The Shoestring Club (37 page)

‘You walk into that church with your head held high,’ she said. ‘Remember you look a million dollars and we’re all rooting for you – me and Arietty especially. If you have any wobbles, any at all, run into the loo and ring me immediately, understand? And good luck, Boolie. I love you.’

‘I’m not going into battle, Pandora,’ I’d said as she squeezed me tight against her chest, as if she’d never see me again. But I appreciated the support.

‘The bride is in the house,’ Declan says in a low voice. ‘Don’t look.’

But I can’t help it, I swing around and catch a glimpse of Lainey and her sisters just inside the church door. The sisters are fluffing up the skirt of her wedding dress and arranging her puffy veil over her face.

I stare at Lainey. I expected to see her in something classic and elegant – a silk sheath dress and neat veil – not this frothy, over the top creation. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not horrible by any means, and with all the tulle on the ballerina skirt and the heavy satin train sweeping out behind her, it must have cost a fortune. But the dress swamps her small frame and makes her look quite wide and hippy, when she’s actually very petite.

And I hate to admit it, but I smile inwardly. Lainey’s sisters, clearly her stylists on this occasion, have done her a disservice. If I’d been in charge – and Lainey always listened to me when it came to clothes – she wouldn’t have looked as though she’d been eaten by Disney’s Cinderella.

The organist starts playing the wedding march and I set my face into a rictus smile as I watch Lainey’s sisters hustle the flower girls in front of them, elbow each other into place and then walk up the aisle slowly, counting out their steps carefully under their breath. Karen’s back visibly stiffens as we lock eyes, and I throw her by giving her a wink. She almost walks into one of the flower girls.

It’s only when I look towards the chancel and I spot Ed’s face, beaming as he watches Lainey walking towards him, that I start withering inside. I can’t tear my eyes off him and I can feel my heartbeat quicken. I try to slow it down by taking a few deep yoga breaths and distract myself by clenching and unclenching my calves in time with the music, trying not to think about how happy he looks. Because he looks ecstatic, his eyes are sparkling and he can’t stop grinning. And as Lainey takes each step towards him it’s as if someone’s nailing a tiny shard of glass into my heart. Finally she reaches the top of the aisle and Ed takes her hand. I have to bite inside my cheek, hard, to stop myself crying.

‘Jules?’ Declan whispers. ‘Still all right? You look a bit pale.’

‘Hanging in there.’ I squeeze his hand. ‘Thanks.’

I’m relieved when the clergyman, a surprisingly young-looking man with short dark hair and a friendly, round face, invites us to sing the first hymn – ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ – and I concentrate on singing the words, trying to block out everything else.

Declan’s voice soars out – I’d forgotten what a good singer he is – and several people are looking at him, clearly impressed. I catch Lainey’s mum checking him out and then, realizing he’s with me, she gives me a gentle smile and mouths, ‘Hi, Jules.’

She was always a decent woman, kind. It’s a pity how everything’s worked out. I miss spending time in her kitchen; I miss
her
.

After another hymn, the clergyman says, ‘And before we move on to the wedding ceremony itself, this is the part every bride and groom dreads.’ He pauses and then continues in a more serious voice, ‘If there be anyone present who may show just and lawful cause why this couple should not be legally wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.’

Declan squeezes my hand again. He asked me in the car was I going to say anything at the ‘forever hold your peace’ point of the ceremony. I think he was only joking.

I said, ‘What, you mean about Ed and Lainey betraying my trust and being lying, sneaky toads?’

He’d laughed. ‘Something like that.’

I’d said no. And I meant it. But by God, right at this second I sure as hell feel like saying something.

And is it my imagination, or can I feel eyes boring into my back? I keep my head up and stare straight in front of me, holding Declan’s hand tightly in my own.

And Declan, bless him, leans down and gives the top of my head a tiny kiss. Ha! That will perplex any gossipmongers who are staring at me, just waiting for any sign of longing or regret on my face.

The clergyman says, ‘Good, good, that’s what I like to hear, silence,’ and then launches into the vows.

