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right thing to do to preserve Jay’s privacy and career. Kate replayed every conversation in which she had assured Jay that she could always trust her, never foreseeing a circumstance where she would break that solemn promise for any reason.
God, I never envisioned something like
this happening.
Leaving this open to discussion would be impossible; loyal to a fault, Jay would never agree to Kate’s plan and she knew it.
I love you,
Jamison Parker, and nothing and no one is going to change that. But I
don’t see any good alternatives here. I have to do this.
As a writer, Jay had the advantage of anonymity, something Kate would never have again. So far, no one knew who her lover was; the anchorwoman intended to make sure it stayed that way, which meant that she couldn’t take a chance on them being spotted together. It would be hard for both of them, but at least Jay could move on and continue to advance professionally.
Kate’s heart ached. How could she say goodbye to the other half of her soul so soon after she’d found her again? She closed her eyes against the pain, wondering how she would survive without Jay, and hoping against hope that her lover’s road would be easier. After all, she would still have her career, and, as gorgeous and outgoing as she was, Kate had no doubt that the emerald-eyed blonde could have any woman she wanted.
Wiping her eyes, she exited the train and took the subway downtown to the Village. She knew what she had to do.
I hope someday you’ll
understand and forgive me, Jay.
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he watched from a short distance away as the lone figure hurried Sdown the sidewalk, head down, briefcase in hand. Just as the lobby door was about to close behind Jay, Kate sprinted across the street and through the opening.
Catching up to her partner, she said softly, “Hi, sweetheart. Fancy meeting you here.”
Jay, who had been preoccupied trying to figure out how she was going to find her lover before she had to board a plane for Europe, hadn’t noticed the tall shadow that slipped in after her, but there was no question that she knew that low, sultry voice that made her heart race every time.
She turned and threw her arms around her lover. “Kate! My God, I’ve been trying and trying to get you on the phone. What are you doing here?” Noting the ripped jeans, t-shirt and sunglasses, she swallowed her dread and added, “I even called you at the station. The receptionist answered your personal line and wanted to transfer me to the news director. What’s going on?”
Gazing affectionately at the concerned and confused expression on her lover’s face and glancing around to make sure no one was watching them, Kate put her hand on Jay’s elbow and guided her to the stairs, saying, “Let’s get upstairs and I’ll explain, okay?”
“Sure.”
When they stepped inside the apartment the writer turned, dropping her briefcase on the floor and wrapping her arms around the sleek tshirted torso. When Kate removed her sunglasses, Jay could see that she had been crying. Reaching up, she brushed her fingers along the chiseled planes of the face that she wanted to wake up to every day of her life. She grabbed Kate’s hand and led her over to the couch.
“What is it, sweetheart?” she asked, even as she was afraid she already knew the answer.
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“Why are you home so early?” Kate answered the question with one of her own, needing to know that her lover hadn’t suffered the same fate as she.
“For one thing, my assignment has me going out of town, so I need to pack, and, more importantly, I was worried sick about you and needed to get out of there so I could track you down.”
“Why were you worried about me?”
“Trish showed me the
National Enquirer
at lunchtime. Oh, love, I’m so sorry.” Tears formed in her eyes.
“Did she recognize you as the other woman?” Kate’s jaw was tight.
“No.”
“Did you tell her?”
“No, I didn’t want to detract from the story, or you, by making her wonder whether I had been objective or not.”
“Good.” She breathed a sigh of relief. So far, at least, Jay was safe.
“Now will you tell me why you’re here and why my guts have been in knots since 9:30 this morning?” She climbed into Kate’s lap.
“Your guts have been in knots?”
“Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. First it was as if someone was twisting my insides, then it turned to a burning anger, and finally, just this overwhelming feeling of despair. I can’t explain it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with what was going on with you. Am I right?”
Kate was flabbergasted. She knew that twins shared bonds like that, where they could feel each other’s distress, but lovers? “Yeah, the timing sounds about right.”
