The Reluctant Duchess (25 page)

When he did realise who she was, his fi
rst emotion was anger. Why was he always struggling when luck just seemed to fall into her lap, time after time? First with her inheritance and then finding something to hit him with to delay his attack. It simply wasn’t fair! He was the Marquess of Dorset and he couldn’t find a wife, yet that lowly little coffee house wench, who didn’t even use her title anymore, had the King’s nephew and sister hanging on her every word!

Thankfully before
he could do anything, he realised that this could work to his advantage, because if she was already friendly with the Armstrongs, then they would be much more likely to befriend him as well. He was her older brother, after all, her only family and they would surely want to get along with her family. He decided that if she was amenable to helping him, he would even consider giving her a monthly allowance, although he could ill afford it at the moment.

His first
attempt to befriend the Dowager Duchess was rebuffed, but Annabelle had looked shy and hesitant, so he was inclined to believe that she had learned her place, and that he could manipulate or threaten her into helping him. Lady Armstrong was another matter entirely, that arrogant, condescending, conceited harlot!

Still, he needed the mother as much as the son, so he
had decided overlook her slight of him, for now. In truth, he knew that he couldn’t harm the Armstrongs, they were too powerful but he wouldn't forget her slight and if the opportunity ever arose, he would take pleasure in humiliating her.

For now though, his rage was still focused on Annabelle. He
could hardly believe that he had been willing to forgive her, until she positively relished humiliating him later that night, making everyone there think that he was some kind of sexual deviant who lusted after his sister.

Now he could see that she hadn’t learned her place at all, and she had probably just been caught off guard
the first time he spoke to her. Now it was war; a war that he was determined to win, at any cost.

He opened the letter from Ol
d John and sat back to read it. He was still paying Old John to terrorise the area around the coffee house because, even although his plan to buy her shop had fallen through, he wanted Annabelle to remain frightened. There was still a chance that she may close the shop if the crimes continued. He knew that she didn’t have any other way to earn a living and she would be destitute. He hadn’t decided if he would swoop in and rescue her (for a price, of course) or just enjoy seeing her in the workhouse. He could then buy her from the workhouse and set her to work in his house, maybe as his scullery maid. Better yet, as his valet, so she would have to take care of his needs,
all
his needs.

A smile formed
on his lips as he continued reading the letter, because it seemed that Annabelle had lost her protector. The Duke had returned to his country estate, probably to recover from injuries received whilst helping to put out the fire at Westminster Palace.

Annabelle as all alone once again
; defenceless, a sitting duck.

He got up from the breakfast table and poured himself a celebratory gin. It wasn’t his preferred drink but it was cheap.
These days he saved the good alcohol for when he needed to impress someone.

I had been three weeks since Annabelle had last seen Richard and it wasn’t getting any easier. Pretending that she was all right was almost second nature now but the pain underneath her smile remained, just as strong as ever. Sometimes she thought that if only she knew that he was all right, that he was recovering, she would feel better but every time she considered going to his house to enquire after him, she talked herself out of it.

Her problem seemed solved when,
whilst eating her lunch in her office, Ethel knocked to say that Her Grace, the Dowager Duchess was here to see her.

Wh
at little appetite Annabelle had these days fled, and she asked Ethel to take her bowl out and bring a fresh pot of tea. Her heart was fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings and her stomach felt as though it was tied in knots.

Lavinia entered momen
ts later and Annabelle stood and came around the desk. She wondered how Lavinia would greet her, with a kiss on the cheek again, or a slap? To her immense relief, it was the former.

“How are you, my dear?” Lavinia asked as she pulled away.

Annabelle felt relief wash through her that her friend wasn’t angry.

“I’m very well, thank you.”

“You look a little gaunt and your dress is loose, are you losing weight?”

“Perhaps a little, I’ve been working quite hard recently.”

“Hmm.”

Feeling uncomfortable as Lavinia studied her, Annabelle went back around the desk and sat down, gesturing for Lavinia to do the same.

“It doesn’t suit you,” Lavinia announced.

Annabelle smiled tightly, keen to get the conversation away from herself.
“Did you get the dress I sent back?”

“The dress?” She looked confused for a moment, until she recalled the gown that Annabelle had worn home and returned washed and ironed
, with a note of thanks. “Oh yes. You really didn’t have to return it.”

Annabelle didn’t want to start an argument so she just smiled in reply.
“And how have you been?” she asked.

“Oh, much the same as always.”

“And… how is Richard? Is he feeling better?” he tried to sound nonchalant, even although every fibre of her being was straining to hear the answer.

“His condition i
s improving, though he has gone back to the estate to convalesce.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I told him to.”

“Bu
t he hates it there, he feels as if he has no purpose. At least in London he can investigate different avenues.”

“You asked him to leave you alone, Annabelle, and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that if he remained here, so I sent him to Hampshire.”

“So you did this for me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Lavinia gave her a sad smile. “Because you need
ed to know what losing him felt like.”

“I…”
Annabelle didn’t know what to make of that statement. “I suppose I should thank you.”

