The Phoenix Encounter (17 page)

He closed his eyes against the starburst of emotion. He could feel it tearing him up inside, a wild animal with sharp claws that refused to be caged. All the while she made love to his mouth, driving him mad with the need to have her, to keep her safe, to love her. He kissed her back, gently at first and then with all the desperation inside him. He felt her fingers fumbling with his belt and zipper. Every searing touch set him on fire, tested his control.

When her hand wrapped around his shaft his restraint broke with an audible snap, and Robert knew he'd lost the battle. He knew it was going to cost him something precious. Something he wouldn't be able to get back.

He wanted forever.

All she could give him was a moment in time.

And Robert knew that would have to be enough.

 

Lily had never felt so swept away. For the first time in her life she needed this. Needed Robert. His touch. The feel of him against her. She needed all those things as much as she needed her next breath. As much as her heart needed to beat.

Even as sensation ebbed and flowed through her body, she wondered how a touch that felt so right could be so wrong. She didn't want to hurt him. Not any more than she already had. But she knew where this would lead. And she hated herself for not being strong enough to stop it.

Never taking his mouth from hers, Robert worked his jeans down his hips. She touched him there, marveling at the thick length of him, the sheer beauty of his body. She'd forgotten so much about what it was like to make love to him. The lean flex of rock-hard muscles. The way he trem
bled with restraint when she teased him. She'd forgotten how powerful a moment like this could be, what raw desire could do to a woman's judgment.

But his kisses intoxicated her as thoroughly as any liquor. She drank them in, and they fed something ravenous and insatiable inside her. His hands were warm and calloused against her flesh, and every touch took her breath away.

A shiver went through her when he slid his hand down her pelvis to cup her. Her heart stopped for an instant and then began to rage. Her mind cried out against the vulnerability of opening herself up to him in this way. But her body reacted instinctively. She heard her name on his lips, and then he separated her and touched her most intimate place.

His touch was electric. She felt her body go rigid. He stroked her once. Twice. And she melted and contracted around him. She heard herself say his name, wanted to say it again and again as his finger moved within her, but she couldn't get enough oxygen into her lungs.

He never stopped kissing her. Never stopped touching her. It was as if there were too many sensations for her mind to process at once. Her brain overloaded. Shorted out. Until there was nothing except the man holding her, stroking her and the sensations streaking through her like white fire.

She heard an echo, realized belatedly that she was crying out. He stroked her deeply, knowing instinctively where to touch, when to tease, when to satisfy. The waves built, a relentless tide calling to the moon. She fought the current, not wanting to let herself be totally swept away. But he smoothed out her fear with his voice, soothing her, stroking her endlessly.

“Let go,” he whispered.

“I'm…falling.”

“I'll catch you.”

Her trust in him solidified. She closed her eyes against
the knowledge. The pain it would bring them. Against the tide of sensation surging through her body, her heart. She rode the tide, and it took control of her, a riptide taking her out to sea. She no longer had the strength to fight it, like a fatigued swimmer caught in a dangerous undertow. She felt herself coming apart in his arms.

Lily let go of her control and shattered. Completion bore down on her, a rogue wave crashing against a rocky shore. White light flashed behind her lids. She felt the fierce power of it tumble her end over end, but she was weightless. She cried his name, heard the whisper of her own in her ear.

It was too much, and yet she knew it was not enough.

“Wrap yourself around me,” he said, lifting her.

Her reflexes were so sluggish, and she'd barely gotten her arms around his neck when she felt his hands on her hips, pulling her against him. The suddenness of the act stunned her. She felt the rough column against her back. Cool air against wet heat as she wrapped her legs around him. The zing of anticipation when he opened her.

“I never stopped loving you,” he said.

“Robert—” Lily cried out when he entered her. There was an instant of discomfort as she adjusted to his size. Then a hot rush of ecstasy. He captured her cry with his mouth. The shock of pleasure stole her breath as he began to move within her. Rapture turned every muscle in her body to water as he filled her and began to move within her. Never in a thousand years would she believe it could be like this. That she would trust him so fully. That the pleasure would be so great she would lose control. That she would feel so much in her heart that the moment would bring tears to her eyes. Or in her soul she could love him so much, and yet never allow herself to give her heart fully.

A second orgasm rocked her system, shook her from the inside out. Thoughts fluttered in and out of her mind. She grappled for control, but he refused to give her a respite. He moved within her, setting her ablaze all over again. Every nerve ending in her body screamed with pleasure.
And while her heart raged against his, the emotions inside her reached their breaking point.

She held on to him tightly, trying to hold it all inside, knowing there was too much. A sob broke from her lips, a cry wrenched from somewhere deep inside her.

“Lily?” Robert froze, his muscles going rigid. “Honey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“Don't stop.” He was still deep inside her, a steel shaft throbbing with heat.

