Authors: Natasja Hellenthal
‘You have become very important for me,’ Artride said in a deep voice. ‘And if you have come to ignore that, you are more stubborn than I thought. Without you I would not have made it this far. You’ve encouraged me to keep going and not give up. Especially in that horrible swamp; without you I would have drowned! You underestimate yourself, Tirsa. You are too modest, really. And look where we are now; we are in the cave, the sorceress
’ home which we set out to find. You and I can accomplish anything!’
‘Thank you for your kind words, Artride.’ And she smiled shyly at her. At times like this it was hard to imagine her as
commander at all. Maybe it was because she had lost her weapons and felt small without them. Everyone knew that was a well known fact about soldiers. So she just had to lighten her up a little.
‘I have a
feeling that in here we have no use for weapons, or my healing powers for that matter,’ Artride said in a soothing voice, glancing around. And with the latter she had hit the nail right on the head, for it was exactly
that
what bothered her: the queen healing her, nursing her, and not the other way round. Tirsa was not used to this treatment, she was a commander and normally it was she who looked after her people, her company. She was not only their leader, but she was their mother and made sure they were well fed and trained and progressed as knights. She also had to check up on them all individually and make sure they were looking after their gear, weapons and uniform, and of course their steads. She gave them a lot of freedom, even if it meant they made the occasional mistakes. They learned, and there was room for them to share their experiences. That was what earned their respect; that and the fact she was a good listener and she treated every knight as an individual, not a pawn. So, not being the one in control and not quite knowing where she stood, and slowly losing herself, bothered her greatly.
‘If she meant harm she would have had guards guarding the place,’ Artride spoke.
‘No, she wants us to come, even though the entry wasn’t great.’ And she licked her lips moist and came closer, so close Tirsa could feel the warmth of her face. Tirsa was breathing fast, but whether it was still from the fall the queen didn’t know. She locked on to her attractive olive green eyes which seemed to merge with hers. Something stirred in the air. There was no sound, no cave, just the two of them. Electricity ran from one to the other. Artride acted on impulsive when she pressed her lips lightly onto Tirsa’s. At first, Tirsa looked astonished at her, but she recognized desire when she saw it which matched her own, and did not pull away.
‘Don’t fight it
,’ Artride whispered and gently urged her on. Tirsa slowly seemed to give in and relaxed under her touch, closing her eyes. Abruptly she broke the passionate, enchanting moment, opening her eyes and backing away.
Uncertain
, the queen tried to read her thoughts and asked, ‘What is it?’
Ashamed
, Tirsa lowered her face and stood up, turning her back on her. This was not allowed according to policy: a knight kissing a queen, never mind both being women. But Tirsa never cared much for that, and since she had got to know the queen better, and especially after her near-death experience, she knew that rank existed only in the minds of people. But still, this was a delicate situation and she could not get involved in the matter of laws, punishments and secrets any more than she already did; even if she was sorry about it.
Artride
, in the meantime, realised that she had overstepped her boundaries and regretted acting on her urge.
‘I am so sorry, Tirsa
; I thought you wanted it as much as I did. I thought–’
‘I just can’t
,’ Tirsa said in an elevated, distressed voice.
Bewildered
, Artride looked up at her with one raised eyebrow. ‘I thought … I hoped I had become more to you than just a queen. Is it that? The fact I am the queen must still bother you, does it not? I’d hoped I had become a friend, rather than someone you had to look up to.’
Yes, but how can I forget that you are the
queen? You are after all my superior and will always be …
Tirsa shook her head
, and was still getting used to the idea that Artride believed her to be a desirable friend; even though she had recognized the signs earlier on, and even though she herself was very taken with the queen; it could never be. But she also remembered her maid Ezra, and Artride always getting everything she desired; people included. Ezra too, had to walk away before it got out of hand. Maybe her falling in love with someone elese was a blessing in the sky for everyone involved.
‘I guess I was wrong
,’ Artride said sadly, suddenly aware of the burden she had placed onto her bodyguard when she saw the expression on her face, and the lines of worry.
‘No, you have become
… more … to me than a queen and who wouldn’t want to be kissed by you? I mean …’ and Tirsa stared at the striking woman in front of her, beautiful both on the inside and outside, at a loss for words. What fool would resist her?
‘It’s just
… sorry!’ and Tirsa walked away in the direction of the blue light. Artride watched her leave with a stab of pain in her heart.
Artride, you selfish idiot!
Shortly after she stood too and
walked after Tirsa. She found her standing, watching an enormous round hallway, but still the light did not come from there.
‘I take full responsibility for this, Tirsa. I don’t know what came over me. I should have used my head. This is not like me. It’s just
… that that never got me anywhere either.’
Softly she replied, ‘Don’t be sorry. I don’t regret it, but
…’ and Tirsa sighed, and Artride sensed what she wanted to say before she even spoke., ‘It’s already too complicated as it is.’ And Tirsa faced her. ‘And besides, I don’t know if I am even ready for this.’
Stupid! You are just making up excuses not to feel anything; to get involved with anyone!
‘I see,’ Artride quietly replied. ‘I respect that; however, you do not have to fear nor worry for me, if that’s what it is. Even if you do not say it, I know that it bothers you. I can look after myself. And it is not that I can return safely without a spell anyway; so it is either death for me or a safer life without complications; either way, why not try to make the best of the time given to us? It was just a kiss.’ And she stared at her hands, painfully aware of how selfish once again she sounded. With that kiss she had forgotten all about Tirsa’s feelings and had risked their bond. It had sounded like she wanted to have fun in the time she still had left. How would Tirsa feel if she should die and once again lose someone she cared for? Whilst their mission should have nothing to do with them, nor their feelings, but be all about the search for the sorceress, lifting the curse to gain a better life for their people and to save Elimar, it had turned out to be more about the two of them!
