The Rock (14 page)

B
LOODY HELL
,
IT
was cold. The padded wool arming coif that covered Thom’s head and neck beneath the steel bascinet was scant protection against a wintry Scottish wind. Hell, it wasn’t much protection against a
summery
Scottish wind, which could be almost as frigid. His ears were frozen.

Why the hell hadn’t he brought an extra plaid? He paced the ramparts as much to keep warm as to keep watch on the darkened countryside.

Guard duty at night was a special kind of hell. Long, lonely hours trying to stay alert and not freeze to death. Who would have thought he’d be longing to swing a hammer? But this was his “reward” for saving the princess. Unable to help with the taking down of walls for the next day or two while he rested his blasted shoulder, he’d temporarily been re-assigned to the night’s watch. But in a day or two, as soon as additional men arrived from Edinburgh, Carrick had given him leave to return to Rutherford Castle and Lady Marjorie.

Focused on movement beyond the castle walls, he didn’t pay much attention to the footsteps coming up the guardhouse stairs, assuming it must be the officer in charge. It was, but Carrick’s lieutenant wasn’t alone.

“MacGowan. You are needed below. Peter will take your place until you return.”

Thom didn’t argue. He was so glad to be relieved he didn’t question the cause. It wasn’t until he was led into a small guardroom built into the stone wall—probably a place where the English had temporarily kept prisoners—and saw who was waiting for him that he wished he could return to his frigid post.

Elizabeth.

She didn’t greet him right away, but turned to the lieutenant with a grateful smile. It was a smile to make men silly, even humorless old warriors like Sir Reginald Cunningham. “Thank you for finding him. I promise this will only take a moment.” When it looked like the man intended to stay, she added, “What I have to say to Thom is of the utmost secrecy. If you could see that we are not disturbed, I would greatly appreciate it.”

The old warrior looked uncertain. “Does your brother know you are here, my lady?”

She gave him a dazzling smile. Having been on the other side of that smile more than once, Thom knew a falsehood—or at least a misleading statement—was on its way.

“He knew exactly where I was going.”

Which answered precisely nothing.

Thom’s mouth fell into a hard line as Sir Reginald, still in a bit of a blinded stupor, grinned back at her and left them alone.

She immediately spun around to look at him and raced into his arms.

He was so startled that they instinctively closed around her. She melted against his chest, her soft feminine curves pressed against him in all the right places. He inhaled the delicate scent of her perfume and felt the memories crash over him. She’d always smelled so sweet and fresh.

For one treacherous heartbeat, he forgot everything. Where he was. That three years had passed. How hard it had been to get over her. That he didn’t still love her.

For that one treacherous heartbeat, he thought she’d reconsidered. He was so overcome by the rush of emotion that when she looked up at him and said, “I need you,” he heard, “I want you.”

Lost in the entrancing sea of her eyes, he’d felt himself falling. His mouth lowered, and it was only when her eyes widened in shock at what he was going to do that he snapped back to reality.

“I need
your help
,” is what she’d said.

She hadn’t reconsidered. She didn’t want him, she wanted something
from
him.

With a sharp curse, he let her go. But the emotion—the lust—pounded through him like a bitter drum.

They stared at one another for a long moment. Elizabeth in surprise, and he in anger—at himself. He’d moved on. He didn’t love her with every fiber of his being anymore. Elizabeth Douglas was his past.

Seeing his expression, she took an instinctive step back.

He forced his anger to cool. She’d lost the power to hurt him three years ago. “What do you want, Elizabeth? I’d wager a week’s wages that Jamie not only doesn’t know you are here, but explicitly told you not to come here.”

She bit her lip guiltily, and he had to force his eyes away from the sight of those tiny white teeth with that plump lower lip in their tight grasp. It made him think of taking the velvety red softness between his own teeth. It made him think of sliding his tongue over the marks and then into her mouth, finally tasting her.

Past
, he reminded himself.

Instead, he focused on trying to control the temper that was threatening again. “Did you listen to nothing I said before? I asked you to let me be, and now you are dragging me away from my duty. You can no longer come running to me whenever you want. This is my job, Elizabeth. I have responsibilities and people who are counting on me. I am no longer yours to command.”

She blinked at him, wide-eyed, obviously taken aback. “I never thought you were. And I wouldn’t have come to you if it weren’t an emergency. I need—
we
need—your help. It’s Archie.”

Thom didn’t know her younger half brothers very well, but he knew how much she cared about them. “Has he been found?”

“No . . . Yes . . . I don’t know.” With tears glistening in her eyes and emotion thick in her throat, she blurted out a garbled explanation. From what he could tell, Archie had been taken by Henry de Beaumont’s men to Bamburgh Castle, and Jamie and a small group of warriors were planning an attempt to rescue him.

“But the only way into the castle is up a steep cliff, and I thought . . .” She looked up at him expectantly.

He knew exactly what she thought. “You thought I would drop everything, ride not just halfway across Scotland but also across the enemy lines, climb not just a dangerous cliff but also the wall of one of the most fortified castles in England, and then somehow find your brother—in
prison
, no less—release him, and get him to safety without being discovered by an entire garrison of English soldiers. Does that about sum it up?”

Big blue doe eyes lifted to his in a face that had lost some color. She stared up at him wordlessly, making him feel like he was kicking a blasted puppy.

But this wasn’t his problem—
she
wasn’t his problem—and he wasn’t going to let himself get sucked back in. It had been hard enough to get over her the first time.

But it wasn’t just that. He’d worked hard to be where he was, and he wasn’t about to let her interfere. She’d pulled him from his duty, damn it, without a thought. What would she do next time she “needed” him?