“Please, love, let me in.” Jay patted her lover’s chest.
After taking a deep breath, Kate recounted the events of the morning.
When she was done, she looked down at emerald eyes brimming with tears.
“I can’t believe they did that. That is so wrong. Why didn’t you take the out they gave you and just let them think it was fabricated? You could’ve and they would’ve believed it.”
Tipping Jay’s chin up, Kate locked eyes with her. “Because, love, I will never deny what we have and what you are to me. You are my love and my life, the other half of my soul; don’t ever doubt that, no matter what happens.” She looked away because she couldn’t bear to see those sea green orbs gazing at her so trustingly, knowing what she had to do.
“Oh, Kate, this is all my fault.”
“What?
”
“If I hadn’t written that story, they wouldn’t have been gunning for you.”
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“Jay, look at me. Did you assign yourself to write the piece? Did you determine that it was going to be the cover? Did you take us on vacation to St. John? Heck, did you initiate that kiss the slimeball caught on film?”
“No,” she answered quietly.
“Right. Sweetheart, first of all, you wrote a beautiful story, one that you should be proud of; I know that I am. Secondly, I’m not sorry about us, and I never will be. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I will always believe that. Always,” she said with feeling. “We can’t change what is, so there’s no sense playing the what-if game. It won’t serve us well. My main objective now is seeing that folks don’t put two and two together and figure out that you’re the other woman.”
“I don’t care what they think.”
Kate smiled at her lover’s natural feistiness. “Well, I do. You have a great career in front of you and your whole life before you, and I will not sit by and watch that be jeopardized by some sleazebag with a camera trying to make a little money.”
Jay’s eyes opened wide. “What are you saying?” When her lover didn’t answer right away, she captured Kate’s face between her hands.
“What are you suggesting here?” The note of rising panic was clear in her voice.
Hearing it and seeing the look of fear in her eyes made Kate feel even worse than she already did. She detested being evasive and less than completely honest with Jay, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her lover what she thought she needed to do. Instead she said, “You said you were packing to go out of town on assignment. What’s the assignment and where are you going?”
By then used to her partner’s seeming non sequiturs, Jay answered,
“I’ve got the sidebars to the main story this week. I’m going to Wiesbaden, Germany to interview some of the sailors injured Sunday when two Iraqi missiles hit the USS
Stark
in the Persian Gulf. Then, depending on whether they have one or where it is, I may have to cover a memorial service for the thirty-seven who were killed in the attack.”
Kate calculated in her mind. The fact that Jay had to go out of the country would work in their favor. She nodded to herself. “Okay, that’s good.”
“It is? You want me to go away? That’s the last thing I want to do right now.”
“Frankly, sweetheart, I want to spend every minute of my life with you. But right now, your being out of the country is a positive for us.
They can’t put us together if we’re not anywhere near each other, now can they?”
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“Right. Kate, I’m only going to be gone a couple of days, the rest of the week maximum. Do you think the story will die down by then?”
“It’s hard to say; maybe, maybe not.”
“If it doesn’t what are we going to do when I get back and we’re living together?”
Kate wouldn’t look at her. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Jay felt a wave of uneasiness settle in her guts. “What, exactly, does that mean?”
C’mon, love, let it go.
Kate was feeling exceedingly guilty; she knew she should come clean and tell her lover the whole truth. The problem was that if she did, then their parting words would no doubt be angry ones, because no matter what Jay said, Kate knew she would stick to the plan and leave anyway. She didn’t think she could stand it if their last moments together became an angry confrontation. No, that wasn’t what she had in mind at all.
“It means first things first. Let’s just get through one day at a time, okay?” She couldn’t talk about it anymore. All she wanted was to spend the remaining time they had together holding the love of her life in her arms and making love to her. “What time is your flight?”
Jay looked at her watch. “Three and half hours from now.”
