His one hope was Katherine. She was the only one who could clear him of the charge of abduction. She had not done so yet. He would not blame her if she never did.
* * *
Katherine knelt over the chamber pot. Though her insides heaved, she doubted there could be anything left to come out. She eased herself up onto the mattress where her bedmate still slept and put a hand on her tender stomach. What she would give for a sprig of peppermint, or a cup of willow bark tea. Rolling onto her side, she decided to get a few more minutes rest before the household awoke and the demands of a new day were upon her.
When Katherine did not come down for the morning meal, Cousin Alicia came up to her. “’Tis clear we are already spoiled by your presence,” she announced cheerfully as she entered the room. “The children were peevish at breakfast. Hal and Robbie declared the porridge too thin, and Anne would put nothing inside her mouth besides her thumb. Now what is it that ails you?” She swooped down on Katherine, a mild frown across her forehead.
“My stomach does not sit well.” Katherine tried to get up, but the offending organ made a lurch, and she lay back down again. “It has been so for several days now, but this morning is the worst.”
Alicia put a cool hand onto Katherine’s forehead. “Have you missed your monthly courses?”
Katherine took a slow breath. “I have not bled since leaving Ashfield.” She swallowed. “Yet it is not so terribly late.”
Alicia took Katherine’s hand between hers. “The amount of lateness may not necessarily signify. One day can be the same as many. Do you have tenderness of the breast?”
Katherine nodded. Her nipples had been so sensitive of late that she’d had to lace her stays very tight to keep them from rubbing the fabric of her shift. She had thought their tenderness, in fact the heightened sensitivity of all her woman’s places, was due to her body’s awakening.
“Although it is early to tell, it seems the answer is plain,” Alicia pronounced. “’Tis very likely you are with child.”
“But I cannot be!” Katherine cried. “I do not wish it.”
Alicia smiled. “You are not the first, nor will you be the last woman, to feel so.” She patted Katherine’s hand. “You manage very well with my children; surely you would wish to have your own?”
“Were my life settled, I would wish it,” Katherine exclaimed. “But ’tis not. ’Tis a horrible muddle and this will only make it worse, not better. How can I possibly get an annulment now?” She pulled her hand from Alicia’s and jerked the bed sheet over her head. “I have made such a botch of my life,” she said through the rough linen.
Alicia laughed and tugged the fabric off Katherine’s face. “I would not worry on that, cousin. You will be amazed to find how long nine months can be. You will have time yet to make it right, and when you are feeling better you will no doubt see the way to do so,” she sobered. “Yet, perhaps ’tis not too soon to consider what you will you say to your father—and to your husband.”
Katherine blanched. “If he were to know, Father would be uncommon happy. But I would ask you to keep this between us for now.”
Alicia nodded assent. “You must do as you think best,” she said, and gave Katherine a gentle pat on the shoulder as she rose to leave the room.
Katherine sat up.
A baby.
She splayed her fingers across her belly. A new life grew there. One last gift from Nicholas.
Why would he not leave her alone? He haunted her dreams. He haunted her waking hours. And now, there would be a constant reminder of him growing inside her.
Prickles ran across the back of her nose.
What was she to do? Katherine raised a tired hand to her eyes, as if to block out the mistakes she had made. Now an annulment would be impossible.
* * *
The next afternoon, Katherine looked up from her gardening to see Jeremy coming her way. She had cut the herb bushes back, freed them from choking weeds and now applied her labors to pulling out the dead foliage that dotted the yard.
“My Lady,” he called to her.
His bruises had faded, and he wore an air of confidence she had not seen before. In fact, he looked quite handsome.
She brushed off her hands, pleased his interruption gave her a respite from a recalcitrant shrub. Although dead, it was not giving up its hold on the earth easily.
“Please, call me Katherine,” she reminded him. “Or if you must, say mistress as you once did.”
“Aye, mistress,” he smiled back at her. “I have come to tell you I am leaving.”
Katherine’s face fell. “I had thought you happy to be in London? Have you decided to return to Ashfield then?”
