The Scent (The Bryn and Sinjin Series Book 2) (17 page)

I didn’t know how much time passed before he sunk his fangs into my neck. It could have been seconds or minutes. But when he did, I felt no pain—no sting, no ache, nothing. Instead, my soul practically opened up and started singing. I felt suddenly freed from my body, like I was flying. Waves of sheer bliss bubbled up inside me, filling me up before they overflowed. Meanwhile, images shuffled through my mind, brief moments captured in time. As I focused on each one, I smiled inwardly.

I suddenly saw myself standing in my room at Kinloch Kirk. It was from a time when my sister was holding me prisoner and, as such, I was pacing and restless. Moments later, the door opened and Sinjin entered. He carried a few shopping bags full of clothing he’d purchased for me. I watched myself like a third party to our interaction, or a fly on the wall. As soon as I saw Sinjin, the memory version of me appeared irritated and nervous. But I couldn’t deny that I was also thrilled to see him, although I wasn’t able or ready to admit that to myself at the time.

Pretty soon, that memory faded and a new one took its place. Sinjin was in it again, only now we were sparring inside my guest quarters at Kinloch Kirk. I held a blade in my hand and Sinjin was egging me on, training me in defense tactics. I watched us thrust and parry, both verbally and physically, each of us obviously very much enamored with one another. That surprised me. I wasn’t certain why it surprised me since it was fairly obvious that from the moment I’d met Sinjin, we were like magnets. We were indisputably attracted to one another even though neither one dared to admit it. Or maybe I was the only one who wouldn’t dare …

Sinjin was always fairly forthright where his sexual desires and I intersected. In general, he wasn’t the shy type. However, it had stopped him dead in his tracks when he’d discovered I was still a virgin …

That won’t be a problem now,
I thought.

That horrible thought preceded the image of Will and Gus on top of me, which unhappily exploded through my mind. Catching my breath, I blinked my eyes wide open. The happy memories of Sinjin and Kinlock Kirk were suddenly shattered like shards of glass. In place of the happy coziness they initially invoked, I was now left pondering the stark reality that some of my memories weren’t exactly good ones.

“Princess?” Sinjin said as he pulled away from me, curiosity registering in his eyes. My blood still stained his lips. He set me back on my feet gently and released me. I leaned against the bathroom stall for support as I tried to catch my breath.

“I guess your powers of persuasion didn’t exactly work as long as you hoped they would,” I said. My voice wavered because I couldn’t seem to inhale enough air. My heart began racing and bullet-sized beads of perspiration began breaking out along my hairline.

Sinjin didn’t say anything right away. He simply licked my blood off his lower lip before glancing down at my neck and then back up at me. “I must admit it surprised me that you managed to break through my power.”

“I guess you shouldn’t underestimate me,” I retorted with a brazen smile that I faked. Inside, I was still reeling over the ugly memory that crossed my mind and the hopeless despair it evoked. No matter what I did, could I never escape the reality of what happened to me? It now seemed to be as much a part of me as my warrior status once was.

Sinjin nodded and his attention settled on my neck. “In order for these wounds to heal, I must lick them,” he announced.

I shook my head, suddenly uncomfortable with having him so close to me. Why? I didn’t know. It wasn’t because I feared he would force himself on me, but rather because I sensed he could see right through me, and read my mind just as easily I could read the minds of other people. Well, with the exclusion of Sinjin, of course.

“I’m fully capable of healing myself, remember?” I replied curtly. Without waiting for his response, I closed my eyes and focused on the two bite marks, which began to sting. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and imagined white light shining on my neck, surrounding the small wounds with healing, restorative powers. Feeling a slight tingle beyond the sting of the wounds meant my magic was doing its trick. Seconds later, I opened my eyes and found Sinjin studying me intently.

