The Reluctant Duchess (23 page)

She hardy
recognised the woman that she had become, that Richard and turned her into, but she knew that she didn’t like that woman.

How could she not have realised tha
t sex wasn’t usually that enjoyable, and that he must be skilled to excite such pleasures in her? Why didn’t she consider where he got his knowledge about preventing pregnancy from?

She didn’t even like cr
ying about him and she vowed that this would be it. Once her tears tried, she would never again shed a single tear for that lying little rake. He didn’t deserve her tears.

Eventually Richard had little choice but to be blunt with Ada and break up with her, although she did her best to convince him to change his mind, begging and sobbing crocodile tears. It was quite a show that she put on but he stood firm. He couldn’t allow what he’d had with Ada to jeopardise his relationship with Annabelle, and that meant that Ada had to go.

He was surprised when
Sampson came in just as Ada left, and he hoped that she didn’t run into Annabelle on her way out.

“What can I do for you?” he asked the detective.

“Lady Wyatt said that you wanted to speak with me.”

Richard frowned. “Why on earth would she say that?” he asked rhetorically.
“Where is she now?”

“She had
the driver take her home.”

“What? Why?”

“She didn’t say but she looked a little upset, I assumed that you had fought with her.”

“What time did you get back from the
coffee house?”

“Oh, about three quarters of an hour ago, I suppose.”

Just the time that Ada had arrived.

“And when did she return to her home?”

“A minute or two after we got back. I was still outside, talking to the driver when she came back outside.”

Richard replayed his conversation with Ada in his head and instantly recognised how damning it had been. He should have just told Ada to leave him the hell
alone, instead of trying to be polite.

“Ring that bell, would you?” Richard asked.

Sampson did as asked and when Porter came in, he asked for the carriage to be readied again.

Normally he might have walked
there rather than waiting for a carriage but he knew that he was in no condition to walk anywhere. When they stopped on Conduit Street, Richard already felt breathless but he wasn’t going to turn around and leave without being allowed the chance to explain himself.

Annabelle became aware of the most dreadful racket coming from the front of the house and knew instantly that it was Richard. She wasn’t psychic
though, simply able to hear his hacking coughs from her bedroom, as he pounded on the door.

Reluctantly she got up off the bed and dried her tears, worried that if he kept exerting himself like that, he would do himself an injury.

Sal was cowering in the hallway, unsure of what to do, so she hadn’t even opened the door yet.

“It’s all right, Sal, I’ll take care of this, you get back to your duties.”

Sal nodded and scurried away and reluctantly, Annabelle turned to the door and opened it.

“Go home, Richard.”

“I will not! I need to-” his words were cut off by another coughing episode.

“You are making yourself ill, now go home at once!”

“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me!”

As much as she wanted him gone, she knew that she would feel guilty if his condition did worsen
, so she opened the front door wide for him to enter, then went into her study, Richard following behind her. He sat in one of the wing back chairs whilst he got his breath back.

“So?” Annabelle asked once he had
recovered.

“I know what you he
ard but it isn’t what you think.”

“So Ada isn’t your
mistress then?”

“Not anymore.”

“So you broke it off with her once you were discovered, how good of you!”

“I haven’t slept with her since we first shared a bed.”

“Then why does she still believe that you’re together?”

“It isn’t like that; I just haven’t had a chance to end things because she’s been away.”

“She’s been away for two weeks, Richard. We first slept together three weeks ago.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“All right, if indeed it was over, why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“On
e doesn’t discuss one’s previous lovers with their current one, for God’s sake!”

He s
aw her flinch when he called her his ‘current lover’.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she sounded scathing. “I’m new to this whole whoring business, I didn’t know that was part of the etiquette.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I think I understand perfectly well.”

“Anna, please try to understand, men are different.”

Annabelle looked incredulous. “Do you think that women don’t feel desire? Don’t face temptation? Because we do, Richard.
In fact I would say that the only difference between men and women, is that we women have to live with the consequences of such a mistake, whilst no one holds you liable for the damage you do, do they?”

“What damage?”

“Children for one.”

“I don’t have any
illegitimate offspring.”

“Are you sure about that? Ada isn’t the first, is she, she is
just the latest in a long line. Am I right?” Annabelle demanded. “Well isn’t she?”

“It’
s different,” he insisted. “Men have urges-”

“
Oh yes, I know all about mens’ urges,” she said coolly. “That’s probably why only one male servant came to my aid the day Frederick attacked me, the butler the footmen, the others; they probably understood that he was just fulfilling his ‘
urges
’. Then there’s women like Minnie, whom my father forced sex onto, then had her fired for immorality when she conceived his child. I found her in the workhouse, her child already dead. God only knows how many other maids there were before her, when was I too young to notice. Mens’ urges are also why my poor mother is basket case, who barely knows her own name any longer!”

“What
the hell does that mean?” he asked, confused by her last statement.

“How many people have you shared a bed with, Richard? Because even if it was just Ada, what about the peo
ple her husband has slept with, both before and after marriage? I might as well have just slept with half of London as to have slept with you.” She turned away and spoke so softly that he had to strain to hear her. “I can’t believe that I thought you were different.”

