Authors: Carl Weber
We’d just had dinner on City Island and on the way back Dante leaned over and gave me a very passionate kiss at a stoplight. I loved the way he kissed me and it seemed like he’d been kissing me all night. It was hard to believe, but we’d been seeing each other for over a month and nothing had gone wrong. He was different from any other guy I’d ever messed with, maybe even a little square by ghetto standards, but he kept me laughing and showed me things about life that I’d never seen before. I’d never had more fun with a guy in my entire life. He didn’t crowd me or try to be in my face with that jealous shit like other brothers. And although we still hadn’t had sex, now I understood why he was so reluctant to jump into bed too fast. It really gave us a chance to get to know each other, and believe it or not, it made me want him even more. I think we both knew it was about that time. It was just a matter of finding the right place.
When he pulled up in front of my building, I was shocked. A crowd had gathered around and pandemonium reigned. There had to be at least five police cars parked out there, and there were so many people I couldn’t even see the entrance.
“Leave her alone. Let ’em go. Stop coming down here fuckin’ with us, you racist bastards!” members of the crowd were shouting. I jumped out of Dante’s car to find out what was going on, and I felt sick when I discovered it was my mother who was being arrested. Her clothes were dirty and she looked like something the cat had dragged home. She was kicking and screaming like a wild woman as five cops led her handcuffed out of the building. She was so high that foam was collecting in the corners of her mouth as she cursed the cops.
“Stoooooop! You motherfuckers! You’re hurting me! This is police brutality. I’m calling Al Sharpton!” she screamed, only calming down slightly when she spotted me. “Tanisha, tell these motherfuckers to let me go. Let me go, damn it!”
“Leave her alone,” I shouted as I stepped closer.
I was about grab one of the cops’ arms when another one stepped in front of me and said, “Miss, please back away or I’m going to arrest you for obstruction and interfering with a police investigation.”
“Fuck that. I don’t care. That’s my mother!” My head rolled around on my shoulders and I was about to point my finger in his face when I felt someone take hold of my arm.
“Baby, you need to relax.” Dante didn’t know how close he was to getting the shit smacked out of him, but what he was saying did make sense. “We’ll deal with them later. We need to find out about your brother. Wasn’t he with your mother when we left?”
“Oh, my God! Aubrey!” I’d completely forgotten about him. My mother was going to have to wait until I found out where my little brother was. I ran up the stairs with Dante on my heels. “Where’s my brother?” I began to scream the second I ran into my apartment.
My neighbor Cat was standing there with a policewoman. Aubrey was nowhere to be found. An angry thought came to my mind.
What the fuck is that bitch Cat doing in my house with the cops? Shit, she probably had something to do with this
.
“Cat, where’s Aubrey? Where’s my brother?” I would deal with Cat later if I found out she played any part in my mother’s arrest.
“Girl, they done busted your momma and them no-good crackheads and Child Protective Services came and took your brother. You just missed them. I told them you would take your brother, but you weren’t here, so they left. Here’s the lady’s card.”
I took the card then yelled, “No! I ain’t gonna let them put my brother in a foster home like they did to me.” I broke down crying.
“Don’t worry, Tanisha,” Dante said. “We’ll get him back. I’ll go to court with you. You know they give relatives first priority.”
“I hope you’re right, baby. ’Cause if they keep Aubrey, I’m never going to forgive my mother.”
I looked at my mother with disgust as she sat in the chair across the table. She reached for my hand and I pulled it back. I didn’t want her to touch me. I was so damn mad at her I wanted to scream. Her preliminary hearing was set for the next day but I wasn’t going. I would be at juvenile court trying to get my brother released into my custody.
“I told you this was gonna happen. You just couldn’t stop smoking that shit, could you?”
“Baby, I’m so sorry,” she whined.
“Sorry ain’t good enough anymore, Momma. Sorry ain’t good enough. You need some help. You really need some help.” My voice was a cross between pleading and scolding, and I wasn’t too far from shedding some tears.
“I know. I know that, baby, and Momma’s gonna get some help, I swear. But you gotta get me outta here. You know I can’t get the help I need in here. Now, I know you have a little money stashed away, so can you bail me out? It’s only a thousand dollars. Please, baby, you don’t want me to be locked up in here, do you?” Her eyes continually twitched and she was scratching like she needed some Benadryl. She spoke so sincerely, though, I was almost compelled to take the little bit of money I had saved and bail her out just like I’d done countless times in the past. The vision of my little brother sitting in foster care stopped that. She didn’t deserve to be free if he wasn’t going to be.
