The writer’s face turned beet red. “You have? You didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t want you to think I was some sort of deranged fan or something. Your work is really excellent; I love your writing style, the humanity just shines through.”
Jay was at a complete loss. She didn’t know what to say and didn’t trust her voice just then, anyway. After a moment to compose herself, she said, “I think that writing is a product of one’s own life experience,”
surprising herself with the admission. She hadn’t meant to reveal that much.
Kate gathered as much and proceeded carefully, feeling her way.
“Jamison is an interesting name. Where did it come from?”
Squirming in her seat, Jay began picking at a napkin and watching the shredding process with seeming fascination. “My father wanted a boy.
He got me.” When her companion didn’t say anything, she grudgingly added, “Just one of many disappointments, I guess. We don’t keep in touch much.”
Kate thought back to their first verbal encounter on the ski slope. The young co-ed had said there was no one to notify when she had asked her about her parents. The older woman knew that there had to be much more to the story, and she hoped beyond hope that her new friend would share it with her. But she wanted it to be Jay’s choice, not because she pushed. So she tried a different tactic and addressed something that had been bothering her for five years.
“You know, Jay,” she started softly, “I really wanted to come and see you after that incident on campus. I was terribly worried about you.”
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Reaching out, she grasped the blonde’s hand and held it in her larger ones. “But I wasn’t sure that seeing me would have been such a great idea for you. I was afraid I would just be a reminder of what had happened, and I didn’t want to make things worse for you. I hope you never thought I didn’t care, because I did. Very much.” She let her friend’s hand go. She hadn’t been able to bear the thought that Jay would think her well-being didn’t matter to her.
Jay could hear the self-recrimination in her companion’s voice and was surprised to look up and see unshed tears in those beautiful blue eyes.
In fact, Kate had kept very close tabs on Jay ever since that night. At first, she had prevailed upon Jen, the EMT, to find out Jay’s condition that night and the next day after she had left her at the hospital. Jen had told her that the rape counselor who had been with the small blonde that night had recommended a therapist who specialized in sexual abuse issues. Ethically, the counselor couldn’t reveal more than that.
Having seen Jay’s byline in the school newspaper, Kate knew that her good friend Janet, the paper’s managing editor, would be able to give her some information. And so she had bugged Janet repeatedly to tell her everything she knew. She didn’t want to pry into Jay’s private life, but she wanted to be sure that she was doing okay. Janet had been a year behind Kate at school, providing an extra year’s worth of intelligence on Jay’s status.
In her senior year, Jay had begun writing articles for the alumni magazine, which Kate received quarterly. The supervising faculty member for the magazine was a favorite English professor of Kate’s, so she kept tabs on Jay that way until the young woman graduated. The professor had been both proud and happy to report to her that the petite co-ed was one of the best writers he had ever known. He had gotten her a lower-level position with
Time
, knowing that, if given a chance, Jay would advance quickly through the ranks. Kate had taken out a subscription to
Time
immediately, watching with interest as the writer had rapidly become a rising star at the magazine. Now she was penning cover stories on some of the most important political figures in the country; Kate was inordinately proud of her.
Thinking about what Kate had just said about the night of the attack and the way she felt, Jay was having a colossal debate in her head. “Can we take a walk?” she asked her companion suddenly.
“Sure,” Kate responded. “We’re not far from Central Park, how about if we walk there?” She wasn’t sure what was going on, but she could tell that Jay was working something out in her head and that it was important. She threw some bills on the table and led the way out of the restaurant. Leaning in to the window of the limo, Kate told the driver that 63
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they would be a while. Thinking about the area, she arranged to have him wait for them near the Plaza Hotel. She looked at her watch; it was just after 10:30 a.m. She was shocked to see that they had spent two hours over breakfast; it hadn’t seemed that long at all. She set the meeting time with the limo driver for noon.
Walking side by side in silence for several blocks, the two women entered the park and took the footpath that skirted the reservoir. Jay chewed her bottom lip, kicking at a few stones on the path, her companion waiting for her to start the conversation.
