The Scent of Lilac: An Arrow's Flight Novella (15 page)

           
“Come,
Mia.” She picks up my blouse and shoves it toward me. “Get dressed.”

           
Fallon
busies herself with stuffing clothes into my bag, while I let Blaer drag me to
my feet. In my mind, I’m whisked back to the day Kate left. I huddled in a
tight circle with my two best friends, crying at the thought of never seeing
them again. But I couldn’t go with them, not even when Kate suggested it. My
place is in the Village. And whether it is fear or duty or destiny that keeps
me here, here is where I’ll stay. I bunch the blouse in my fists and release a
sigh that melts into a sob.

           
“I’ve changed
my mind. I’m not going.”

           
Blaer
goes still, her eyes pinned on me. “And what about
Chad
?”

           
My eyes
flood with tears. “Take him with you,” I croak. “Please.”

           
She tilts
her head, a look of sympathy crossing over her features before she steps up to me
and gently takes hold of my arm.

           
“I’m
sorry,” I whisper. “I never should have led you to believe I would go with you.
I know in the deepest part of my heart I never intended to leave.”

           
“Mia.
Listen to me.”
 
Her grip tightens. “Bridget
is sweet and kind, but she has never been strong. And she won’t mean anything
by it, but when pressed, she will tell them everything. And when she does, we
can’t be anywhere near the Village. The Council may not kill us, but I’ve no
doubt our punishment will be severe. You need to think about this.”

           
I nod
rapidly as her warning cuts to my core. “Just take
Chad
.
Get him away from here.”

           
She steps
back, her angry disappointment clear even in the shadows. And without another word,
she turns and disappears through the bamboo leaves.
         

           
Fallon
drops my pouch onto my mat. “I think you’re making a mistake.”

           
I shrug.
“Perhaps.”

           
A beat of
silence before Fallon steps up and throws her arms around my neck. It surprises
me, but I find myself returning the hug wholeheartedly. The last act of
kindness I expect to receive in my life. A sob escapes me, and Fallon leans away
to take my face in her hands.

           
“Good
luck, Mia.”

           
“Whatever
you have to do to make
Chad
go,” I whisper, my eyes beseeching. “Do it.”

           
She nods.
“He’ll go. He trusts Blaer now. She’ll convince him.”

           
Another
quick squeeze, and she follows Blaer out. The rustling of the bamboo leaves is
the only indication that anyone was ever here with me.

t is well past
noon
before the Council comes for me. They find me behind the kitchen, my arms
shoved up to my elbows in a pot of warm dishwater. I don’t pretend not to see
them. I straighten, dry my hands on a cloth, and watch their approach.

           
Tara
stops a few yards from me, her stance wide, the coil of rope at her belt. Her
hair is held back with the usual bundle of knotted braids, and her expression
is as stern as ever. I feel my insides giving way to my fear as I take her in,
but then I remind myself that I carry a new villager in my womb, and this is my
security. I raise myself a bit higher and wait.

           
“Where
are the others?”
Tara
quips the moment she reaches me.
Her low voice is rough with irritation. “Blaer? Fallon?”

           
“Gone,” I
answer.

           
She tilts
her head. “You did not leave with them. Why?”

           
“For the
same reason I didn’t leave with Kate.” I swallow. “I belong here. This is my
home.”

           
A deep
sigh escapes her. She purses her lips. “This is also the home of your mate.
Where is he?”

           
I’m
silent. She frowns.

           
“Mia. He
is a valuable asset to the Village. You will bring him back.”

           
“I—” The
words stick in my throat. I force them out. “I can’t.”

           
Tara
’s
face hardens. “Why not?”

           
A
trembling breath. “I sent him away.”

           
Tara
’s
jaw noticeably strains as she clenches her teeth. “Bridget has been very
informative. She tells us they’ve gone after Kate. To persuade her to return.
Is this true?”

           
When I
don’t answer, she steps in.

           
“Is this
true, Mia?” she growls.

           
“Yes.” I
tremble. “I would think that would please you to have Kate in your hands
again.”

           
Tara
frowns. She knows as well as I it isn’t that simple. Kate’s return may not be a
benefit to
Tara
’s agenda. She wants to be leader. Her
time of mourning has passed, and she reeks of this desire. She jerks her head
to the left, and two guards move in. I attempt to shuffle out of reach, but one
guard is too quick. Her fingers dig roughly into my upper arm. My eyes flit
around, searching the faces of the other council members.

