The Right to a Bear's Arms (A BBW Shifter Romance) (Wolf Rock Shifters) (7 page)

“Ones they haven’t yet figured out. Kyla helps sometimes, though they don’t know that. She can see potential in them where they see none. Some of these kids are hopeless, you see.”

“Why?”

“Because some think there’s something wrong with them. Some
are late bloomers, but the hardest thing is being an early bloomer. Their parents aren’t always great at explaining what’s going to happen to them and sometimes they get terrified when it all begins. I help guide them through and to harness their strengths.”

“Sorry if I’m sounding thick here, but what do you mean, harness?”

“Every kid has a skill. Every one. Some can shift faster than others. Some, like Kyla, can see into the future or into others’ minds. Some, like you and me, can change into other animals. And there are powers that we haven’t even seen yet. So what we’re doing at the school is revolutionary. It’s the first time that all kinds of shifters have been together in one place, and we’re beginning to understand a little better how our species works.”

“Species?” said Zoe. “That sounds so weird. Like we’re something totally different from people.”

“We are,” said Kyla. “I have to admit that the idea is a weird one, but didn’t you feel, when you were a kid, like you just didn’t fit in with humans?”

Zoe knew the answ
er to the question all too well.

“
Of course,” she said. “But I wanted to. I wanted to fit into myself above all. Into my own body.”

“That’s what we’re doing here. We’re trying to give the kids an understanding of who they are and how they fit into this world.”

“But I don’t think that teaching them that we’re not human is the way to do it, is it?”

“No, but that’s not what I mean,” said Maddox. “Simply that their distinctions don’t make them better or worse, but that it’s all right to embrace their differences. After all, they’re not a bad thing.”

“I don’t know about that,” said Zoe. “So many times in my childhood…”

“Yes?” said Maddox.
Kyla sat with a knowing look on her face.

“I wanted to find out that I was normal. I wanted to be likeable. Loveabl
e, even. I didn’t want special skills. I just wanted to be a little girl who played with other little girls.”

“Zoe,” said Kyla. “You saw the kids last night, at the fair. Running around, playing, excited about shifters and shifting.”

Zoe thought of the little girl who’d asked if she was a girl as well. And the little boy, running from his sister but eagerly anticipating the change that he’d make soon, for the first time. She had to admit that there was something to this. These children were happy and excited, not at all like she’d been.

“You’re right. They were having fun. When I was a kid, I was terrified of my first shift. I had no idea what was happening.”

“Your parents didn’t tell you?” asked Maddox.

“No. To be fair, they were my adoptive parents and I’m not sure they even knew what I was.”

“What happened, that first time?” asked Kyla.

“I was lying in my bed. Actually, I was half-asleep, and thought I was dreaming. I remember being chased through the woods, and I suddenly decided that I was tired of it, and wanted to attack whatever was hunting me. So I became a big cat. But before I could fight, I found that I was wide awake and in physical agony. I was only eight years old.”

“It can happen early for shape-changers, especially,” said Maddox. “My sister changed early.”

“I looked down. I was still under my covers but all I could see was fur, and I thought that I’d been having a dream within a dream. But the pain was too real. I ached everywhere and it was killing me. When I realized I was awake, I started screaming.”

“You poor thing,” said Kyla, who as a child had embraced the first changes whole-heartedly and welcomed them as an escape from cruel human classmates.

“My parents came in and saw me. I’ll never forget the looks on their faces. It was like they realized they’d adopted a monster.”

“I’m sure they didn’t feel that way,” said Maddox.

“Maybe not. But even if they did I don’t blame them. It would be shocking even for the kindest person. They weren’t any more prepared for it than I was.”

“But,” said Maddox, “Most shifters learn to love it. The power of it all, and you have more power than most.”

“I can see that you don’t,” said Kyla. “Or at least that you’
ve never found a way to really embrace it.”

Zoe remained silent for a moment. “No,” she said, “I haven’t. I don’t think I know
how to be happy. Sometimes I’m not even sure I know what it feels like. I’m so used to being apprehensive that I never seem to get excited about life.”

Kyla put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. She wasn’t prone to displays of affection for anyone other than Maddox, but something in Zoe seemed so broken to her that she felt a need to help her to feel less alone.

“Come work at the school,” she said. “You’ll feel better for it.”

“But what if something happens? What if I hurt a child?” Zoe asked.

“You won’t,” said Maddox. “It seems to me, from the little Kyla has told me, that you have more control over your changing than I do. And I’ve managed. The key is to keep calm, and you will, if you’re around kids.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

Zoe pondered whether to fill the two shifters in on further aspects of her nature, though she suspected that Kyla already knew.

“I should tell you two…this
body is my own,” she said. “I mean the woman you see in front of you, with red hair and green eyes. But I can be other people as well. I can look any way that I want.”

Maddox’s eyes seemed to widen then, either in horror or in awe, but Kyla remained silent, confirming that she already knew this.
The fact that she hadn’t told her mate led Zoe to believe that she could trust her.

“I’ve never met someone who’s capable of that,” said Maddox. “That’s amazing.”

“I suppose,” said Zoe. “But I’ve often used it as a way to hide, like a cloak. I spent the last year of my life in another woman’s form.”

“It’s no wonder you hurt,
you know,” said Kyla. “You need to feel at home and at peace. You need to live with your body for a while.”

“What’s your true animal form?” asked Maddox.

“You’re not the first person to ask me that. What exactly do you mean?”

“My family members are bears. But a few of us have the gift to be able to change into other creatures. Still, I’m most comfortable in my bear form.”

“I suppose then that it’s a panther,” said Zoe. “That was my first transformation, that night as I slept, but even though it scared me I’ve always gone back to it as a way to free myself. It’s funny, because of course I can fly away or disappear into a tiny creature, but I choose the black cat. I feel like I can hide, I suppose.”