“Nay. I am hale now and can no longer occupy the invalid bed in the kitchen. ’Tis time for me to move on. I have taken lodging with Henry.”
“How will you get on?”
“I have been running errands for gentlemen at coffee houses and the clerks of the courts of law.” Jeremy looked at her with serious blue eyes. “Even though I go, I would come to you at any time you would need me.”
“Jeremy, I shall miss you. You are the best friend I have now.” Katherine took his hand in her dirty ones. “Your loyalty has meant so much to me.”
“I will not be far, my Lady, I mean mistress,” he amended at her frown. “But can I not call you Lady? ’Tis proper since
you-know-who
is an Earl.”
Katherine sighed. “You can say his name to me now, Jeremy. And yes, ’tis proper but I do not like it. Although I had thought to sever our bond, it seems I cannot do that.” She bit her bottom lip. “Something has changed.”
“Please, mistress, if it would make you feel better, tell me your troubles.”
Katherine made a faint smile, remembering when she had unburdened herself to Jeremy in the coach on the way to London. She nodded.
He followed her along a slate pathway to a stone bench set amongst bramble bushes where they sat down.
“I have been putting off a decision I do not wish to make. Now something has happened; I can wait no more.” Katherine searched his face. He was the only man who demanded naught of her, yet gave in return.
“Tell me how I can help you, mistress.”
“I cannot think how you could,” she said. “But, if you listen to my woes, perhaps that will lighten my heart.”
As she spoke, her heart did ease. She told him of the visit from Richard Finch, Nicholas’s letters, her conversation with James, and then about the babe.
“A babe? How?” He blushed and shook his head. “No, I know how. You need not tell me that. ’Tis wonderful news.”
“No, Jeremy, not good news at all.” Katherine shook her head. “I can no longer get an annulment. And because I must stay married, Lord Ashton will be tried for my abduction. He could hang.” Katherine let out a deep sigh.
“Could you testify on his behalf?”
“I would, but I do not think they would believe me because of the letter. I would be so much better off if I had not married him!”
“You cannot say that. If you were not married your baby would be a bastard.” Jeremy spoke fervently. “A babe needs a father.”
“A babe needs more than a liar and criminal for a father.”
He took her hand. “If you knew what I do, you would never say such a thing, or even think of your babe growing up with the stain of bastardy. I know this because I am a bastard. I am more than your friend, Katherine.” His eyes held great sadness and yearning. “I am your brother.”
A shock ran up Katherine’s spine. “Brother?” she whispered.
“I am your brother by half, a natural child. We share our father, not our mothers.” A pained expression glanced across his face. “We do not truly share our father. He has never been mine. I would not have known who he is had not my mother died and sent me to him. Even though he is not such a father to be proud of, I would have liked for him to call me ‘son’.”
Katherine’s heart caught. Gerald Welles had never treated Jeremy with any discernment, ignoring him with the same benign indifference he paid all the servants.
“Brother,” she said the word louder this time. She searched his face, his eyes, his nose, for familial recognition. She now understood why he occasionally reminded her of Edward. She remembered Edward’s voice in her dream:
There is Jeremy
.
“Brother,” she said again with conviction. “I have ever been sad to have lost one, and now to have another gladdens my heart. That it be you, Jeremy, fills me with joy.” She put her hands up to his face and ran her dirty fingers over his cheeks, traced his nose and his brow. “But why did you not tell me before?”
“I was not sure you would want to know it,” he said. “And my mother made it very clear that it was a secret, not to be shared. Although our father took me in on her death, we never spoke of it.”
“Of course I would want to know,” Katherine chided him. “You must tell me of your life before you came to Ashfield. I wish to know all those things it was never proper to ask before—what you like and what you do not like.” She searched his eyes. “No one need find out what you have told me, although I do not think I can hide my happiness.”
“If you knew what I do, you would never wish a child to grow up without its father’s good name.” Jeremy smiled and covered her hands with his as they rested on his cheeks. “I think you must tell Lord Ashton about the babe. And, for the sake of the babe, you must do everything you can to preserve the life of your husband.”