He didn't move. “Why are you crying?”

Embarrassed because she didn't have the slightest clue how to answer, she tried to look away. He cupped her cheek and forced her gaze to his. “If you want to stop—”

“I don't.”

He looked at her as if she'd just asked him a question in Swahili. Blinking back tears she wasn't sure how to explain, she kissed him softly on the mouth, keenly aware that she was aroused, that she'd never been more moved by an experience in her entire life.

She moved tentatively against him, taking him more deeply inside her. His jaw went taut. His pupils dilated. He never took his eyes from her.

“Oh, Lily…”

“Robert, you make me feel so much. I mean, not just physically, but emotionally. It's like I can't hold it all inside me.” She choked out a laugh. “That doesn't make any sense.”

“It does.” One side of his mouth curved. “Sort of.”

She looked at him through her tears, taking in the concern and confusion in his eyes. “You moved me.”

Cupping her face with his hands, he thumbed a tear off her cheek. One side of his mouth curved. “I think I'm flattered.”

She smiled back. “There's something between us.”

“I've always known that.”

“Make love to me,” she whispered.

“Not like this.”

She gasped in surprise when he swept her into his arms. “What are you doing?”

“I'm going to finish what we started.”

Lily felt as if she'd just snapped out of a dream. A very erotic dream that had left her shaken and weak and burning with need. A dream that had taken her to a place beyond her wildest imagination. She glanced around to get her bearings and realized he'd carried her to his tarp near the fire. Gently, he laid her down. “Don't go away,” he said. “I'll be right back.”

She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and watched him walk naked to where they'd dropped her blanket. He scooped it up along with another tarp, then turned toward her with both in hand. He was still fully aroused, and heat coiled deep in her womb at the sight of him.

He sat beside her, draped the blanket over them and then lay down. “Come here,” he whispered.

It was the most natural thing in the world for her to go into his arms. Lily closed her eyes against the rightness of it. The solid length of his body against hers. The brush of his chest hair against her sensitized nipples. The nudge of the velvet tip of his penis against her abdomen. She put every nuance to memory because she knew the moment was fleeting. Nothing this perfect lasted forever. If Lily had learned anything in her life, it was that the good things didn't last.

“What are you thinking of?” he asked.

She looked into the vivid blue of his eyes, felt another pang of longing deep within her. “You,” she said, scooting closer to him. “Us.” Touching her nose to his, she smiled at him, but it felt a little sad on her face.

He kissed her then. A soft, lingering kiss that was so sweet it brought tears to her eyes. A kiss that held the promise of heat and a thousand other things she would have sold her soul to accept.

He whispered her name as he entered her, saying it over
and over again as he moved within her. Lily accepted him into the deepest reaches of her body, giving him everything except the one thing she knew he wanted most.

Her heart.

R
obert stood at the mouth of the mine entrance and watched the rain sweep over the forest in sheets. He didn't relish the idea of going back into the storm. It was too damn cold for him, let alone for a one-year-old baby, but he knew there was no way they could avoid it. Dawn would arrive in a couple of hours. It was only a matter of time before DeBruzkya's soldiers found them. With topographical maps of the area, they could already be on the way.

Troubled and restless and more uneasy than he wanted to admit, Robert closed the door and turned. The fire burned low, casting yellow light on the jagged rock walls and ancient wood beams. He looked at Lily sleeping several feet away. She was lying on her side with Jack curled against her. He stared at them, keenly aware of the swift rise of emotion at the sight of mother and child. And he wondered how in God's name he was going to keep them safe.

He stood there for several long minutes, shaken by the power of his emotions. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened between him and Lily just a few short
hours ago. The way she'd come apart in his arms. It was as if all the months of pain and grief had erupted and spilled over into passion. When the emotions had become too much for her to contain, she'd cried. He'd held her tightly, but it hadn't been enough, and he couldn't ever remember feeling so helpless.

He wanted to believe the experience had moved him so profoundly because it had been such a long time since he'd taken a lover. But Robert had never been able to lie to himself, especially when it came to Lily. He knew why their lovemaking had shaken him so profoundly. Knew it had nothing to do with the physical—and everything to do with his heart.

He'd fallen in love with her all over again. Something he swore he'd never do after what she'd put him through. He hadn't the slightest idea how to handle the situation. Lily wasn't an easy woman to love. She was stubborn and headstrong and independent to a fault. But she was also generous and kind and more fragile than she would ever admit. Her childhood had shaped her, damaged her, made her the beautiful person she was, and he loved the good right along with the flawed—no questions asked.

Once she had her mind set, there was no stopping her. He knew she wasn't going to leave Rebelia. The truth of that twisted him into knots. Made him feel powerless and inept and so frustrated he wanted to shake her.

