Read The Price of Butcher's Meat Online
Authors: Reginald Hill
To tell truthâdont think I had a choice of stay or go. Tho Ess didnt actually
touch meâI found myself steered through the doorway into what would have made a lovely baronial hallâcould imagine Fairbanks or Flynn fighting his way downâor upâthe broad staircase in one of mums old favoritesâbut there were no suits of armor in the cornersâno marble busts in the nichesâno rich tapestries on the wallsâin fact nothing at all except pale squares showing where pictures had once hungâall of which fit what Id guessed from the fake Rolex businessâthat Teddy had been selling off the family goodies to keep body & soul together.
Ess flung open a couple of doorsâgiving me a brief glimpse into more rooms looking like theyd been stripped by marauding Vikingsâ& struck lucky on the third.
Nothing much in here eitherâexcept a few ancient chairs & a sofaâon which Teddy & Sidney were sittingâheads closeâtalking earnestly.
They looked toward us. Ted jumped to his feetâflushing as he recognized meâthe invitation hed tossed my way had clearly gone right out of his head!
Sidâby contrastâgave me a lovely smileâlike I was the best thing hed seen all day.
âCharlotteâhe saidâhow nice to see you againâso soonâ
âYouve met thenâsaid TeddyâsoundingâI hoped!âa bit jealous.
âOf courseâwhen I called to pay my respects to Tom. Hi Esther. Just what our dull masculine deliberations could do withâtwo rays of feminine brightnessâ
OKâflowery frothâbut hes got style enough to get away with it.
I grinned back like an idiotâ& gave him a straight 10 for Social Skills! (& it wasnt even his house!)âbut at the same time I was wonderingâwhat deliberations?âwhat are you two up to?
Ess had a look on her face that suggested she might have been wondering the same. All she said wasâthis is cozyâlets all sit down & have a cup of coffeeâIm sure Miss Heywoods ready for oneâ
Something about the way she said that last phrase made me think she was taking the piss!
Ted saidâoh sureâyesâfineâ
Ive heard more enthusiasm from dad when mum asks him to chat to the WI about diversification!
I thoughtâto hell with this! Im not staying where Im not wanted. In any caseâEss will probably expect me to make the coffee!
I saidâthanks but not for meâjust dropped by to say helloânow I need to get backâpromised Id pick up Tom to take him to the Avalon meetingâ
Not so much a lie as an adjustment of the truthâIve written essays on the distinction! Alsoârecalling Toms request that I didnt mention the meeting in front of Big BumâI guessed the Denhams wouldnt know about it either.
OKâI should probably have kept quiet in front of them tooâknowing the way they scratched if Lady D itchedâbut I couldnt resist giving Teddy a sharp prod to pay him back for forgetting me.
It worked like a dream.
Ted saidâwhat meeting?â
I saidâall surpriseâsorryâwas sure youd be goingâits to tie up arrangements for the Festival of Healthâyou knowâits marvelous of Dr Feldenhammer to be so receptive to new ideasâisnt it?â
Ess saidâ& what does it have to do with you exactly?â
I saidâoh nothingâof courseâIm just going for the lunch party afterwardâ
OKâI knowâdrinks & nibbles is hardly a lunch partyâbut I was seriously pissed with the Denhams!
I headed back into the hall.
Ess followed me out. I thought she was going to see me to the doorâlike a good hostessâbut she just started up the staircase.
âIll see myself out thenâI said.
She didnt even pauseâlet alone replyâI might as well have been a parlor maid!â& I thoughtâSod this!
I trilledâby the way Estherâdid Teddy tell you?âI think we may have bumped into each other in Davos last Christmasâat the Bengel barâyou were dancing with a good looking local boyâEmil I think his name wasâremember?â
Now she paused!
Gotcha!âI thought.
Dont know what shed have saidâbut before she could speakâbehind meâa telephone on a ledge beside the door rang.
âget thatâwould you?âsaid Esther.
& I found myself getting itâjust like a good little parlor maid!
But blessed are the meekâfor they shall get their own back!
I saidâhelloâDenham Parkâ
Lady Ds unmistakable voice saidâwho is that?â
âits Charley HeywoodâLady DenhamâI saidâlooking up to see the Ice Queens reaction. Not muchâbut I reckon I caught a flicker beneath that chilly surface.
I could almost hear Lady D choking backâwhat the devil are you doing there?â
Instead she saidâperemptorilyâI would like to speak to my nephewâ
If the Ice Queen hadnt been listeningâI might have saidâhes just getting dressedâ
Instead I saidâhes rather busy just nowâa business meetingâwith Sidney Parkerâ
That got a sharp intake of breathâwhich was then expelledâor rather explodedâvery Lady Bracknell!âintoâ
a business meeting!
