The Shooting (16 page)

In time, they might come to the realization that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, but it had to happen without the added incentive of a baby. If Tom wanted to marry her, she wanted him to do it for her and her alone.

All of a sudden, Lily couldn’t wait any longer to discover if her suspicions were correct. She vowed silently to purchase a pregnancy test first thing in the morning. She crossed her fingers and sent a little prayer heavenwards that her concerns would be for naught.

* * *

Tom pulled the door to Lily’s apartment closed behind him and jogged down the short flight of stairs. The early morning sun caught him full in the face, warm and bright as it greeted the day. If he didn’t hurry, he’d be late for work. She lived not far from the city, at least an hour’s commute on a train to his station. It wouldn’t do to be late the third day in a row.

He grinned ruefully and shook his head. It had been weeks since they’d first made love, but they still couldn’t get enough of each other. In between his arduous shifts and the Christmas rush, they’d squeezed in whatever precious hours they could spend together and had enjoyed every minute of it. New Year’s Eve had been beyond his wild imagination. He was thrilled Lily was still on her summer break.

He’d eventually taken her ice skating and she’d performed just like a pro. Even so, he’d taken every opportunity to put his arms around her and hold her close like he’d never let her go. They’d picnicked in Hyde Park and had gone sailing on Sydney Harbour. He’d even taken her to a quiet spot along the Parramatta River, where they’d thrown in a fishing line. It was something he’d enjoyed as a kid, living in Grafton on the Clarence River and he was delighted when Lily seemed to enjoy it, too. They hadn’t managed to catch anything, but the anticipation was half the fun. Almost as much fun as making out with her on the river bank in the gentle summer dusk.

The only thing that kept him from being truly at peace with the world was the fact that he hadn’t told her about the broken condom. Now, a month and a half later, he was guiltily relieved he hadn’t said anything. Lily must have gotten her period by now and if she hadn’t and suspected she might be pregnant, surely she would have said something? She might have been a virgin, but she wasn’t completely naïve.

They’d been having sex whenever they could and although they’d continued using condoms, a missed period should be cause for concern. He wondered if he should ask her, if it was the right thing to do, but if her period had come as normal, she’d wonder why he wanted to know and then he’d have to tell her about the condom.

He was filled with another surge of guilt. Pregnant or not, he should have told her about the condom. It was just that, the longer he left it, the harder it got. He kept hoping there wasn’t a need for concern, that if she wasn’t pregnant, the incident wouldn’t matter. He just wished he truly believed it.

With a glance at his watch, he picked up his pace and headed toward the nearest bus stop. Now wasn’t the time to do anything. He had a twelve-hour shift ahead of him and he needed to clear his head of any thoughts that might distract him. Even so, he thought of how he’d left Lily still asleep and tangled naked in the sheets. His heart filled with emotion. Pregnant or not, he loved her and would look after her until the day he died.

* * *

Lily read the instructions on the information leaflet contained in the pregnancy test box and did her best to absorb what it said. One line meant she wasn’t pregnant, two meant she was. She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

“Okay, here we go.”

Taking the stick to the toilet, she did her best to relax so that she could do what was required. She was pleased David had left to meet friends in the city. At least if things didn’t turn out well, she wouldn’t have anyone around to witness her distress. And distressed she would be.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like children; babies were definitely high on her list and Tom’s babies would be something special. But the timing was all wrong. She was nineteen. She’d just started college. They’d known each other less than two months. A baby might have been in her vague plans in the future, but that future was a long way away. What was more, she didn’t have a clue how Tom felt.

She knew how he’d feel if he thought she was pregnant, but his response would have everything to do with his honor and pride and the old-fashioned values he’d been raised with. She didn’t even know if he wanted children.

No. She flat out refused to force his hand in that way. It wasn’t fair and she’d be forever left to wonder if he’d married her out of no more than a sense of obligation. After the awful childhood she’d endured, she was never again going to be someone’s obligation.

Still seated on the toilet and holding the stick in her hand, she forced herself to look at it.

Two pink lines.

Her heart skipped a beat and then thudded so hard she could feel it palpitating against the walls of her chest. Nerves mingled with dread and cemented themselves low in her belly. She swallowed on a sudden rush of nausea.

She was pregnant.

Oh, God. Panic welled up inside her and all of sudden, she knew she was going to be sick. Spinning around, she leaned over the toilet seat and emptied her breakfast into the bowl. Gasping for breath and with tears streaming down her cheeks, she wiped her mouth with toilet paper and then flushed the evidence of her distress away. Setting the stick down onto the washbasin, she rinsed her mouth and brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth again.

With a shuddering breath, she buried her face into the soft comfort of a towel and dried her face. The stick lay on the washbasin, its presence a harsh reminder of the predicament she now found herself in. She wasn’t sure how it happened—they’d been careful every time—but somehow, it had and now she had to deal with it.

There was no way she was getting rid of it. The thought of aborting their baby was abhorrent. Her mom and Tony would be supportive. She could rely on their love and protection, no matter what. The thought was comforting and with a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, collected the stick and tossed it into the trash.

She’d take a day or two to get her head around the idea that she was going to be a mom and then she’d tell them. David, she’d tell right away. He’d have to know. He shared an apartment with her. Besides, it would be nice to have someone know the truth. She hadn’t even mentioned Tom to her mom and stepfather. Their relationship, if that’s what they had, was still so new, she’d been keeping it to herself, waiting to see how it developed, how long it was going to last.

Now they’d be tied together, forever—if she told him. That was the question:
Did
she tell him?
She thought about all the reasons she’d come up with why not telling him was the best thing to do, but she couldn’t help the shaft of guilt that went through her when she thought of seeing it through.