He thought of his mission and tried not to envision how this was going to end. Robert wasn't very good at losing people. He'd lost his father to hemoedema when he'd been ten years old. He'd lost his brother two years later to the same disease. He'd be damned if he'd let this woman rip out his heart.

Feeling the weight of the world settle onto his shoulders, Robert walked over to Lily and Jack and knelt. For several long seconds he watched them sleep. They looked peaceful in the flickering light from the fire, and his heart stumbled
hard at the thought of losing them. He loved her. He loved the child they had created. He wished it was enough.

But it wasn't.

Robert would find a way to be in Jack's life. He would find a way to know him. To guide him and love him and be the best father he could. That wasn't what Robert wanted—he wanted a hell of a lot more—but it would have to be enough.

“Hey.”

Robert glanced at Lily to see her smiling at him. The firelight turned her hair to silk and shone like tiny lights in her luminous eyes. Her beauty, the depth of his need for her shook him. For a moment he was so taken aback by his feelings for her that he couldn't speak. All he could do was look at her and want her while knowing that if he went to her now, it would be a mistake from which he would never recover.

Casting him a concerned look, she propped up on an elbow, careful to keep the blanket over her. “Are you all right? You look…troubled.”

“We have to go,” he heard himself say.

She looked uneasily toward the mine entrance and sat up straighter. “What is it? What's wrong?”

“It's only a matter of time before DeBruzkya's soldiers find us here. We can't risk staying. And we can't travel during the daylight hours.”

She glanced over at Jack, brushed her hand across his cheek. “What time is it?”

“Almost five.” He rose and walked to where their clothes hung on the wire above the fire. Her skirt and sweater were dry for the most part, so he took them down and handed them to her.

“Thank you,” she said, not meeting his gaze.

Robert turned and walked away, careful to keep his back to her. He heard the rustle of clothes and wondered if he would ever make love to her again.

“Robert?”

Something in her voice spun him around. She was holding Jack, staring at him, her face ashen.

“What is it?” Robert asked, but he was already moving toward her.

“He's cold.” Laying the baby down, she put trembling hands on his face, ran them gently over his body. “Sweetheart, what's wrong?”

Panic resonated in her voice. Robert could see it in her eyes. He knelt beside her. “Let's get him out of his carrier so I can see him.”

“Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, Jack.”

“Stay calm, Lily.” Robert saw immediately that the child was lethargic and having a difficult time waking up. He picked up one of Jack's chubby hands, pressed down on the tip of his fingernail. “Blood return is delayed.”

Lily's eyes were huge and frightened when she turned to him. “What does that mean?”

“That means we need to get him to the hospital.”

“What's happening?”

Robert worked quickly to free Jack from his carrier. Once he was out he laid him on his back on the tarp and checked his pulse. “Grab my bag,” he snapped.

She jumped to her feet, scooped up Robert's bag and brought it to him. “Tell me,” she demanded. “What's wrong with him?”

“He may be going into anemic shock.”

“Shock?” Falling to her knees next to her child, she looked at his still little body and put her hand over her mouth to smother a cry. “Oh, no. Oh, God, no.”

Robert reached into his medical bag for a syringe. He tore the wrapper off, then removed the small bottle of vitamin B-12 from its box and inserted the needle into the protective rubber stopper.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm going to give him some B-12 to see if I can get his red cell count up. That should help.” He hoped it would.

Tears streamed down her face as she watched Robert turn the child onto his stomach and inject the vitamin. Jack let out a healthy-sounding wail, and Lily choked back a sob that was half pain, half relief.

“Sorry about that, big guy,” Robert said as he withdrew the needle and dropped it into an orange biohazard cup. “I know it smarts.”

“I didn't think I'd ever be so happy to hear him cry,” Lily said.

Robert looked at her, saw the fear etched into her every feature, and his heart broke for her. “He's going to be all right,” he said. “But we need to get him to the hospital as soon as possible.”

She wiped the tears on her cheeks with her sleeve, then leaned forward and gathered a crying Jack into her arms. “It's going to be all right, sweetheart. Shh, don't cry. It's okay. Daddy's going to fix you right up.”

Daddy.

The word jolted him. It was the first time either of them had used it, and it hit him in a place that was vulnerable and raw. He sat back on his heels and watched her dress Jack, wondering if she realized what she'd said. If she had any idea how much that single word had affected him. How much it hurt.

“I've only got one more bottle,” she said, taking a small plastic bottle of milk from her backpack. “I'll need to pick up some baby food and goat's milk at the market once we get into town.”

Robert glanced at her, realized belatedly that she'd been speaking to him. “I checked the map while you were sleeping. Rajalla is only a couple of miles away. If we maintain a good pace we should be there in half an hour or so.”

“All right.” Lily rose, scooped up Jack and secured the straps of his carrier.