           
“Where’s
Leah? I want to talk to Leah.”

           
“You’ve
committed an infraction of the worst kind,”
Tara
responds.
“Even Leah would agree. She can’t help you.” With a lilting lift of her chin,
she addresses the guards. “Take her.”

           
“No!” My
resistance is a muffled plea. “I want to see Leah!”

           
I know I
deserve this, but still, I yank. Both guards have me in their clutches, and
disregarding my request, they haul me away, the toes of my shoes dragging
through the dust. I squirm, kick out, wrench around until I can see
Tara
.
The look of satisfaction chiseled into her face makes me nauseous.

           
The
guards take me to the Pit, force me down the ladder. As they lug me past the
first section of caves, I see the locks. One by one, the gates have been
secured, and before long, I’m thrown into an empty cave. The lock clicks into
place. I rush the bamboo bars and stare down the guards. They peer back briefly
before they turn away.

           
“Wait!” I
beg. “Please. What is to become of me?”
 

           
The
guards exchange a quick glance before the taller one looks at me.

           
“This,”
she says. “For now.”

           
That’s
all they give me before they disappear from sight.

           
My breath
is ragged. My hands slip from the bars to hang limp at my sides.

           
The mat
is thin and dirty. I use the provided blanket to wipe it down before I lower
myself onto it. There is nothing else in here. It is as dreary and empty and confining
as
Chad
’s own
cave. I bite my lip to staunch the trembling, but I am terrified. What are the
Council’s plans for me?

           
Layla
invades my memories. She was the last of my friends to die at the hands of the
Council for far less than I have done. Her only crime was conceiving a baby
with a defect, which was hardly her fault. Why, then, would the Council spare
me?

           
They
won’t.

           
Restless,
I rise to pace the length of the small space. The hours pass; worry consumes me.
What of Bridget? Is she locked inside a cell? Did Blaer and Fallon make it to
the meeting place with Gina? Did they convince
Chad
to go with them?

           
My mind
overflows with questions until I feel insanity moving in. I sink to the mat and
bury my head into my folded arms. I can’t endure another minute of my thoughts,
and yet, I can’t escape them.
 
 

           
I’ve just
begun my relentless pacing again when a jailer arrives with a plate of food:
stew, bread, fruit, and water. At least, they haven’t overlooked the fact that
I need to eat well.

           
The
jailer sets the tray just inside the gate and slams it. I step forward hoping
she will speak to me.

           
“Please.
I would like to see Leah. Could you get a message to her?”

           
The
jailer pauses, a scowl cut in the space between her eyes. “Do I look like a
messenger?” she quips. She trudges away.

           
With a
sigh, I pick up the tray and return to the mat. Despite my misery, I’m hungry,
and I eat every bite. More than anything, it serves as a momentary distraction.

           
When
night falls over the world, I’m grateful for another distraction: sleep. I’m
exhausted in every way, and it doesn’t take me long to drift off. I curl myself
around the small curve of my belly and shut everything out until all I see is a
sheet of black nothingness.

           
In my
dreams, I see my baby with
Chad
’s
smile and my eyes. I snuggle him close to me while he feeds.
Chad
drapes an arm over my shoulders and peers down in admiration, and I’m stunned
by the scene. This is not ideal, and it has never been something I wanted. But
I am overwhelmed by the feelings this dream invokes. It’s... warm. This is what
I feel. Warmth.

           
It’s full
of that feeling in my chest. Love.

           
I’m
nudged awake. In a panic, I pull myself upright, expecting to find
Tara
or Eleanor or a terrifying monster in the cave with me. But no one is here. Confused,
I frown, but in the dark, it bumps me once more. I gasp, and there it is again—a
slight tugging on my insides. Shock overwhelms me as I place a hand on either
side of my abdomen.

           
“You’re
really in there, aren’t you?” I whisper.
 

           
There is
no answer, of course. Only a flutter of movement beneath my fingers. But the
tears come—a comingling of joy and sadness even as the sadness presses me more
harshly. But the joy... it is a solid thing anchoring me to the life which grows
inside me. And suddenly, the question doesn’t matter. Call it delusional, ill-thinking
brought on by grogginess, the tainting effects of love. This little life has
chosen this moment to make its presence a reality exactly when I needed it
most.

