The Sheik's Secret Bride (12 page)

He paused to watch her for several moments, trying to read her body language.  “What are you afraid of, Callie?”

“You’re trying to convince me that I’m still in love with you but I’m not.”  She was holding the container against her stomach, trying to protect herself from his words.  “I’m not.  And I never will be.  I won’t be vulnerable ever again.”

His hand reached out, his thumb rubbing her jawline.  “Isn’t it too late already?”

She put the strawberries down and peered into the basket.  “Wine,” she said, pulling it out with triumph.  She found a bottle opener as well, even crystal glasses.  “Too bad you can’t have any of this,” she said, desperately trying to change the subject. 

“Why not?” he asked, accepting her change of subject.  He would get her to admit that she loved him by the end of the day. He just had to follow his plan. 

“Because you have to drive us back.  No drinking and driving,” she told him sternly.  “Especially through those roads that can’t even qualify as roads, if you ask my opinion.”

He acknowledged her comment with a shrug of one of those massive shoulders and Callie’s mind instantly snapped back to holding onto those muscular arms while he made love to her.  She missed that, Callie realized suddenly.  Goodness, it had only been two nights without him and already she was aching to be held by those wonderful arms again. 

She jerked back to the present when he asked, “What do you like most about your job?”

Callie was relieved to have that subject to discuss, and get her mind off of making love with him.  That was a taboo subject, she told herself firmly.  They talked about business while she set out the food and she learned much more about the financial side of Larcatia.  She was astonished to hear that Zahir was not just promoting oil, but he’d also spent a great deal of money on education from preschool to the universities, trying to lure people to the country to teach and learn. 

“Is the investment paying off?” she asked.

“Yes.  Many people are finding that this is a beautiful country and want to stay and live.  They get their education here, then stay for the job.  They are then able to teach and grow the economy.”

She’d just finished what she thought was a lemon brownie but it probably had a different name here.  It was delicious and she handed him one as well.  “You’re quite brilliant,” she said, a light in her eyes that she wasn’t even aware she was showing him.

“And you’re quite beautiful,” he told her.  “And smart too.  You’ve created some very good websites over the years.  I like the ones for Erinson.  They were hard, weren’t they?”

Callie laughed but nodded her head.  “Yes.  When Marcia assigned them to me initially, I was excited.  The requirements were a huge challenge.  But even worse than the new technology I had to learn, they were a difficult client.  Always wanting to communicate via e-mail, sometimes not responding for days even when a deadline was drawing near…” she looked over at him and a though occurred to her.

“The apartment building I live in, you owned that.  And Ms. Fisher was your employee.”  She hesitated to ask this question but she had to know.  “Were you Erinson?” she asked.

He nodded his head slowly, not sure how she would feel about that. 

She put the glass of wine down carefully, thoughts flitting through her mind.  “Why?”  Even Callie wasn’t sure how to feel about this latest revelation.  She’d spent hours trying to satisfy that client, only to have them come back later and demand more. 

He knew what she was asking and wanted to be honest with her.  “Because it was my only communication with you.  I needed some link, some way to be with you and so I had you build websites for my companies.”

Her fingers shook as she fiddled with her napkin.  “Will you come clean about the job?” she asked.

He sighed and leaned his head back, staring up at the sky.  “Yes, Callie.  The job was just a ruse.  But only initially.  You were hired on to work at the company, but no one, especially not Marcia or myself, thought you wanted to handle the technical work.  Remember, you were just a receptionist at first.  I thought it would be the perfect job for you so that you could enjoy your pregnancy and not be afraid any longer.  I was trying to give you time to recuperate in the only way I knew how since you wouldn’t go see a therapist and talk things out with a professional.  It was your curiosity that had you designing websites the first day on the job instead of simply answering phones and greeting clients.”

She nodded her head.  “So that’s why the job paid so much,” she thought out loud.  “You were a very busy boy.”  She looked at the trees and the waterfall.  “Was any of it real?”

He sat up and looked at her again.  “If you’re asking if the job was real, yes.  Eventually, you created the whole company.  I never intended for you to have to work, but Marcia convinced me that you were good at the work and you liked it.  You thrived in that environment, Callie.”

She looked down at her hands. “Except that now I’m finding that it was just another part of my life that wasn’t real.”

He was getting frustrated now.  And impatient with her continuous rejection of what he could provide for her.  “What did you expect me to do, Callie?  You were my wife!  You were pregnant and I couldn’t keep you safe and close.  So I did the next best thing.  I protected you in the only way I knew how.”  He watched her features carefully.  “I didn’t lie or cheat.  I provided for you.  I understood that you wanted nothing to do with me or my country and you were severely traumatized.  But that didn’t negate what we felt for each other.  What I feel for you even now.”

Her amber eyes flashed up to his.  “What do you feel for me now?”

He sighed impatiently, running a hand through his hair.  “I love you Callie.  I have loved you from the moment I saw you and I will always love you.  And the memory that you were hurt is killing me.  Every time I think of you, in that man’s hands, I go just a little crazy, Callie.”

She shivered, recalling the time herself.  “It was bad,” she told him and wrapped her arms around her legs.

He pulled her onto his lap, holding her close.  “Will you tell me about it?”

“No,” she replied instantly, but she savored his touch, needing it more than she wanted to admit to herself. 

Zahir sighed, kissing the top of her head.  “You’ve never spoken to anyone about it, Callie. It’s all locked up inside of you.”

She turned her head and glared at him. “Have you ever been tortured?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

That stunned her and she wasn’t sure what to say at first.  But then she pulled her hands from around herself and hugged him.  “I didn’t know,” she said, her voice cracking with the horror of what he must have gone through.  “When?”

