The Scarlet Thread (16 page)

“Yes, Audra will be there. She supports Steve wholeheartedly.”

She heard what he didn’t say: She didn’t support him. Anger

poured through her; it was always just beneath the surface these

days. But whose fault was that? Alex was always cutting her

down. She wasn’t supportive. She wasn’t a good mother or her

children would be getting better grades. She wasn’t doing anything other than spending his money at the club. Whose idea was

it to go to the club in the first place?

“I’d like to go with you this year,” she insisted.

He looked at her enigmatically. “You said you hate Vegas.”

What she really hated was the way he remembered every

word she ever said just so he could throw it back in her face.

Breathing slowly, she clung to her self-restraint. “I’ve never

been to Las Vegas, Alex. I’d like to see what it’s like.”

He didn’t say anything. He just looked at her. She wondered why

the decision was so hard for him to make. Hadn’t he wanted her to

accompany him last year? Didn’t he want her along this time?

“Fine,” he said, gaze flickering away, “but I don’t want the kids

coming. These shows are work, not play. You’d better keep that

in mind, too. I won’t be able to entertain you.”

Gracious to the last. “I’ll ask Marcia if she would mind having

the children spend the weekend at her house.”

“Don’t expect to play tourist,” he said. “We’re going to be

attending a lot of business dinners and company parties.”

“Will I need some new clothes?”

“Ask Audra.”

God, dont you listen when peepul pray?

Dont you care? Mama told me you did, but

I dont see how with the Terrible Truble we got.

I got doubts you are even there.

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Then they do. First James leaving. Then Sally

Mae coming here as Matts wife. Then Mama dying, then Papa turning to whiskey. If all that aint

bad enuf, Lucas had to leave and take the best

horse with him. God, what more you gonna take?

Mama used to say you had control of everything. So what I wud like to ask is why you are

giving us all this Sorrow and Grief?

Sally Mae is sick most of the time. She is scared

all the time. Nothing makes her happy. She is

either crying when Matt is out working or

screaming at him when he is not. She says she

wants to go home to her grandmama in Fever

River. Matt will not tak her and her pa washt his

hands of her the day she wed.

Papa works all day and drinks all night til he

sleeps. And even with all his work it dont look

like it will be a good year.

Weve had no meat in a month and since Lucas

stole Papas gun no way of getting any.

Things cant get wurs.

I wuz wrong.

I aint settin hope on god no more. There is no

god. There is only hell on earth. Mama is the

lucky one. And Sally Mae too now that she is

dead. They have no worries. The rest of us have

got the wate of what they dun. Mama and her

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hopes of heaven. And Sally Mae knowing she

wuz on her way to hell.

I dont know what I am going to do now with

this babee.

Matt burned Papas fields yesterday. He had

good reason. Sally Mae told him the babee

werent his. She knew she was dying and it made

her crazy scared. So she told the awful truth.
Do

you think you are the father, Matthew? You had to go off

to Fever River with Lucas, didnt you? I knew what you

wud think of me when you come bak. I wanted to hurt

you before you hurt me and I did. O, I did. I wasnt goin

to tell you but I can’t die with this sin on my head. I dont

want to go to hell. You hear me?
Matt said what are

you talkin about? And Sally Mae said
The babee

aint yours. Your father put it in me.
Matt called her

a liar and she said to go and ask him. So he did.

Papa said he was drunk when she come in to

him and lay with him like a wife. He did not

know what he was doing. Matt went crazy. He

beat Papa until I thot he wud kill him. He nocked

me down three times before I cud stop him. And

Papa just lay in the dirt bleeding. Matt set the

fields afire. I aint seen him since.

Sally Mae was screaming somethin awful. It

raised the hair on the bak of my neck. The babee

come with the flames. Thar was so much smoke it

burned my eyes. The fire did not tuch the house.

The wind changed and sent the flames across the

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Sally Mae, the babee and me wud all be ded.

The babee come out of her at nightfall, and

blood come too. I never seen so much. It soaked

through the straw mattress and pooled on the floor

underneath. She stopped screaming then. Papa

cum inside the house when I called, but he jest stud

in the doorway. I kept cryin for him to help me. He

said leave that devil child to die with her. He said

they cud both go to meet the devil together.

I cud not do it. I can’t let this babee die. His

mother was a wanton and his father a drunken

fool. Does that mean he has to die for it?

Papa said he will not have Sally Maes devil

spawn in his house. I said it was no devil, but his

own son. He laid a curse on me. He said I am

not his daughter no more. He said if I did not

leave the house he wud kill me and the babee

with me.