She finally found her voice. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but Jamie will be with you along with . . .” She chewed on her bottom lip as if contemplating how much to say. “Some
very
good warriors. The best.” Suddenly, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand as if something had just occurred to her. “Of course, your shoulder! It must be causing you pain.”

“My shoulder has nothing to do with this.” It was still sore, but he could climb if he wanted to. “
I
have nothing to do with this. So why come to me, Elizabeth?”

“I thought you would want to help.”

He lifted one brow in challenge. “I very much doubt you thought about me, or what I wanted, at all. You just assumed that all you would have to do was ask, and I’d come running like I always have. Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not this time. You’ll have to find someone else who
wants
to help.”

She gazed up at him, stunned. “You are saying no?”

She looked so incredulous that if it wasn’t at the expense of his pride he might have laughed. “It probably never occurred to you to think I would refuse, did it?”

The guilty flush that pinkened her cheeks put the first crack in his composure. He took her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him and hear what he said. “I don’t have to play the doting servant to your princess anymore. Nor do I have to hold my tongue around my ‘betters’ and jump to you or your brother’s bidding. Let James work another one of his miracles, or better yet, have him ask me himself.” He laughed as if he knew it would snow in hell before her brother ever came to him for help. “I have other things to do.”

He tried to turn away, but she reached out to catch his arm. The injured one, but that isn’t what made every muscle in his body seize. “That is not why I am here. You are being unfair, I’ve never thought of you like that.”

“Haven’t you? Am I not someone to rely upon? Someone who has always been there for you?”

“Yes, that is why I came to you. That is what friends do.”

“Don’t you mean that’s what
I
do? Your idea of friendship sounds rather one-sided.”

She blinked up at him. “I . . .” Tears welled in her eyes. “I didn’t realize . . .” She drew in a ragged breath that made his heart skip. “I’m sorry, Thom, I didn’t mean to be such a burden to you.”

She’d let his arm go, and he raked his hand back through his hair. Bloody hell. He hated this; hated refusing her anything. It made him feel as if spiders were crawling all over his skin. “You weren’t a burden. But you just have to understand that I just can’t be there like that for you anymore.”

He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t let himself get distracted or be diverted from his goal. Lady Marjorie was waiting for him, and he wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass him by.

He knew Elizabeth. If he let her in even an inch, she’d do something sweet to burrow her way into his heart again. He wasn’t going to let that happen.

“I understand.”

But she didn’t. She turned to leave, but this time it was he who stopped her. He took hold of her arm and turned her back around to face him. He had to make her see, or she’d be right back the next time the impulse struck. “I have something else to do. Someone is waiting for me.”

“Who?”

“The woman I hope to marry.”

Marry? The word echoed in her head, and Elizabeth felt suddenly dizzy.

She caught herself from swaying and looked up at him. Something in her chest squeezed. Her lungs felt as if she’d just inhaled a cloud of acrid, gritty smoke.

“You are getting married?”

He arched a brow. “You sound so surprised. Did you think that because you did not want me no one else would?”

The subtle chastisement in his voice was like a slap. “I never thought that at all. Why are you putting words in my mouth to think the worst of me? I’m
shocked,
not surprised, although you are right—I shouldn’t be. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”

Actually, it was more surprising that he wasn’t married already. Just look at him. He was gorgeous. One of the best-looking men she’d ever seen. He must have dozens of women clamoring for his attentions. Something she ate must not have agreed with her, because she suddenly felt ill.

“Not any woman,” he said flatly. Then, as if angered by his own words, he made a movement with his shoulders that wasn’t quite a shrug. “Nothing has been formalized.”

“But?”

“But I have reason to believe a betrothal is imminent. I hope to leave in the next day or two to escort her to her estates in Yorkshire.”

Why was she finding it so hard to breathe? The air seemed to have grown cold and icy in her lungs.
Estates
? “I see. C-congratulations. I am happy for you. She is a v-very lucky woman.”

She meant it, even if the words seemed to stick in her throat.

“It’s a good match,” he said matter-of-factly. “She is the widow of a minor baron who holds a castle near Peebles.”

A castle? The widow of a baron? It
was
a good match—a very good match. She should be proud of him for making such a beneficial alliance. Which didn’t explain why a strange sinking feeling had settled low in her stomach.

She forced a smile to her face and hoped it didn’t look as tremulous as it felt. “I’m happy for you. You deserve the best, Thommy—
Thom
,” she quickly corrected.

Their eyes held for one long heartbeat before he looked away. “Aye, well, it will make knighthood an easier reach.”

She smiled. He was the most noble, honorable man she knew. He’d always had a keen sense of right and wrong. He’d been a knight to her for a long time, but she didn’t think he’d appreciate hearing any more childhood memories from her. He was getting on with his life just as he’d said.

She just hadn’t realized . . .

Married
.

Wasn’t she hoping to do the same? Had she forgotten about Randolph?

She was ashamed to say she had.

She took a deep breath, forcing air through her dry lungs. Maybe they both had moved on. “You were right, I shouldn’t have come.”

Thom wasn’t the boy from the village anymore. He wasn’t her childhood companion and confidant. He hadn’t been for a long time. He was a soldier. A man she didn’t even know anymore.

His face was taut, his expression grim. He seemed pained when he spoke, as if he were waging some kind of fierce internal battle. “Jamie will bring your brother home safely, Elizabeth. He’s a good climber.”

It was true. After the near disaster in the tree all those years ago, Jamie had been determined to become just as good a climber as Thom. He’d pushed past the fear that she wasn’t supposed to know about—she’d figured out what had stopped him that day a few years later—and become very good. But no one was as good as Thom. She’d seen him scale sheer rock faces that would make a spider hesitate.