“James suggested I ask Nicholas for a formal separation. I have not wanted to see him.” She sighed, realizing that was not the truth at all. She wanted to see him desperately, and just as desperately was afraid that just a glimpse of his twinkling blue eyes would melt the wall of ice she had built around her heart. “I have not wanted to help him, but I will do what is right and declare I was not abducted. I hope the courts believe me.”
Jeremy smiled. “I will stand by you and help you in any way you wish. Dear Katherine, I have always loved you for doing what is right.”
Katherine prayed she did so now.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
KATHERINE EXAMINED THE WOMAN looking back at her in the small hand mirror. Dark circles framed her tired eyes. Lips drawn in a firm line made her look grim. She pinched a bit of color into her cheeks and tried relaxing her mouth into a smile, but it did not reach her eyes.
Today she would go to Nicholas, tell him about the baby and ask him for a formal separation and support. In return, she would testify that she had not been abducted.
She would not smile at him, or touch him, or suffer his touch, nor reveal her feelings to him in any way, for she had discovered she could not keep the ice around her heart. She yet loved the man, though she would not trust him again.
So, she would speak to him, urge him, if necessary, to do what was right and then go.
If only it would be so!
Katherine glared at herself in the mirror and put it down. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
Jeremy accompanied her to the hackney coach waiting outside. They rode in silence on the short trip through the narrow London streets to the great fortress. He paid the driver and helped her out. Assuming a brotherly air of protection, he steered her through the crowd of gawkers and hawkers that thronged in front of the barbican.
The scaffold on Tower Hill stood quiet. Set against gray skies with a chill wind blowing off the Thames, the scene filled her with foreboding. Katherine clasped her nervous hands together inside her warm cloak.
A Yeoman Warder allowed them entrance and led them on the long walk into the complex. Inside was a hotchpotch of buildings. A series of towers guarded the perimeter. Several large ravens strutted on the green. As they followed the guard across the inner ward past workers and soldiers, Katherine shivered and tightened her cloak.
Entering one of the stone towers, they climbed a dark narrow staircase. At the end of a short corridor, the jailer unlocked a door for them. “Visitors,” he barked, and stepped aside.
Katherine took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach. She stepped forward, motioning Jeremy to follow, but he shook his head. She would be on her own for this interview. Raising her chin, she pulled herself to her full height and entered the room. The door swung shut behind her with a thud.
Nicholas turned from the narrow window. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room. Expecting Henry, he was surprised to see the outline of a woman in a familiar cloak. As she stepped toward him, his heart made a small elated leap.
“Katherine?” He walked toward her, hand outstretched.
But she did not raise her hand in return.
Sadly, he let his hand fall as he came to stand before her. He tried to search her face, but her head was set well inside her hood and tilted down. Only her nose and the firm line of her mouth were visible.
So it was not to be a friendly visit, but of course he knew that. He did not expect her to forgive him, and he had done nothing to make amends. Nicholas simply did not know what to do. He did not understand the feelings he had for Katherine, or her love for him. It paralyzed him, and left him afraid of losing the very thing he had lost. But whatever her reason for coming, he was glad to see her.
“Will you sit?” he asked, pointing to the room’s one stool. Henry had offered to bring more furniture, but Nicholas had turned him down. Now he was sorry. He wanted to offer her more than a three-legged stool.
Katherine shook her head. “I am comfortable standing,” she said, her voice as stiff as her body.
Nicholas nodded, wanting to see her eyes, willing her to raise her head so he could see if they were cold, hurt, or angry. Or—worse—if they showed no feeling at all. Tension mounting, he waited for her to speak.
“I am with child,” she said, her gaze rising to his.
As their eyes connected and the meaning of her words settled into him, a hot flash ran through him.
A baby
.
Nicholas swallowed. His legs were as unsteady as if he’d taken a blow to the stomach. Yearning pierced his heart, destroying it completely, yet at the same time leaving it whole and pounding fiercely in his chest. The small room seemed even smaller, the thick stone walls moving in by feet. Then he remembered to breathe, and joy flooded his veins, tempered by a great bolt of fear. “A child.
Our
child.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I-I-am astonished. Though I should not be.”