Authors: Brenda Bevan Remmes
Chase and his father were to meet with Duncan and Reverend
Broadnax that evening. Chase knew that Liz might be at the hospital all night. She gave him a hug and a kiss as he went out the door and whispered, “I’ll be thinking of you and Grandpa. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he replied.
*****
When Liz arrived in Maggie’s room things had taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Oxygen tubes ran around her ears and into her nose. Her eyes remained closed. Billie looked exhausted and frightened.
“Is she asleep?” Liz whispered.
Billie shrugged her shoulders, unsure herself.
“Maggie,” Liz said softly. “This is Liz. I’m here next to you. Can you hear me?”
Maggie’s eyes flickered. She opened them, looked straight at Liz and appeared to acknowledge her presence and then closed them again. Liz took her hand and squeezed. She felt a weak, uneven response.
“Has Dr. Rao been in today?” Liz asked Billie.
“He was in early this morning, around six-thirty and told me he’d be back at his lunch. Liz, I really didn’t understand anything he said, something about the ANC count and sepsis. I don’t know. It’s all-Greek to me. Said they were trying some antibiotics to get control of it.”
“It’s an infection that’s resistant to a lot of antibiotics. That’s the problem. They have to find one that will attack the bacteria before the bacteria takes over.”
“Could it kill her?”
Liz looked down at Maggie, not sure whether she could hear or not. One never knew. She made a hand gesture to Billie to lower her voice and said, “I feel certain they can handle this.” In reality, she didn’t feel certain at all. She walked Billie to the door, “You all right to drive?”
“Yeah, I’ll make it home.”
“Be careful. Get some sleep and call Richard and tell him, would you?”
“Of course I will,” Billie said and slipped out the door.
For the next three hours Liz rubbed Maggie’s feet and put lotion on her arms and legs. She sang all of their favorite songs, choking up at times and having to stop mid-chorus. She watched the blip on the monitor as it stretched endless waves across the screen measuring a heartbeat and pulse. Occasionally Maggie opened her eyes for a few seconds, seemed to search until she saw Liz, and then closed them again. Just past one o’clock, Dr. Rao came in the room. The first thing Liz noticed was that he wasn’t wearing his Tar Heel shirt. The UNC cap stuck out of his lab coat pocket, but he didn’t bother to put it on.
“How’s my Tar Heel doing?” he asked, but his monotone voice lacked its normal bounce. Liz could see the worry in his eyes. He walked to Maggie’s side and took her hand. “Maggie, can you hear me?” Her eyes fluttered. “Maggie, we’ve got a glitch here. We’re working on it. You stay with us. We will fix it.”
Liz thought she saw Maggie’s head move ever so slightly as if she wanted to nod, but it was barely recognizable. Dr. Rao motioned Liz outside the door.
“This isn’t good, is it?” Liz said.
“It’s certainly not what we had hoped for, but don’t give up. I’ve seen cases like this turn around before.”
“Even with her immune system as compromised as it is?”
“It can happen.”
Liz nodded.
“You will stay with her?” he asked.
“Yes, I plan to.”
“Good. That will help.”
*****
Liz stayed by Maggie’s side the rest of the day. Reluctant to leave she stepped out at 10 p.m. to call Chase. He was home.
“How did it go tonight?”
“All painful, but Reverend Broadnax was very concerned that we handle this situation carefully. He’s afraid that if the Perrys aren’t given the opportunity to vent their anger and frustration privately at first that it could spill over into the entire black community.”
“Really?” Liz was stunned at such a possibility. It just hadn’t dawned on her that after all the good Grandpa had done, he would not be forgiven. “What does Reverend Broadnax suggest?”
“He suggested that he meet with the
Perrys first, to let them voice their feelings and expectations. Ideally, Grandpa and the Perrys could make a statement to the church congregation together. He also agreed that it might help for you to speak to LuAnne.”
“When?”
“As soon as you can.”
“How’s Grandpa?”
“Pretty exhausted, but I think he finds relief in knowing that this is coming to a head. How’s Maggie?”
“Not good, Chase. I’m staying overnight.”
“All right, call me tomorrow.”
“I’ll do that. I love you.”
“I love you, too, honey. Tell Maggie she’s in our hearts and prayers.”
When Liz got back to the room, Maggie was weeping uncontrollably. Her eyes were wide and the sobs interfered with the oxygen tube so that she gasped for breath. “Where have you been?” she sputtered out between breaths.
“Maggie, Maggie.” Liz stroked her forehead. “I just went to call Chase.”
“I thought you’d left me. Don’t leave me alone like that again.” Her words came in sputtered intervals between the sobs. Don’t let me die alone.”
“I won’t,” Liz choked. Tears swelled into her eyes.
“I don’t want to stay here, Liz. Get me home to Cottonwoods.”
“Oh, Maggie!” Liz tried to hug her but the tubes made an embrace awkward. “As soon as you get a little stronger, we’ll take you home. I promise.” Liz hit the call button for a nurse and appreciated the immediate response of a tall woman with calm cool eyes and a soothing and reassuring voice.
Maggie began to regain her composure. The nurse stayed with them until her breathing became regular again. “Do you have any pain, Maggie?” the nurse asked.
“Yes,” Maggie whispered and ran her hand over the right side of her stomach.
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Nine,” Maggie whispered.