â
I began to feel sorry for Tedânot only caught entertaining a woman of ill reputeâbut also holding a secret meeting with Daphs financial adviserâ
Ess was moving back down the stairsâbut Ted came out of the drawing room before she could reach me. Feeling sorry for him didnt stop me holding out the phoneâ& sayingâits your auntâ
He winced like the phone was hotâ& I made a rapid exitânot bothering to glance up to see how far Esther had got.
As I reached the carâa voice calledâCharleyâ
I turnedâ& my heart gave a little leap. Sid had come out to say cheerio.
He stood on the terraceâlooking down at me & smilingâ& I started feeling guilty. It was one thing dropping Ted in itâbut I had no reason for wanting to get Sid in Big Bums bad books.
âsorry youve got to dash awayâhe saidâour business shouldnt take
much longer. In factâifâas I gatherâthats dear Daphne on the phoneâIm sure our meeting will be brought to a close with some expeditionâso if you did have time to stay another few minutesâId love a chance to talk with youâ
Whatever was going onâSid wasnt letting anything ruffle his smooth exterior!
I was tempted. But never show weaknessâeh?âso I resistedâ& saidânoâIve really got to goâbut Im sure youll be coming over to Kyoto sometimeâwont you?âit would break Minnies heart if you didntâ
He fluttered his long silky eyelashesâcould I get a transplant?!
âif the well being of a fair young maiden is in questionâI must definitely comeâthough hell should bar the wayâ
Like I saidâtakes real style to get away with that kind of schmaltz!
We stood smiling at each otherâhis smile sort of sophisticated ironicâmine more idiot grinâ& I thoughtâhes the oneâdefinite!
Then Ted the Bart came out of the door onto the terraceâ& stood alongside Sidâ& suddenly I wasnt quite so sure. Hard to compareâbut I did my best! Teds all macho hunkiness to Sids elegant smoothinessâdepends whether your taste runs to chalk or cheese. On the beach I guess the bart would have edged it. 20 points to 19+ for sex appeal. Here it felt the other way round. & then there was the Maz. Definitely worth twice as much as the battered old Range Roverâor even the Beast.
Ted looked a lot less shell-shocked than I anticipated. In fact he looked rather pleased with himself. How had he survived?âI wondered.
Then the answer came to meâdiversionary tactics! Before she could quiz him about this business meeting with Sidâhed told her that her toy-boy Feldenhammer was having a party at the Avalon that she wasnt invited to!
I thoughtâshitâshould have kept your gob shut girlâ
Ted saidâsorry youve got to dash off Charleyâwell do that mobike ride another day eh?â
I thoughtâif you imagine Im going to risk getting frostbite in my crotch by putting it where the Ice Queens has beenâyouve got another think coming!
The withering look accompanying this thought was wasted howeverâas hed turned to Sidâput his arm round his shoulderâ& drew him away.
But as they walked back into the houseâSid turned his headâ& winked at meâtho the way he did itâso languid & sexy & full of promiseâcalling it a wink is like calling his Maz a jalopy!
I drove away very slowlyâto sort out my thoughtsâ& pretty soon I reckoned Id cracked it! There was something going on hereâ& it was going on behind Lady Ds back. Had to do with moneyâTeddy desperately needed itâ& it was Sids profession. Teds one remaining assetâfar as I could tellâwas Denham Park. He could do anything he liked with itâexcept sell itâwasnt that what Mary had told me? So what might he & Sid have been talking about? Turning it into another hotel in competition with Brereton Manor? Possibleâbut you needed something else to hook in investorsâsome activity that had nothing to do with health & exercise & country recreation.
A gambling casinoâI thought. Possibleâexcept access wasnt greatâ& not even the sweet smell of money could mask the stench of the Hollis pigs. What about a retirement home? Do old folk lose their sense of smell sis? But I couldnt see Ted & Ess as your jolly carers!
Whatever they were up toâclearly Lady Dâ& Tom tooâwerent in the loop.
Could see Sid might not mind pulling a fast one on Lady Dâbut I couldnt see him going behind his brothers backâjust to make a quick buck.
Whatever the game wasâId given it away to Lady Dâwith malice afore-thoughtâbut I resolved not to say anything to Tomâboth for his sakeâ& also cos I didnt want to get any further up the noses of the 2 dishiest guys in town!