Looking up at the amazing woman walking next to her, Jay thought about Kate’s compassion and genuine caring; first on the ski slope and then during the attack on campus. She had been so gentle, yet so protective at the same time. She remembered Kate holding her hand, never letting it go until she fell asleep in the hospital, and covering her body with her sweatshirt. And she thought about all the many times after that night when she had longed to feel the comfort and safety of Kate’s arms around her again to chase away the demons.
There really was no decision to make.
“Um, I’m not really sure where to begin.” Jay’s voice quivered a little, her nerves apparent.
“Tell me about your parents,” Kate said softly. After a moment’s hesitation, she followed her instincts. “Did he hurt you?”
Jay’s head snapped up. “I...” She swallowed hard, wanting to bolt.
Kate put a gentle hand on her arm at the expression of sheer terror on her face. “I’ve never told anyone,” she faltered, “except for the therapist I saw for a year after the attack on campus. I guess that night brought back a lot of bad memories for me.”
They stopped walking, Kate taking Jay’s hands in hers. When sea green eyes gazed into crystal clear blue, nothing but a mixture of fierce protectiveness and heartbreaking compassion shown there. “It’s okay, Jay. He can’t hurt you now.”
At that, the smaller woman began to cry, great, gulping sobs issuing forth from her soul, where she had hidden the awful reality of her childhood for so very long. Taking Jay into her arms, Kate held her close until all of the tears had been shed. She rocked her and rubbed her back and soothed her, willing away all that hurt and misplaced shame.
“It started when I was four. When my sister died four years later, I wished it had been me instead.” Her voice broke. “I thought she was the lucky one.”
“Oh, Jay,” Kate whispered, “I’m so glad it wasn’t.” And Jay knew she meant it; it warmed her to her very core.
“Um, he told me if I told anyone about what he was doing to me, he would kill my mother and the family dog. I...I believed him.” Jay looked 64
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up at Kate with tears on her lashes, shrugging one shoulder. “I look back on it now and I’m pretty sure they were just idle threats, but then, I didn’t know that.” She took a ragged breath. “He would come into my room in the middle of the night. I would be lying there and I’d see the doorknob turning, and I’d pray to anyone who would listen that it would be my mother checking on me and not him...but it never was.”
Kate stroked the backs of Jay’s hands in mute comfort.
“He...he would rape me and tell me how lucky I was to have him...that nobody else would ever care about me or want me.”
“He was so wrong, Jay. So very, very wrong.” The emotion was evident in Kate’s voice.
“Thanks. I always wanted to believe that. Anyway, it got so I wouldn’t sleep at night because I was terrified of the middle-of-the-night visits. I know my mother knew on some level what was going on, but she just seemed incapable of action. I suppose she did the best she could; who knows, maybe she had her own issues to deal with.
“So I tried to be invisible, just be the most perfect child, and then maybe no one would notice me and he’d leave me alone.” She looked up again into blue eyes gone soft with compassion. “He didn’t. No matter what I did or didn’t do. I started writing as a way to disappear. As he would be raping my body, my mind would be off somewhere creating the most wonderful stories with happy endings.” Her tone turned wistful. “So I guess something good did come out of it, finally. I learned to use my imagination and write fiction, because Heaven knows it sure beat the heck out of reality for me.
“Eventually, when I started getting my period, he left me alone.” She glanced up, a somewhat chagrined expression on her tear-stained face.
“So now you know.”
Kate lifted Jay’s chin gently with her fingers. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you. None of it was your fault, and it wasn’t anything a child could prevent. I know it’s hard to accept that, but it’s the truth.” She looked directly into the emerald eyes before her still shimmering with tears.
“You are an extraordinary woman, Jay, full of compassion, wonder, humor and beauty. And you were an amazingly resourceful little girl who did what she needed to do to survive and become a lovely, talented, incredibly remarkable woman. I count myself exceptionally blessed to know you and I feel privileged beyond words that you trusted me enough to share your story. I want you to know that I will always be here for you.
