The Rebel Heir (22 page)

“I never admitted my sister's involvement in my great-aunt's poisoning,” Evie continued. “There was no sense in harming her with the truth. Therefore it was my summer of madness and my burden to bear alone.”

“It was a mistake,” he said in defense of the person who had inadvertently caused so much harm in his life. “That's hardly cause to drag it back out and discuss it day after day.”

“I know, but that's what my mother does.
Without that reminder, how will I learn
,” she mimicked. “The truly sad part of it all is that I believe it to be my far lesser crime. What I did last year to Sue…” She trailed off with a shake of her head.

What could she possibly have done? This was prim and proper Evie, after all. “Did it involve sneaking out at night to go to Vauxhall Gardens?”

“A masquerade ball on the neighboring estate,” she replied.

“I'm impressed by your daring, Lady Evangeline Green.”

“You shouldn't be. What began the night of the masquerade ball will forever be my own quiet summer of madness. No one aside from my sister and my cousins know of it, but I'll always know.”

“I have nowhere to go. And I'm not certain I could leave if I wished to do so. Did we take a right and then two lefts, or a left and two rights to get here? I'm not sure. I think, however, our best bet at ever seeing the outside of this maze is to continue forward.”

They walked for a moment in silence. The green walls of the path grew narrow, brushing against their shoulders. He wasn't sure if Evie would continue to speak. He had asked a great many questions of her. But just when he'd given up and opened his mouth to make some amusing commentary on mazes, she began.

“I couldn't fail again, not after what I'd done as a child. I couldn't even make a misstep again. I wouldn't survive it.” Evangeline's eyes were haunted. “If my mother had known I was with Sue that night—that it had in part been my doing…”

She fell silent for a moment in which he didn't dare speak. “I decided to let her take the blame. I allowed my own sister to be threatened. I was cruel in order to appear good in my mother's eyes… I let her suffer as I had when I was a child. Alone.”

By the look in her eyes, Ash knew there was more. But he couldn't stand the pain he saw there anymore. “I'm sure you wanted to assist her. If you could have helped her situation, you'd have done so.”

“You don't understand. If you knew, you wouldn't…”

“I wouldn't what? Think you worthy of this stroll through a garden maze? Believe you're a beautiful person? …I wouldn't stay?”

She bit her lip, tears pooling in her eyes that she quickly blinked away. He stopped, turning to face her there between the walls of green. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he turned her until she was looking up at him.

“Evie, do you know nothing of me? Sometimes, we do what we must for survival. I do understand. I understand that you love your sister. You did what you knew how to do. You did the proper thing.”

She nodded as she looked up at him. “The proper thing.” She turned away and took a step down the path, making him hurry to catch up to her.

“Mother has always had ideas,” she bit out. “Her version of the reality of our lives. I knew when I was a child who I would become. She made me, crafted me from pieces of silk pressed together over years of expectation.

“Most ladies have some fond memories of times when their governess's back was turned. Some afternoon where she slipped down to the pond or…I don't know what. I can't imagine what one would do with such freedom. I was always working. Lessons to make me into this.” She held up her arms before dropping them back to her sides.

“I made one mistake when I was twelve, and I'm still reminded of it—as you saw last night. My summer of madness.” She shook her head.

He wished he could take her pain away, but the only thing to be done was listen.

“After the night of the masquerade ball last year, Mother truly wanted Sue's blood. She'd never been kind to her, but it became worse.” She took a small breath. “When Mother forces me upon a gentleman for a dance or for a walk in the garden, I accept it. I always do what I'm told, don't I? I can't afford the luxury of rebellion. But last year, Mother forced me upon a gentleman who clearly had eyes for my sister. And I let her. I should have stopped it. But instead I was thrown between Sue and the man she loved. I wasn't strong enough. I had to do as Mother instructed me. I knew if I didn't…” She shook her head and looked away. “They're married now. Lord and Lady Steelings. And I lost my sister and closest friend in the process.”

Ash stroked the back of her hand as they walked, wishing he could strip away her pain. “Evie, have you explained this to your sister?”

“I've never spoken these words aloud before. Only now. Only to you.”

“I think it's time you told your sister this. Where does she live now?”

“She's on an extended wedding trip to France. I'm unsure where. She doesn't write letters, only sends small sketches of places she's been, people she's seen. She's an artist,” she explained.

“She would want to hear from you. I'm sure of it.”

Evie stopped, turning to look at him. “How do you know?”

“I haven't seen my brothers in years, but I still care for my family…very much so.”

“But what I did was too awful. I—”

“Listened to your mother,” he cut in as he reached for her, cupping her cheek in his hand. “You did exactly what you were taught to do. The question is, what do you want to do now?”

“Not being strong enough is no excuse for my behavior.”

“You're strong enough to repair it. You're allowed mistakes.” He pushed a tiny piece of hair behind her ear as he spoke.

“No, I'm not allowed flaws.”

“I allow you mistakes then,” he said with a smile. “Until the day you allow them of yourself. I can't very well have you perfect around me. What would I appear to be by comparison?”

“Perfect. In my eyes, at any rate.”

His heart sped. He held her gaze for a moment before she blushed and glanced away. He trailed his hand down her arm until his fingers tangled with hers.

“I shouldn't have told you any of this,” she muttered, still looking down the maze path.

“Why not?”

“Admitting my mistakes to others only stands to hurt me.”

He wasn't
others
, he was Ash. How could she think otherwise? “Evie, I would never do what your mother did last night. I would never hurt you in such a manner.” He swallowed his anger and tried for a bit of levity. “Anyway, I'm a safe one to talk to since I have no one to tell. I've only kept one person in my life for any length of time, and he's in my employ.”

