My eyes flicked up to his face. He wore an expression of patient anticipation. My stomach clenched. I didn't want that right now. What I wanted was to let him do something I knew he wanted.
I pulled down his pants to mid-thigh, revealing my thick, heavy prize. I started slow, running kisses along his shaft and then down to his balls. I used my hands and mouth on him, stroking him until he was moaning. I shifted my position then, and took a moment to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to ask him to do. When I looked up at him, I saw the question on his face.
“Put your hand on my head,” I said softly. Something flashed across his features, but I didn't register what it was before it was gone. I didn't dwell on it though. I clarified my previous statement. “I want you to use your hands to control me while I go down on you.”
“Jenna.”
I heard him get ready to protest. “Please?” I asked. “I need to do this.”
He let out a groan. “You're killing me, love.”
I suppressed a smile. Even after such a short time together, I knew what that meant. He would do what I asked. But it wasn't just me who wanted it. I'd felt it in his body before. He'd stroked my hair, but hadn't taken it beyond that point. This morning, I wanted him to have that control.
I leaned forward and he put his hand on my head. I felt him hesitating and looked up at him. There were dozens of questions on his face, but I knew that the one holding him back was me. Did I really want this or was I only doing it because that's what I thought he wanted?
“Yellow,” I said softly. “Just go slow at first.”
He nodded and put a gentle pressure on my head, his fingers curling in my hair to guide me. My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest, more from anxiety than from arousal at the moment, but I kept my eyes on Rylan's face even as I parted my lips to allow him to slide between them.
He kept things slow, pressing my head down and then tugging on my hair to let me know to pull up. He never forced himself deep into my mouth or did anything that set free the panic that was always at the back of my mind. Being with him quieted it until I almost forgot it existed. I wondered if, someday, it would finally disappear forever.
I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock as he drew me back, pulling himself completely free and tilting my head so I could look at him. I nodded. “More.”
His fingers flexed in my hair and he applied more pressure this time. He wasn't exactly shoving me down, but it wasn't a gentle coaxing like before. I put my hands on his muscular thighs to steady myself and let him take control. His moans, the way he said my name as he thrust into my mouth chased away any fear that may have lingered. Heat coiled in my stomach. I loved that I could make him feel this way.
I dropped a hand, cupping his balls in my palm. He swore and his hips jerked, pushing him a bit further into my mouth than he'd probably intended to go. I felt him freeze and knew he wonder if he'd hurt me. I gave his balls a light squeeze and lowered my head even more. I'd taken him completely before, but I knew that he would hesitate. He was big enough that it wasn't an easy task, but I knew he enjoyed it.
“Do you want it all?” His voice was hoarse.
I couldn't answer with my mouth full, but I managed enough of a nod to answer his question.
“Tap my leg if it's too much.”
I loved him for taking the time to make sure I had an out before he pushed down on my head again. I let my eyes close, focusing on the taste of him, the smell, the feel of his soft skin and the weight of him on my tongue. I knew this man. Loved him. Wanted him. I relaxed my throat and let him slide down until my nose brushed against the curls at the base of his cock.
I swallowed, letting the muscles in my throat work the way I'd been taught, massaging his cock until I felt his body begin to shake. I stayed until his hand started to pull me up. I felt him begin to pulse even as he slid across my tongue and knew that he was about to come. His hand fell off of my head and I knew he was giving me the choice of what to do next.
I hollowed out my cheeks, drawing out every last drop as he exploded in my mouth. He shouted my name as I swallowed and a shiver of pleasure went through me. I didn't release him right away either, teasing him with my tongue even as he began to soften. Only when he began to gasp and writhe did I let him go.
“Damn,” he breathed as I crawled up his body. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down to his chest. “That's got to be the best Christmas morning I've ever had.”
I smiled and kissed his chest. “Definitely better than an alarm clock,” I said.
