The Rake and the Recluse REDUX (a time travel romance) (88 page)

“Perry,” she breathed.

He moved his arms around her knees and pulled her closer still, turning his head to the side and holding her closely.

“I think it would be better if I left,” she whispered, her hand coming down to stroke his hair.

“No, please—”

“I don’t think this is a situation we can remedy. Your station will always get the better of you, as will mine. There can be no future for us. To continue now would be to demand failure, as well as more pain.” She tugged gently at his hair, urging him to look up.

“Lilly.” He released her, placing his hands on his knees as he tried to gather his composure. He stared at the ground between them. “I can’t imagine— I can’t even begin to fathom how it would be to never see you again. And I can’t grasp how I would see you but be unable to have you.”

Breathing slowly, he managed to rein the most powerful of his emotions that demanded he hold onto her and not release her until she acceded to his will. His fingers dug into the flesh of his thighs.

“I cannot imagine this either, at this point. You have brought me to life, given me time. I would never have lived had I not come with you, had you not agreed to—to what you agreed to.” She shook the thoughts of his lessons away. She needed to see his eyes but he refused to look at her. Perhaps that was better; if she actually saw his pain, this might be impossible. It was difficult enough watching him in this defeated posture.

She didn’t understand why she affected him so deeply. He could have any woman he wanted. She should have merely been a plaything, a temporary muse. “I had no idea,” she whispered. “I never should have asked. If I had known what this would do, I—” Her voice broke and he glanced up. She lifted her hand to cover her quivering lips and he looked away again swiftly.

“Don’t say that,” he said fiercely. “You’ve changed me just as much as you say I’ve changed you. I was lost, and you found me. I ran from my brother’s house, yet now I understand that all the reasons I left were wrong. I understand how he felt, I understand why he could do the things he did.”

He stood, his voice rising with each word. “I relinquish my station. I’ll disappear, with you, because I now understand. I understand how he could shun convention and propriety and nearly give up everything he is—no—everything he was meant to be. For her, Lilly, all for her.”

Their gazes locked, he lowered his voice to a tenor that caught at her soul and refused to release, that low resonant tone that made her skin aware of his very breath. “He would do it for the joy in her eyes, the light in her smile, the sweet sound of her laughter.” His eyes traveled her body. “The sway of her hips, the delight in her sighs as he fulfilled— her every wish.” His eyes caught hers again, and he moved to stand a hair’s breadth away.

Her breath hitched, and she raised her hands instinctively as protection between them, but his hands had already made their way about her waist, pulling her solidly against him.

“Lilly, my sweet Lilly, I have injured you in a way I have no justification for. I do not understand why I did so, and therefore can offer no excuse nor recompense. All I can do is promise on my honor that I will endeavor with every breath to keep it from happening again for the rest of my days.” He held her close, leaning his head down to rest on her bonnet.

“You’ll not relinquish your title for me. I should leave here— I should go, it would be better for you if I did. I— I cannot allow you to do something so foolish. I truly don’t know what you mean to accomplish by doing so.”

“Let me show you what it means.” His hand went to her chin. He tilted her head back, his mouth descending. He brushed his lips across hers, warming them, begging her blood to rush, to heat her body. She sighed as he took, delving into her mouth to taste her, explore her, feel her. He was gentle, considerate and careful.

Drawing back slightly, he opened his eyes. And as her lips chased his, wanting to be kissed more thoroughly, he watched her and waited.

Frustrated at being so close but not being allowed her desire, Lilly opened her eyes and looked into his smoldering gaze. What she saw there, in their depths, shook her.

“I love you, Lilly, sweet Lilly. I love you, I love you, I love you.” He pulled her ever tighter against him, caressing her lips with his words.

The reverberation of his voice against her mouth sent a shiver through her and she couldn’t help but to sigh again. She melted into him, a single tear running down her cheek.

He kissed it away, then kissed her again, the salt of her tear flavoring their passion, fueling their connection.

“You cannot leave me,” he said quietly, “for I am naught without you.”

She shook her head, not wanting to break the cloud of emotion that enveloped them but knowing she must. “No, milord, it isn’t right. It isn’t.”

“I see that I will need to convince you still.”

He released her, and she nearly fell to the earth with the sudden loss of his powerful embrace.

He lifted her in his arms and marched for the carriage, her skirts trailing behind them like the abandoned ribbons of a maypole.

The rest of the luncheon party had gathered by the barouche, waiting.

Maebh caught sight of them first and strode forward.

Perry stopped just short of her and placed Lilly on her feet. She immediately ducked behind him as he caught Maebh’s gaze. “Not one word Maebh, not one.”

She glanced from Perry to Lilly, whose expression was overwhelmed and discontent, then back to Perry. Her eyes softened and Perry sighed. “I only— I didn’t mean to say what I said. I just—”

“It matters not. You’ve found her.” She dropped her voice until it was nearly inaudible over the gentle breeze. “She’s not like us, Perry, and I believe you take that for granted.”

