The Private Affairs Of Lady Jane Fielding (3 page)

I opened his door with a gentle knock; I knew he would not be asleep, though he would no doubt be reclined. Until that day there seemed few positions which gave him comfort.

The physician had visited earlier, and Jacob had seemed withdrawn.

‘Jacob?’ I whispered and closed the door behind me. ‘Oh, Jacob.’ The sun shone through the open curtains, illuminating his golden hair like a halo. He was reading in the bed. He looked up and a smile grew on his face.

‘Jane, you look beautiful.’

My hand flew to my hair, where an errant curl had escaped my cap.

‘I had thought to say the same about you,’ I replied with a smile, as I tucked the golden strand back. ‘But thank you, you too are looking much improved.’

‘As you say,’ he murmured, his smile faded.

‘Has Bolton spoken to you?’ I asked, and sank down onto the soft bed.

The lingering smell of his infection and sickness had faded, and I leant forwards to kiss his roughened cheek. Now he smelled of soap and a maleness that made my loins tighten. I was so terribly desperate to be beside him, to feel his skin against me. Thus far in his convalescence he had refused to allow it.

This morning, however, he surprised me by reaching over, clasping my face in his hands and bringing his lips to mine. He crushed his mouth against mine, and I eagerly yielded. He tasted like the tea he’d consumed. My heart soared, and the warmth of his hands against my face made me melt. When he finally, reluctantly, released me, I took a great shuddering breath.

‘Thank God,’ I whispered to him, ‘I have longed for you to kiss me…’

Jacob looked away, an expression of discomfort settling across his brow.

‘Arthur is here,’ he said slowly, his gaze returning to me.

‘Yes.’ I could not stem the shudder of revulsion. ‘He wants to know…’ I hesitated, I could feel tears sting my eyes, and I looked away.

‘He wants to know if I can sire a son, I know. He sent correspondence some weeks ago,’ Jacob said.

Finally I brought my eyes to his. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d had word from him?’ I cried. I knew I sounded plaintive.

‘Janie, my dearest. I didn’t want to upset you.’

I looked into his eyes then, and saw the truth. He knew how I loathed his brother, and I had been so worried.

‘Do you think you can? Can we make a son?’

Jacob bit his lip, and I watched his head shake slowly. ‘I don’t know,’ his voice cracked.

I allowed my tears to fall then, as I had refused to let them earlier.

‘Janie, Janie,’ he hushed me.

Blessedly I felt his arms pull me towards him, and I lay my head against his chest, relishing the touch in a way I hadn’t been able for over a month.

We stayed like that for what seemed a lengthy time, my tears stemmed by the rhythmic solid beat of his heart.

How I loved this man
.

Yet, I was terribly scared.

Was he truly mending?

Would he return to the honourable, kind and affectionate husband he had been?

Could he still be a man in the bed?

Wicked though it may be, I ached for him. I’d begun to dream of him coming to me. Waking in a hot sweat, my thighs slicked with dew. On those nights, in my lonely bed, I would take ease with myself. I would run my fingers through my swollen folds and stroke that deep dark heat until I reached fulfilment. Afterward, I would lay alone, wracked with guilt. I should not touch myself when my husband suffered as he did. It was wicked, it was cruel.

How I loathed this torment.

‘What did the physician say?’ I asked, lifting my head from his chest and staring into his guarded blue eyes.

‘He believes…’ Jacob hesitated and I watched him gnaw at his lower lip a moment. ‘He believes that I will be able to make love to you again, soon even.’

I felt my face split by joy. ‘Truly? Oh Jacob, but this is wonderful news!’

Jacob’s expression, however, showed no such joy. ‘He has his doubts though.’

‘But why?’

‘My…’ He breathed in sharply, and gnawed at his lip. ‘My manhood is blessedly undamaged now the swelling has receded.’ He paused and his face reddened. ‘Alas, the same cannot be said for my…stones.’

I felt my own face redden. ‘Your…stones?’

‘One has been damaged more than the other.’ He looked at me searchingly. Searching for what I was unsure.

So I asked, ‘What does this mean for us?’

He tore his gaze away from me, his expression grim. ‘It means that though I may have the capability to make love to you, the desire to do so may be limited…and…’ he faded off, ‘my ability to sire a child may indeed be irreparably damaged.’

