e
-
mails and read them. But if you want to attach some super
-
hot photo of yourself, I
’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be opposed
. L
OL
You
’
re crazy, just so you know. Joey is really cute, with an accent that kills me every
time he talks. He
’
s from
Boston
and
is
“wicked” smart
,
as he would say.
LOL
He seems like he totally has his
shit
together, which is kind of intimidating
,
to be honest. He asked me out today
,
just as friends. I don
’
t kno
w, I don’t want to lead him on…
Tell me about this girl Dean likes. Is she nice? She
’
s not in a
sorority, is she? Make sure she isn’t a bitch, Meli. Dean’s too nice.
I’m pretty sure “he’s” done with me. Although to be honest, I have no idea why. If I ever hear from him again, which I highly doubt, you’ll be my first call.
I love you and miss you so much. Move in with me after you graduate. Just kidding. Not really. When are you coming to visit?
xoxox C.
Even talking about Jack in an e-mail forced my stomach to spin. I tortured myself constantly, thinking up scenarios as to why he stopped liking me. I’d pushed him too far this last time. I’m never happy. His words never mean enough. I’m always asking him to jump through hoops for me.
Ugh. I hated this feeling of self-blame and discontent.
*****
The next two months flew by
in
a blur.
The snow finally melted and spring filled the air with its warmer temperatures, its colors, and its smells as flowers bloomed and trees budded. The dull, colorless winter that was so often gray and dreary quickly gave way to full green trees, white flowers, and bright blue skies. In a word,
New York
in the spring is amazing.
“Hey, girl,” I answered after seeing Melissa’s name flash across my screen.
“How’s
New York
today?” she asked happily on the other end.
“So beautiful! Seriously, when are you coming to visit me?” I was so dying to show her the sights of the city.
“Soon, I think! Maybe over break, is the weather nice then?”
“I don’t know. Probably not, to be honest. I think that’s when everyone goes to
Florida
.”
“Wait, what? They go to
Florida
willingly?”
“Melissa!” I giggled. “It’s a quick flight and the weather is way better! It’s no different than everyone in So Cal heading to
Hawaii
.”
“Uh, yes it is. It’s
H a w a
i
i
and really, who goes to
Florida
on purpose
?
” Her voice sounded so exasperated, it made me smile. “So, have you heard from Jack?”
I should have known that was why she called. The Diamondbacks were coming into town, and she and Dean wouldn’t stop blowing up my phone.
“Nope.”
“Really?” she said, her voice laced with disappointment.
“Really. We have to stop talking about him, Melis. I mean, when will we stop talking about him?” I hated that we had to go over this again; it really didn’t help.
“You’re right. You’re totally right. I’m sorry, Cassie, I really just don’t get it.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” I sighed. The sadness still got to me sometimes.
“So tell me, how’s Joey from Bahhston?”
“He’s good.” I laughed at her attempt at his accent.
“Still making him beg?”
My lack of an answer was all the answer she needed. “Cassie, you can’t stay closed off forever. You need to open up your heart again.”
“I know, it’s just…I’m scarred.”
“We’re all scarred. That’s how we know we’ve lived a life worth fighting for. Love is a battlefield! Thank you, Pat Benatar.” She belted out an off-key rendition of the chorus that made me giggle before continuing. “Our scars don’t point us in the direction we’re headed, Cass, they simply remind us of where we’ve been.”
I remained silent, taking in the very truth of her words. “Cass?”
“I’m here.”
“I think it’s time to let him go,” she suggested, her voice tinged with pain.
My breath whooshed in and out of the phone before she spoke again. “I’m just saying that sometimes letting go is the only way to find out who you’re meant to hold on to.”
“Oh, I like that. Did you make it up?”
“I think I read it online somewhere before.” She laughed. “But let’s pretend it came from this gorgeous head of mine.”
*****
I rested my camera on top of my messy desk and watched as Joey waltzed into the building, his business attire looking more than good on him. He flashed a smile in my direction before walking into the kitchen. I followed him, pretending I needed to fill my already half-filled coffee mug.
“Are you ever going to go out with me?” he asked, his confidence reminding me of Jack.
“Are you ever going to stop asking?”
“Not until you agree.” He stirred his coffee before taking a sip.
“Fine. This is me…
agreeing
,” I responded, an eerie, all-too-familiar feeling creeping over me.
“It only took me six months. I think that’s a new record.” He leaned in and planted a peck on my cheek. “We’ll leave at six. No overtime for you tonight.”
“Tonight?” I repeated, horrified.
“Tonight. No backing out.”
“I’ll make it work.” I pressed my lips together to stop them from smiling.
*****
“So where are you taking me?” I leaned my head back in the passenger seat of Joey’s car and watched as the city whizzed by us in a blur.
“It’s a surprise.” Joey glanced over at me and smiled.
I really hated surprises. But this guy didn’t know that. He didn’t know anything about me.
He turned onto
Grand Central Parkway
and I almost started hyperventilating. “Where are we going? Are we going to the game?” I choked out, noticing the stadium on the horizon.
“I overheard you one day talking about baseball and how you went to college with one of the guys on the Diamondbacks. So I got us tickets. Maybe you can see your friend.”
“Oh God. Joey, that’s really sweet and thoughtful and romantic, but I…can’t go to this game with you.”
“Of course you can. Don’t be silly. We don’t have to stay for the whole thing. Have you even seen a game yet? Or been to either stadium?”
I shook my head, unable to come up with a reasonable explanation to stop this train wreck from happening.
“It will be fun. New Yorkers are pretty cool fans. I mean, as long as they aren’t playing the Sox. But you have to experience it.” Joey sounded so excited as he tried to sell me on it while he parked the car.
I’ve
already experienced
pretty cool fans
. Back in college. You have no idea
,
buddy.
“Promise me that if I want to leave, we will. No questions asked. Okay?”
He stared at me as if I’d asked something completely foreign of him. “Joey, you have to promise me or I’m not stepping one foot out of this car.”
“Fine, I promise.”