“Good as new,” I chimed with a hesitant laugh. I wasn’t sure why, but I suddenly felt nervous. Maybe it was just because his gaze grew so intense, like he was seeing right through me. Then it occurred to me that Sinjin hadn’t been drinking from me for very long. Maybe only a few minutes had elapsed. “Did you have enough?”

Sinjin didn’t respond. Instead, he continued to stare at me, and both of his eyes narrowed somewhat suspiciously. He ran his tongue in front of his fangs, as if he were trying to pull whatever dregs he could salvage of my blood, which still stained his mouth.

“Hello?” I asked, unsure why he wasn’t responding.

“You taste different,” he explained, his eyebrows still bunching in the middle. His voice sounded stilted, irritated even.

“I taste different?” I repeated, my tone suggesting I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Yes,” Sinjin replied as he ran his tongue over his teeth again and studied me more closely. It was almost as if he were trying to pinpoint the difference in flavor of my blood.

“I have no idea why,” I answered. If I sounded put out, it was because I thought his comment was fairly rude. Even if I had an offensive taste, he should have remained silent since I’d just been nice enough to offer myself to him.

When Sinjin didn’t respond, I glanced up and suddenly felt like the walls of the bathroom stall were much closer than I originally estimated. Shrinking beneath his stringent gaze, I reached for the door and unlocked it before pushing it open. Ready to make my escape, I felt Sinjin’s hand on my arm as it stopped me.

He yanked me back until I found myself up close and personal with his broad chest. I braced my hands against it to avoid bashing my face into him. “What the hell was that about?” I demanded as I glared up angrily.

Needing my own personal space, I took a step away from him. When I tried to take a few more, he held me in place by putting his hand on my arm as he continued to study me.

“I know what it is now,” he announced. His eyes seemed almost angry as they blared white behind their usual sapphire.

“What’s different about my blood?” I demanded facetiously, throwing my hands into the air. “I’m sorry if it isn’t as sweet as what you remember!” I railed. “But in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly eaten very well in the last three weeks!”

“No, that is not it,” he started, shaking his head.

But I’d heard enough. Feeling defensive and embarrassed, I wasn’t about to let him get away with making me feel bad, especially after I was nice enough to slake his hunger in the first place. “Considering the favor I just did for you, it’s rude to look a gift … donor in the mouth!”

Sinjin didn’t seem to even hear me. He continued to stare at me and his eyes flashed fiery anger. “You are no longer a virgin.”

I gasped in obvious shock as soon as the words left his mouth. I felt like a fool that it hadn’t already occurred to me that Sinjin would have detected that I was no longer a virgin as soon as he sampled my blood. I mean, he’d known that I was a virgin simply by drinking my blood the first time, so why wouldn’t he have detected the opposite?

“So? So what?” I demanded, loath to pursue this conversation at all costs. I crossed my arms over my chest and took another step back, seeking even more distance between us.

“What happened?” he asked, and his tone of voice warned me not to even try and avoid the topic any longer.

I shrugged and took a deep breath. “That’s my business.”

“Now, I must also claim it as mine.”

“No! It isn’t any of your business!” I snapped while trying to extricate my arm from his viselike grip, but to no avail.

“Why have you not remained intact?”

“That’s not up for any discussion,” I retorted. I became suddenly livid that he had the gall to demand that I reply to such a highly personal subject. “I allowed you to feed on me so now we can go,” I said. I tried to take another step toward the door, but he wouldn’t let me go.

“First I demand an explanation for why you are no longer a virgin,” he repeated, keeping his jaw tight and firm.

I shook my head as an ugly smile crept over my lips. “I think you already know why I’m no longer a virgin.” Taking a breath, I glared at him. “Or shall I explain the birds and the bees to you?”

Sinjin didn’t say anything, but refused to release me. We both glowered at one another, but neither of us dared to back down.

“Let me go,” I said finally in a steely tone.

“Was the encounter consensual?” he asked with no amount of apology in his tone or demeanor.

“That isn’t any of your business.”