Now I decided to compensate for my bad behavior by getting back to Kyoto in time to save Tom from the bicycle!
Neednt have botheredâFranny Roote had just turned upâ& hed offered Tom a lift to the Avalonâso he told me to drive myself over for the lunch as planned. Tom was even more bubbly than usualâfull of confidence his meeting was going to go wellâ& also chuffed cos hed rung Godly Gordonâ& he was definitely going to attend!
I made some comment about his powers of persuasionâ& I caught Franny grinning at meâas if he knewâwhich he couldntâthat Id put in my little twopennorth. I gave him the test. Wealthâ4 at most Id guess. Wheelsâonly 1 for his mini ambulance. Social Skillsâthis was hardâIm sure hed have no problem smoothing a girls pathâdealing with all situationsâkeeping the talk bright & stimulatingâbut I get the feeling that from time to time hed enjoy dropping a handful of grit into the works! So 8 out of 10 there.
As for Sex Appealâimpossible to give points without more info. It could be like giving Sid 10 out of 10 for Wheelsâthen finding the Maz had no engine!
Hardâyou say? WellâI remember who it was knocked 5 points off the vicars son after you found he had diabetes! The thought he might be pulling out his needle before he pulled out his dongâyour words!âwas a real downer!
Tom & Fran went offâleaving me with a good hour before I needed to make a moveâso I thought Id bring you up to date.
Better dash now. Looking forward to seeing inside the famous clinic. Got a feeling at some point Big Bum may try to crash the party. If she doesâI hope it doesnt come out who big mouth was!
Wont take Sherlock Holmes to guess thatâI hear you sayânot when your little sister has a mouth makes Julia Roberts look like shes whistling Dixie.
Youd better be carefulâsis! When you come home with your bronze trophy doctor in towâyoure going to need all the friends you can find.
Â
Love you
Charley xxxx
Well, Mildred, here I am, back from my first official outing, squatting on the khazi, and definitely not feeling like singing I could have danced all night!
First thought when I saw there were nowt but fizzy wine on offer was, Mean bugger! Thought these Yanks always lashed out the hard liquor. My first guv'nor, old Wallie Tallentire, used to say, Bubbly's good for nowt but getting a girl's knickers round her ankles.
Certainly got my trousers round mine!
Talking of trousers, remember to thank Cap. When I pulled mine on for the first time since she brought them, I were surprised how well they fit. Then I checked and realized they were brand new and three sizes down from my old ones, which would have hung around me legs like a mains'l in a dead calm. Bright lass! Dalziel, my man, you certainly know how to pick 'em!
So while I'm sitting here like patience on a fucking monument, I might as well make a note of Festerwhanger's little “do” while it's still fresh. Always prided myself on not needing to be taking notes when I were running a case. If I can't remember it, it's not bloody worth remembering! Big boast. Let's put it to the test.
Yon clinic's a fancy place. Makes our old Central Hospital look like a heritage center. Bet most of your common bugs and viruses turn tail and head back for town soon as they get a glimpse of what's waiting for them there. One look at the car park tells the story. There were enough high-emission gear out there to punch its own small hole in the atmosphere. If the treatment fees match, then I reckon the patients will feel like they've paid for full privacy.
Pet led me to this lounge where there was a handful of people with glasses in their hands. I only recognized two of them. One was the landlord from the pub. He were talking to Stompy Heywood's lass that I'd sat next to when I broke out of the Avalon. I went up to them and said, “How do, lass? How's thy dad?”
She looked puzzled for a moment, then said, “Oh, it's Mr. Deal, isn't it? Didn't recognize you with your clothes on. You'll have met Alan Hollis from the Hope and Anchor.”
“Aye,” I said, laughing. I like a lass with a bit of spirit. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Hollis.”
The landlord said, “You too, Mr. Dalziel. You've not been back in.”
“Doctor's orders,” I said. “But he's letting me off the hook today so I'll be down there shortly, you can bet on it.”
Pet came with a glass of fizz which I drank right off.
“Best get me another, luv,” I said. “In fact, why not bring a bottle over here so's to save you getting in a sweat running between me and the bar?”
She gave me a glower but she went off again.
I said to Hollis, “Left your missus looking after the pub then?”
He said, “I'm not married, Mr. Dalziel. But I've got good staff. Just as well with the hog roast on Sunday.”
I've noticed this beforeâfolk out in the sticks always talk like everything happening locally's so important, complete strangers should know about it!
I said, “What's that?”
