The Sheik's Reluctant Lover (20 page)

“It’s already gone,” she argued.  “I told you before.  I don’t do casual sex.”

He leaned in to her with a smile that wasn’t at all humorous.  “And I told you that wasn’t what I wanted from you.”

“But the other women?
  You’ll do casual with them?  I’m the only one that thinks she might be…” she stopped before she made a fool of herself. 
“Never
mind.”

“I won’t.  What were you going to say?” he asked and stepped forward.  When she retreated this time, he came forward again.  “I want to know what you thought we were doing.”

She couldn’t stop the tears, wanting him gone and out of her life so she could start to heal once again.  “Just leave me alone.  We don’t have the same priorities in life.  I can’t meet your needs and you can’t meet mine.”

“You are everything I want in a woman!” he countered fiercely. 

“Sure I am.  I’m so wonderful and so fulfilling that you needed another
chickybabe
on the side, right?”

“She was coming after me, Rachel.  I was not reciprocating.”

“Is that why her lipstick was all over your mouth when I walked in?” She wiped angrily at the tears that
she couldn’t stop. 

At the sight of her tears, and the red rimmed eyes,
Rais
felt like
someone had just punched him in the gut hard.  He hated seeing her like this, wanted to pull her into his arms and soothe the pain he knew she was feeling.  Because he knew how he would feel if he ever saw her with another man like she’d found him last night.  “Rachel, I know how it looks but you’re wrong.  I wasn’t coming onto her.  It was all on her side and if you had come in a few moments later, you would have seen me pushing her away.  If you’d waited just a moment before entering, I would have told her that you are
the woman
I wanted.”

“For now.”

“Not for now!” he replied, softly, but with force.  “I want you forever.  I want to wake up next to you ever
y
morning for the rest of my life.  I want to fall asleep with you curled up in my arms.  I want you at my table and bearing our children together.  I want you, Rachel.  I’ve loved you for so long I can’t even remember when my feelings for you changed from friendship and brotherly
affection
, to something significantly deeper.”

She wanted so desperately to believe him but how could she? 
“Then why all the women over the years?”

“Because I was trying to replace you, Rachel,” he came back.  His voice wasn’t yelling anymore.  It was soft, confident and forceful.  “They all looked like you because you were either too young for what I felt for you, or you were avoiding me.  I didn’t want to scare you when you were so young, but then you disappeared and wouldn’t even come out to visit your father during the summers.”

“Because I knew you’d be there.”

“And you hated me for the women.  But they were Rachel replacements.”

She looked up at him, not sure if she liked the words he was telling her.  “Why would you do that?”

“Because I loved you.
  I wanted you so badly and you were so timid, so scared and I’d known you for so long, even I didn’t know what I was feeling for you until a few years ago.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said, but the words were filled with the pain of yesterday’s visions and not the heat of moments before. 

“I know you don’t, honey.  And there’s nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. 
You’re just going to have to trust me.”

She thought about that for a long moment, closing her eyes and squeezing them shut.  “I don’t know if I can trust you,
Rais
.  I’ve seen you with women just like me too many times.  And it hurts.”

He sighed, but wouldn’t relent.  “I know that.  But put yourself in my place.  I wanted you so badly for so long.”

“I am in your place.  And I didn’t go out and find other men who looked like you.  I didn’t sleep with a slew of men just to replace the one man I always wanted.”

The surprise in his eyes and the smile that slowly grew on his face confused her. “That amuses you?” she asked, walking around him so that she was on the opposite side of the room.  Since the room wasn’t very big, there was maybe only one additional foot between them but anything was better than being trapped in the corner. 
“Get out!” she snapped at him.

The grin on his face increased and he shook his head.  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said softly.

Rachel instantly noticed that his voice had become husky, deeper somehow and she looked up at him worriedly.  “I hate you,” she whispered.   If he wasn’t going to leave, then she would.  She couldn’t stay here with him looking so arrogant.  She just wanted out. 

She walked back by him, trying to stay out of his reach but her apartment wasn’t big enough.  She was just about to reach for her purse and keys when he stopped her with the expedient method of grabbing her instead. 

“Let me go,” she sobbed, her fists pounding against his massive chest but it didn’t do anything to stop him.  “Why are you still here?”

“Because of what you just said.”

She stopped trying to hurt him, mainly because her heart wasn’t really into it and besides, it wasn’t doing any good.  The man was just too big, too strong and she couldn’t break through that blasted confidence he carried around with him at all times.  “Why?” she whispered, out of energy and anger.  All that was left was the pain of his betrayal.

“You just said that you only wanted me.”

She blinked and looked to the side, her whole body stiffening with the fear of what that accidental admission might mean to him. 
“So what?”

“You’re the only woman I’ve wanted, for years.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t really hold up under the light of scrutiny,
Rais
.”