“It is my business now.”

“You have some nerve! You know that?” I asked with narrowed eyes. “Just who the hell do you think you are?”

“Answer my question,” he said calmly, “was it consensual?”

But I couldn’t respond. I had no words. So I laughed and the wretched sound burned like acid as it dripped from my mouth. It was ugly. Defamatory.

“Bryn,” he nudged me when I didn’t respond.

But I still couldn’t answer his question—I was too overcome by dread at what might be his reaction. Would I see pity or just disappointment in his eyes? I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. If there was anything I detested most of all, it was someone pitying me.

“Was it consensual?” he repeated.

“No,” I finally snapped.

FOURTEEN

After answering Sinjin’s question, nothing but silence stretched between us. All I could hear was the pounding roar of my heart and the raspiness of my breathing—both sounding extra loud in the otherwise dead stillness. The silence lasted so long that I half wondered if I’d actually answered his question at all, or simply thought the response. But then I knew I’d admitted the truth as soon as I forced myself to look at Sinjin in the eyes.

His expression was completely unreadable. At first, I thought it was purely anger that was reflecting in his azure gaze until I realized anger didn’t even begin to classify the intensity of emotion that was obviously plaguing him. Unable to confront the raw truth of Sinjin’s eyes, I dropped my attention onto the floor, finding solace in the fact that I didn’t have to consider whatever else was going through Sinjin’s head.

What if he thinks of you differently now?
That voice inside my head suddenly piped up.
What if his opinion of you changed? What if he doesn’t consider you to be the proud warrior he once did? What if he pities you now? Or thinks of you as a weakling who can’t protect herself?

What if Sinjin lost respect for you?

I shook my head, forcing the ugly thoughts right out. But the invasive silence did nothing to diminish the onslaught of questions that puzzled me. Suddenly, I had to break the silence; one of us had to speak in order to end the conflict taking place inside my head.

“Can we go now?” I asked. My voice sounded hollow and just a decibel or so above a whisper.

But Sinjin didn’t respond. He just continued standing there and staring at me with a stone face, his expression completely unreadable. His jaw looked so tight, I worried he might crack one of his teeth.

“Sinjin,” I said, instinctively reaching for him. However, thinking better of it, I allowed my hand to drop back to my side. I wasn’t sure why, but the thought suddenly occurred to me that maybe he didn’t want me to touch him. Maybe he considered me polluted or contaminated.

You aren’t polluted or contaminated!
I defended myself, angry to have even conceived of such an idea in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with you, Bryn!
And damn anyone who thinks or says otherwise!

“Let’s get back to the car,” I faux-begged Sinjin. I suddenly had the irresistible urge to get as far away from the restroom as possible. But still, Sinjin said nothing. He just stood there with his stoic, poker face and successfully gave nothing away. There was no other moment in our shared history when I wanted to read his private thoughts as much as I did right then. Yes, I could have attempted the task, but I knew I’d never venture past the fortress of his walls. I’d never been able to in the past, so it was silly for me to even consider it now. Sinjin was and probably would remain the only person who I couldn’t read, despite how much it frustrated me to admit as much. What was more, I didn’t want to deal with the inordinate sense of disappointment that would surely ensue if I attempted to read him again and failed
again
.

Since I couldn’t read Sinjin’s mind, my second strongest urge was to escape. I needed a safe place to retreat, if only to consider what I’d just admitted to him and to promise myself I would never discuss it with anyone ever again. I had to lock that private information deep inside the vault of my mind. I couldn’t stomach having it resurface again. It was too painful to relive the anguish evoked by the memories, and there was no way I felt strong enough to face the pain ever again.

“Who was it?” Sinjin’s voice sounded steely, and rough, as it broke the long silence.