“Don't you know?” he said, surprised. “Lady Denham's big do at Sandytown Hall. Everyone will be there, everyone important, that is. Sort of thank you from the consortium to everyone who's helped in putting the town on the map. I'll be organizing the drinks, so the pub will have to look after itself.”
I thought, When buffalo woman snorts, every bugger jumps!
Pet came back with a bottle. I took it from her and filled all the glasses. Mine fullest 'cos I were catching up.
I said, “Lady Denham sounds real important. She'll be in this meeting then?”
Pet and Hollis looked at each other, then Hollis said, “No, I don't think so.”
I said, sort of poking around, “Oh? Didn't strike me as the kind of lass you could keep away, her and Dr. Feldenhammer being such good mates.”
Pet gave a kind of snort, and Hollis looked at the ground, and even young Heywood grinned. But before I could probe harder, the door opened and the folk from the meeting poured in. I saw Franny Roote in his chair. He gave me a wave, I gave him a glower. Then I spotted Parker, so I excused myself, and went to pay my debts.
He were talking to a bearded guy in baggy pants and one of them fleecy jackets hikers wear. Either a tramp who'd strayed in off the road or an eccentric millionaire patient, I decided.
“How do, Mr. Parker,” I said. “Here's that twenty quid you were kind enough to loan me. Many thanks.”
He recognized me straight off, or mebbe Festerwhanger had warned him.
“Delighted I was able to help, Mr. Dalziel,” he said, beaming at me. “And how nice to meet you again.”
He sounded like he meant it too and not just because of the money.
“May I introduce you to Gordon Godley?” he said. “Gordon, this is Mr. Dalziel who's convalescing here at Avalon. Mr. Godley's a healer whom I have persuaded to bring his ministry to Sandytown.”
Wrong twice. Neither a tramp nor a patient but one of the weirdos Roote had been talking about!
I stuck my hand out. Godley didn't seem mad keen on taking it, and when he did it were barely a touch before he let go. Mebbe he were scared I were convalescing from summat contagious.
“Healer, eh?” I said. “What's that about then? Charming warts in a moonlit churchyard or sticking lepers' noses back on?”
I were just being friendly, but I wished I'd not said it when he looked
at me with his big gray eyes like a spaniel told he's not going walkies today. I were just going to pour a bit of oil when a voice behind me said, “I'm sure Mr. Godley could help you with your warts if they're bothering you, Mr. Dalziel. Which part of your anatomy are they affecting?”
It were the Heywood lass, giving me the kind of look her dad used to give before clattering your goolies in a line-out. Godley, who was looking more confused and unhappy than ever, mumbled something and moved off.
Heywood looked at me angrily and said, “Now see what you've done. Tell me, were you always a bully or did you do a course on it at Hendon?”
I had to laugh. These kids. Know everything, understand nowt. But I liked her style.
Parker didn't seem to have noticed she were in a tizz.
Still smiling he said, “I'm so glad Gordon decided to come to the meeting, Charlotte. He'll be such a valuable acquisition. All the other therapies are based on physical interactions. He provides a purely spiritual dimension. Charlotte, why don't you introduce Mr. Dalziel to some of the others while I have a quiet word with Dr. Feldenhammer?”
“Meeting must have gone well,” I said as he moved off. “He seems happy.”
“Tom is always happy,” she said. “He believes everything is for the best in the best of possible worlds. Pretty well the opposite of your worldview, I'd guess, Mr. Dalziel. Now, who'd you like to be rude to next?”
I got myself another drink, or rather, another bottle as the first seemed to have emptied itself. Then Charley whipped me round some of the othersâa chunky Chink lass who stuck needles into people; an herbalist you could have sprayed green and sold as a pixie in a garden center; and a woman who looked like she'd been invited to a Halloween party and got her dates mixed. Didn't catch what she did, 'cos while we were shaking hands, I was hoping her black nails weren't painted with owt toxic. I began to wonder how come old Fester had got mixed up with this bunch of oddballs. If I'd found them setting up camp on my
patch, I'd have escorted 'em politely to the Lancs border and pushed them across. They're more used to loonies over there.
When Charley finally introduced me to a woman she said was Parker's sister, I thought, Thank Christ I'm back with the sane buggers. Some hope! Took all of ten seconds to realize she were dotty as a Frenchman's jock strap. Woman with her seemed okay, but. Name of Sandy something. Gave me an odd stare when Charley introduced usâor mebbe that's just how she always looks at big sexy men. I wish!
I'd got one thing right, though. Suddenly the door burst open and buffalo woman charged in.