“I’m attempting to show her, Maebh. I am attempting to do what’s right.”

“I understand that you are, but can you not realize that a week of explaining cannot possibly eradicate a lifetime of learning one’s place?”

“What do you know of her place?”

“It’s more than obvious: she dodges eye contact, flushes when any of us say her name, is terrified of using
our
names. Certainly you can see this as well?”

He nodded. “I can, and perhaps she needs more than a week, but—”

“Or perhaps she needs to return to what she is familiar with.”

“No— I cannot, I couldn’t bear to—”

“
You
cannot bear— Perry.” Maebh carefully reached out and took his hand in hers. “What is best for her?”

He’d done his level best to convince himself that
he
was what was best for her. He moved uncomfortably, remembering his previous words to Lilly regarding his reputation as a rake:
that is who I am and what I do.
His gaze shifted penitently from Maebh.

Lilly shifted behind him, trying to hide her discomfiture. She latched onto him as she had their first night at the inn, and he softened instantly. He turned and wrapped her in the safety of his arms. Steadying her physically while also attempting to steady her nerves.

“Hush, sweet Lilly,” he whispered into her hair.

Maebh shifted; this wasn’t the Lilly they had met this morning. The girl was rather shy, of course, but all Maebh could see now was what appeared to be one of the most fragile beings she’d ever encountered.

None of her family was so fragile; they were all very strong and sure. In all her experience, she’d never met someone so timid and terrified. Her upbringing hadn’t allowed for weakness of any kind, and Lilly’s fear emanated from her so powerfully it was a tangible force. Lilly’s raw need for protection and care called out to her soul, demanding shelter.

Maebh composed herself quickly and stepped forward, but was then struck by her cousin’s strong, tall form wrapped cautiously, yet firmly, around the other woman. Perry’s demonstration with Lilly—the way he shielded her from their environment, enveloping her so carefully as to cut off all outward effects on her senses—was mystifying. Maebh could feel the calm surrounding them. She turned then and walked back to the carriage.

“Kerrigan, fetch a hack,” she said quickly.

“What are you about?” Saoirse asked.

“We are going home directly, as are they are as well. However, we are to part ways here.” She glanced over her shoulder. The two figures hadn’t moved. “Calder would never allow us to run through London without an escort. I know Kerrigan to be admirable and dedicated, so he will see us home in the barouche while Perry escorts Lilly in the hack.”

“Shouldn’t we say our goodbyes? We leave for Eildon Hill for Roxleigh’s wedding on the morrow,” said a concerned Isadore.

“There will be no interrupting them. What is happening there—” She nudged her head toward Perry. “—is beyond anything we are prepared for. I don’t believe I ever understood the depth of his character until today. We are to leave them. He will understand, and she will be grateful. She doesn’t need us…she has what she needs.” Maebh looked away, then turned back when Kerrigan ran up.

“Hack is ready, milady. I’ll load the barouche. Am I to see you ladies home?”

Maebh nodded. “Thank you, Kerrigan, we’ll await you at the carriage.” She took Saoirse by the arm and approached the barouche with Isadore and Poppy following. Saoirse never looked back; she understood and trusted her sister’s words without a second thought, but that trust came from doubting her countless times in the past and being proven wrong.

Isadore and Poppy glanced behind them several times, concerned for their new friend. As Gardner handed the ladies into the carriage, Kerrigan booted the picnic, then gave instructions to the driver of the hack and handed over enough coin to keep him for any amount of time. He added a caution that if the driver were to leave as soon as the barouche was away, then he would be found post-haste and dealt with.

The driver nodded and looked at the figures in the distance. He tied off the reins and leaned back in the box, putting his feet up and his cap over his eyes. Then he crossed his arms across his chest and settled in for a nap. “Odd sort, the gentry,” he mumbled to himself. “But his coin pays my rest, so I wait until he calls.”

The sound of Perry’s horses rumbling down the road was the only thing that could have broken his concentration. He focused his attention back on Lilly. She was no longer shaking and her breath had steadied, her tension drained. He loosened his hold slowly, waiting for her to look up from his chest. He ran his hand up and down her spine, continuing to steady her.

Although her expression was still confused when she finally looked up, it was also more serene. Her eyes met his and held, the green of the grass around them reflecting and rioting within their depths. She took a deep breath, her chest filling and expanding, colliding with the wall of his.

He moved one hand to her jaw and she leaned into his palm, closing her eyes. “Will I ever find this with someone else?” she whispered.

“Why should you, when you have this with me?”

She started to shake her head but he held her still. She opened her eyes, but he was close, the sight of him stealing the breath she would have used to argue.

“I love you, Lilly.” His lips moved against hers. This kiss was different from any kiss before. This kiss wasn’t meant to rouse. This kiss was meant to prove, compel, and bind.

She grasped his coat in her hands and pulled him closer, ever closer. The embrace reached through to her soul and deepened, yet still did not push. She realized his intention, felt his testimony against her mouth, understood in that moment the truth of his words, his conviction. She should never have doubted him.