The Reluctant Virgin [Ride 'em Hard 6] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (13 page)

Josh shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Would it make a difference if it were true?” His friend watched him through slanted eyes, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah. Only because it would mean she lied to me.”

Matthew scoffed. “No, she just didn’t tell you. And it’s no wonder since you’ve only ever dated women that look like supermodels. You’re the most superficial cowboy in town. If I were you, I’d run the other way. Because if you hurt her…” There was an uncomfortable silence between them. It grew like a living force, carrying the weight of the world in emotion. “Just stay away.”

The youngest Garner brother wasn’t a fighter like his brothers, but Josh still heard the threat loud and clear. Matthew also had the muscle to back himself up if he chose to make an aggressive move. Maybe he was right. If she had serious shit to deal with, maybe it was best for him to find a woman elsewhere. He had enough troubles. Missing a leg wasn’t the same as having an appendectomy scar or burn mark. It was a life-altering disability that Josh wasn’t sure he could deal with.

“I’ll stay away.” He walked off, heading to his own truck around the corner.

Once he was alone, sitting behind his steering wheel, he froze. He stared out into the barley fields behind the feed centre, lost in thought. Cindy’s beautiful face continually flashed in his head—her eyes, her hair, and her pink pouty lips. From what he’d seen, she was perfect.

Josh slammed a fist into the dashboard console. Pain sluiced through his nerves, his knuckles taking the brunt of the abuse. He shook out his hand, cursing himself. It may be in his best interest to walk away from Cindy, but he still couldn’t stop obsessing over her. What did it mean? Certainly he was too young for a midlife crisis. He just needed to man the fuck up and move on with his life. And forget Cindy Taylor.

By the time he got home he was an emotional basket case. He needed to finish his chores around the ranch so he could drown his sorrows in a case of Molson. Maybe he’d take his stallion out for a gallop first, feel the wind rush through his hair as it carried his troubles away. Wishful thinking.

“Hey! Oakley called. Number’s on the kitchen table,” Adam called out from the holding paddock. Just the word “Oakley” excited him because he associated it with Cindy.

He hurried into the kitchen, dropping down on a cracked, vinyl upholstered seat. Without thinking, he began punching numbers into the phone on the table.

“Mr. Oakley, it’s Josh Granger. Did one of your employees happen to call me today? They left this number.”

“No, son, that was me. I’ll need you to come in the office when you have a chance. There’re papers to be signed and contracts to go over.”

His heart sank. Two weeks and she still hadn’t thought of him. But he wasn’t supposed to care anymore.

“No problem. I can stop in tomorrow morning.” After hanging up the phone, his rush of adrenaline made him dizzy as it trickled down through his body leaving him empty. God, he was a superficial bastard.

Josh stood up and looked out the kitchen window over the sink. He had a lot on his shoulders, and even though he played cool and collected, there were days he didn’t know how he got up in the morning. He had to be strong for Adam’s sake, but running a ranch on his own, without the guidance of his father, was more than he could handle. For a ranch their size, and with the plans he had for development, they needed hired hands. But laborers didn’t come cheap and few were trustworthy.

This was his home, the place where some of his happiest memories were grown. He didn’t want to fail, and didn’t want to bring dishonor to the Granger family name. Not after his father worked tirelessly to build his legacy.

He opened the fridge, the bottles in the door rattling. There wasn’t much food inside. They lived day by day. With no woman to care for them, the best they got was the beef stew Adam would make a couple times a week. Josh would barbeque up some chicken out back and grill vegetables, but what he really craved was a home-cooked meal like when his momma was alive. That was long ago.

Cindy was a career woman, an independent cowgirl. He couldn’t picture her in an apron behind the stove. Since he had no further plans on courting her, it shouldn’t matter one way or another. But deep down Josh knew he didn’t give a shit if she could cook or not. He wanted a woman to love, not a maid or chef.

He grabbed a bottle and carried it to the living room. After kicking off his boots, he crashed down in his favorite recliner. He took a sip of beer, thinking about his trip tomorrow. After he got all the required papers signed at Oakley Irrigation he’d head home and put Cindy Taylor behind him, out of his mind entirely. The girl didn’t even want him, so it didn’t matter if he could deal with her disability or not. Yes, tomorrow he’d start a new page in his life, one where he didn’t spend his days pining over a woman.

Cindy had two house calls to attend to. She sat in her truck, her hair still damp from her morning shower. Before she even looked at the memo from Mr. Oakley, she knew one was for the Connery Ranch. It had been weeks since she’d seen Chance face to face. Why was he suddenly calling on her now? Maybe it was a real service call for a change.

As she drove the barren back roads, she was plagued with feelings of regret. She’d sabotaged herself with every man who’d showed interest in her. Now she felt guilty for her behavior. Why was she punishing herself? Avoiding what she really wanted?

She had a feeling she’d really hurt Chance, even though she’d pegged him as a playboy. Matthew had been a sweetheart, but she’d never called him as promised. Then there was Josh. He was the man to rid her of her virginity, and she was too terrified to face him again. What if he was only after the sex? How would she face rejection from a man she shared something so intimate with?

Although she wasn’t too sentimental about losing her virginity, it had opened up her world in a negative way. She blamed all three men. While she was content with her status quo beforehand—accepting of her urges that went unsatisfied—now sex was constantly on her mind. Her body seemed to know what it was missing, driving her to near insanity with unfulfilled desires. Cindy’s imagination conjured up all kinds of wicked scenarios. But she couldn’t face the men. Josh and Chance didn’t even know her secret. Matthew knew, but she was still too insecure to believe he wanted her unconditionally. She wanted to be a man’s first choice, not a desperate grab by a man about to lose his ranch.