The vows are hard, I can’t deny it. Lainey’s voice is quivering so much I can barely hear what’s she’s saying and she starts crying as soon as Ed belts out his ‘I do’. My heart softens a little, she’s always been such a marshmallow when it comes to weddings. Then they’re pronounced man and wife and everyone claps and cheers. I join in and try to appear genuine.

‘It’s over now, Jules,’ Declan says in a low voice as we stand for the last hymn, ‘Love Divine’. ‘You put on a good show.’

I give him a smile. ‘So did you. Thanks, Declan.’

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. ‘You’re most welcome, my love.’

Walking out of the church is hard. Ed and Lainey are standing at the doorway, holding hands, waiting to greet their guests as Mr and Mrs Powers. Lainey and I always said we’d keep our own names when we got married, but from the clergyman’s quip – ‘Mr Powers you may now kiss Mrs Powers’ – she’s obviously changed her mind. Or maybe she was never the girl I thought she was.

Standing there, holding Ed’s hand, gazing at him proudly, she looks blissfully happy. Close up she looks glowing, her tasteful make up highlighting her light-brown eyes, her hair in a loose chignon with soft curls around her face. Pity about the dress though.

For a moment I forget how much she’s hurt me and I manage to say, ‘You look beautiful, Lainey. I hope you’ll be very happy together.’

She stares at me. ‘Jules. You’re here.’

‘I promised I’d come, remember? To say goodbye.’

She nods, looking genuinely sad. ‘Thanks. It means a lot to me. To us both.’ She pulls Ed’s arm and he swings around.

‘It’s Jules,’ she adds, her hand still firmly holding his arm.

‘Jules,’ he says. He seems lost for words and his eyes flicker around nervously. There’s an awkward silence.

‘We’d better get you out of the cold, darling,’ Declan says, putting his arm around me. ‘Excuse us.’ And we walk away together. It’s only when I step into the car, I realize I’m quivering all over. I check my face in my compact mirror. I look a little pale under my foundation, but my hair remains perfect and my red movie-star lips are still in place.

I flip the compact closed and sit back in the seat.

‘God I need a drink,’ I say. I’m ashamed to say my hands are shaking a little. Sheila warned me about this, but it’s happening far more often than I’d like. And I’m slowly beginning to realize just what all the drinking was doing to my system, not to mention my mental health. Every day I’m more and more determined to stay off it.

Declan says nothing for a second and from the way he’s staring out of the windscreen I know Pandora’s said something to him. He starts the engine and pulls out.

‘Did you eat anything this morning?’ he asks.

‘No, I couldn’t face it.’

‘You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.’

Declan grabs two bacon rolls from a deli in Dun Laoghaire. We eat them on the way to the reception and I start to feel much better. We don’t say much at first, focusing on eating. We’re early and Declan finds a parking space just outside the yacht club and we sit in the car, watching the front door.

‘Everyone must be still outside the church,’ Declan says. ‘Maybe they’re doing a group photo or something. But I thought it was best to get you out of there before you keeled over.’

After wiping my mouth and fingers on a napkin I say, ‘You were right, I really needed to eat. You’ve been so sweet to me today, Declan. I wish I could find someone like you.’

He looks at me, a smile on his lips. ‘Are you ready for someone like me?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Pandora told me a little about the groom. Sounds like you had a pretty tempestuous relationship.’

I think about this for a second. With Ed, all the drama that came with arguing, breaking up and then making up seemed normal, but I guess it’s anything but.

‘I guess we did,’ I say. ‘How are you doing for time?’

He glances at his watch. ‘Not great. It’s already half three I’m afraid. But Rachel’s party is only up the road. Dads are expected to be a bit late.’

I laugh. ‘If you’re sure.’

We watch for a while as guests start to arrive. I spot Danny struggling to get a huge flower arrangement through the door and I make a decision.

‘I’ll be OK,’ I tell Declan. ‘Just the drinks reception and the meal to endure now. You’ve been an absolute angel, but it’s time to fly solo.’

‘Are you sure?’

I nod. ‘Yes.’

‘I’ll go inside with you,’ he says. ‘Explain to a few busybodies that I’m a fireman and I have to leave early for my next life-saving shift.’