He laughed and pulled her even closer, ignoring the stiffness that told him that she wanted him to leave her alone.  He’d done that enough over the years.  From now on, he was going to go with his feelings.  “I love you.”

Those simple words stilled her movements and she held her breath
.  “Don’t say things like that,” she finally gasped out. 

“Why not?
  It’s true.  I’ve loved you for so long it’s been almost painful at times.  I’ve wanted you as my wife since you were sixteen years old.  But you were too young and you needed to get out and enjoy your life, experience the world a bit.”

She pulled back and looked up at him, startled by that admission.  “You’ve loved me for eight years?”

He shrugged. 
“Probably longer than that.
  When you turned sixteen is when I understood what I was feeling for you was too strong for just a friendship.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” she demanded, her hands un
-
fisting and flattening against his chest.  “Why did you wait so long?” She was crying again, but this was different.  It wasn’t necessarily happiness, but there was that, somewhere deep down underneath all the other emotions that were spiking through her mind at the moment. 

“Because you were too young.
  What I was feeling wasn’t appropriate.”

“That summer….” She started to say, her mind focusing on her sixteenth birthday party with all of her friends around….he’d let her use the ballroom in his house for the event and they’d all been awestruck by the party.  He’d been there, standing next to her dad…. “You were looking at me strangely that night,” she said with a whisper. 

He grimaced.  “You were hanging onto that boy and it irritated the hell out of me.”

She laughed and a tear slipped down again.  “I saw you and thought you were the saddest man around.  I was also angry with you for showing up at my party.”

One eyebrow went up with that comment.  “Angry?  Why?”

She looked down, her fingers playing with the buttons on the front of his shirt. 
“Because you didn’t ask me to dance.”

His fingers clenched on her waist as he shook his head.  “I couldn’t Rachel.  It wasn’t right.  You were too young.”  He sighed heavily as he continued, “And then you disappeared.  Going off to college was okay.  I wanted that for you and I was proud of all that you accomplished.  But you didn’t come back during the summers.  Why did you work on those other farms?”

She bit her lower lip, wishing she could avoid telling him this but he was admitting so much, it was now her turn.  “Because every time I saw you, you had another brunette on your arm and it hurt too much.  I hated you those summers because there were so many women.  It was horrible.”

“By the time you turned eighteen, I’d had enough but you were gone.  I couldn’t get in touch with you and you apparently didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
  He groaned.  “Damn you were so beautiful whenever I caught a glimpse of you.  I imagined you in the arms of so many men and it drove me crazy.”

“There weren’t any other men.”

“I know that now,” he said with a half smile.  “But the past six years have been pretty horrible.”

“I know how you feel,” she said softly.  “I hated you every time you brought another woman back to your house.”

“I never brought them back, Rachel.  They followed me and it was my only defense against telling your father that I wanted to marry you and drag you away so you could be my wife.”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked, her eyes showing him how much she would have wanted that.

“Because you were too young,” he said, shaking her slightly.  “You needed to experience life and find out what you wanted.”

She was shaking her head.  “I’ve always wanted you.  That’s why I had to leave, because I loved you so much and you just kept bringing those other women around.  And they all looked like me.”

“They looked like you because
I was trying to replace you.  I wanted you so badly but I knew I couldn’t have you.  But none of them measured up to the real thing.”

She sighed and leaned her forehead on his chest.  “I still don’t like it.”

“Then marry me,” he said and reached into his pocket for the ring he’d been carrying around for weeks.  “Marry me and become my wife, argue with me at every opportunity and let me fix the past six years that we’ve missed by not being with each other.”

She stared at the ring, her breath caught in her throat as he slid the enormous ring onto her finger.  It was heavy but it was also startlingly beautiful.  “This is crazy,” she said when she remembered to take another breath. 

“Crazy good or crazy bad?” he teased, bending low so he could look at her face, trying to determine what was going on inside that beautiful head of hers. 

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face and he inhaled sharply, his thumb reaching out and catching one of those drops.  “Don’t, Rachel,” he sighed and brought her closer. “Mary me and I promise you’ll never have any reason to cry. 
Ever.”

She laughed and hugged him closer.  “Okay,” was all she
said.

Rais
stilled, wondering if he’d heard her properly.  “Was that a yes?” he demanded.

She laughed through her tears but nodded her head, or as much of a nod as she could with his arms holding her so closely. 

With that nod, all of the tension from the past few days disappeared.  He picked her up and spun her around, yelling with excitement and relief.  “You’ll never regret this decision,” he said and held her face between his hands.  “I promise, I’ll love you so much you’ll be begging for mercy,” he promised her.

She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped.  “I’m already so happy.”

He smiled down at her a moment before he lifted her up into his arms.  “You have no idea.” 

She threw back her head and laughed even as her arms wrapped around his neck.  “I’m sure you’re going to show me,” she said.

The salacious grin that crept over his handsome features made her stomach muscles clench in anticipation.  “Oh, you have no idea.” 

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