“It was a long time ago.  During the early years of the war.”

“And?” she prompted.

He sighed and shook his head.  “I don’t want you to hear something like that.”

She lifted her head.  “Zahir, why are you asking me to tell you about what happened to me, but you won’t share your experiences?”

“Because you don’t need to hear about them.  But you need to release the fear that has been inside of you for too long.”

She shook her head. “It’s in the past.”  And with that, she stood up and started gathering the picnic items.  “We need to get back.  Luca will be finished with his lessons soon.”

Zahir suppressed the automatic burst of frustration, striving for patience.  “You will eventually talk to me, Callie.  It is the only way we can move forward.”

“Not true.  We’re moving forward now.  We’re gathering things up and heading back to our son.”

“This is stagnation.  When you admit that you love me, we can then move forward and be happy.”

Callie held onto the blanket with all of her strength.  She didn’t like him talking like that.  It frightened her and made the steel band around her heart tighten. 

“I’ve told you numerous times, Zahir.  I will not love you.  I won’t be that vulnerable again.”

He took the blanket out of her hands and looked down at her.  “You’re afraid of being vulnerable but you already are, Callie.  You’re my wife and I will protect you.  But you need to trust me.”

She shook her head. “I trust you.  I just won’t love you.”

They drove back to the helicopter landing site in silence, Callie unwilling to budge and Zahir not sure how to convince her to talk to him.  When the helicopter landed at the palace, she moved hurriedly towards the schoolroom, eager to see Luca and find out what he’d learned during the day. 

Callie ignored Zahir, wanting to put more space between the two of them.  Her mind wondered what it would be like to talk to him about that experience so long ago, but she wasn’t really sure if it would do any good. She still didn’t want to be a target for his enemies. Loving him meant that she would become that target.

Luca came rushing out of the schoolroom as soon as she stepped through the doors. His eyes were bright and excited, eager to tell her everything that he had learned throughout the day. “Momma, did you know that dinosaurs used their scales and fins to keep cool? And a chameleon’s tongue can be as long as his body!” Callie had to laugh when Lucas stuck his tongue out, his eyes going cross-eyed as he tried to look at the length of his own tongue.

“No, I had no idea that the chameleon’s tongue was as long as his body. And actually I’m sort of glad that I never knew that. It is a bit of a frightening idea that any tongue can be that long.”

Zahir’s deep voice came from behind her and Callie was surprised that she hadn’t felt him there before that moment but Luca continued to tell her about all the amazing facts he’d learned during the day. “Did you know that a male oyster can change to become a female oyster? And then, if he decides that he doesn’t like being a male or a female he can change the other way again.”

Zahir plucked Luca up lifting him into his arms. “What else did you learn today?”

Luca then proceeded to give his father an enormous list of factoids that he’d learned, his enthusiasm for knowledge evident. As Callie walked silently besides the two of them, she couldn’t help but be amazed at the wide diversity of subjects that his new teacher had brought up with her little boy. Once again, Callie realized how good it was that Zahir had come back into their lives. Luca was an extremely intelligent boy and he needed the extra stimulus that one-on-one learning could give him. She was also concerned about how he was going to get his social time in, but she released that. At least for the moment.

Callie watched her son with Zahir, her eyes and her heart confused. Her brain was telling her that she needed to give in and release the past. But how was she to do that? How could she protect herself, her son, and Zahir when bad people still inhabited the world? Perhaps Zahir was right about talking. But she would never talk to him about what had happened to her. She just didn’t want him to know. She had to protect him from her experience.

She looked down at her hands while she examined that thought in her mind. Silently, she considered the implications of her need to protect this man. And how exactly was she to protect him?  He was so big and strong and he didn’t have any weaknesses. 

The muscles in her stomach clenched and the nausea rose up as her thoughts evolved into something that she didn’t want to acknowledge in herself. She didn’t want to love Zahir but she couldn’t seem to stop.  And it didn’t seem fair that she felt this way. She’d told him from the moment she saw him again that she was not going to love him.

She suddenly realized that there was silence in the room. There were no more questions coming from Zahir and no more answers from her son. When she looked up, she realized that both of the men in her life were staring right back at her.

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you telling us more about what you learned today?”

Luca looked at his father, obviously not sure what to say or do. When he looked back at Callie, his eyes were worried. “Momma, why are you crying?”

Zahir put Luca down, ruffling his dark hair as he’d seen Callie do on numerous occasions.  “Why don’t you go see if there are any cookies in the kitchen? I will try to figure out why your mother is so sad.”

Luca tilted his head way back, trying to see his father.  “You told me that I needed to care when a woman is hurt. And Momma is a special woman, so I should be extra concerned. And I don’t like it when she cries. She used to cry in her sleep a lot but now that you’re here with us, she doesn’t do that anymore.”

Callie hadn’t realized that she was crying. Her hands lifted to her cheeks, and sure enough there were tears on her cheeks.

“Yes, you’re right that you should be concerned. But I think that this is something between me and your Momma. Go find the cookies. But only have two because I don’t want you to spoil your dinner.”

Luca rolled his eyes. “Momma always thinks that cookies will spoil my appetite. But I think that boys need cookies in order to grow bigger. And I want to be just as big as you, Papa.”

Zahir chuckled. “I don’t think that you will have much of a choice about your height, son. Height is determined by genetics and all of the men in our family have been rather tall. And I don’t think that cookies, or a lack of them, will affect your height significantly.”

Luca looked exactly like his father as he considered those words and tried to form a pro cookie argument. “Is there any scientific proof of that?” he said, repeating a line he’d heard from his father.