We laid in silence for a few minutes before the chill in the air became obvious. The fire had gone out at some point during the night and both of us were only half-dressed. Half-dressed and sticky, I realized. As much as I wanted to give him his gift, I wanted to be a bit more presentable when I did it.
“How about we take a couple minutes and clean up before we open gifts?” he said, reading my mind. “You take the bathroom here and I'll take the one down the hall. I'll turn up the heat and we should be good to go in just a few minutes.”
“That sounds perfect,” I said. A thought hit me and I looked up at him. “You didn't ask it.”
“Didn't ask what?” He looked puzzled.
“If I was okay.” I reached up and pushed a lock of hair back from his face. “I'm not upset that you didn't, I just noticed it.”
“I figured that if you trusted me enough to do these things, I had to trust you to tell me if I go too far.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “But I always want to know that you're okay.”
I smiled as I pushed myself off of his chest. “I am,” I said. “But I'll be a lot better after I brush my teeth.”
He laughed as we both got to our feet and hurried off to get the necessities done so we could get back to our celebration.
Chapter 9
My excitement over my gift began to get mixed with some serious nerves by the time Rylan and I met back in the living room. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Personal and something that only I could give him. Something that no amount of money could buy.
Well, I guess, technically, money could've bought it, but it wouldn't have been the same.
“All right,” he said as he came over to stand next to me. “Now, I'm going to ask it because you're looking way too serious. Are you okay?”
I reached out and took his hand, threading my fingers between his. “I'm fine.” I gave him a sideways smile. “Just a little anxious about the whole gifts thing.”
“Worried you won't like what I got you?” he teased, but I could hear that he was just as nervous as I was.
“I'm sure I'll love it,” I assured him. I looked up at him. “So, how do you want to do this?” I smiled. “Newbie here when it comes to Christmas, remember? All I've got to go on are how families do it in movies and on tv.”
“Well, the first thing you need to know,” he said in a whisper. “Is that there aren't any rules.”
I laughed as the tension faded away. My voice took on a lighter note. “Then how do we know what to do?”
He laughed as well. “I guess we'll have to make it up as we go, then, won't we?” He led me over to the couch and gestured for me to sit down. “And if we're doing that, I'd like to say I get to go first.”
I nodded and sat down, pressing my hands together so that Rylan couldn't see that they were shaking. I wasn't worried that I wouldn't like what he was going to give me – I was sure that no matter what it was, I'd love it – but I was concerned about the equality of it all. I knew Rylan was rich and generous, and we were dating, but I didn't know what that meant in regards to gift giving. Maybe something so personal as my gift was a bad idea. Maybe it would make him think I was getting too serious. If' I'd only known what he'd gotten me first, or at least what it was worth. Not that I cared about how much things cost. I would've been happy with just what he'd done here. It was more than I ever could have dreamed.
Now, he was walking back over to the tree and bending down to pick something up. It was a small, flat box. Too small to be clothing. The wrong size and shape for electronics. I had a feeling it was jewelry and my heart began to beat faster. I wasn't an idiot, but when it came to this, I was highly inexperienced. Aside from the obvious of what certain pieces of jewelry meant, I didn't know what anything else would symbolize.
“Here.” Rylan sat on the edge of the couch next to me. I felt his excitement coming off him in waves.
I hoped I wouldn't disappoint him.
I slowly untied the sparkling silver ribbon and then went to work on the paper. I was careful as much because the paper was thick and beautiful as because I wanted a bit more time to prepare myself for whatever was in that box.
Then I opened it and knew that no amount of time would've prepared me.
The plain box was lined with black velvet and what laid on the velvet was the most exquisite set of matching earrings and a necklace. This wasn't some simple gold chain or some kind of flashy diamond thing. The necklace was silver, delicately crafted. At the center was a sapphire. Not too small to be lost, but not so large as to be garish. The earrings were done similarly, except instead of one stone, there were three very small ones in each web of silver.
I stared at them, unable to believe what I was seeing. There had to be some mistake. One or the other would've been more than enough. I couldn't accept this.
