The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller (14 page)

The corners of my mouth fall, the idea of him having
any
problems coming as a complete shock to me. He maintains my stare, but the look on his face is no longer one of his usual lightheartedness, but that of pure heartache.

He dips his head and peers at me from under his dark lashes. “I lost my
own
parents when I was fifteen.” Blood rushes my face and my heart hammers once his admission crosses his lips. Kaeleb lifts his hand to pause my reaction. “But not how you’re thinking.”

He barely speaks above a whisper as he continues. “My sister was a really good swimmer. Very competitive. At only thirteen years old, her times rivaled some of the high school girls’, and some even called her a swimming prodigy.” A breath catches in my throat. His sister. I can’t believe I’d forgotten about Katie. She was the same age as Adley.

His hand raises and he covers his face, his fingers and thumb digging into his eyes to clear the moisture falling from them. His chin continues to tremble long after he drops his hand. “But she was never good
enough
, you know? My parents constantly pushed her. They made her practice after hours, swimming endlessly day in and day out. Every lap in the pool had to be faster than the last.”

Quinn continues to stare, but his bloodshot eyes remain on me. “I tried to get them to ease up, you know? Because what they were doing was killing her. Mentally, physically, emotionally...”

My lips begin to quiver with the feebleness in his tone as he continues. “I fought them, I screamed at them, I warned them, until they finally ended up kicking me out of their house. Sent me to live with my grandparents and never looked back.”

His eyes break to the floor only to meet mine again before adding, “She had a complete mental breakdown one year later. Had to be hospitalized.”

A gasp escapes me, and I cover my mouth with quaking fingers as he simply shrugs his shoulders. “It was about six months before she was released. She stayed with me and my grandparents for a while after that, but eventually moved back in with my parents. I, however, haven’t spoken to them since.”

He looks back to Quinn. “So I understand never being accepted by your parents and never being good enough. I fucking watched it happen. Right in front of me.
To
me.”

His voice builds in volume and then his eyes once again meet mine, his face flushed with anger. I can tell by his clenched fists that he’s trying to maintain his control, but it’s useless. “I was her big brother for Christ’s sake and I couldn’t do shit for her!” His arms fly into the air and Quinn breaks into sobs.

Kaeleb leashes his sorrow, collecting himself before continuing. “Some would say that I really haven’t dealt with that anger. That I haven’t forgiven myself for leaving her with
them
. Some might even say that I use women to help alleviate some of that guilt, to take some of that pain away and forget, even if it’s only for a night. But regardless of what I do, it always remains.”

I nod because I know this pain. We all do. And in this moment we become forever bonded by it.

Quinn steps back into his embrace, as I rise. I walk over to where they stand and wrap my arms around the both of them. We hold onto one another closely, silently reflecting on our own sordid pasts. Each of us lost in our own darkness, trying to find our way to a lighter place.

We stay like that for a long while, until sniffles subside and breathing returns to normal.

Kaeleb eventually clears his throat. “Well, I guess
sharing time
is over?”

Quinn and I give each other a small smile before releasing our hold, breaking our circle. As we step away, I dry my face while Kaeleb and Quinn do the same.

Once we’re composed, I look over at Kaeleb who’s slinging his jacket over his shoulder, obviously
very
done with sharing time. “Kaeleb?”

“Hmmm?” he hums.

“Um,
you
might want to talk to Palmer. You know, before your dick falls off.” Quinn snorts from behind me and I can’t help but grin.

He returns my smile and adds a wink. “Sunshine, I always protect the
Hulk.
No need to worry about that.” Shaking my head, I watch him as he strides to our door. Just as his fingers touch the knob, he turns and with solemn eyes offers, “You’d be the exception, you know. With you, it would be real, not an escape.”

I continue to eye him, struck silent by his words as he pivots back around and leaves the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Slowly, I turn back to Quinn, who is wearing a huge grin of her own.

“See?” She giggles. “You two are totally getting married!”

Sigh.

My poor, dear friend.

Quinn bounces away, skipping happily as she heads into the bathroom. Once the door shuts behind her, I make my way over to the bed and sit on the very edge. As I wait for Linda, a new excitement building in my body.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m about to finally see her after months of not realizing how much I’ve missed her.

Maybe it’s the moment I just shared with my two best friends, a moment that I know has officially solidified our three-way bond into a lifelong promise.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact the Kaeleb’s parting words have ignited something in me that I never knew existed. Or wanted.

Regardless, I know that my life has forever been altered, and for the first time in ten years, I’ve finally found my way onto a new path.

One that isn’t completely saturated with darkness and fear, but dimly lit with newfound courage and optimism.

And as I cautiously take that first step, a splinter of hope ignites in my heart.

