The Playboy's Proposal (Sorensen Family) (19 page)

Whatever Henry had expected her to say to him tonight, he hadn’t expected this and he struggled to comprehend
.

She loves me?

This crazy, complicated, and beautiful woman thought she loved him. The unexpected joy and exhilaration he felt was immediate and surprising. But it didn’t last long, as the shadow of doubt followed just as swiftly.

Benny only
thought
she loved him. But she’d also thought she loved Luke up until this moment.

Love was fleeting. It didn’t last.

Especially where it concerned him. He just wasn’t a lovable guy. Nor did he think he was capable of loving someone, especially someone like Benny, with the devotion they deserved.

But the last thing he’d wanted in all of this was to hurt her. To have to pretend that hearing her say she loved him hadn’t been about the best thing in the world to hear.

He flexed his jaw, trying to think of what to say, what words he could utter that wouldn’t completely crush the spirit of the woman before him.

“Benny. I…I’ve really enjoyed our time together as well. More than you could know. In the short amount of time we’ve known each other, you’ve become the best friend I’ve ever had. And that friendship is so important to me that I would hate more than anything to lose it. To lose you.” His voice cracked at the end and he cleared his throat, trying again. “And it’s for that reason, I can’t return those words. Those feelings.”

It ripped his heart out to say that, especially when her face, so bright and hopeful before, seemed to fall, her eyes pooling with tears that clung to her lashes.

“Henry. Don’t do this,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t push me away because you’re afraid. I need you to look at what’s in front of you. At what we can have. Yes, it’s scary to let yourself feel those things, to love someone, to give yourself over to that feeling of not knowing what can happen, but loving each other can also be a miracle. It can be the most amazing thing we could share. You just need to let yourself fall.”

“I—” he stopped, not trusting himself to say anything more, nor did he think he could, as his throat seemed to be closing, shutting off air.

She studied him for one long, painful minute. Then, he saw it. The moment she gave up. When she knew.

He fought the urge to go to her, to hold her, to tell her what she needed to hear. But something stopped him, some kernel of doubt that told him that whatever pain he felt now would be nothing compared to the pain of losing her love later.

Instead, he watched as she lifted her chin almost defiantly, nodding slightly, and walked out the door, letting it close softly behind her.

No slamming, no yelling, just quiet acceptance.

Henry didn’t know how long he stood there, staring at the door. Hoping that she’d come back and tell him that being friends would be enough. But, of course, the door remained closed. The place eerily silent.

A dark cloud seemed to be hovering over him. A dredging sense of sadness that he just couldn’t shake. When he’d entered this bargain, he’d thought only to get Benny off his back and ensure he didn’t do anything to risk getting that account at work. He hadn’t expected to have these feelings for her.

He’d meant what he said. He’d never cared as much for any woman in his entire life. And somehow he’d managed to mess that up.

He glanced over at the monstrous black piano in the corner of the room. Benny had asked him once if he played, and he’d answered vaguely. There actually had been a time when he was a kid when he enjoyed playing the piano, losing himself in the music, the melody. He’d expressed his emotions through the songs he played. It was funny, because for so long he’d balked at the lessons his mother made him take, lessons he was certain had only been a way for her to get him out of her hair.

Which was why when she’d passed last fall, it had been surprising to find that of all the things that had been donated and passed through the estate, the piano was the one thing she’d directed in her will to go to him. He’d nearly sent it to the landfill. Even thought about taking a sledgehammer to it in epic fashion. But he’d kept it. For what reason, what purpose, he didn’t know.

But right now, it seemed his fingers were itching to finally touch the keys. To express his warring emotions with music.

He pulled out the bench and slid behind the instrument. He didn’t make any movement to touch the keys at first, simply staring at them. He knew the surface would be clean and polished thanks to the efforts of his maid.

Taking a deep breath, Henry settled his fingers over the keys, positioning them as the instinct to play started to kick in. Would it be like riding a bicycle? Would he feel what came next without having to think too much about it?

He pressed a few keys, the sound strange but welcoming. It took him only a few more strikes before he relaxed his shoulders and let his fingers move across the keys on their own. He closed his eyes.

Why had he waited so long?

