The Scarlet Thread (15 page)

joined them; Lorraine, preferring the heiress’s acerbic wit,

ordered another bourbon and remained behind.

“I swear. Merry is turning herself into a drunk,” Nancy said,

taking her place at the table.

“What do you think Lorraine will do?” Edie said, accepting a

menu from a waiter.

“Get sick and cry a lot,” Nancy said with a pitying glance back

toward the lounge. “Ending a marriage is bad enough, if it comes

to that. If you happen to be married to one of the leading divorce

attorneys in the country, you can expect to lose everything,

including your children.”

“If he wants them,” Marcia said blandly. “You’ve heard Lorry

say often enough that Frank hasn’t shown any interest in the

children since the day they were born.”

Sierra thought of how little time Alex had for the children

these days. When was the last time he’d played baseball with

Clanton or talked with Carolyn? She had been shouldering the

full responsibility of parenting since their move to Los Angeles.

Then, when things didn’t go right, such as Clanton’s report card

showing two Cs and a D, Alex always had her to blame.

“What about Ashley’s situation?” Edie said. “Gerry demanded

joint custody just to make her life miserable.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Marcia said, closing the menu and

setting it aside. “Gerry was concerned for the children, and rightfully so. Ashley is so obsessive about weight, and poor little

Veronica is going through her plump stage. Can you imagine what

it’s like for a child of ten to be dragged to aerobics classes every

afternoon after school? That’s what was happening until Gerry

stepped in.”

“An hour of exercise each day won’t hurt her, will it?” Edie

said, looking at Marcia for answers. Her own children were

enrolled in various sports programs and resisting attendance.

“It’s not the exercise that’s harmful, Edie,” Marcia said, sounding

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do. That will leave terrible scars on her psyche.”

Sierra could imagine Veronica grown-up and spending a hour

twice a week in Dr. Worth’s office exploring her “inner child.”

Still, would any child do anything if not pressed? Didn’t Marcia

press her own children to excel? Where was the difference?

“Have you
seen
Veronica?” Nancy said, shaking her head

sadly. “All that child does is sit around and eat snacks in front of

the television. She doesn’t talk; she whines.”

Uncomfortable with the course of the conversation, Sierra

stared at the menu. She couldn’t help but wonder if the women

talked about her and her children when she wasn’t present.

She ordered lobster thermidor and let the current of conversation swirl around her without diving in.

“You’ve been very quiet,” Marcia said at last.

Over the past half hour, Sierra had listened to her three companions dissect Meredith’s, Lorraine’s, and Ashley’s lives. They

had laid bare every dysfunction, past sin, and private anguish,

seeming to relish the action far more than they were enjoying

their food.

She met Marcia’s calm gaze. “My life is so full of problems, I

don’t feel I’ve any right to talk about theirs.”

Silence fell around the table, and she felt the three women staring at her with a mingling of expressions.

Marcia blinked, her eyes widening in surprise. “You think

we’re
gossiping,”
she said in quiet accusation.

Sierra glanced from Marcia to Nancy, whose eyes were hot

with indignation. Edie, on the other hand, looked embarrassed.

Sierra felt surrounded. Sometimes her friends acted like a

pack of hounds. They had the veneer of sophistication, but

they’d proven many times just how savage they were beneath.

They didn’t use their teeth to rip a person apart—they didn’t

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need to. Their soft-spoken words were sharp and barbed and effectively shredded one another with regularity. Didn’t they realize what they were doing?

“I think you’re concerned,” Sierra said, wondering if that was

only the guise beneath which they hid less altruistic motives.

“Of course we’re concerned,” Marcia said. “We
love
Meredith.”

“And Ashley,” Nancy said.

“And Lorraine,” Edie added. “You know we do.”

“Yes, I know,” Sierra conceded, but she couldn’t help hoping

they wouldn’t love her in the same way. “It’s just that talking

about their problems like this doesn’t change anything.”

“Then what will?” Nancy said.

“I wish I knew.” She looked around at them, not knowing

what else to say. Seeing their bleak eyes and defensive postures,

she suddenly wished she were more like her mother. She would

have had something to offer, some wisdom or encouragement.

From the beginning, she had found the company of these

women stimulating and challenging. They made her laugh. They

made her think. They opened her eyes to the way the world was.

She wasn’t the innocent, small-town girl Alex had brought to

Los Angeles over a year ago. And she was thankful for that. But

sometimes, she felt that despite the sophistication, knowledge,

and wisdom about life that these women seemed to have, they really didn’t know anything at all. Nothing that mattered. Nothing

that changed anything. If they did, wouldn’t their lives reflect it?

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, Sierra.