           
This
beautiful life that is
Chad
...
and me. And I am comforted by the idea that I am not alone.

           
“What
will they do with us, little one?”

           
I lie
here in the dark—a prisoner—and I truly begin to consider everything Kate did.
Everything she said. She wanted a freedom I couldn’t understand, and she fought
for it. She fought for Ian. And Diana? She wanted a life for Tabitha. One that
involved choices I didn’t believe we had a right to make. Choices that defied
the gods and all things good.

           
I clutch
my throat as reality speaks to me. Recently, I have made those choices, too. I
have become what I didn’t want to be. A rebel breeder.

           
I climb
to my feet and take hold of the bamboo bars. From the moment Kate began her
ramblings about choice, I was convicted. I haven’t wanted to admit it, but it’s
true. And the day she stood before the assembly and proclaimed her freedom was
the day I believed it was a possibility. I was just too afraid to say so. Too
afraid to take the risk and leave with her.

           
Always
I’m too afraid.

           
I inhale
and images seep in on a calm thread. Meg smiles at me encouragingly. Layla
lifts her head and tosses me a bit of her confidence. Diana turns her back on
the Village and sets her child free. And Kate... she bore the whip and the rope
and the fist to save us all, and I didn’t see it. Not then.

           
I see it
now as clearly as if Kate stands next to me and screams it into my ear. I see the
courage of my friends as if in a mirror, and in its reflection, I see myself.
And I break. I sink to my knees before the gate.

           
I am a
coward.

           
I weep
until my guts hurt and I am sick of myself. But in the dull silence after my
tears are spent and I slink in exhaustion, I come up out of the fog I’ve been
living in for all of my life, and I make a solid resolution.

           
I am
finished with fear.

           
I am
ready to embrace the spirit of my friends, and I will never let it go.
       

*

           
The cave
becomes my home. My meals are delivered three times a day, I’m allowed to bathe
once a week, and I hear no news from the Village. Soon, I determine that I will
not die. Not by execution. No. This is where I will live out the rest of my
days.
          

           
The baby
grows and moves and with each kick, my courage plants itself more firmly. I
don’t know why except that soon, I will be responsible for another life like I
never have been before. For a time, it will rely on me for its every need, and
because of this, for once, I find some value in myself. The thought makes me
laugh because for the longest time, I fooled myself into thinking I already was
valuable. I am a breeder. I was chosen to fulfill the most honored duty in the
Village. But... the Moirai refuses to bless us with more males. And me? It took
so long for me to conceive. What value was there in this?

           
The days
are long and lonely, and they remind me of
Chad
.
Ironically, I have taken his place. I stare at four blank walls. I watch the
shadows of the bamboo bars stretch across the floor of the cave every day at
sunset. I eat, I sleep, I sing—whatever I can think of to pass the time—and I
think I am going mad. I miss my hogan. I miss the sound of voices. I even miss
chores.

           
What I
don’t miss is a full understanding of the stock’s life. I can’t endure it, and
I’m ashamed that I ever tried to convince
Chad
to come back to this.

           
I lose
track of days. I spend them pacing, screaming for a jailer, crying. I sit on
the mat and rock, mumbling to the Moirai, to Scorpio, to any god who will hear
me. I beg for release, beg for them to simply kill me. Anything but to spend
another second in this place where hell is in my mind.

           
My greatest
relief is sleep. In dreams,
Chad
is with me, and he loves me. I can lose myself in his eyes and disappear in the
folds of his embrace, and there is my sanity. I am happy and safe until I wake
to my nightmare.

           
The
nights are cool, and often I wake shivering beneath the thin blanket. My misery
is too miserable to name.

           
The
clanging of the gate jolts me awake one rainy morning. I spring up on the mat
as quickly as my growing body will allow and search the dim room with
half-opened eyes. The shadow of a figure stands just inside the gate.

           
“Who’s
there?” I croak, my voice hoarse from disuse.

           
The
shadow doesn’t speak but instead moves closer. I adjust myself, raising my
hands instinctively to ward off an assumed attack.

           
“Mia.”

           
I lower
my arms, peer at the face from which the voice came.

           
“Leah?”

           
The
councilwoman sits. Her warm hands swallow my cold fingers, and my face contorts
with pained relief.