“And you'll be gone soon.” Her grasp on his hand tightened. “You didn't say that part, but it's true, isn't it?”

“Unfortunately, that is true. I would like to enjoy our time together while I'm here, at least.”

“Was that what you were doing last night? Enjoying your time?”

“It was enjoyable, but not in the way you mean it,” he said, a bit offended by her low opinion of him.

“But you
are
leaving. That hasn't changed, even though we…”

“I will have to leave town, Evie. That hasn't changed. I wish I could explain…”

“And this is simply a stroll in the garden to pass the time.”

“Nothing about this is simple.” He didn't know what this was, but he knew damn well it was no simple stroll in the garden. He also knew he could make her no promises. He was leaving town when his work here had ended, no matter how sweet Evie's kisses were, no matter how he enjoyed her company or the fit of her body in his arms. He would have to sort out how to protect her from her family in the process, but he knew he would have to leave her.

“Some things are that simple, Ash.”

He didn't know the proper response. He always knew what to say to turn the conversation around in his favor. It was his damn life's work to know how to turn this around. But Evie, who didn't believe herself strong enough, had struck him into silence with her words.
Pull yourself together, man.

She looked away, down the path where a sundial was perched at the center of the maze. “It's certainly a lovely day,” she said to fill the silence that had come between them.

“The weather, Evie? Has it come to such dire circumstances?” He reached for her, but she'd already stepped too far away from him.

“It would seem it has indeed come down to the weather. Will you excuse me? I find I'm growing overwarm in the sun, and we have reached the end of our path.”

“Evie,” he called after her, but she didn't turn around, instead disappearing into the hedgerow on the opposite side of the sundial.

“It's for the best,” he murmured to himself. He hadn't known what he was going to say if she'd stopped to listen to him. All he knew was a small voice echoing in his memory.
You may call me the lady who left you standing alone in the library.

He squinted up into the sun. It was a maze, not a cold library, but the day chilled him to the bone nonetheless. He couldn't let her leave him. Cursing under his breath, he turned back to retrace his steps through the maze. Perhaps then he would discover where he went wrong.

* * *

Evangeline descended the steps to the main floor of her home with practiced grace, all evidence of a fitful night's sleep tucked safely away from view. Her past might have been horribly exposed to Ash in that dratted garden maze yesterday afternoon, but there was nothing to be done about it this morning.

Jane had informed her only minutes ago that her mother had summoned her to the drawing room. As much as Evangeline longed to spend the morning sorting out her thoughts where Ash was concerned, she knew she couldn't leave her mother waiting too long. Evangeline took a small breath at the bottom of the stairs and released her grasp of the rail, determined to face this day and her mother as she always did.

“Lord Winfield,” Evangeline said a moment later from the drawing room door, stopping short of entering the room. She darted her eyes to her mother and back again. The smug look on her mother's face explained everything. She'd somehow managed to detain the lord she'd chosen for Evangeline, and she wasn't going to release him anytime soon. Taking a step into the room, Evangeline resigned herself to spending the following few hours on display like a hat in a shop window.

“Lady Evangeline, your mother has been entertaining me in your absence with tales of your embroidery talents.”

“Has she?” Evangeline shot her mother a quick glance as she moved farther into the room. “I wasn't aware that my skill was of particular note.”

“Evangeline, darling. You know you are quite skilled at all the domestic arts.” Her voice was light to disguise the warning that resided beneath. “There is no need for modesty.”

“It's quite all right, Lady Rightworth,” Winfield chimed in, unaware of the unspoken battle between the two ladies in the room with him. “Your daughter's beauty far exceeds any need to prove herself worthy as a lady.”

Evangeline looked at him for a moment. He must have meant the comment as a compliment, but something about his words grated at her nerves. “And if I was less fortunate in my appearance, I would need to work to better myself?” she finally asked.

“Evangeline!”

Lord Winfield shifted in his seat to face her. “We all have attributes to contribute to the world, my lady.”

“You mean to my future husband's home. I can't imagine I would contribute anything beyond the country estate where I'll reside.” She shouldn't challenge his thoughts. She should accept his opinion that she only had beauty to offer the world. A week ago she would have, but not anymore.

“Isn't that quite enough for a lady to manage?” he asked with a smile meant to charm. “Home, family, appearances at the right events on a gentleman's arm?”

“I suppose it is.” And it was what she'd claimed she wanted—marriage to a gentleman, a fresh start in life.

Escape from her mother was within her grasp. Winfield could offer her a life outside these walls with just a bit of encouragement. Only, he thought her finest accomplishment in life was her looks. She was more than an assortment of fine cheekbones and batting eyelashes…wasn't she? Ash had thought so. Today, the future Winfield represented—the one she'd wanted for so long—appeared terribly hollow in her mind's eye. She would be trading one prison for another of a different sort. In no way did marriage to one of any array of gentlemen set before her lead to her freedom.

“The season's entertainments alone would fill your days, I'm sure. It's a great responsibility to help a man appear successful in the eyes of his fellows. But it would be a simple task for a lady of your distinction,” his lordship said with a kind smile.

She should give him smile number two in return—she should. But something about his expectations for her was bothersome. She wasn't certain where her talents lay, but she knew she was more than the image her mother had created all those years ago. Ash had seen more in her, and even without him at her side, she saw it now too. She deserved more.

She reached for a teacup from the service on the table. “A lady's looks and their ability to reflect her husband's worth
are
all that matter.”

“Indeed.” Lord Winfield laughed at what he took to be a jest, which stopped the set-down that hung on her mother's lips.

“Perhaps I shouldn't eat too many of these biscuits then.” She dipped her gaze to the platter that lay between them. “My mother is always saying so.”

“My daughter enjoys teasing those she holds in esteem, my lord,” her mother said with a wild look of panic in her eyes.