“I’ll check with the doctor,” the nurse said and left the room. A few minutes later she was back and connected another sack of fluid to run simultaneously into the IV drip. Liz didn’t even ask what it was. Maggie began to doze again and Liz sat in the chair next to her the rest of the night. Whatever turnaround Dr. Rao hoped for needed to happen soon.
*****
Dr. Rao arrived before the sun the next morning. He wore no Tar Heel regalia at all.
“Maggie,” he called to her several times and then went so far as to shake her shoulder
. Gradually she began to acknowledge him. “I’m going to back off the pain meds some, so you won’t be so sleepy, but you tell us if the pain gets worse. Okay?” She gave a partial nod and closed her eyes again. He turned to Liz and motioned her into the hall. It had been a sleepless night, with Liz worrying that Maggie was in pain every time she moaned or twitched. She kept buzzing the night nurse, whose reassurance did little to comfort her.
“Do you still think she might make it?” Liz asked.
His eyes betrayed his worry. “That’s a no-win question, but I will tell you that the pain in the upper right abdomen is not good. To be honest, our window of opportunity for reversal is smaller than it once was.”
Liz called Billie at
11:00 that morning. “Not good, Billie,” she said. “They’re running tests, but Dr. Rao appears discouraged, and Maggie is not very responsive.”
“Maybe we should get a room at one of the hotels,” Billie suggested, “and trade off during the night?”
“Probably,” Liz agreed. “Would you call Chase for me? Tell him things aren’t getting any better. Tell him to call Grandpa, too.”
After lunch Dr. Rao returned and tried again to talk to Maggie. “Tar Heel, you still with me?”
“The pain,” she mumbled.
“Is it bad?”
“Yes.”
“Can you still fight?”
“I don’t know,”
she breathed out a whisper and grimaced.
“We want you to fight, Maggie
. Fight like a Tar Heel.”
There was no snicker, no partial smile,
and no attempt at a nod from Maggie.
“I’m going to help you with the pain,” he said, and a morphine drip was wheeled into the room.
“I’m dying,” Maggie whispered to Liz after Dr. Rao left. With her heart exploding in her chest and tears rolling down her cheeks, all Liz could do was bend over and kiss Maggie’s forehead. She needed to be a tower of strength, to say something inspirational or empowering. Instead here she sat weeping and slobbering all over her. She knew Maggie was right.
*****
After Billie arrived in the afternoon, they sat together in silence. When Maggie’s blood pressure began to drop, Liz called the nurse.
Dr.
Rao was in the room within thirty minutes. His eyes said it all; those
beautiful dark eyes offered no reassurance
.
Maggie’s kidneys were failing and there was little hope
. He suggested that if there was anyone else who should be with her, now was the time to call.
Richard, Gill, Chase,
LuAnne and Grandpa arrived at ten. They all hugged and shed tears together. Liz asked about Miss Ellie. Gill said she had chosen not to come. Chase went to get some extra chairs.
Gill had brought a tape recorder and tapes of Haydn and Mozart
, which he plugged into a corner outlet; the music filled the air as a requiem mass. Around midnight Richard offered a heartfelt prayer. Afterwards Chase suggested to Grandpa that they get a hotel room. “We’ll come back first thing in the morning,” he assured him.
Grandpa
Hoole shook his head and didn’t move. Forty-five more minutes passed. At two in the morning, Maggie stirred and began to mumble. Liz got up to lean in closer to her. Gill turned off the tape recorder.
“Daddy? Daddy?” she whispered, “is that you?”
No one said a word.
“Daddy?” she said louder this time
. “Daddy, where are you?”
Grandpa
Hoole raised his head. “I’m right here beside you, Maggie,” he said.
Liz caught her breath and looked at Chase
. Then she looked at LuAnne, whose eyes immediately shifted between Maggie and Grandpa Hoole.
“I can’t see you,” Maggie said.
“Walk in the light,” Grandpa said as he rose and brushed her hair back from her forehead. “Wherever you may be, darling, walk in the light.”
There was a long pause and then a sigh
. “Oh, yes.”
Chapter Thirty-nine
Billie and Liz sat on the ground of the Kendall family cemetery with their backs against the brick wall. November had turned breezy and the winds had blown many of the pecans to the ground. Liz wore a stocking cap pulled down over her honey-nut wig of curls. Billie’s pink pullover matched her pink jeans. Webster ran around sniffing between the stones, excited to be off his chain, but a bit confused. After scurrying back to Billie for an occasional pet, he’d rush off again.
“I have a new grandbaby,” Liz said.
Billie looked over and a paradoxical look crossed her face. “Girl or boy?”
“A little girl, Mary Elizabeth
Hoole.”
“Funny, isn’t it?
Life and death all happening at the same time.”
“Yeah,” Liz said as a tear began to form
. “She’s got one blue eye and one brown eye, Adam tells us.”
“Ah, honey…” Billie slipped her arm about Liz’s shoulder and gave her a squeeze.
Liz pulled a Kleenex out of her pocket and wiped her nose. “I love pecans,” Liz said as she looked up over her head at the massive limbs above them that continued to drop the nuts into the cemetery. “They’re like manna from heaven. God drops these little gifts into our lap and all you have to do is pick them up and crack them open.”
“I’m sure you can come and get all that you want,” Billie said. “You and LuAnne, she loves them, too.”