I grin. ‘I dare you to say that.’

He chuckles. ‘You’re on. Do I look like a hunky fireman?’ He sticks his jaw out and sucks in his cheekbones.

‘Absolutely.’

And he’s as good as his word. He manages to tell two of Lainey’s aunts his fabricated story in the bar before kissing me soundly on the lips (I hope Pandora doesn’t mind), and saying, ‘I love you, babe. Can’t wait for tonight, hot stuff,’ and leaving me to my fate.

As soon as he’s gone one of them asks me, ‘Was it hard for you today, pet? I know you were very fond of Ed.’ She pats my arm.

I gulp, trying to keep it together. ‘It was a bit. But now that I’ve found Declan . . .’ I tail off. ‘But please excuse me.’ I spot Danny talking to someone on the balcony outside, so I walk quickly through the door before anyone else has the chance to grab me. But as soon as I get there, I wish I hadn’t. A whole team of Lainey’s batty aunts would be better than this.

Because standing there, bold as brass, is Noel Hegarty.

I can feel blood rushing to my head and whooshing past my ears, and for a second I think I’m going to either vomit or pass out. Then I hear Danny’s voice and feel a hand on my arm.

‘Jules, Jules, are you OK?’

‘Maybe she’s coming down with that virus thing Clara has,’ I hear Noel say.

Just then one of Lainey’s aunts calls Danny from the doorway. ‘Danny, where are people to put their presents? Is there a special room?’

‘Excuse me a second,’ he says and walks off, leaving Noel and me alone.

‘Maybe you should sit down, Jules,’ Noel says, calm as anything.

I say nothing, just stare at the floor and shake my head. I can’t bear to look at the man. How dare he act as if nothing happened between us? I turn to follow Danny inside when Noel grabs my arm. I’m glad I’m wearing a jacket, I couldn’t stand his fingers touching my bare skin.

‘We’re all right, aren’t we, Jules?’ he says in a low, loaded voice.

What’s he talking about? Of course we’re not ‘all right’. Is he deranged? I shake his hand off, still unable to speak, and run inside. I push through the crowds gathering in the bar and manage to find the toilet. Locking myself in a cubicle, I sit down on the closed seat and lean forward, resting my head in my hands. I’m too shocked and disgusted to cry. And angry, seethingly angry. At Noel for daring to speak to me like that, but most of all at Ed for inviting him. What was he thinking? He promised he’d take care of everything, so what the hell is Noel doing at his bloody wedding? I feel humiliated, betrayed, but, most of all, furious.

I sit up and stare at the closed cubicle door, my blood still pounding through my veins. I can’t stay here all day. But I’m in no state to go back outside, not with
him
out there, ready to grab me again. I have to do something, but what?

I pull my mobile out of my bag. I consider ringing Pandora, but then stop myself. There’s nothing she can do and talking to her might just make me cry. Arietty too. Jamie? I shake the idea out of my head. I’ve burnt my bridges there too many times. Then it comes to me, Clara. She’s always hated Noel; maybe she’ll understand. I know Ed told me to keep it to myself, but right now I’m so hurt and angry I feel like storming his precious radio station, hijacking a studio and broadcasting what happened to the nation.

I find Clara’s number and ring it.

‘Hello?’ She sounds nervous. ‘Jules? Aren’t you at the wedding?’

‘Yes. But it’s not going so well. Can you talk?’

‘Sure. But I’m supposed to be off with flu. Please don’t say anything to Ed or Danny about speaking to me. Or Noel if he’s there. Especially Noel.’

‘Are you bunking off work?’

She sighs. ‘It’s complicated. I have a doctor’s cert all right, but it’s not flu. I’ve been having panic attacks. The doctor thinks they’re stress related, brought on by work.’

‘You do put in incredibly long hours, Clara.’

‘It’s not the hours. It’s something that keeps happening, something . . .’ she stops abruptly. ‘Look, I’ve already said too much.’

She sounds anxious and upset. Something occurs to me. ‘Clara, it doesn’t have anything to do with Noel, does it?’