“Then you should live in this body and that cat when you can. You need to find peace,” said Maddox. He took Kyla’s hand just then
, and smiled at his mate. “Like I have. It took a long time, but I did it. When I arrived in this place last year I was unhappy, to say the least. Everything in my life seemed to have gone wrong. But Kyla here helped me.”

Zoe smiled awkwardly at Kyla. “She seems to do that.”

Kyla laughed now. “Don’t go thinking I’m some sort of a saint, because I’m not at all. But I fell for this big hulking bear of a boy and I couldn’t help but want to keep him close by. And somehow, you remind me of him.”

Zoe looked at Maddox, his huge muscular form, his tattoos and his square jaw, and wondered how she could remind anyone of him. She saw in him a strength that she didn’t think she was capable of.

“I’m not good at accepting help,” she said. “I’m not good at trusting anyone.”

“This is reminding me of a conversation I had with a certain grizzly a year ago,” said Kyla. “He said he didn’t trust people.
Come to think of it, so did I. But trust is a question of making yourself vulnerable and once you realize that it’s okay to do that, you find that people—shifters—can be worthy of you. A failure to trust means that somehow you think they’re less than you.”

“I never thought of it that way,” said Zoe, “but you’re right. “I assume that the world will let me down so I try not to allow it.”

“The man you ran from,” said Kyla, “The one you left behind. He let you down, didn’t he?”

Zoe looked at Maddox, fear and hesitation on her face.

“He did. He…” she attempted to answer but faltered.

“You can tell us, Zoe,” said Kyla.
“Maddox and I are here to help and to protect you if we need to.”

“At first he was great. I’d met him in one of my more…attractive…forms. I mean,
I was tall with black hair. He thought I was beautiful, and he wanted me for himself. And I suppose I fell for him. He was the sort of man who seemed like a bit of a bad boy. Rough around the edges, you know?”

“I know the type,” said Kyla, smiling at her mate.

“Thing is, he really was bad. I suppose he was a narcissist, when I think about it. He started beating me down verbally over the course of the months. At first it was just these little jabs, like if someone looked at me he’d tell me I wasn’t all that pretty. I didn’t care so much, because it wasn’t my body. And the weird thing was that I knew perfectly well that I was pretty. I was confident, and I think that’s what he didn’t like. But he kept at it. He’d let me know that I wasn’t smart or special. He knew, of course, that I was a shifter, but when he found out that I was a shape-changer it was almost like he got scared.

“He was a hyena. That should have been my first warning sign, I guess. They’re not nice creatures. But I thought the man was separate from the animal.”

“Sometimes they aren’t,” said Maddox. “Believe me.”

“Well, he wasn’t. He would torture me in little ways, for no reason other than that it gave him pleasure. If I liked a painting that I’d bought he’d find a way of ‘accidental
ly’ ruining it by sending it crashing to the floor. I even discovered once that he’d gotten someone to alter a dress of mine to make it even smaller, so that it wouldn’t fit me. When I went to put it on it was suddenly too tight. I suppose it was his way of trying to make me feel fat.” Zoe laughed. “Little did he know what my true form looks like.

“Anyhow, when I saw what he’d done I just altered my body to fit the dress. He didn’t understand
why his little scheme wasn’t working, and threw a fit. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so pathetic.”

“What an utter bastard,” growled Maddox.

“He was. I knew he was. I know he was
now
, anyhow. For a long time I made excuses for him. ‘Oh, he’s just insecure.’ ‘He’s just confused.’ But he said he loved me so I believed him. It wasn’t until one day when he caught me in something like my true form that the shit hit the fan.”

“Oh God, what happened?” asked Kyla, though she knew that if she allo
wed her mind to open, she’d be able to come up with the answer to her own question.

“He thought some other woman was in our house at first.
Fortunately, it wasn’t exactly what you see now. I’d been experimenting and I was big, like I am now, but blond and blue-eyed. My face was different. When he went to attack me, I yelled out that it was me, that it was Zoe. I thought at first that he was going to shift into his hyena, but he didn’t. I suppose he was startled or afraid that I would shift into something bigger. Instead, the man who stood in front of me attacked me with his bare hands. He tried to choke me.

“I let him at first. I was so miserable by that point; he’d beaten my ego up so much that I just didn’t care anymore. And then
, all of a sudden, I had this sort of surge of strength and I lost it. I changed then and there into my cat and I slashed at him. I could see my claws rending his flesh, and I saw the blood. He fell to the floor, motionless.”

Zoe’s voice became hoarse, though it wasn’t clear whether it was because of remorse
for her own actions, or fear at the memory of such a man.

“I grabbed both Zoe’s and Annette’s I.D.—I always kept Zoe’s hidden because of my fear that he’d find out who I really was—a
nd a dress, and ran out the door. That’s when I emptied one of his bank accounts. That’s when I left.”

“You did the right thing,” said Kyla. “And though I wish you hadn’t taken his money, I can’t say I blame you.”

“I know that I shouldn’t have but I was scared. I had nowhere to go.”

“How much money did you take?” asked Maddox quietly.

“Ten thousand dollars.”

“Holy shit.”

“I know. But what can I do? I can’t give it back. I don’t want him to know where I am. I wish he thought I was dead, to be honest. Or better still, that he was.”

“Do you know that he’s not?” asked Maddox.

“He’s not. I know he’s not,” said Kyla.

“I f
orgot who I was sitting next to,” Maddox said. “Okay. Well, he doesn’t know you’re here, Zoe. And he doesn’t know your real name. That’s a good start.”

“It is. But he might find me eventually.
He knows my smell, after all. Though he’s not nearly as clever as he thinks and I’d be surprised if he suddenly discovered that he’s got detective skills.”