It was too much to take. I clasped a hand over my mouth to stifle any audible expression of my dismay. ‘Does that mean that Arthur will be your legal heir now?’ The thought was repugnant.

‘Until we have a son, I am afraid, yes.’

I stared at my husband with utmost horror. ‘No…we must — ’

Jacob released a sad laugh. ‘My darling, we shall do all we can to prevent that from happening.’

‘But the physician said…’ My voice failed, and for a moment I was unable to speak. ‘Do you still desire me?’ I finally asked in a frightened voice. ‘Is the desire to make love to your wife still within you?’

Jacob’s eyes softened. ‘Always,’ he murmured, and drew me back into his embrace. ‘How could it not be?’

I lay down beside him, feeling the warmth of him soak through the bedding and clothing to my skin. His hand stroked me, and though it was neither the time nor place I found my body responding to his touch — as it always had.

‘Jacob,’ I breathed, as his hand ran the length of my side and clasped my breast, squeezing gently. ‘Can we try? I have been so lonely without you.’

With my head against his chest, I heard the sharp intake of his breath and the increased beat of his heart. ‘My love, I know,’ he whispered, his hand coming to my cap and releasing my hair.

He inhaled the perfume and kissed the top of my head. ‘I am just,’ his voice halted, ‘frightened, I suppose,’ he confided.

‘Frightened of what?’ I asked, looking up at him, uncertain what his answer should be.

‘That…that I will be not be stirred by you, that I will not satisfy you, that you will no longer admire me now I am so flawed. God save me, I seem frightened of everything.’

His words touched me deeply, and I felt my chest constrict. ‘You always and ever shall satisfy me. I love you, Jacob.’

‘I know, and it makes me fear I shall fail you all the more.’

‘Never,’ I replied with more confidence than I realised I had.

Without asking his permission, I sat up and began to unbutton his nightshirt. Though he’d had a month of bed rest, the fineness of his form never ceased to steal my breath. His chest, finely dusted by golden hair, was of such perfection it may have been carved in the days of the Roman pantheon. I ran my hands through that hair, and lingered on the hard tips of nipple. ‘You could never disappoint me, Jacob. Never.’ I lent my head and kissed those lean hard planes.

His stomach convulsed and he cried out, ‘Janie, no.’

I kissed a trail down to where the sheet covered his damaged manhood, and paused. I looked up and held his eyes with mine. ‘If you truly mean that, I shall stop,’ I whispered, ‘but you must know, stopping is the last thing I wish to do. I want to behold you with my own eyes. Let me love you. Nothing that happens will ever change how I feel, or how much I …’ My mouth dried. ‘Want you…Jacob, please…’

The pain in his eyes brought a sympathetic tear to my own. ‘Janie,’ he groaned. ‘I don’t want to repulse you. I am not the man I used to be…’

‘I cannot believe that,’ I replied, but he did not move to stop me. Gently and with much caution I peeled the bedclothes down.

What I saw then neither horrified nor distressed me. He was healing, it was certainly true. His manhood rested against his thigh, slightly turgid. Though I cannot say its colour was its usual ruddy pink, yellow bruising marring it slightly, it certainly looked well to me. I ran my hands gently over it, and it lurched towards me. I laughed softly. ‘Eager as ever,’ I murmured, then lowered my head and kissed it as my hands sought his stones, eager to check each one.

‘Janie,’ he groaned, ‘don’t.’

I looked up at him and shook my head. ‘I must,’ I whispered before returning my attention to that part of him most cruelly hurt. It was true I noticed then that something was awry with his other parts. The skin containing his stones was no longer bruised, but where one side was full and heavy beneath my hand, the other was smaller and harder. I looked up at him, disallowing my fear to show. ‘Will it return to its former fullness?’ I asked softly, my hand gently stroking the soft silken skin.

Jacob lifted my head up, and shook his own sadly. ‘The physician thinks not.’

I hesitated for a moment, unsure what my response should be. ‘Well, I care naught for shrunken stones,’ I retorted, ‘you are as much a man to me as you have ever been.’

Jacob snorted, ‘Janie, you’re a wicked girl to lie so.’

‘Mayhap I am wicked, but not for the reason you state,’ I murmured, and lowered my head again. To prove him mistaken, I took his manhood into my mouth. I suckled it for a moment, willing it to swell and abolish our fears. It was soft and large in my mouth and tasted of Jacob, sweet and salty all at once. He groaned, running his hands through my hair.