She frowned at the remembered words; her mother had

quoted them to her often. She looked at the women around the

table again. It was bad enough that her words had brought an

end to the conversation. There was no way she was going to try

to bring God into this! That might work for her mother, but

Sierra wasn’t as confident as her mother that God had all the

answers. If he did, he certainly didn’t seem eager to share them.

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She shifted again in her seat, wondering why she suddenly felt

so depressed. Maybe it was because the discussion had revolved

around the disintegrating lives of three women she liked and

admired. Maybe it was because so many people all around her

seemed to be hurting.

Maybe it was because her own life felt so empty and out of

control.

“What’s bothering you?” Marcia said, sensitive to her mood.

Nancy and Edie were looking at her, too.

How honest could she be with these women? Was she the only

one struggling with a sense of hopelessness? “I don’t know. A lot

of things, I guess. I’m not even sure I can explain.”

They sat waiting.

Sierra plunged in, taking the risk. “I’m so
busy
all the time. Yet,

at the end of the day, I feel . . . empty, as though time has passed,

but I didn’t accomplish anything that mattered.”

“What do you expect of yourself?” Nancy said. “To find the

cure for cancer?”

“No. Just
something.”

“The best thing we can do is be happy,” Edie said.

“Within ourselves,” Marcia said in gentle admonition. “If we

can’t manage our own lives, how can we expect to manage those

of our families?”

Manage.
The word jarred. It was discordant. Sierra pictured

a company president issuing memorandums to her employees.

Meredith’s words flashed back in her head; they had been

harsh, but true. Sierra had seen the dynamics of Marcia’s family. Watching her interaction with Tom and the children was

like watching a master puppeteer working marionettes. Marcia always knew exactly what to say and do to get her family

members to do what she expected of them. Both of her children were A students, active in sports, popular. Her husband

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worked hard, made good money, and came home from work

every night at precisely five-thirty. Marcia’s life seemed to run

so smoothly.

Was that the secret to having a happy family? A woman who

could
manage
everything?

If that was the case, she was doomed to perpetual failure.

Manage
Alex? What a laugh! She could hardly even get her husband to sit down long enough to talk anymore. When he did, they

ended up fighting. He had a will of steel. Over the past year, that

will had run over hers like a steamroller flattening macadam.

Edie changed the subject. She mentioned a play she’d seen,

and Nancy chimed in to agree it was wonderful. Marcia talked

about her plans to accompany Tom to a business convention in

Detroit. When asked by Nancy, she admitted most of the other

men from his company weren’t taking their wives. Smiling, she

said Tom had agreed it would be a nice time for them to get away

by themselves.

“By yourselves?” Nancy said. “With Tom in meetings most of

the day? What are
you
going to do?”

“I’ll relax and read and have lunch and dinner with Tom. I imagine there’ll be time to take in a museum or two between meetings.”

“Are there museums in Detroit?” Nancy said.

“There’s Henry Ford’s Fairlane Museum,” Marcia said with a

bright laugh, but Sierra couldn’t help wondering if her friend’s

real reason for going with Tom was to keep him under her

ever-watchful eye.

Well, what if it is?
she wondered, almost defiantly.
Is that such a

bad idea in this day of disintegrating and broken marriages?

Poking at her lobster thermidor, Sierra remembered Alex asking her to go with him to the Consumer Electronics Show in Las

Vegas last year.

“What about my mother?” she had said.

“What’s CES got to do with your mother?”

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weeks ago.”

“You knew about CES, too!” He’d sworn in Spanish. “I gave

you the dates.”

“You did
not!”

“Call your mom and ask her to hold off for a week.”

“She’s supposed to juggle her schedule just to please you?”

“She’s
retired.
What sort of a schedule has she got to juggle?”

As it turned out, she didn’t go to CES, though she did call her

mother and change their plans. Instead of her mother coming

south, Sierra drove north with the children and spent eight days

in Healdsburg. Her mother had lost weight and looked tired, but

otherwise she’d been in good spirits. They’d had long talks while

sitting on Memorial Beach watching the children swim in the

Russian River. Sierra had returned to North Hollywood remorseful, almost afraid of the greeting she would receive from

Alex. Their telephone conversations had been stilted and uneasy

while she was in Healdsburg. She apologized and things had

been easier between them for a while.

Easier, but not the same.

Audra had mentioned CES just the other evening when she

and Alex were all having dinner at Matt and Laura’s house.

Steve said several new members of the staff were going along

this year. Alex didn’t even look at her as he sipped his wine and

said he was looking forward to a trip to Vegas.

Stabbing a piece of lobster, Sierra decided it might be to the

best interests of her marriage if she went along this time.

“You wouldn’t be interested,” Alex said that evening when she

brought up the subject.

“What makes you so sure?”

“It’s all glitz and meetings, and a lot of people you don’t know.

Those you do, you can’t stand.”

“I suppose you mean Audra will be there.”

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