“If you don't like them, I can take them back.” Rylan's voice was soft.
My heart twisted as I heard him try to hide what he was feeling. I looked up at him, balancing the box on my knees as I reached for his hands. He didn't look at me.
“Rylan, they're beautiful.”
He still wouldn't raise his eyes. I reached out and cupped his chin, a gesture he'd used on me before.
“Look at me,” I said softly. He did as I said. “I love them.”
“You don't have to say that,” he said.
“I'm not.” It was a strange feeling for me, being the one trying to reassure him like this. “I think they're the most...they're perfect. Too perfect.”
He frowned at me.
“They're too much.” I shook my head.
“No.” He spoke in that firm voice that I knew not to argue with. “It's not too much.”
“We've only been dating a short while,” I tried to argue anyway. My fingers were trembling as I lightly touched the jewelry. How could I explain to him how inadequate I felt? How unworthy of a gift like this.
“Do you like them?” he asked.
I nodded, not wanting him to doubt himself again.
“Do you love me?”
The question caught me off guard. “Yes.”
“Then accept them.”
Dammit.
“I want you to understand something,” he said, covering my hands with his this time. “I didn't buy these because they were expensive and I thought that's what you would want or because I felt like I had to spend a lot of money.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn't think that about him, but snapped my jaw shut when he gave me a sharp look. Not a mean one, but rather one that said he wasn't done yet.
“Black Friday, Suzette always drags me out shopping with her,” he said. “This year, Suzette met up with a couple of friends halfway through the day and let me off the hook. I walked past a store window, and there they were. The moment I saw them, I knew I had to get them for you.”
He raised a hand and wrapped my hair around his finger before brushing his thumb across my cheek.
“I couldn't imagine anyone else wearing them.”
I wrapped my hand around his. “I didn't mean to be ungrateful.” I pulled his hand around to kiss it. “I've just never had anyone give me a gift before, a gift of any kind, much less something like this. It's a lot to take in.”
“I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said. He pulled my hand to him and kissed it.
I shook my head. “This wasn't you at all.” I released his hand and looked down at the still open box. “In my wildest dreams, I never could've imagined something like this. Something so special.”
“You're special,” he said, leaning over to brush his lips across mine.
It wasn't much of a kiss in the way of delivery, but it still sent warmth straight through me. He rested his forehead against mine for a moment before breaking the silence.
“Is it my turn now?”
There was an almost little boy quality to his question that made me smile. I sat back. His eyes were shining with anticipation. My chest tightened and my expression froze. It was silly, my idea. Why in the world had I thought this was a good idea? I should've gone with the expensive tie or found some store that sold cufflinks. A watch maybe or something like that.
This time, I didn't need to explain anything to him. Rylan knew what the problem was.
“I'll love it,” he said. “I don't care how much it cost or anything like that. All that matters is that you thought of me.” He grinned, a real, sweet grin that made my stomach clench. “You could have made me a macaroni necklace or ceramic ashtray.” He raised an eyebrow. “You didn't make me a macaroni necklace did you?”
The humor broke the mood and I laughed. “No, I didn't do any of those things.” I flushed as I stood. “I didn't exactly...buy you anything.” I picked up the envelope I'd slipped under the tree last night. As I turned around, I caught a flash of sadness in his eyes and realized what it had sounded like. Instead of getting serious again, I decided to go with a different way. “I didn't say I didn't get you anything.” I kept my tone teasing. I held out the envelope and his face lit up.
I walked over to him to hand it over, but I didn't sit down. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't like that very much.
He looked at the envelope and then up at me. “No hints?”
I shook my head. I didn't trust myself to speak. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest.
“Okay then.” He opened the envelope almost as carefully as I'd opened the box.
I clasped my hands behind my back. I didn't know what I was going to do if he didn't like it. Or if he didn't understand it.
He pulled out the single sheet of paper and unfolded it. I watched as his expression went from confusion to shock. His eyes widened and he looked up at me.