“Momma, you’ve gotta be kidding me. I ain’t got no money to bail you out,” I lied. “Or did you forget you smoked up every dime I made last week when you went in my pocketbook?” I thought about all the things my mother had stolen from me over the years, including the TV, the radio, the microwave, the VCR, the Game Boy, and my money. It just made me angrier.
The truth is, I loved my mother. I always have, no matter what, but the thought of my brother being placed in foster care like I was when I was his age had tested my love to the limit. I was on the verge of hating her. The problem was that I also felt sorry for her. It seemed like she never really had a chance in life, so I was always trying to give her another one. Hell, maybe I’d even enabled her by not leaving when she stole from me, by bailing her out when she got busted, or by believing her when she swore she was going to get help.
When I was thirteen, I covered for her when Aubrey was born with cocaine in his system. When the social worker asked if I had ever witnessed my mother smoking crack, I said no, she’d never smoked. Momma was able to get the baby released to her because of my statement, and because she said she had been around other people who were smoking, and that’s how she’d ingested cocaine just before she delivered. I could hardly go to school when Aubrey was a baby because I used to be the only one watching him while she would run the streets getting high. Thank God for the GED. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had anything to fall back on.
A depression overcame me. The jail had the feel of a dark, dank dungeon. Suddenly, I thought I was going to throw up and I couldn’t breathe.
“Mom, I’m getting ready to book.”
“Are you gonna bail me out?”
Our eyes met in a cold stare as I refused.
She jumped back in her chair as if I’d just shot her.
“What do you mean no? I told you I’m gonna get help this time. I promise.” A few tears escaped the corners of her eyes and rolled down her face. I knew if I didn’t leave soon, she was going to wear me down and I would bail her out. “Please, baby, please. You don’t know what it’s like in here.”
I stood up to leave. “I’m sorry, Mommy, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m gonna put some money in your account.”
“Baby, please don’t do this. I swear on my momma’s grave I’m gonna quit. You gotta believe me.” Tears were now flowing down her face like a river.
“I wish I could.”
“You can if you want to. I know you got the money.” Now she was starting to look angry.
“Momma, I told you I ain’t got the money.”
“Well, then get it from Dante,” she said desperately “He’ll give it to you. That nigga loves you.” She smiled as if Dante was the answer to all her problems.
“I’m not gonna ask him that. He’s my boyfriend, not an ATM, Momma.”
“And I’m your mother, bitch. Or have you forgotten that? If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be here.”
“You’re right, Momma, you wouldn’t be here. You’d probably be dead. I’m going to see about Aubrey now. Good luck in court tomorrow.” I stood holding my head up high.
“You ungrateful little bitch. You ain’t all that. What’s Dante gonna think when he finds out where you work, huh? Bet he won’t be sending you flowers and candy then, will he?”
“Shut up, Momma!” I snapped.
“What’s wrong? Afraid your secret’s gonna get out?”
“Dante already knows my worst secret, Momma. He found that out the day he met you. I don’t think anything can be worse than that. Have a good day in court.” I walked away. I was just outside the door when I heard her yelling.
“Tanisha, I’m sorry, baby! I was just upset! Please don’t leave me in here!”
When I left my mother, I had to get on a crowded orange-and-white city bus that took me over a bridge and off of Rikers Island. Dante was on the other side of the bridge waiting for me, and I couldn’t wait until I was in his arms. I needed to be held, and when I stepped off the bus, he didn’t disappoint. As we stood surrounded by people, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt all the tension melt from my body. He was such a good man, probably too good for me. Sometimes I wondered why he was even with someone like me.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m okay.”
“How’s your mom?”
“She’s mad at me ’cause I won’t bail her out.”
“If it’s about money, I can bail her out if you want.”
“No, she’ll be all right. She’s probably better off in there than she is out here. At least she won’t get high.”
“Yeah, but I thought you could get anything in there.”
“Sure, if you got money, but I only left her fifteen dollars in her account. She sure as hell ain’t gonna get high on that.” He laughed and I joined in.
“What am I gonna do with you?” he asked with affection in his voice.
I looked in his eyes and smiled. “I ain’t got nothing to do until nine o’clock tomorrow morning when I’ve got to be in court to see about my brother. So if you really wanna know, you can take me somewhere and make love to me.”