Once the curse is lifted
, it will not only affect me and her, but also the rest of the men and women of Ceartas, with these forbidden same sex feelings they could not show before or had to hide.
But Artride would lay it to rest for the higher purpose of their goal right now, and thought about the little time they had left: two weeks, if they had been counting right. Feeling very guilty, Artride said, ‘We are making the best time we can here and it will not be long now; so we will be able to return in time for your brother.’ And she sighed when Tirsa remained silent.
Won’t you tell me what befell you? It is obvious something is bothering you and now I have the feeling that something else is the reason you’re holding back. If you would just tell me.
She saw the deep hurt in Tirsa’s eyes and she wished she hadn’t forced herself on her. Artride had heard she had lost a lover and that she was heartbroken after. However, she had wanted to hear it from her, not prise it out of her. But now she knew her mistake. Obviously it was still hurting her. She had no right, if she had just considered her feelings, and she was deeply sorry.
When do you stop mourning, Tirsa? Will you ever?
Tirsa heard her own inner voice.
I wish you weren’t a
queen. Things would be different then.
You know being a
queen doesn’t mean a thing in Ceartas, and it doesn’t have to for you,
Artride thought as though in reply.
‘I wish you would stop placing me on a pedestal, Tirsa
,’ she said out aloud as if reading her thoughts. ‘Stop looking up to me and worshipping me like some goddess.’
Begin to treat me as a human being; an equal.
Tirsa had still been doing that, without meaning to perhaps, but she would always adore her remarkable beauty and her kind ways
, and Artride was not so foolish to miss that.
‘Not you as well. I already have enough people to be worshipped by, because of my Royal rank and I am tired of that; I told you before.
Being a queen with a pretty face is a curse! I am a real person of flesh and blood, like you and with feelings. Denying them would be –’
‘The wisest thing to do
,’ Tirsa filled in.
Artride shut her mouth and dropped her head, closing her eyes. It was obvious Tirsa wanted the old distance back in order to sa
ve herself. Artride couldn’t blame her for that. All she ever could do was hurt people; history had taught her that all too well.
I have gone too far. I should have kept the
required distance. People expect me to be larger than life, not kiss them! Artride, Artride, it’s about time you realised you can’t just do what you feel like! It serves me right!
‘Alright, let’s forget it ever happened. We drop the discussion here and continue our mission and focus on that
,’ she bitterly stated and looked down on herself, clearing her wet clothes from little stones. Tirsa noticed her own tunic and breeches were damaged and dark from the running water and mud. She pointed out the stream.
‘Let’s follow this brook here
,’ she suggested.
Tirsa felt odd and shaky after their shared intimacy, but was ready to put her personal feelings aside for the greater good; whatever that was
… She doubted that at the moment, for whatever could be more important than to have some happiness for herself again as well? She was always fighting for others. But she could never be like Artride; just claiming what she wanted because she could.
Silently they followed the water and examined the walls around them. It was cold and moist, but breathing did not cause any problem. In the distance they heard the familiar drip-drip from water and followed the sound and the stream. Slowly it got a little brighter as they came closer to the source of the sound and the light; a big natural chamber illuminating an enchanting magical blue from the walls. Light brown stalactites were hanging from the ceiling and water was dripping from them into a dark misty lake. Thirst came over them and Artride walked thoughtlessly over to the water. Tirsa did not
realize she would be that foolish to drink and paralyze herself and their task.
She took small careful sips, with Tirsa coming up behind her, sighing.
‘Cold, but clear. It wouldn’t be poisoned, otherwise I would have tasted it by now or had some sort of reaction,’ she said dully, and stood again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, avoiding her eyes. ‘Your turn.’
Before Tirsa could respond she noticed in the corner of her eye, a small wrinkle in the water. Artride followed her gaze and saw what she saw; a head appearing in the middle of the lake.
It took her only a heartbeat to recognize the face; the wet long blonde hair, the familiar face, it belonged to Tirsa Lathabris, her own commander, bodyguard and travel partner.
Confused she raised her brows and glanced from the real Tirsa to her twin, rising lusciously out of the water with nothing on her nude slender form. Water dripping from her hair, her tanned round shoulders and hips, her small firm breasts and toned arms and long legs. Shiny wet, however not shivering. Tirsa herself
, stood open mouthed, speechless from what she saw. It took her some time to recognize her own figure.
Well, without the scars I guess
…
‘This is not possible!’ she gasped, staring at the twin with the closed eyes; as if this Tirsa was asleep. Artride was overwhelmed
, looking totally enchanted and frozen at the spot by the familiar, but mysterious sight of her companion, who clearly had to be some illusion. However, Tirsa was not buying it and started laughing nervously. It was like looking in the mirror and she felt a little embarrassed to see herself naked and exposed, especially in front of the queen. True, she was impressed by the magic to create such a powerful illusion, and glanced at Artride to see her totally absorbing the creature with big eyes. ‘Artride, please … stop looking at … me like that.’
For a moment
, hearing her voice, she had her attention, but looked confused from her to the woman in the water as though she could not figure it out. ‘An illusion, that’s all,’ Tirsa exclaimed dryly. And they both waited for the creature to open her eyes or say something.
She did.
Her eyes even had the same colour and depth as Tirsa’s. Not even Tirsa could see the difference when she had stared at herself in the looking glass.