“Anna, I would never hurt you.

“You already have.”

“Before you I have always used something to protect myself from diseases and conception, and I have always been very careful about the women who do share my bed.”

“Am I supposed to feel flatt
ered that I was among the chosen few?”

“Of cours
e not.”

“
This would have been our marriage, wouldn’t it?” Annabelle asked. “An endless string of women; a line so long that I stop bothering to be hurt, stop paying attention, because it’s easier that way. Turn a blind eye to the servants who get dismissed for being immoral, when the only truly immoral one shares my bed? Ignore the flirtatious remarks to other women, even those made in public, right in front of me sometimes?”

“That would not have been our marriage, Anna!”

She turned back to him. “I don’t believe you,” she said calmly. “You lied to me about Ada. Not only are you still seeing her, you haven’t even tried to deny that you were sleeping with her whilst you were pursuing me.”

“It wasn’t like that! I
n the early days, you ignited so much desire within me, that I had to find some release-”

“So it’s my fault that you slept with her!”

“No, of course not. But things have never been the same between me and Ada, not since I met you. You are the one my heart truly craves.”

“Until a b
igger challenge presents itself?”

“No! Damn it woman, will you listen to what I’m saying?”

“I am listening, I just don’t like what I hear. Wouldn’t you have been bothered if, in response to my attraction to you, I invited Frank into my bed to sate those desires?”

“It’s not the same, Anna, you were always the one putting up road blocks to our relationship.”

“So because I hurt your feelings, that makes what you did acceptable? Because I have to tell you that despite my attraction to you, Frank is looking like the right choice at the moment. He lives in the same house but is the only man in the male servants’ quarters, so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting caught. There wouldn’t be any suggestive cartoons of me for sale all over London. Plus, he has proved himself loyal over the years. Right now I am very much regretting that I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“All right, yes, it would kill me
to think that you had been with someone else, but I would still want you, Anna. I love you, and only you. There has never been anyone in my life who is as important to me as you are and what’s more, there never will be. I only want you, Anna, now and forever

”I wish that I could believe you, really I do but I
can’t.”

“Anna
, please, don’t be like this.”

“I have no choice, Richard. I cannot live my life wondering where you are,
or if tonight is going to be the night that you give me some dreadful disease.”

“Why are you so bothered by disease? I’ve already explained that I took precautions.”

“Why am I so bothered?” she asked incredulously. “Can you really not see why I fear disease?”

“No.”

Annabelle took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. “My mother is being treated with mercury salts, which is widely considered to be the best treatment for syphilis.”

“She has syphilis?”

“It’s what’s driving her insane. Sometimes the illness spreads throughout the body, affecting other parts. Her disease went to the brain. Father must have given it to her sometime after I was born because I showed no signs of it, but I will not risk suffering the same fate as she.”

“My God!”

“Apparently God can’t help her, He has never answered any of my prayers.”

He finally understood her reasons for being so defensive, so protective of her heart
and so chaste but the problem was, his realisation had come too late for it to help him. He felt tears sting his eyes.

“
This can’t be the end for us!”

The look on his face almost broke her heart and she turned away as she felt betraying tears well in her eyes.

“But it is, Richard. Go home, rest, recuperate, then get on with your life, because I want no part in it.”

Not knowing what else to say or do to win her back, Richard left.

When she returned home, Lavinia was surprised to realise that Richard had gone out. In his weakened state, she had been hoping that he
would be sensible and remain home for a while. From the little she was able to deduce from her servants, she realised that his mistress had come to visit and shortly after she arrived, Annabelle had headed for home.

When Richard arrived home, breathless from the short walk from his carriage, the first thing he did was to pour himself a large whisk
ey. He looked so downhearted that Lavinia’s worst fears were confirmed. He took a seat in the armchair beside her and tried to catch his breath.

Lavinia wasn’t one to pry, so she just continued with her embroidery, leaving it up to Richard to talk, or not.

“I’ve lost her,” he finally said once his breathing was regular again.

“I’m so sorry, my darling.” When he didn’t continue, Lavinia felt compelled to ask. “Is it completely hopeless?”

Richard nodded. “She overheard me speaking with Ada and got the wrong impression but then, it’s my own fault for not breaking things off with her sooner. I was just so happy to be with Annabelle that I didn’t want to spoil the mood by ending things with Ada. Then she went away and I was happy that I could avoid a scene for a little longer and so when she got back to London today, she was under the impression that we were still together. She said some inappropriate things, which Annabelle must have overheard.”

“Can Annabelle not forgive you
, perhaps with time?” Lavinia had never needed to worry about her own husband, but she knew that infidelity was quite common and that many women forgave or ignored their husband’s indiscretions.

“I should have realised that there was a reason why she was so distrustful of men in general but I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Richard sipped his
whiskey, wondering how much to tell his mother. She was no swooning lady but this might be a little too indelicate even for her. She loved Annabelle as well though, so he decided that she deserved to know the truth.