‘Wicked woman,’ he hissed as I carefully intensified my actions.

As the moments passed, I felt him swell in my mouth and at length I pulled away, unable to contain my smile.

‘Shall we see if the healing is more than just superficial? I would have you make love to me. I shall delight in notifying the physician his prognosis is incorrect.’

He smiled, but there was uncertainty there. ‘I — ’

‘I shall not hurt you.’ I mimicked the words he’d long since spoken on our wedding night.

He laughed. ‘I trust you,’ he mimicked my answer.

Without waiting further, I gathered my skirts about my waist. I wore no drawers as I disliked the new contraptions — so nothing could impede our intercourse.

With a swift but careful motion, I moved atop my husband as he reclined. I know that many may think such a position for coitus wicked, but Jacob and I had long since discarded any such concerns. We had long taken great pleasure in experimentation of this nature, and I knew with certainty I would be less likely to injure my healing husband in this fashion.

Carefully using my hand as a guide, I positioned my husband’s thickened member at the gates of my secret part. I was moist and swollen there in anticipation. The heat of his burgeoning staff made my body tighten. I braced myself against his chest and lowered myself down. For a moment his staff nudged blindly at my opening, so using my other hand, I parted the lips of my womanhood to ease his access. I heard a whimper, and looked down startled at my husband, before realising the sound had come from myself. I gently lowered myself down and the thick head of his manhood forced my sex open and it took yet another moment to slowly ease myself down the entire hot length of him. I wanted to weep with happiness. For one miserably long month I’d feared I may never have this joy again.

As I sank completely down upon his staff, impaled to its root, Jacob groaned and for a brief moment I was fearful I had injured him. I looked down, but his expression was one of utmost pleasure. I offered my husband an insouciant smile and hesitated, wishing to relish this first intercourse, but could no more linger in this position than I could stem the pulsing of my heart. Though I tried to be gentle and slow, I found myself inadvertently sliding up his shaft, and slipping back down. I cried out as my body swallowed him again.

‘Janie, you are so beautiful,’ Jacob murmured as I repeated the motion. Sliding up and slipping down. More than anything I wished to grind myself down upon him, so that most delicate place could burn with wicked friction — but I dared not, I had some sense to remain careful.

So I continued my movement up and down, trying frantically not to become over-enthused, though it was difficult. My sex milked his staff with as much intensity as I could possibly allow; a deep but sweet, coiling, intense pleasure was tightening in my womb. It would not be long before I found completion. I only hoped that my beloved would also be able to reach such a conclusion.

In wordless understanding, Jacob’s eyes held mine, and I felt his hands move beneath my skirts, searching for that part of me so stretched and full. With knowing hands, Jacob’s fingers brushed past my mons, past that sweet spot that seemed to exist only for my pleasure. His hands found me slick, swollen and made impossibly wide by the girth of his staff.

He moved his clever fingers once more, past that place and my sex contracted around him.

‘Jacob…’ My voice was high. ‘I shall — ’ But I did not get to complete my words. My world suddenly shrank to my womanhood and that tight, bright, sweet intensity. I gasped for breath and found myself convulsing as pleasure exploded between my thighs and radiated through my belly.

‘Oh Jane.’ Jacob thrust into me as I stayed planted firmly upon him. For the briefest of moments I was struck with the fear he could not find completion, but blessedly, within an instant, he cried out and shuddered beneath me. Together we remained as those final tremors of pleasure trembled their last and we both fell still.

How long we stayed as such I could make no claim, but we remained intimately entwined when we were interrupted by a most unwelcome voice.

Chapter 4

‘Well,’ Arthur sneered from behind, ‘it seems I should well have heeded your maid’s advice and knocked.’ He laughed and the very sound made me shudder. ‘But I am glad I did not. What a sight. The mare mounting her stallion, truly a scene fit for a whorehouse.’

Imagine my shame and horror; it was all I could do not to cry. My hair was in disarray, my skirts to my knees and my husband’s member still locked within my sex. I dare not even turn to see the man. My face burned. I stared in mute alarm at Jacob, whose face had descended into fury.

Jacob’s voice was taut. ‘What do you mean by this insult?’ His eyes flashed and, with a strength I’d forgotten he possessed, he lifted me from him and placed me down on the bed, so he would be free to defend my honour.