Always.”
Jay knew somehow that she would.
They started walking again, Kate keeping hold of one of Jay’s hands.
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connection to her and to offer all of the strength and comfort she had to give.
After a few minutes had passed, she decided lightening the mood was in order. “I’ve got an idea. Will you humor me?” Her tone had turned childishly pleading, and Jay had to smile. “Puh-lease? Please, please, please?”
“Oh, okay,” Jay relented. “Boy, I can just imagine what you were like as a kid.”
Kate began to jog, Jay struggling to keep up. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” she said mysteriously.
After several blocks, Kate pulled Jay out of the park and onto the street. When the petite woman looked up, she laughed.
“What?” Kate asked in an innocent tone.
“I might have guessed that you had a carefully hidden juvenile streak in you.” Jay shook her head. They were standing in front of FAO
Schwarz, the world’s largest toy store, on Fifth Avenue at Fifty-Eighth Street.
“So,” the tall woman said, practically jumping up and down. “Can we go inside?”
“C’mon, ya goofball,” Jay sighed as she pulled Kate across the street by the hand.
They spent half an hour romping through the store, trying out the toys, jumping from key to key on the gigantic toy piano that took up a good portion of the floor, playing with the train sets, and generally being kids. Jay was delighted with Kate’s ability to have unfettered fun, and the dark-haired woman knew she had found the perfect playmate.
When they were both totally exhausted, Kate called a time-out. “As much as I can’t believe I’m going to say this, we’ve got to go, Jay. The limo will be waiting and I’ve got to get you back to your place so that you can get ready for your interview with the governor.”
“Spoilsport,” Jay joked, sticking out her tongue.
Kate was glad she had been able to help her friend have some fun after the seriousness of their earlier conversation. She wished with all her heart that she could give the beautiful young woman back the childhood she’d never had. And she knew for sure that if she ever saw Jay’s father, she would probably rip his heart out of his chest with her bare hands for hurting her.
She told Jay she needed to go make a quick phone call at the pay phone upstairs and that she would be right back.
When she returned several minutes later, they made their way to the Plaza Hotel and the waiting limo. Jay gave the driver her address in Greenwich Village on Christopher Street, where they arrived within 66
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fifteen minutes. Kate asked him to wait in the car for her so that he could take her to the airport for her flight.
After walking Jay to the door of her apartment, she stood back as her companion fitted her key in the lock, opened the door, and threw her garment bag and briefcase onto a nearby sofa. The writer looked back at her friend as she took a step inside. “Can you come in?”
“I’d love to, but the limo is double-parked and your neighbors might not take too kindly to having their street blocked.”
“Yeah,” Jay sighed heavily, “I guess you’re right.”
Hearing the note of dejection in her friend’s voice, and not really wanting their time together to end either, Kate ventured, “Some other time?”
Jay smiled brightly. “You’re on.” Impulsively she leaned forward and, on her tiptoes, gave Kate a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for everything. You sure know how to show a girl a good time.” Stepping back, she gazed up shyly into her friend’s eyes.
Looking into those emerald green depths, Kate knew she couldn’t just walk away this time. Reaching out, she gently pulled the pretty blonde to her. Still maintaining eye contact, she inclined her head and softly touched her lips to Jay’s. Then she straightened up again, smiling.
“I thought you said there was no kissing on the first date.”
A mischievous gleam appeared in the deep blue eyes. “Number one, those were Fred’s rules; he’s just a teenager, after all. And number two, I wasn’t aware that this counted as an official date. But, if that’s the way you feel...”
“Me and my big mouth,” Jay mumbled under her breath with an aggrieved expression.
Fighting hard to keep the smile off her face, Kate pushed the door open a little wider and took a predatory step forward. Once inside the doorway, she slowly extended her arm and, staring hungrily at the blonde’s mouth, ran her thumb lightly across Jay’s lips. “I happen to think you have a perfect mouth.”
Jay swallowed hard. Her lips parting slightly, she leaned into the touch, her teeth just grazing Kate’s thumb.