Because he hadn’t wanted to be reminded of those feelings from long ago. Those feelings of abandonment. Of feeling unloved. Unwanted.

Maybe, just like him, his mother hadn’t been capable of loving someone. Not entirely. And maybe this piano had been, in her way, a peace offering to him. An apology of sorts.

He couldn’t possibly know what had gone through that woman’s mind, and maybe he was being fanciful, but his conclusion felt right.

Maybe there was room for a little forgiveness for his mother after all. And hopefully, one day, maybe Benny would feel the same toward him.

Chapter Twenty

Bright and early Monday morning, Benny sat in the corner chair in Luke’s office, sipping her coffee. She’d been sitting there for twenty minutes already, and it was a test of her will not to stare obsessively at the clock as she waited for his arrival.

But she needed to get this off her chest before she could move on. Move on to pretending that her life was going to be okay now that Henry wouldn’t be in it. Pretending until the pretense eventually became reality.

And she felt like she could breathe fully once again.

It wasn’t until ten to eight that Luke finally appeared in the door. “Benny? Well, good morning, beautiful. This is a nice surprise.” He walked in, accepting the cup of coffee that she held out for him and took his seat. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m doing okay.” Luke had actually called and checked in on her briefly last night, but she’d kept the call short, not trusting herself to get into things with him on the phone without bursting into tears. Besides, this needed to be done in person.

He seemed to suddenly recognize her fatigue as his face clouded over with concern. “You sure you’re okay?”

He really was a great guy. Why hadn’t she fallen in love with him?

She smiled. “Let’s just say that whatever is bothering me isn’t physical.”

“Okay…so what seems to be the trouble?”

“It’s just that—well…wow. This is harder than I thought.” She leaned forward, trying to gather her thoughts. “Let’s just say that over the past few weeks, I’ve learned a lot about myself. About who I am. About what I need to be happy.”

Luke looked confused, but he nodded, waiting for her to go on.

“I don’t know if you knew this, but when I started working at the clinic, I kind of had a bit of a crush on you.” Luke grinned, but she couldn’t let her embarrassment stop her. “But as you may recall, I struggled with how to talk with you or approach you or even be seen as anyone other than a klutz. I was sure the only way you were going to be interested in me is if I changed everything about me. So much so that I don’t even know if what you like about me is because of who I am—or who I’ve pretended to be. Who I thought you wanted me to be.”

“I don’t think I understand.” He shook his head in confusion. “I think you’re wonderful.”

He wasn’t making this any easier on her. “Tell me something. When did you first consider asking me out? When did you first really look at me as someone you might be interested in?”

Luke scratched his head. “I don’t know. Maybe when you brought me that first cup of coffee.”

She nodded. “You realize that I’d been working here for about two months by that point. What was it about that particular moment that changed things for you? Was it because I’d cut my hair, layered on lipstick and makeup, bought some new clothes? Was that why I suddenly became more attractive to you? Finally caught your attention?”

His forehead creased in confusion. “No. I mean, I don’t know about you changing your hair or any of that. It was just that…well, before, you always seemed to run away from me. I didn’t think you even liked me, frankly. But that day, you actually spoke to me. And we talked. And after that you just seemed…more confident.”

Benny hadn’t necessarily expected Luke to admit he was so superficial as to only have seen her, really seen her, until after she’d had the makeover. She’d thought he’d be evasive or uncertain until she pointed it out to him. This, however, was unexpected. “When we talked? You mean when I pressed you to talk about your interests, about golf?”

He paused. “I don’t remember what we talked about, but I was flattered that you actually sought me out. Finally had a conversation with me. Not that I hadn’t noticed the way you were suddenly dressing differently, or that you were wearing your hair differently. But before, you were kind of…unapproachable. And then you suddenly weren’t. And sure, I thought the changes were great. However, I’ve dated attractive women before; I don’t always necessarily ask them out for second dates. Or ask them to meet my parents. We just seem to have so much in common, have the same interests.”

“What would you think if I told you that I haven’t been very up front with you? Maybe even a bit…misleading.”

“I don’t think I follow.”