A little voice inside her head needled her.
Surely he has the right to know he’s a father? What right did she have to keep this from him? The baby was as much his as it was hers.

Memories of her childhood crashed into her and she held her head in her hands and shook it in an effort to alleviate the pain.

‘You used the oldest trick in the book to trap me.’ ‘I only ever married you because you were pregnant.’ ‘I’d have been long gone by now if it wasn’t for your brat.’

Her father’s ugly words pounded into her brain and she squeezed her eyes tight in an effort to escape his taunting. She could see her mother, standing in silent humiliation, her head bowed, accepting the torrent of abuse. Her refusal to defend herself told Lily everything she needed to know.

It was true. Her mother had gotten pregnant and her father had been forced to marry her. Never for an instant over the six years they were together did he let her forget the sacrifice he’d made and how much he regretted it.

Steely determination ran down Lily’s spine. Her hands dropped away and she stood tall and proud. She wouldn’t make the same mistake her mother made. She refused to let the father of her child treat her with such contempt. She’d take sole responsibility for the child that grew inside her and Tom Munro would never, ever know.

She had to come up with a plan that would remove him from her life. The thought of ending things with him simply broke her heart, but there was nothing else she could do. At the most, she was six weeks along, but in another month or two, the truth would be apparent for all to see.

She needed to convince him her feelings had cooled and that she was no longer interested in him. Over the coming weeks, she’d find less and less time for him until eventually, she’d tell him good-bye. It would be the hardest thing she’d ever done, but in her heart, she knew it was for the best.

With her mind made up, a measure of calmness descended upon her and she welcomed the modicum of peace. It wouldn’t do the baby any good for its mom to be overwrought. She needed to think happy, calming thoughts. If not for her sake, then for the baby’s.

She’d tell David the truth so that he could help her with her plan. He might not like it, but he’d accept her decision. Together, they would get through it and her wonderful, amazing snapshot of time with a man called Tom Munro would become nothing more than a fond memory.

* * *

David stared at her in shock, his mouth gaping open. “Pregnant? Wow, um… I don’t know what to say!”

It was just after dinner and they were cleaning up. The lights from nearby houses and apartments glinted in the dark through the large kitchen window. The double glazing muted the sound of traffic and the
clickety-clack
of the passing trains.

Lily turned from the sink with a strained smile. “Congratulations, I guess. I’m going to have a baby.”

Saying the words aloud for the first time suddenly made it real. She swallowed the bundle of nerves that threatened to choke her and forced herself to continue.

“It wasn’t planned, of course, but there’s no question I’m going to keep it. I’ll take some time off school after the birth, but I’m hoping it won’t be more than a semester. I’ll pick up some online courses and keep my credits up. Hopefully it won’t affect things too much.”

David picked up a glass and wiped it, still looking dazed. “Wow, I still can’t believe it. I guess that means you’ll be moving out?”

Lily frowned and for an instant sudden fear stilled her heart. It hadn’t occurred to her that David might want her to leave. She licked her dry lips and forced her tone lighter.

“Why would you say that? It’s not the world’s biggest apartment, but I promise, the baby won’t take up too much room. It will sleep in my room and—”

“Hang on a minute. What are you talking about? I assumed you’d be moving in with Tom. It
is
his, isn’t it?”

“Yes, of course it’s Tom’s, but things are a little…complicated.”

“How?”

She closed her eyes briefly and then drew in a deep breath. “I’m not going to tell him.”

“What?”
David shouted and shook his head. “Are you insane? Who does that? Who falls pregnant and then doesn’t inform the father? We’re living in the twentieth century. He’s just as responsible for this baby as you.”

Tears filled Lily’s eyes at his harsh words and she bit down hard on a sob. Ever since she’d found out, her emotions had been all over the place. Despite her determination earlier that morning, she’d spent the day at home vacillating between bouts of crying and frantic pep talks. She should have called her mom before she told David. Her mom would understand.

Seeing her distress, David’s fierce gaze softened and his expression turned contrite. He put his arms around her and gave her a hug.

“I’m sorry, Lil. Please don’t cry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. It’s just that… You surprised the hell out of me. First the news that you’re pregnant and then you tell me you’re not going to inform the father. Tom loves you. I know he does. He’s a good guy. He’ll do the right thing by you.”

“That’s just it, David! I don’t want him to do the right thing by me. I want him to be with me for
me
, not because of the baby.”

“But he will be! Hell, what’s the difference? Why does a baby change things? He loves you and wants to be with you. What’s so complicated about that?”

“You don’t understand,” Lily wailed. “A baby changes everything. Okay, he loves me now, but we’ve only known each other two months. If we commit to each other for the sake of the baby, I’ll never know if we were meant to be together or not. Most people give themselves months, even years to decide if it’s going to work. I’m preempting his decision. I’m making him choose right now.” She swiped at her tears and shook her head. “I won’t do it.”

David loosened his arms around her and moved slightly away. “I hear what you’re saying, Lily, but it’s not right. He’s the father. He has a right to know. I’d be livid if something like this was kept from me.”

A tiny grin lifted one corner of Lily’s lips. “Yeah, like it’s ever going to happen to you.”

David smiled back at her and shrugged. “Okay, so I’m speaking hypothetically. You know what I mean.”

Lily sobered and nodded. “Yes, I do and I feel bad about keeping it from Tom, but I don’t have any other choice. After what my mother lived through…I refuse to take the risk that history might repeat itself.”

“You’re talking about your father?”