“Sweetheart, there is nothing in this world that I’d like more.”
I handed Tanisha one of the cups of coffee I’d gotten from the vending machine down the hall. We’d been in the family court building all morning and had come back for the afternoon session in hopes of getting her brother released into her custody. The halls were packed with families, most of them black or Hispanic. Babies were crying and children were running around like there wasn’t any adult supervision to be found. Aubrey was in the section where they kept the children who were in the custody of the Department of Children and Family Services. Tanisha had a chance to visit with him about ten o’clock that morning.
I watched Tanisha yawn and rubbed her back with my free hand. She was tired. Hell, we were both tired. Who wouldn’t be tired after being up all night making love? Not that I was complaining. I hadn’t had sex like that since back in the Anita days. The only difference was that it didn’t feel like regular sex. With Tanisha, there wasn’t just a physical connection. For the first time in my life I think I was truly making love.
Finally, the bailiff stepped out of the courtroom.
“Aubrey Jones! Anyone here for the matter of Aubrey Jones?” Tanisha jumped up and the bailiff held the door open as we entered the courtroom.
The presiding judge was a black man. He seemed no-nonsense and straight to the point. He read over the petition for all those present in the room to hear. Charges of child endangerment, unsafe home environment, illegal substance possession, unclean and unfit home environment, mother testing positive for cocaine. The counts seemed endless. When he finished, he turned to the attorney appointed for Aubrey.
“It’s obvious we can’t place this child back in the home with his mother. Does the child have any family?”
“Yes, Your Honor. We have a family member, Tanisha Jones, willing to take custody. The only drawback is that the child would have to live in the same home. His mother is incarcerated at the time. She’s taken a plea of six months on drug-related charges, so she would not be in the home with the child. But Ms. Jones is also unemployed and has no visible means of support.”
I glanced at Tanisha and wondered what was going on. She had told me she worked at a bar. Why was this lawyer saying she was unemployed? And why wasn’t Tanisha correcting him? Then it hit me. Being unemployed made her a much better candidate than working in a bar environment. That’s when I got an idea.
“Excuse me, Your Honor, may I speak?”
Tanisha looked shocked that I had interrupted the judge.
“And who are you?”
“My name is Dante Wilson. I’m the director of church activities for First Jamaica Ministries on Merrick Boulevard in Jamaica Queens.”
“Wait a minute. Is your father T.K. Wilson?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, well. Small world. I know him. Fine man. What is it you want to say, son?”
“Ms. Jones has applied and been approved for one of our Help a Neighbor grants. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the program…”
“Yes, I’m familiar with the program. We have quite a few families who come in here and have been helped by that program.”
“Well, with the grant and the foster care funds she should be eligible for, along with the fact that she will be home to care for her brother, I would think she’d be a great candidate for custody. As for the unclean and unfit home environment, now that her mother’s out the house, I’m sure we can get some volunteers from First Jamaica Ministries to help with cleaning her place up.”
The judge smiled. “You make a very convincing argument, Mr. Wilson. Have you ever thought of law school?”
His compliment took me off guard. Of course I had thought of law school. It was exactly where I wanted to be if I could just get up the nerve to stray from what my parents had planned for my life. “Yes, sir, I have. I’m in the process of filling out applications now.”
“Good. Now, in the matter of Aubrey Jones, I’m going to issue Ms. Jones temporary custody pending a home evaluation and inspection. Good luck, Ms. Jones, and Mr. Wilson, tell your father I said hello.”
“I’ll do just that, Your Honor.”
The bailiff handed Tanisha some paperwork and we walked out. The second the courtroom doors were closed, Tanisha jumped up in the air and began smothering me with kisses.
“Thank you!” Kiss. “Thank you!” Kiss. “Thank you!” Kiss. Thank you!” When she finally stopped kissing me, she was all grins. “Thank you, baby.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You were better than the lawyer.”
“You think?” I couldn’t help but feel proud.
“Yeah, you were, and what is this Help a Neighbor grant? I never applied for a grant.”
“You didn’t? Well, you better fill out the paperwork. I’ve got it in the car. It’s a good thing I’m the director of church activities and I can approve it on the spot.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“You’d be surprised what I’d do for you.”
“Not anymore I wouldn’t.” She kissed me. “You know, I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”