Bringing my eyes to his, I immediately regretted it. His face remained a blank slate in direct contrast with his eyes. They still burned with emotions I couldn’t identify. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I replied. I slipped the lock of the stall door aside so I could leave. Once beyond the confines of the stall, I happily noticed I could breathe a little more easily. The desire to escape from the bathroom and bar overwhelmed me and I jog-walked the remaining steps that separated me from the restroom door. Before I reached it, however, Sinjin materialized directly behind me and gripped my arm, so I had to stop walking.

“We have not finished,” he announced matter-of-factly.

“Yes, we have!” I replied angrily, turning on my heel to face him. I could feel the rage beginning to boil over inside of me. “I never want to discuss this again! Not with you, or anyone!”

Sinjin narrowed his eyes and had the expression of someone who refused to be sated so easily. “Who violated you?” he repeated, as if he hadn’t heard me or just didn’t care. It was probably the latter …

“You are relentless,” I said, glaring up at him. My attention shifted briefly from the ire in his eyes to his fingers, which were wrapped around my upper arm, and none too gently.

“I apologize,” he recited with no amount of apology in his tone or his expression.

“What part of
I don’t want to discuss this anymore
don’t you understand?” I yelled while trying to free myself from his iron grip, which was as useless as struggling with police-issued handcuffs. “Let go of me!” I protested loudly, fully aware that I was under Sinjin’s control, although I didn’t dare admit it.

“I will not release you until you identify the filthy excuse for a man who violated you!” Sinjin railed, his words never more biting. He tightened his hold on my arm, as if to warn me that he wasn’t playing around—that he would get all the answers he sought.

It was fairly obvious that Sinjin wasn’t going to let it rest. He wouldn’t desist until he had all the information he wanted, in true Sinjin style. But I didn’t have to like it. On the contrary, I was fuming inside, but not just over his nerve. I was livid because he was insisting that I bring the ugly facts to light, which meant I would have to relive the past with every horrible word.

“Who hurt you?” he repeated, obviously getting more hell-bent on answers. “Tell me his fucking name!”

“
Who
is singular,” I laughed and wrenched my arm out from his grasp before rubbing the soreness from his manacle grip away.

“I do not …” Sinjin started to say, shaking his head to let me know he wasn’t following me.

“It wasn’t a
he
,” I repeated, my chest rising and falling more obviously with the effort to breathe. My voice had grown softer now, but no less hostile. “It was a
they
.”

I watched Sinjin’s left eye begin to twitch. Then, the delicious blue hues of his irises started to blanch into white. They began taking on that backlit glow that always happened whenever he became passionate about anything, be it passionately angry or just passionate. He didn’t reply, but I could tell my words made an impact on him because his fangs began lengthening. I suddenly felt very fortunate that my arm wasn’t still playing prisoner to his steely fingers. He began clenching his hands into such tight fists that I half wondered if his nails wouldn’t dig right into his palms.

“They,” he repeated as my stomach dropped because it was fairly obvious he was still going to force the subject on me. “They? There was more than one?”

“Yes,” I answered as resolutely as I could.

“Please explain.”

“You won’t give up until you know every single detail, will you?” I snapped before narrowing my gaze on him. Sinjin didn’t respond, but it wasn’t like I expected him to. We both already knew the answer to my question. “Fine. You win,” I spat out. With a deep breath, I vowed this would be the last time I ever forced myself to relive the most wretched chapter of my life.

“When I returned to the compound, of course, I was punished,” I started, to which Sinjin nodded quickly. “Part of my punishment included the removal of my title as a warrior; before being condemned to the class of the breeder,” I continued. I cringed inwardly as soon as I said the word “breeder.” Of course, Sinjin had no idea what I was talking about since he’d never heard the term before. His baffled expression revealed as much. “The breeding class is comprised of female tribespeople who are deemed too useless to serve in any capacity except their ability to procreate.”

At hearing my explanation, Sinjin cleared his throat and looked even more perturbed than he had a moment or so earlier. “Go on,” he said between stiffened lips.