“Good, we have time,” Kate said huskily as she leaned down to kiss waiting lips.
Their lovemaking was slow, deliberate, and poignant. Kate wanted to savor every touch, every taste, every sensation, every sound, knowing it could be the last time.
My God, love, how will I ever live without this?
Without you? I need you more than I need air to breathe.
This time is different,
Jay thought hazily, just before she became unable to process logical notions.
It’s as if she’s imprinting every second.
Not that I’m complaining, but it scares me a little. Maybe I should as—
“Uhh, Kate. Oh, love, right there!”
When they were satiated, Jay lay spent in her arms and Kate was content just to hold her, stroking her hair and back, breathing in her scent and memorizing the way their bodies fit together. She made sure that Jay couldn’t see the tears in her eyes.
Jay could sense her lover’s inner turmoil, but not its exact cause.
“Kate, what are you going to do now?”
“You mean professionally? I don’t know. I think it unlikely that I could get another job in television. I really haven’t thought about it. The fact that they paid me the remainder of what would have been due on my contract means I don’t have to figure it out for a while yet.”
“Mmm. I’m going to miss you so much while I’m gone. I’ll call you every day, though.”
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“Um, I may not be home, love.”
“Why, where will you be?”
Kate sighed. “I’m going to go away for a little while, get out of sight and out of range of the vultures.”
And besides, phone records could be
traced.
Jay’s insides clenched. “How long and where are you going?”
“I’m not sure yet.” Technically that was true, she hadn’t picked up the tickets and finalized her itinerary yet. In truth, she thought it best for her lover if she didn’t know too much, and she was afraid Jay would try to find her.
“How will I find you? How will we keep in touch?” The note of panic was back, and it made Kate miserable.
“If anything comes up and you need something, call Peter. Do you have his numbers?”
“Yes, he gave them to me last night when we had dinner. But surely you’re not suggesting that—”
Kate cut her off before she could finish the question she didn’t want to answer. “Peter will be the point person. If we need to talk, we can do it through him.”
“We’re going to pass messages through a go-between?”
“Possibly. Also, he has conferencing capabilities and we could set up a conference call via his phone line if need be.”
“If need be? Love, I don’t want to talk to you only in case of an emergency. I love you, I need you, and I want to talk to you all the time.”
“I know, sweetheart. Me too, but for now, at least, this is the most practical solution.”
“Maybe the most practical solution is for me to quit my job and disappear with you.”
That was exactly the reaction Kate had been afraid of, and why she had rejected the notion of talking her decision out with her lover. No matter what, she couldn’t let Jay ruin the rest of her life, not for her. “No, Jay. No. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.” She kissed the top of the golden head. “Right now, though, we’d better get you packed or you’ll be late.”
Reluctantly Jay rose from the bed and set about her task, her lover lying in bed observing her, soaking up every opportunity to watch her and to memorize everything about her.
When she had finished packing and they both were dressed, Kate said, “You’d better get going or you’re going to miss the plane.”
“Aren’t you coming to the airport with me?”
“I can’t, love, that would be way too obvious,” she said regretfully.
“I’ll be home Friday night at the latest. Will you be there when I get there?”
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“I don’t know, Jay. Are you sure you want to be in Albany?”
“Yes,” Jay said vehemently. “It’s our home.”
“Okay, I just wanted to be sure.” Kate didn’t see any harm in her lover being in the house; her phone number and address were unlisted and it was unlikely that anyone would find her there, especially if it was clear that the ex-anchorwoman was out of town. At the very least, they would try to follow Kate wherever she went, leaving Jay in peace.
“I don’t like not knowing where you’re going to be or when I’ll be able to talk to you or see you next.”
“I know, sweetheart, but the truth is that wherever you are, that’s where I’ll be. I’ll always be thinking of you, love, and carrying you in my heart. Remember how much I love you.” Kate worked hard to keep her voice from breaking.