“Okay. Let’s start with the sushi. I loathe it. The look, the smell, the taste and consistency. Most of the time, I prefer my seafood well cooked or slathered in mayo on a sandwich. And up until a few weeks ago I hadn’t owned an eyelash curler, let alone used one. Then there’s golf, a sport I only took up in the first place because I wanted to impress you.”

He looked thunderstruck. “Why would you do all that?”

“I guess I wasn’t convinced that you’d find me interesting enough or pretty enough just…being me. But over the past couple of days, as we’ve grown closer, I’ve come to realize that you aren’t really getting to know the real me. That for so long I wasn’t even sure if the real me was worth getting to know.” She held up her hands as he looked like he was going to disagree. “I know, that sounds really pathetic. But it was true. It’s only now that I’m finally able to recognize that maybe the old Benny wasn’t so bad after all. The real Benny would have told you she hated sushi and told you she didn’t know how to golf or think it was a very interesting sport.”

“You think I wouldn’t have liked you if you’d told me these things? That I’m so superficial that I’d have rejected you?” He actually looked affronted. Rightfully so. “That’s crazy.”

“It is crazy. Which is why I think that until I’m more comfortable in my own skin, confident in who I am, you and I should probably take a step back. Maybe just try being friends for a while.”

He was staring beyond her shoulder, as if still processing what she’d said. He was going to need time. And she was okay with that. She needed it herself.

She came to her feet. “I am sorry for leading you on like this, Luke. I really am.” And she was, even if she’d had the best intentions. “I hope that, maybe with time, you and I can become friends. Because you’re a really, really great guy.”

He nodded, finally meeting her gaze. “I’d like that,” he said and smiled. Not a bright, all is forgiven smile, but it was slight and sincere all the same.

The weight she’d been feeling these past few days—likely the guilt for her deception—was suddenly gone and she felt the tiniest bit better. It was good to finally be honest with people again.

“Okay,” she said, returning his smile. “I’ll catch you later.”

She stopped short a few feet outside his door, however, when she nearly ran into Roz. For a moment, the woman’s eyes widened, and she looked slightly uncomfortable.

“Morning, Dr. Sorensen,” she said stiffly.

“Morning, Roz,” Benny returned. She had some suspicions as to whether the woman had overheard her conversation but it didn’t bother her. It wasn’t like her feelings for Luke had ever been a secret around the office. Or what she thought she’d felt for him anyway.

The woman didn’t rush away as Benny expected, though, instead taking a moment to study Benny as if for the first time. Then just before it became awkward, Roz nodded briefly with something that almost seemed like…approval, and walked away.

Benny shook her head, not even trying to understand what happened but feeling a sense that she’d somehow finally gained Roz’s approval.

She continued to her office, relieved to finally reach the sanctuary. She shut the door and sank back against it, processing her morning.

Hearing Luke describe how it was her finally having the confidence in herself to speak to him that first brought her more firmly onto his radar confirmed what Daisy had been saying. Benny had been selling herself short for too long.

She hadn’t realized that maybe being herself was enough.

Not to say she was going to do a complete 360 and revert back to wearing scrubs on a daily basis or not giving a hoot about her appearance. But she could see now that by eschewing those things, she’d been hiding. That she had been the tiniest bit afraid that people would think she was trying to be something or someone she wasn’t. That she was a fraud.

She’d been wrong. There wasn’t anything wrong with wanting to look her best. With wanting to feel a little pretty. It made her feel good about herself, gave her confidence in ways she hadn’t appreciated before.

So even though half the crap that Henry had dished out might have been completely moronic, half of the crap had actually also been…right.

Henry
.

Her heart felt heavy when she conjured his face. His voice. His touch.

Tears swiftly swelled but she whipped her hands up to wipe them away.

Stop.

She couldn’t break down again or she might not be able to hold herself together. It had taken every ounce of her strength to get out of bed this morning and push him and the memory of his rejection to the back of her mind.

But it didn’t mean she didn’t feel the pain.

The only solace she took from the evening was that she’d laid out her feelings, told him everything. She’d been honest with him. Even if he wasn’t able to say the same things back.

She sniffled and took in a deep breath.