For an instant, Robert considered carrying Jack. Then he realized that no matter how much he held his child now, it
wasn't going to help when he had returned home, an ocean away, and his heart was once again empty.

 

The city of Rajalla rose out of the valley like a flotilla of crisp white sailboats tossed about on an ocean of green and winter-gray. Lily's spirits lifted as she stood on the bluff overlooking the city and took in the sight of the cobblestone streets packed with horse-drawn carriages, small, sputtering cars of indistinguishable origin and vendors pushing carts filled with wildly blooming flowers, hand-painted pottery and fresh meats from local farms.

She'd always loved Rajalla. The people were friendly. The city was chock-full of ancient buildings, beautiful architecture and quaint shops. The smattering of cultures formed an interesting melting pot of languages from all over Europe—German, French, English and several dialects of Rebelian. Lily had loved the bustling confusion, the old-world charm, the beauty of the countryside upon which the city was nestled.

All of that had changed since DeBruzkya's soldiers had moved in. Most of the restaurants and cafés had closed. Many of the buildings were damaged. There were a lot more funerals.

But while the war might have damaged the city, she thought, it had done nothing to dull the spirit of the people. Some of the buildings might lay in ruin, but the city had already begun to rebuild. The church in the southern sector sported a new bell tower. The rococo fountain in the town square had been repaired. No, she thought, DeBruzkya and his war machine might be able to damage wood and brick and concrete, but they could never take away the spirit of the Rebelian people.

Lily knew that beneath the old-world charm and friendly smiles, the freedom movement thrived. The thought gave her a smidgen of satisfaction because in her heart she knew that one day DeBruzkya would fall. She only hoped it didn't come too late.

Trying not to think too hard about the role she would play, she looked down at her child, felt the familiar swell of love in her chest. He'd improved throughout the early morning hours. He'd taken half a bottle of milk and an entire jar of
pavio
and
pois
—turkey and pea baby food manufactured and packaged right in Rajalla. His color had returned to normal, and he'd been chattering for the last hour. Realizing how lucky they were, she pressed a kiss to the top of his head and thanked God for taking care of them.

“This way.”

She jolted at the sound of Robert's voice. Turning from the vista, she risked a look at him, felt the now familiar tug of an emotion she refused to identify. He looked haggard, a little dangerous and more handsome than any man had a right to after what they'd been through during the long night. She wondered if he'd gotten any sleep. Wondered if he was as troubled—as scared—as she was.

“What are you looking at?” he asked nastily.

“I was just admiring your scowl.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“Yeah.” She knew he wasn't happy with her, but there was no way she could turn her back on the Rebelian people now. She wished she could make him understand. Wished she could convince him that once this beautiful country was liberated, when her people were free and her children safe, then she could fly to the United States and they would live happily ever after.

Taking her time, she walked over to him. Snuggled against her abdomen, Jack kicked his legs and chattered. She stopped a foot away from Robert, aware that he was watching her closely, that he looked cautious and edgy and tired as hell.

He glanced at Jack, and his expression softened. “I can carry him for you.”

“It's all right.”

“I want to.”

Realizing belatedly that Robert wanted to carry his son, she unfastened the carrier straps and passed Jack to him. Her stomach fluttered when he grinned at him, then brushed his mouth across Jack's forehead. She knew it was stupid to read more into the moment than was there. Lily could lie to herself until she was blue in the face. But deep inside she knew it wasn't simple affection she saw in the vivid blue depths of Robert's eyes, but love.

The realization of what she'd allowed to happen struck her like a well-aimed kick. Aware that her chest was tight, that her mouth had gone dry, she watched him heft the carrier onto his back and adjust the straps to fit his larger frame.

“We're going to have to be careful,” he said. “Rajalla is crawling with soldiers.”

“I know, it's just that—” She broke off, embarrassed because her emotions were spiraling out of control. She wasn't sure why, but she suddenly felt uncertain and overwhelmed and more afraid than she'd been in a long time.

She walked a short distance away and looked out over Rajalla. “I love this place,” she said, struggling not to cry. “It's hard to believe someone would want to destroy it.”

She heard Robert come up behind her but she didn't turn around. “This isn't your war to fight, Lily.”

“It wasn't Strawberry's war, either.”

“You have a son to think about now.”

That stopped her. It always did. It was the one point that was inarguable. The subject that caused her the most pain when she thought of what she had to do. There was never a time when she didn't think about Jack's safety. When she didn't consider his future. Once the rebels were in power and a democracy was restored, she could go on with her life and concentrate solely on being a mother to her precious son. But until then…

“It's hard to do the right thing sometimes.” She looked at Robert, found his eyes already on her. She didn't think
she'd ever seen him so tense. His jaw was tight, his brows drawn together, his mouth pulled into a severe line.

“If anything happens to me,” she began, the words coming in a flood, “I want you to promise me you'll take care of J—”