She pulled into the Connery Ranch. Her heart began to race even though she was sure she had her emotions in check. She’d always had a soft spot for the Anderson cowboy. He stirred her libido with just a look, and then everything changed once they crossed the line that night behind her house. She’d try and play like nothing happened and hoped he did the same.

It was still early, so she wasn’t surprised by the silence in the yard when she stepped out of her truck. Each footstep was punctuated with a crunch of gravel. Chance usually heard her driving up and greeted her. Today there was no one in sight.

The morning doves cooed, the irrigation system making the rhythmic sound as it made its early pass over the crops. When she saw Jared walk from the barn to the nearest shed, she called out to him. “Jared! Someone make a service call?”

He stopped in his tracks, looking momentarily confused. “Oh. Yeah. The irrigator on the far east field is only working at half capacity.” He pointed off in the distance.

“Okay. Thanks.”

The farm hand disappeared, not willing to slow his duties for two minutes. She returned to the back of her truck to get her tool case. Cindy came to do a job, terrified of dealing with Chance after their last encounter. But knowing he hadn’t called her filled her with a gloom she hadn’t expected. She treaded heavily. Cindy finally realized that she missed Chance. They’d seen each other several times a week for five long years. He was a part of her life, and she missed his smile, his jokes, and his continuous flirting. More than that. She regretted pushing him away, wanting everything back to the way it used to be. Or maybe more.

She carried her tool case across the yard, cupping her hand over her eyes to see into the distance. There was probably just a blockage in one of the intake pipes, which was a quick fix. Since the problem irrigator was far away, she’d have a good half hour walk ahead of her. If Chance were here, he’d offer to take her by horseback or tractor. She didn’t even bother to ask Jared for help. Besides, she could use the time alone in the fields to think, to reevaluate her life and behavior. All her choices were coming back to bite her.

As she passed the main barn, she heard kittens crying. She didn’t realize there had been a new litter, but then again, Cindy hadn’t been called to the Connery Ranch in weeks. It would only take a minute to have a peek. She loved baby animals, so new and innocent.

The interior of the barn was dim. With the sun still relatively low on the horizon, it hadn’t gathered enough energy to illuminate the interior. The air was dusty and smelled strongly of oats and barley. She followed the sound, which led her deeper into the barn than she imagined.

A hand to her wrist made her squeal. She quickly stifled the sound, not wanting to appear weak. Her heart thumped in her chest, leaving her momentarily dizzy.

“Didn’t think you’d come,” said Chance. He must have been in one of the horse stalls. She hadn’t even heard him come up behind her.

She turned, pressing her back to the boards between two stalls. “So you did call?”

“The equipment needs maintaining. I was told to call you.”

Cindy nodded. “Of course.” She was going to leave and start working since she had no clue what to say to him. There was an awkwardness between them now.

He stretched out one arm and propped it next to her head. Chance was only wearing a white undershirt that hugged his muscled torso. He hadn’t shaved in days, the roughness giving him a unique masculine appeal. Against her will, her body responded to the sight, sound, and smell of the cowboy closing in on her.

“I’ve been thinking of you,” he whispered. When he tucked her hair behind her ear, she let out a shuddered breath.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her conscience wouldn’t allow her to have the upper hand. She needed to apologize, to let him know she was just confused and scared. Sharing her feelings was the hardest thing in the world to do. Living a lie was what she did best.

He just stared at her, those seductive cowboy eyes looking into her soul.

“Say something,” she said.

Chance brushed the pad of his thumb over her lower lip.

“Please…”

“I understand your point of view. I’m not exactly marriage material, I know that. You deserve better, but you can’t fault a guy for trying.”

“No, Chance. I don’t care about money or land. I just never pegged you for a family man.”

“Until you came along I never gave such things much thought. But I’m not a young man any longer, and I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone. I need a partner, a woman like you. You, Cindy. I want
you
.”

Her heart melted. She expected to wake up at any minute. These sweet words were what she always wanted to hear, but this time they were different. This time she believed him. There was sincerity in his voice, and honesty in his eyes.

“It’s not that simple. There are things about me you don’t know about.”

“Then tell me. Let me make things right between us. I’ll do anything, darlin’.” He cupped her cheeks. “I have a little saved. I’ll work overtime until I have enough to get us our own little place. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

She’d mentioned on more than one occasion that she was saving up for her own farm. Cindy couldn’t believe Chance was willing to do all this for her. As happy as she was, her peace was overshadowed by her insecurity. Would he feel the same way when he discovered she wasn’t whole? Did she dare take the chance? What of Matthew and Josh? Her love was divided amongst three men. She was a mess.

“I don’t know what I want,” she admitted.

The disappointment on his face wasn’t what she wanted to see. She was just making things worse.

“I can make you happy, Cindy. I promise I will.”

A surge of emotion made her eyes water and throat clog. When she could finally speak, she blurted out the truth. “I’m scared.”

“I’m not the man I used to be. I’d never stray on you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m yours. Only yours.”

She shook her head rapidly. “It’s not that. It’s me.” Cindy took a deep breath. “I’m not perfect, not even close.”

“Never expected you to be.”

“But—”

Before she could begin to explain, he crushed his lips to hers in a bruising kiss. The sexual and emotional energy collided, creating a whirlwind of passion between them. He dropped his arm and hugged her around the waist, pulling her close.

“I’ll never hurt you.” He kissed her, sweet individual kisses which began to travel down her neck. She wanted him more than breath. Wanted to believe all his promises. He inhaled against her freshly washed hair. “You smell sweet, baby girl. Strawberries and cream.”

She did something she normally wouldn’t do. Cindy reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, signaling she was willing and ready. But when she expected him to start undressing her, bringing her to the mind-numbing peak she knew he was capable of, he pulled back.