There was one more thing she had to do to fully move on. To protect herself from the pain she’d experience every time she saw Henry, whether alone or with another woman. She glanced at her watch. She had two minutes left to still do it.

Pulling her cellphone out of her pocket, she dialed the number she’d thought she wouldn’t need again for a very long time.

Voicemail.

She took a breath. “Hi, Vivienne. It’s Benny Sorensen. I need your help again. I’m putting my place back on the market.”

…

It was nearly noon on Saturday when Henry stumbled from his apartment with a bag of garbage, the remnants of a large—albeit quiet—party he’d had last night to try and fill the void that had taken a permanent place in his life since Benny had walked out his door the week before.

It was like she’d disappeared off the face of the planet.

But she was safe, he knew, having texted her Tuesday when he still hadn’t seen or heard from her only to be told in a short text she was staying at Daisy’s for the week.

It still hadn’t stopped him from cricking his neck every morning and every evening when he reached the parking garage, hoping for a glimpse of her or her car so he’d know she was back. He couldn’t help stepping off the elevator and wondering if he’d spot her, maybe getting her mail or getting some things from her place. But…nothing.

So he’d tried to fill his time with dates and parties and evenings out with his friends, anything to take his mind off the fact that he missed her.

He missed Benny. He missed her smile, her brilliant blue eyes, her sharp wit and way of cutting through the bullshit, the way she made him laugh, the ways she smelled and tasted…the list was endless.

Hell.
He drew his hand through his hair. This entire week hadn’t gone anywhere near how it should have. With the letter from the home owners’ association confirming that all complaints against him had been withdrawn and there was no risk in the near future of any eviction, he was in the clear with the tabloids—and with the clients of his new big account. Combined with the satisfaction of landing that account and the nomination for best ad campaign, he should be on cloud nine.

Not feeling so totally lost.

He shoved the garbage bag down the chute and headed out, only to be completely taken aback to find Benny just a few feet way, on her way out of her place.

When had she come home?

She looked as stunned to see him as he probably did at seeing her. Another woman was with her, someone he didn’t recognize in a navy pantsuit and with a clipboard in her arms. A bit formal for a Saturday.

“Benny. Hey. You’re back,” he said, suddenly at a loss for anything clever or witty to say.

“Oh.” Her eyes darted from him, looking nervous. “I was just leaving, actually.”

She looked good. Tired, but good, if the shadows under her eyes were any indication.

“Hi, I’m Vivienne,” the woman at Benny’s side said too cheerfully, taking his hand in a firm shake. “Are you another resident?”

“Henry lives in the three-bedroom next door.”

“Really,” the woman said with a calculated gleam in her eye. “Why don’t I leave you my card, then.”

Her card?

He must have looked confused, because the woman laughed as she placed a card in his hand. He glanced down at it just as she clarified. “I’m a real estate agent. Dr. Sorensen has hired me to help get her place listed and on the market. You know, I have quite a number of clients who are interested in getting into this building, and they’d be positively rabid if they heard you were putting your place up on the market. How many square feet did you say you had?”

“I didn’t.” On the market? Benny was moving? He looked at her accusingly now. “I hadn’t realized that Dr. Sorensen was moving out. In fact, since it looks like you two are finished, maybe I could have a minute with Dr. Sorensen.”

This time Benny raised her eyes to meet his. “No. I’m afraid I have an appointment I have to make.”

Really? She was going to play it this way? He looked at her in accusation. Who was the coward now, he wanted to ask, but he bit back the accusation.

Although what exactly he hoped to say or tell her in privacy he didn’t know. Nothing that hadn’t already been said. Nothing that he
could
say.

The agent seemed to finally sense the tension in the air as she looked back and forth between them. “I can wait out here, if you two need—”

“That’s not necessary,” Benny assured her. “Henry, I really do have to go. I think we’ve said everything there is to say, don’t you?”

“I suppose.” Unless you counted the fact that he missed her and this distance was causing him all sorts of misgivings and doubts.

He just wanted her here. He wanted things the way they were. Her the way she was. And now, if she was actually putting this place up for sale, that wasn’t going to happen. Things were really…over.

She nodded, almost looking disappointed at his response. “Why don’t I walk you down,” she said to her Realtor, already dismissing him.