I took another deep breath to calm my frantically beating heart, but it did no good. Dredging up these disgusting memories was one of the most difficult and painful things I’d ever had to do. My body responded to the assault with heart palpitations, sweaty palms and the feeling that I was going to be sick to my stomach.

“So now that you know what a breeder is, you can probably imagine the huge slap to my face it was when Luce condemned me to becoming one,” I trailed off. Sinjin didn’t respond, but I could tell by his stiff countenance that he was having a very difficult time listening to me. “I was considered useful only insofar as my physical abilities to produce offspring were concerned.”

“I understand now,” he said quietly, obviously wanting me to finish my story. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and if it were possible for a six-hundred-year-old vampire to appear uncomfortable, that was exactly how he seemed. “Pray, continue.”

But for me, continuing to tell my story wasn’t as easy as it might otherwise have appeared. The closer I came to describing the first rape, the harder it was to get the words out of my mouth. I was quiet for another few seconds, trying to muster all the strength and courage I had, which wasn’t much.

“Take your time,” Sinjin encouraged me. Apparently he could sense how challenging it was for me to confide in him and relive the events that had changed me forever. “I understand how difficult this must be for you.”

I nodded as I closed my eyes and thought about the best way to describe the torture and humiliation I’d endured over the last three weeks … “Once I was labeled a breeder,” I began, now in a whisper, “it didn’t take long before the men of the tribe started coming for me.” I watched Sinjin’s eye twitching as he shifted again, looking angrier than I’d ever seen him. I figured I should just cut to the chase and spare both of us the suspense of tarrying in this uncomfortable wasteland any longer.

“I lost my virginity to two men at the same time,” I finally blurted out. Instantly, I felt like I was going to keel over and throw up; but somehow, I managed to control myself. After a few seconds of silence, I glanced up at Sinjin. He just stood there looking stunned. He actually took a step back, as if he were completely blindsided by my confession.

“Then what happened?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

“I tried to fight them off, and I managed to at first,” I replied, sounding hopeful, which I found odd. “I even broke the nose on one of the guys,” I added as an aside. I gave him a quick smile, but Sinjin’s expression was frozen. He was just as enigmatic and statue-like as before.

“But it didn’t do any good,” I said, my tone slightly laced with sadness and remorse. “I mean, it was pretty unavoidable, you know? Two men are way stronger than me; and anyway, Luce had wards in place so I was deprived of my magic. I was basically a sitting duck.” I glanced up at him, hoping he would say something, but he didn’t respond. He just stared at me with those white, glowing eyes. I sighed and dropped my attention to my fidgeting hands. Then I figured I should get the rest of the story out as quickly as possible when I felt a sting that started in the backs of my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do now was start crying.

“After a while, I learned it was better not to resist them anymore. I only ended up wearing myself out and getting even more hurt in the process,” I explained, suddenly feeling like I had diarrhea of the mouth. Words flew from my lips uncontrollably. “After I lost my virginity, countless tribesmen claimed my personal space as well as my body,” I admitted, no longer able to hold his gaze. I dropped my eyes to the floor again and forbade my tears from falling. “There were so many of them that I lost count.”

I wasn’t sure where I found the strength to do it, but I eventually brought my eyes back up to Sinjin’s. He was staring at me with another mysterious expression that I couldn’t read. I started to smile at the one positive that emerged from the pain and humiliation I’d lived through. “Maybe it was poetic justice that I wasn’t much of a breeder, much to Luce’s bitter disappointment.” I laughed, a completely humorless sound.

“I do not understand,” Sinjin said at last. His voice sounded so soft and beautiful, it made more tears start in my eyes. I blinked them back furiously, unprepared to cry in front of anyone, let alone Sinjin. I was already afraid that he thought of me differently now, and pitied me, or no longer considered me to be the strong-willed woman he’d known thus far. The last thing I wanted was for him to label me nothing more than a rape victim.