“Lester,” she declaimed. “I'm so sorry I'm late.”
Parker and Festerwhanger were in close confab over by the drinks table. I saw them look at each other, just a glance lasting a split second, but I'd put money on it each on 'em were thinking, You didn't tell me you'd invited her!
But Parker being a cockeyed optimist and Festerwhanger being a smarmy Yank, neither of 'em had any bother turning on the full beam and coming forward to greet her.
“Lady D! Now we're complete!” declared Parker.
“Welcome, dear Daphne,” oozed Festerwhanger, offering one of them air kisses, but she moved her head at the last moment and caught him full on the lips so hard it probably bruised his gums.
The bodywork might be a bit rusty but the old internal combustion was still pounding away!
She weren't slow at lapping up the fizz either, I noted, getting through a couple of glasses at a rate of knots that made me feel like a Methodist and hitting the nibbles like she'd not et since Shrove Tuesday.
“Bet the mean old cow's brought a doggy bag,” muttered young Heywood.
I said, “Being rude's okay behind people's backs then?”
“Just stating the facts,” she said pertly. “Looks like maybe you're on the menu too.”
Didn't get her drift till I looked back to Lady D and there was the old bird wiggling her glass at me and giving me a turnip-lantern smile.
What the fuck had I done to turn me from loony patient to dear old chum?
Mebbe it were friendship hour here in Sandytown, for suddenly the young guy I recalled whistling “The Indian Maid” in the pub appeared and gave Heywood a smacking kiss. Opposite effect here. He was definitely aiming at the mouth but a nifty bit of head work diverted him to the cheekbone.
“Charley, here you are,” he said. “What a joy to see you again.”
He sounded like an old-fashioned actor doing sincere. Good-looking young bloke, and he knew it. No harm in that. If you've got it, flaunt it, that's always been my motto.
Didn't look like it cut much ice with Heywood, but. She said, very accusing, “You told your aunt about the meeting then?”
“Of course,” he said. “But only in the fervent hope that she'd insist on coming, thus giving me another chance of seeing you.”
The lass rolled her eyes a bit, but I could tell she were pleased too. This young cock had learned what all successful young cocks soon work out, that you don't need to worry about laying on the lard too thick with most women. Seeing what you're at makes them feel cleverer than you, which is what they all like to feel. But it takes a very clever one indeed not to let some of the lard stick!
She said, “Mr. Dalziel, this is Teddy Denham. Sir Edward, if you like titles.”
“Love 'em,” I said. “Detective Superintendent Andy Dalziel.”
That froze his smile a second as we shook hands.
There'd been two others in the grand lady's train, a pair of lasses, one I didn't recognize and t'other the willowy niece, Clara, I'd met in the pub. Didn't surprise me to see Roote bearing down on her like the wolf on the fold. He came to a stop in front of her, reached out, grabbed a chair and pretty well forced her to sit down so's she were at his level. Didn't notice or mebbe didn't care that he were blocking the passage of
t'other lass, who looked like she'd lunched on a radish salad and wished she hadn't. She could've walked round him but she didn't. She just got hold of the back of the wheelchair and twisted it out of her way, then wandered off to the window at the far end of the room, leaving Roote looking at the wall. Clara looked a bit pissed with the sour-faced woman but I could see Roote grinning as he maneuvered himself back into position. Nowt I could teach that bugger about milking sympathy!
Alongside me, Teddy Denham was still laying it on with a trowel too, this time showing young Heywood how well read he were.
Looking round the room, he declared, “This is precisely the kind of gathering Austen would have described so brilliantly, don't you think, Charley? Or perhaps you prefer the darker gaze of George Eliot?”
“I'm not sure,” she said.
“What about you, Mr. Dalziel?
Aimez-vous
George Eliot?”
It was put-down-the-fat-plod time.
I said, “Eh?”
“Do you like George Eliot?” he translated very slowly.
“Oh aye,” I said. “He were my gran's favorite. Used to play âBy the Silvery Moon' all the time. Excuse me.”
I gave Heywood a grin afore I moved off and she grinned back and gave me a big wink. Interesting lass. Not daft, just young. And won't be bad looking either when she lets herself grow into her body. Reminds me a bit of Cap.
In my experience buggers who want to be alone are either thinking of topping themselves or stealing the silver, so I joined the sour-faced woman by the window to find out which. She was staring across to the convalescent home. From this angle you couldn't see how it had been extended. Looking out to sea, with its tall chimneys and all that green ivy clinging to mellow red brick, it would have made a grand cover for an
English Heritage
magazine.