The rest of my freshman year happened so quickly, it’s hard to gather everything of importance into one list. But, that being said, there were many moments that happen that will forever stay etched in my mind. So many firsts that should be noted:

The first time I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. There’s just something about trying to remain quiet in the library that fuels the need for an outlandish fit of laughter when you catch a random case of the giggles. Kaeleb and Quinn were absolutely no help.

The first time I got drunk, unabashedly, in the company of my friends.

The first time I attempted The Robot, which unsurprisingly accompanied the above listed first.

The first time I gave in and ate my first burger in months. Best. Burger. Ever. Definitely wasn’t the last.

The first time that Kaeleb lasted a whole week without a lady friend. And then a month. And then the rest of freshman year. I’m pretty sure he had a raging case of blue balls.

The first time that Quinn allowed herself the simple freedom of eating a piece of chocolate cake at an impromptu celebration for Kaeleb’s nineteenth birthday. We cheered her on in the privacy of the corner booth of a local restaurant.

The first (and only) time that I took the Leap of Faith in Palmer’s trust class. Plunging to my possible death from three stories in the air once was enough for me, thank you very much. Kaeleb, however, did it twice.

The first time I ever achieved the Dean’s List, and with a solid 3.9 GPA.

The first time I skated, actually skated, at the infamous death trap known as Skate Place. I fell a lot, of course, but Kaeleb was there to help. No chins were busted this time around in case you’re wondering.

The first time that I allowed Kaeleb to hold my hand for longer than a second. But he kind of had to. Again, please see above listed first.

But most importantly, there were a string of firsts that served to remind me of how far I came my freshman year. Remembering my first day at Titan, there’s an insurmountable amount of pride that I found the strength within myself to finally…giggle with my peers, walk arm-in-arm with my best friend and hand-in-hand with the
possible
love of my life, and to just allow a contented smile to cross my face.

“Hmmm…” Quinn hums.

“Errrr…” Kaeleb sputters.

I, however, have no such riveting commentary to offer as we all congregate in my bathroom with all of our heads angled in the same direction, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Kaeleb and Quinn sit opposite each other on the countertop with me right in between them on a bar stool.

It’s almost October, and classes started about a month ago, right after Quinn and I got settled into our very first apartment. Linda wasn’t too keen on the idea in the beginning, but after spending the summer together, I was able to eventually sell her on the fact that I was ready. Ready to be off campus and living with my best friend, with no RA or curfews, or
rules
for that matter. I could understand her hesitation, but I also knew she could see how much I had changed over the course of my freshman year.

The summer with her was, well, the absolute best summer of my life. We laughed until we cried, we visited every single amusement park within a three-hundred mile radius, we watched sappy movies and sighed as girls often do, and we went camping in the rugged outdoors. I even squealed like a girl when she presented me with my very own car, and the look on her face was one of such pride and pure joy when she handed over the keys—it’s a moment I never want to forget.

Actually, the whole summer was full of them. I never knew how much I adored her until I was finally brave enough to accept her into my heart. And honestly, I’m proud of that fact. I’m proud of myself. I don’t think I could love any person any more than I do her.

Well, except the two goofballs still staring at me in the mirror.

“It’s not that bad, guys,” I sulk, setting my hair dryer on the counter.

“It’s unfortunate is what it is,” Kaeleb deadpans while Quinn stifles a giggle.

“It’s definitely
not brown
now,” she adds, hopping to the floor.

I decided today to take a step away from my brown dye job and try something different. While I’m not ready to see myself as a blonde quite yet, I wanted something out of my norm, something less gloomy, so red with my go-to electric blue streaks is what I tried. When the color didn’t take the first time, I bleached it and tried it again with a more intense hue. The result? Cinnamon colored hair with blue streaks.

Well, it could be worse.

Maybe.

“I’m thinking I should call you Rainbow Brite instead of Sunshine until this situation…” Kaeleb circles his hand around my head, “sorts itself out.”

“Shut up, Ass. Besides, Rainbow Brite had blonde hair.” I rise from my chair.

“As do you,” he replies, a cocky grin on his face.

Rolling my eyes, I shove his shoulder, almost knocking him off the counter. He just chuckles and repositions himself closer to the mirror.

“You know what would make it better?” Quinn asks, fingering through my hair, fluffing it and fanning it across my shoulders. “I mean, you don’t have to, but it would tie in with the blue if you,” she shoots a timid glance to Kaeleb before looking back to my reflection, “took out your contacts.”

I caved last year and told her my natural hair and eye color, and there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t mention one of them.

Threading a section of hair in between my fingers, I flip it up for examination and inhale deeply, finding myself surprised that I’m actually considering this option. The black box sitting on my counter catches my eye, and I glance back at my face in the mirror.