I can hear Papa digging her grave. Thar aint

going to be a ceremony or a marker and he is

burning all her things and the bed she and

Matthew shared.

He ought to be burning with it.

I hav deecided to call the babee Joshua. It is not

a famly name like Matthew or Lucas. But why

would anybody want to be in this famly? I like

the sound of Joshua. I read it in the Bible. Mama

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wud sing about Joshua blowing his horn and the

walls of Jericho came tumbling down.

Maybe Joshua’s crying will make Papa’s walls

come tumbling down. And he will let us come

back and live in the house before winter hits.

Maybe Joshua is not a good name for this

babee. He has not come into this world to bring

his famly to the Promused Land. He has stirred

up nothing but trouble since the day he was born.

The preecher came today.

He said a lady acros the river wants a babee bad.

I told him she shud talk to her husband about that

and not send a preecher to me. Preecher said if I

give the babee up, Papa might forgive me my sins

and let me come back to the house. I asked the

preecher what he knew about what happened and

he said he knew all he needed to know and I told

him he did not know much. He got all puffed up

like a toad and turned red. He said an unwed girl

with a babee shud not talk to her betters the way

I was talking to him and it was no wonder Papa

threw me out. He said Papa did rite. He said in the

old days I wud hav ben stoned to deth for what

I dun. So I did not say nothing else until he left.

Nobody is taking Joshua away from me.

I tried to talk to Papa today but he walked right

by me like I was not thar. I followed him out into

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let on he herrd nothing until Joshua started cryin.

Then he turned around and looked at me. I never

seen such a look on his face. I never seen such a

look on nobodys face like that. He said to git

away from him or he wud kill us both.

I said winter is coming, Papa. You want us to die?

He said yes.

First snow came today. The goat is going dry.

Seems like I did not save this babee from deth at

all. Just made him suffer.

The right reverend came again today. He said if

I do not send the babee to that lady across the

river, Papa is going to send me and the babee

to Mamas sister in Fever River with the

Reinholtzes, the German family moving out.

Preecher says they lost two children to fever a

month ago and can not bear to stay another winter. It wud be Christian kindness to give them

my babee. I said if they cud have two babees of

their own, they could have more, but I was not

giving my own blood away to strangers for any

reason. He said I was unrepentant and arrogant.

When I did not say nuthin he askt if I knew

what arrogant meant. I said it is when someone

already thinks he knows everything there is to

know and dont know nothing at all.

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He said I am hell bent. Maybe I am. All I know

for certain is the right reverend wud find truth

harder to swallow than the lies hes chewing on.

The truth would choke him to death.

I aint going to tell him what happened. Better

he thinks Joshua is mine than know where he

cum from. It is bad enuf God knows without

havin the hole county hear of it.

God dont care.

I did not think Aunt Martha wud let me in the

door of her fine house. The Reinholtz told me to

wait an hour before coming into Fever River. The

town is called Galena now after the ore they mine

hereabouts. Reinholtz did not want anyone

knowin they had anythin to do with a girl who

had a babee and no husband and did not even

know where she was going. So I did what he askt

and waited til nightfall before comin into town.

I askt the first person I saw whar Martha Werner

lived. The boy tuk me strat here. I almost died

when I saw the house. It is so grand and up on

a hill street. Two stories of wood and block with

steps up one side.

A black woman answered when I nocked.

I askt for Martha Werner. She called for Clovis.

A black man come runnin and started untying

the rope around my wast. I got scared and said

I wud not let him take my goat. My baby needs

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far and he wud see the goat was fed and

watered.

Aunt Martha is the prettiest woman I ever

seen. She was wearing a yellow dress with white

lace. She knew me rite off. She said I look like

Mama. She tuk Joshua from me. A good thing

she did because I cud not stand no more. It is a

long walk from the home place to Fever River or

Galena or whatever it is called. Worse when you

are eatin wagon dust. I did not want to sit on her

furniture in my dirty clothes but the black woman

picked me up from where I sunk down and put

me on the sofa anyway.

The black womans name is Betsy. She carried

me into the kitchen and set me near the stove.

Aunt Martha had Joshua. Clovis fetcht water

from the town well and Betsy heeted it in big

pots. I askt about the goat. He said the goat is

fine and eatin supper and went out again for

another bucket of water. Betsy tuk off my

clothes and put me in the tub. I aint never felt

anythin as good as that warm water comin over

me. She washed me like a babee wile Aunt Martha washed and played with Joshua. Betsy said

stop worrying about that goat. My man Clovis

will take good care of her.

When Joshua started in fussin, Betsy went out

bak and milked the goat. Aunt Martha sat in a

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