“Yes, you should
and one day you will, but not for the reason you’re thinking.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Yes you do. You love Richard. In the beginning it was just lust, I’ll grant you but now, it’s so much more. Your soul is crying out for him and it’s causing you physical pain. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can hardly do anything that doesn’t remind you of what you lost. That’s why you have lost weight. Right now though, your pride is stopping you from admitting the truth.”

“Lavinia, I understand that you are
his mother and I don’t want to say anything bad about him in front of you but-”

“But nothing. I am under no illusions about my son. H
e has his flaws, numerous ones, as do we all but I also know is that he is a conscientious young man, who takes his responsibilities very seriously. I will admit that he isn’t a virgin and I know something of the pain you’re feeling, because my husband wasn’t either. It hurts to think that other women have loved them before us but you have to remember, they didn’t know that we were in their futures.”

“It’s not just that, Lavinia. I wish it were so simple.”

“Then you fear disease?”

Annabelle
felt incredibly uncomfortable having such a frank conversation but nonetheless, she nodded.

“Personally I think
that you are making excuses but in the interests of setting your mind at rest…” Lavinia got a box out of her reticule and slid it across the desk to Annabelle. “When James and I had an heir and five daughters, we decided that was enough. We had wanted another son but we both knew how dangerous childbirth was, and still is, so he told me what he used to use before he met me and suggested that we use it.”

Annabelle opened the box to find an envelope, which she opened to find
what looked like a flat sausage skin, threaded with ribbon at one end and sewn up at the other. She looked up in confusion.

“They are primarily to prevent the transmission of disease, but they make an effective means of preventing conception also. I would not have been nearly so
lackadaisical about Richards’s women over the years, if it hadn’t been for his father assuring me that he was being careful.”

Annabelle d
idn’t know how to respond to such a remark.

“I can also tell you that Richard had never seen more than one
woman at a time, unlike some gentlemen. He is faithful to whichever relationship he is in.”

“How can
you know that?”

“A mother always knows. Each woman has her own scent. Sometimes that’s bathing products, sometimes perfume, sometimes just the soap that the servants use on her clothes, but it is always unique. I knew when he had seen them, I knew when the relationships ended, and I knew when a new one began. Ric
hard isn’t perfect but he is not irresponsible, he is not unfaithful and he does not play with people’s emotions.”

“Even when he was abroad with the
Army?”

“
His behaviour hasn’t changed since he has been back home, so I don’t see why it would have changed whilst he was away.”

Now Annabelle was beginning to feel guilty. Wasn’t she
supposed to be the wronged party here?

“What do you want from me?”
she asked.

“Nothing. You are an intelligent young woman and can make your own decisions, I just wanted to make sure that you had all the facts.
To that end, I must tell you the other side of the argument. If you do reject Richard, you will survive, you will likely even learn to thrive, especially given what I know of your character. Your pain will lessen a little each day and you will learn how to smile again, then eventually to laugh, but you will never feel whole again and for the rest of your life, you will always feel that something is missing.” She had tears shining in her eyes by the time she had finished and brought her handkerchief out.

“James?” Annabelle asked.

Lavinia nodded and dabbed at her eyes. “I have thirty years of happy memories and six beautiful children but even that isn’t enough. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and literally try to will him back into existence but it never works. You have very few happy memories to sustain you, so I can only imagine that losing Richard is much harder for you, and I don’t imagine that this is a decision that you made lightly.”

“
Perhaps I’m better off not knowing what I’m missing.”

Lavinia smiled sadly. “You already know what you are missing. You ran to a burning building to search for him and I know that if necessary, you wo
uld have risked your life to save him. You don’t do that for people that you don’t already love deeply. You have an awful lot of love in you, Annabelle, but I don’t believe that anyone has ever given you a chance to express it. I know how deeply you care for your mother and she was a fine woman, but I met you and her once, when you were just a young girl, and I saw for myself that she was not a woman who was prone to displays of affection. I think that perhaps what you shared with Richard was new and exhilarating to you, but also frightening. The unknown is always frightening.”

Annabelle actually felt the sting of tears in her own eyes now.

“I said such horrible things,” she breathed. “He will never forgive me.”

“Real love can forgive an awful lot, more than you might imagine.”

Annabelle shook her head. “I was trying to be cruel. I learned early on how to use words to wound people; I was trying to hurt him so that he would leave me alone.”

“Annabelle, look at me for a moment.”

Although she was hesitant, she met the older woman’s gaze.

“Do you believe me when I tell you that Richard has never been unfaithful to the women he sees?”

Annabelle hesitated for a moment but finally gave a small nod.

“What proof do you have of that?” Lavinia asked.

“None, just my judgement that you know your son, and I don’t believe that you would lie to me.”

“Then why can’t you believe me when I tell you that he will forgive you?”

“Because I don’t deserve it.” Annabelle’s tears overflowed then and Lavinia came around the desk and put her arms about the younger woman. To her surprise, Annabelle turned into the embrace and clung hard.

“There
, there, darling everything will be all right, I promise you.”

Annabelle
allowed herself to be held and comforted for a few minutes, before she finally pulled away from Lavinia and dried her eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“

“It is quite all right, my dear. I have cried on many a shoulder since I lost James, so it is only right that I return the favour when someone is in need.” She went back around the desk and sat down in her chair. “Now, we must talk details.”